Authors: Bella Cruise
“That would be great. I really appreciate it.”
Luke nods, and sets about hooking up the car to the back of the tow
truck. I grab my stuff from the front seat and go climb into the cab.
Luke swings up and slams the door behind him. He starts the engine,
and a golden oldies station starts playing loud.
“Since when did you turn into your dad?” I ask, laughing,
before I realize what I’ve said. I want to throw myself out of
the slowly moving vehicle, but Luke just grins.
“Hey, these are classics. And it was tuned this way when I got
in.”
“Sure it was,” I tease, relieved. “Grandpa.”
We drive the dark highway back towards Pelican Key Cove. Luke seems
relaxed beside me, occasionally humming along to the radio, but I
can’t relax. After my reunion with Jules, the past is weighing
heavy on my mind.
All those years, I focused so much on my own pain that I didn’t
realize the damage I left behind. My heart was broken, sure, but I
wasn’t the only one.
“I’m sorry.” I say again out of nowhere. “For
leaving like that. You didn’t deserve it, nobody did.”
Luke’s jaw tenses. “I told you—”
“I know, it’s behind us now and you don’t want to
think about it. I understand, but I need to try and explain.” I
know I sound crazy, just unloading all my emotions out of nowhere,
but I feel that guilt and regret twisting in my gut. I know that if I
don’t tell him now, I might never find the courage.
My voice gets choked up as I finally admit. “It wasn’t
because I didn’t love you. I left because I loved you too
much.”
There’s silence.
“You had a funny way of showing it,” Luke says, his voice
rasping with emotion.
“I know, and there isn’t a day goes by I don’t
regret it,” I promise. “But I wasn’t ready. For the
future you wanted, for any of it. You were so sure of everything. All
you wanted in the world was to get married and go work with your
dad’s crew. But every time I tried to imagine that future, I
felt trapped. Not by you,” I add quickly, “But by
everything. I wanted so much out there, to travel, to figure out who
I really was. I knew you were going to propose that summer after high
school, and there was a part of me that wanted to just say ‘yes’
so bad.”
“So why didn’t you?” Luke asks quietly. “You
could have gone away to college, we could have figured moving
someplace else. It was only you I wanted, none of the rest mattered.”
His words cut through me, right to the core.
“I wasn’t ready. I know that sounds like an excuse, but
it’s true. I knew we would screw it up somehow. You know it
wasn’t perfect,” I remind him. “We fought like
crazy sometimes. Nobody could make me madder. Sometimes I’d get
so angry I wanted to throw stuff.”
“And you did,” he says, with a wry note.
“But didn’t that tell you something?” I plead. “We
couldn’t have made a real future like that, don’t you
see?”
Luke exhales slowly. His eyes are still fixed on the road, knuckles
white with tension as he grips the wheel.
“I know,” he says at last. “I knew you couldn’t
stay here. I even went after you, thought about trying to make it
work in New York—”
“You did?” I gape at him, shocked. “I never knew!”
He turns then, glancing at me. His eyes are dark in the shadows. “I
made it as far as the New Jersey turnpike before turning around and
driving right back down. You wanted a fresh start, the life you’d
always dreamed about. I wasn’t going to take that away from
you, not just to keep you for myself.”
My heart aches at the tenderness in his voice. Even after everything
I did, he still wanted the best for me. Just like I knew it would be
easier for him if I just stayed gone. No painful phone calls in the
middle of the night, no tearful partings at airports and by the curb.
Long distance would have been a slow death for our relationship.
Better just to sever the bond straight out than see our love wither
away and die.
I think about telling him the real truth, the one thing even Jules
doesn’t know. But just as I’m opening my mouth, the tow
truck comes to a stop. I realize we’re already at my aunts’
place.
Suddenly, the front door flies open and Rae and Bettina come flying
out in their nightclothes and robes.
“Oh my God, you found her. Thank you, Lord!” Rae cries.
“We were worried sick. I was just about ready to call the
sheriff out,” Bettina frets. “I thought you were dead in
a ditch somewhere.”
“I’m fine!” I quickly climb down and hug them both.
“I’m sorry you worried, but look, I’m in one piece.
Not murdered by a serial killer at all!”
“Thank you, Luke,” Rae says, turning to him. “I
knew you’d take care of our girl.”
“My pleasure,” Luke says, and his eyes meet mine for a
moment. I think I see some affection there, a glimpse of the old
connection between us, but it’s dark, and he turns away so
soon. “I’ll go drop your car at Jimmy’s shop now.
Have a good night, you guys.”
I want to call him back, try and finish the conversation we just
started, but it’s already too late. My aunts hustle me through
the door, and he drives away into the dark.
Inside, I want to catch my breath. My head is still spinning from our
talk, but my aunts don’t give me a chance. They fuss around me
in the kitchen, making some herbal tea and quizzing me about the
night.
“It was just some engine trouble!” I protest. “I
stood around on the side of the road, and then Luke arrived to pick
me up. It’s not exactly a big adventure.”
Bettina looks over. “He’s driving you home an awful lot.
It’s just like old times.” She pauses. “Are you
sure that’s a good idea?”
“First of all, twice isn’t an awful lot,” I point
out, feeling tense. “And it’s not like we planned it. He
was just helping out. Would you prefer I was still stuck out there,
flagging down a potential serial killer?”
“No, sweetheart, of course we’re glad you’re safe.”
Rae hugs me again.
But Bettina is still studying me. “I know you left a lot of
things unfinished when you left,” she says slowly. “And
those feelings never had a real chance to resolve. But honey, be
careful. Please. You need closure, not to start something that’s
only going to hurt the both of you all over again.”
“I’m not going to hurt anyone!” My voice is loud
and defensive. And even though I know Bettina’s just trying to
help, somehow it only makes my confusion worse.
Rae speaks up. “We’re just looking out for you. We want
you to be happy; you know that. But that boy, he’s been through
a lot.”
“And you’re not kids anymore,” Bettina finishes.
I feel an unfamiliar anger, all my emotions whirling in a storm I
don’t like one bit. “Exactly. I’m an adult, and I
can take care of myself. Maybe if you’d both stay out of my
business, I’d have a chance to figure this out.”
I whirl around and head for my bedroom. It’s only when I slam
the door behind me and flop down on my bed that I realize I’ve
just proven their point. I’m acting like a teenager having a
temper tantrum, but why?
That talk with Luke has thrown me off-balance. Knowing he came to New
York to get me back – and turned around because he didn’t
want to hold me back – has made everything come rushing back to
me.
I loved him too much to stay, and he loved me enough to let me go.
What a pair we turned out to be.
There’s a gentle tap on the door. “Yes?” I sit up,
feeling guilty. Rae pokes her head in.
“Is it safe?” Bettina’s voice calls from the hall.
I smile. “Come in.”
They file into the room and come sit on the bed, one on either side.
Bettina puts her arm around me. “This takes me back,” she
sighs.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I say. “I guess
being back here, seeing him, it’s affecting me way more than I
thought.”
“It’s only natural.” Rae squeezes my shoulder.
“But still, you’re right. Spending this time with him
brings back all my old feelings. Except they don’t feel like
history,” I admit. “Everything’s getting tangled up
in my mind.”
Bettina is silent. I look over and give her a nudge. “What?”
“Have you thought about telling him the truth?”
I tense. “You promised.”
“I know we said we wouldn’t talk about it. But I hate
seeing you like this, sweetheart.” She looks worried. “Maybe
this is the one thing that’s still holding you back. You know
deep down there’s still a conversation the two of you need to
have.”
“Betts.” Rae looks distressed. “It’s OK,
honey.” She comforts me. “You don’t have to. Just
get some sleep, and everything will feel better in the morning. Come
on.” She kisses my forehead and practically yanks Bettina from
the room.
But I can’t stop thinking about what Betts said. Is this what I
need to do to really move on? And, worse still, do I really want to?
I’ve been focused for ten years on putting Luke behind. But now
that I have the chance to once and for all, suddenly I’m not
sure it’s the right thing. Questions whirl in my mind –
our past, my future – over and over, until I finally fall
asleep.
Rae is right; things do feel better in the morning. I don’t
have any answers for the weird situation I’m in right now with
Luke, but at least I have a million things to distract myself with.
Like getting ready for this wedding—until I walk in to town to
meet Theo for breakfast, and run straight into Luke coming out of the
café.
“Whoops, sorry.” I back up, blushing like he can tell I
spent half the night restlessly remembering the feel of his lips on
mine.
“No problem.” Luke holds the door for me. “I
stopped by the shop. Jimmy says the gasket will only take a day. You
should have that old beast back on the road in no time.”
“She’s not a beast!” I protest.
He chuckles. “Tell that to the guy doing open surgery on her
insides. Your aunts calm down?”
“Eventually. Thanks for getting me back safely,” I say,
awkward.
“Of course,” he says simply, like it’s nothing in
the world for him to come pick up his ex-girlfriend in the middle of
the night and then deal with her emotional outbursts on the drive
home.
I pause, wanting the moment to last, but Luke gives me a nod. “I
better get back. We’re juggling two new constructions right
now, plus the mansion project.”
“Sure. Sorry.” I stand aside for him to pass. “Thanks
again.”
I step into the café, still looking over my shoulder.
“About time.” Theo’s voice pulls me back. He’s
sitting at a corner table, stacked high with fabric samples and
centerpieces. “Enough flirting with the locals, we’ve got
work to do!”
Theo’s right – not about the flirting part, but the work.
In addition to our big event here in Pelican Key Cove, there are
still some clients to handle back in New York. I skype in, reassuring
them that my team has everything handled, and their big days will go
off without a hitch. I spend the morning going over plans for a
gorgeous park wedding and a country club affair upstate, chatting
with the clients, and making sure everything’s still on
schedule even with me out of the state.
It’s weird to be sitting here in Eddie’s pie shop with
plastic pelicans adorning the walls, and meanwhile be planning black
tie events a few hundred miles away. New York is such a fast paced
world, everyone powering along building their own little empires. I
didn’t remember just what a bubble this town can feel like.
Once you get into the laid back pace of life by the ocean, the rest
of the world seems to melt away. It’s hard to remember that the
real world is still out there. But it is, I remind myself. This is
just a short detour from my regular life. As soon as Pixie and Clyde
make it down the aisle to ‘I do’, I’ll be heading
back to the city and everything I left behind.
Not that there isn’t enough here in town to keep me busy. I try
my best to focus on pulling off wedding impossible, but it’s
like the universe decided to play a cruel trick on me. No matter
where I go, or what I do, Luke Porter is right in front of me.
Chatting with Wes in the town square as I head to meet the others;
grabbing a burger at the beach when we’re doing some late-night
filming. He’s working at the mansion when I go to take
measurements for the furniture, and he’s even at the farmer’s
market when I go to find flower samples. There’s no escaping
him.
Is this that karma Rae was warning me about?
What’s even worse than seeing him around, just out of reach,
is the fact that half the time Marcie is buzzing around, flirting and
smiling, and just about doing everything except laying down on the
grass and calling, ‘take me now!’
OK, maybe I’m exaggerating just a little, but it’s still
tough to see her all over him when I still haven’t figured out
if my feelings are nostalgia or something more. Never mind trying to
think what he’s feeling too – if anything at all.
Friday morning, Marcie calls me as soon as the sun’s up.
“Change of plan,” she tells me, when I ask about my
session with Pixie and Clyde to out flowers for the decorations.
“We’re over at the high school today.”
“For what?”
“Clyde’s going to teach the marching band one of his
songs to serenade Pixie.”
“I shouldn’t have asked,” I laugh.
“See if you can come by. I want to double check the guest list,
make sure we’ve got enough celebrities and industry people at
the right table.”
“And the couple’s family and friends,” I remind her
gently.
“If there’s room.”
I head over to meet them. It’s a trip pulling into the old
parking lot and remembering the years I spent here as a teen. The
same squat concrete buildings, the same peeling blue lockers lining
the walls. Class is in session, and the hallways are empty as I make
my way through the complex. I pause by the big trophy wall, searching
for familiar faces in the photographs on the wall. There’s Wes
and Luke, on our winning football team, and even Jules and I from
that one misguided time we thought it would be fun to try for
cheerleading. In a school district as small as this one, they took
anyone they got, so we lasted a whole semester contorting ourselves
into kicks and jumps before finally admitting the fact we preferred
to cheer from the bleachers – with sodas and snacks, not
pom-poms.