"Drug addicts don't just get better. And nasty people don't do one-eighties and become suddenly good." Alexis held up one of Kelsey's very, uh, suggestive panties. "What is this thing? It looks like she put it through the paper shredder."
Pressing her lips together, Cara tried not to laugh. "They're panties… the back is crisscross strings."
"So all you have on your ass are these stripes?" Alexis shuddered. "I'm sorry, that's just ridiculous. I mean, how totally uncomfortable. And it would make crisscross lines in your pants. And I really, really find it hard to believe that men are attracted to women's ass cracks."
"I've never taken a survey." Cara rubbed her stomach. "Damn, I'm hungry. But I don't think we should leave until Kelsey is safely in bed. And I don't know where Seamus is."
"What does he have to do with anything? I'm sure Kelsey has blood in her fridge. Just snag a bag. I could feed, too."
Alexis was already up and opening Kelsey's minifridge. "We should make sure Kelsey has another bag before she goes to bed."
Cara debated if she was hungry enough to drink it cold from a bag, and decided she was. "I usually hate it in the bag, but for some reason I'm starving."
"Do you need a glass or something?" Alexis asked, pulling out three bags of blood and tossing them back and forth in her hands.
"No, I like it from Seamus." Cara was kind of embarrassed to admit that, though she wasn't sure why.
"What do you mean, from Seamus?" Alexis looked at her blankly.
"I drink blood from him. You know, his blood." Cara could feel her face starting to burn. Damn, she was blushing and Alexis's reaction wasn't helping. Her friend's eyes went wide.
"You mean, like when you're having sex, you take a little nip here and there? Just a taste?"
"Well, yeah, that, too. But I mean, even when we're not having sex, when I need to feed, I drink straight from Seamus." Even as she said it, she realized something sounded strange about that. It had never once occurred to her to wonder why she fed from him but Seamus fed from a bag. She had liked it too much to wonder about the logistics.
"He feeds you?" Alexis asked in astonishment. "All the time?"
"Well, not every time. I have had it from the bag, but I didn't really like that. So usually Seamus just, you know, lets me at his wrist…" Cara trailed off as Alexis gaped at her like a hooked trout. "What? Is there something wrong with that?"
"Yeah. You know all those unwritten vampire laws? Well, that is one of them. No feeding from other vampires."
"Why not?" Cara pressed her hand to her forehead. This didn't make sense.
"Because one, you are usually taking blood from a more powerful vampire, increasing your own power. Two, you are draining them, meaning they have to drink double their normal quantity. Three, most importantly of all, it can be used as a means of control, a way for an older vampire to create a submissive fledgling because it's addictive. Essentially, it's illegal so we can protect the rights of fledglings." Alexis shook her head. "Holy shit. I can not even fathom why Seamus, of all vampires, would do this."
"Addictive? It's addictive? I'm
addicted
to Seamus?" It wasn't love she was experiencing, it was chemical dependency? Cara felt hot everywhere, a sick churning in her stomach, panic rising up into her throat. "You mean I'm like Ringo? I have to check into rehab or what?"
"I don't think that's a good comparison," Alexis said quickly. "He's chemically addicted to drugs. I think what vamp feeding does is more like an association of extreme pleasure with feeding."
"Oh, that sounds so much better," Cara choked out. She was stunned, humiliated, devastated. "I have to talk to Seamus." Murder him.
"Okay, okay." Alexis shoved the bag of blood at her. "Here, if you want it. And Cara, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that… I'm sure it's not a big deal."
"Of course it is, and you know it. I'm glad you told me." Cara glanced disdainfully at the blood bag, knowing it was going to be cold and tinny. Then anger propelled her to grab it. She would drink it and she would like it. She was not going to be addicted to Seamus Fox, slimy lying pervert that he was.
Tossing her head back, she drank the whole thing, trying not to gag. She managed to keep it all in, and shuddered, crushing the empty bag in her hand like a frat boy with a beer can.
"Hungry?" Kelsey asked as she came into the room wearing a fluffy white towel.
"I'm going to kill Seamus," Cara told her.
"I hear ya," Alexis said. "I'm pretty pissed at my own husband right now."
"I'm very very grateful I am not married to Seamus," Cara said, locating a trash can and dropping the bag into it. "If I was, we'd be heading to vampire divorce court."
Anger felt good. It was better than the alternative, which was bursting into tears. For a second, she had almost succumbed to crying, but this was better. Anger could be stoked, flung at the source of the problem, used as a shield to protect yourself from embarrassing displays of vulnerability.
"A vampire divorce isn't easy to get. I think Ethan's sister Gwenna is only one of a handful who have managed to do it."
Cara wiped her hands on her jeans. She hadn't even known Ethan had a sister. "Who was she married to?"
"Donatelli."
"No kidding? That guy gets around." She turned to Kelsey. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine." Kelsey was rooting around in the pile of clothes on the bed.
"Okay, then I'm leaving. Seamus has some squirming—I mean explaining—to do." She patted her pockets to make sure she had her room key. "Too bad Ethan has your sword, Alexis. I could use it right about now."
"Maybe it's good that you don't. You don't want to cut off anything you may regret not having later."
"Hah. I would die—
again
—before I ever have sex with Seamus Fox." It was the thought of the night before, the way he had made love to her, that sent her careening out the door, the tears refusing to be held back any longer.
Seamus glanced absently at his cell phone. Damn. It was Cara. He and Ethan were strategizing how to approach Donatelli, if at all. They were weighing their options and hadn't yet come to any conclusions.
He knew Cara had picked up on his discomfort earlier. She had looked hurt when he hadn't said good-bye. But he hadn't trusted himself to speak, not after she had spoken into his head that she loved him. He hadn't answered because he hadn't known what to say. He did love her. He loved her immensely, with a richness and depth he hadn't even dreamt was possible. But that very love was clouding his judgment, and he had made grave mistakes. Again.
If he was avoiding her, it was because he didn't know how to explain that, how to make it clear he wanted to marry her more than anything, but that he didn't trust himself.
"You can answer that," Ethan said, relaxing back in the leather chair behind his desk.
"Thanks." Seamus cleared his throat and stood up. It wasn't the time to tell Cara anything, especially since he didn't know how to articulate what he was feeling, but he still felt nervous. Like she knew he was having unexplainable doubts.
"Hello?" he said cautiously.
Even as he answered, Ethan's cell phone rang. "Shit, it's Alexis. Pissed off at me, I'm sure."
"Seamus, I need to talk to you," Cara said. "When will you be back?"
Her voice sounded funny, like other people were around and she was trying to be discreet.
"I'm not sure, babe. Half an hour?"
"How about now. This can't wait."
Uh-oh. That was anger. He knew that tone. That was the pissy, you've totally screwed up voice. He glanced at Ethan, who was grimacing and saying into his own cell phone, "Fine. I said okay. Fine. No, I didn't. Alexis…"
His conversation didn't sound any more promising than Sea-mus's so he figured they were both going to have to take a break from politics and do a little relationship damage control.
Seamus sighed. "Okay. I'll be home in five minutes."
"Good." She disconnected without saying good-bye.
He had no clue what could have possibly made her angry. But maybe that was a positive thing. She wouldn't be so hurt, so side-swiped when he told her he had made a mistake and that he wasn't sure if they were going in the right direction. That he needed to think about his future and assess why he couldn't have a relationship without adversely affecting other people in his life.
Ethan dropped his phone on his desk. "It is not the least bit satisfying to hang up a cell phone. You can't even get a proper slamming action when you're mad as hell."
"Alexis giving you a hard time?"
"Yes. As if she has a right to be irritated about me not rushing to tell her Corbin was in town. What am I, the man's bloody secretary? And then she shows up with a sword this morning and can't possibly see why I'm angry. Bugger." He reached out and bent a ballpoint pen in half. "That feels better. Do you need to leave, too? Alexis said Cara is steaming about something herself."
"Did she say why?" It might be nice to know what he was walking into.
"No." Ethan shrugged and stood up. "Just that she totally supports Cara in the fact that you're a lying manipulative asshole."
"Great." It was better than he'd thought. Hell.
"We're in the proverbial doghouse, aren't we?"
"I think we're actually in the sewers. They've been discussing us with each other. That is not a good thing, Carrick." The more he thought about it, the more Seamus started to sweat. Cara had not sounded happy.
A flash of fear crossed Ethan's face. "What have they got up to?"
"Let's find out," he said with way more bravado than he felt.
Somehow Seamus had beat her back to the apartment, which only served to irritate Cara further. She had wanted time to brush her teeth and her hair, change out of his shirt, and stroll out feeling powerful when he came in the door. Instead, she was forced to look at him lounging on the couch with Fritz while she came in the door knowing both mentally and physically she was wrecked.
"Hey, babe," he said. "How's Kelsey?"
"She's fine." So he was going to play it casual, like he had no idea she was ticked at him. Schmuck. "But when I was talking to Alexis it became obvious that there are a few things you have failed to mention to me."
"Like what?" he asked cautiously, his hand stroking the back of Fritz's head.
"Like that it's against the rules for a vampire to feed from another vampire."
His jaw worked. He didn't say anything for a long, long moment. Then it was only, "This was different."
"Really? How?" Cara wasn't sure what she had expected him to say, but this wasn't it. He wasn't denying it. He just looked obstinate.
"You didn't like blood at first. I had to force you to drink the night you died. I was concerned you'd starve if I didn't keep feeding you myself."
"And the orgasms I had didn't motivate you at all?" Running her hand through her hair, she grabbed a pillow off the overstuffed chair because she needed to squeeze something besides his throat.
"Of course not." But he looked and sounded like he was lying and they both knew it.
"You knew that the more you fed me, the harder it would be for me to get used to bagged blood. You let me
get off
on you, knew you were making me dependent on you, while you kept me here locked up, so no one would know that I existed."
"Yes."
It was like a slap, right across the face, one side to the other, ringing her ears and blurring her vision. He wasn't going to explain, put a spin on it, make it sound less disgusting? And why the hell was he still just reclining on the fucking couch like the minute she shut up he could just drop off into a nap? Cara took the pillow in her hands and threw it at him as hard as she could.
Fritz yelped and jumped to the floor, but Seamus just caught it before it collided with his face.
"Arrrgghh!" she shrieked and stomped to the bedroom. She was tossing things into her suitcase when he managed to rouse his lazy ass off the couch long enough to amble in.
"Cara, come on, don't overreact. I just wanted you safe, and I wanted you out of the public eye for political reasons, that's true, and I wanted you strictly because I wanted you. But I didn't lie about any of that. And you were dependent on me because you're a fledgling and I needed to initiate you into vampirism, not because I wanted to make you dependent."
"Initiate? That's what you call last night?" She glanced wildly around the room, making sure there was nothing she absolutely couldn't live without, because she was never coming back to this apartment again.
Screw her toiletries in the bathroom. Those were all replaceable. She wanted out of there immediately. God, how could he say it like that?
"No, that's not what I meant. Stop, babe." He reached for her. "You know that's not true. I made mistakes and I'm sorry for them. But last night was not a mistake. It wasn't about anything but you and me, and my love for you."
Cara darted out of his touch. She didn't want to feel his hands on her skin, she didn't want to notice he looked damned attractive standing there still shirtless, eyes pleading with her. She was so humiliated. She had given her virginity to him, and he had been playing her all along.
He'd admitted to her that he'd been interested in her for sex right from the get-go, and it seemed that's what had motivated him every step of the way. He must have known a good thing had dropped in his lap—the chance to glue a hot stripper to his side for the next century or so. Sex whenever he wanted it, for the low price of a little blood. It must have been too tempting to pass up.
Rushing past him, she dragged her suitcase when it fell sideways off the wheels from her violent yanking. She had a big handbag that she'd unearthed out of the closet and she scooped up Mimi and set her in the bag. Mr. Spock tried to wiggle away, but she clipped his leash on him and wrapped it around her wrist. Button was lying on the air-conditioning vent and she called to him, "Come on, Button, come on, sweetie."
He bounded over to her and she bent down for a hug, burying her face in his fur for a second, throat tight. "That's my boy."