Body Language: How to Read Others' Thoughts by Their Gestures (19 page)

The Independent Position (B4)

This is the position taken by people when they do not wish to interact with each other; it occurs in such places as a library, park bench or restaurant. It signifies lack of interest and can even be interpreted as hostile by the other person if the territorial boundaries are invaded. This ‘position should be avoided where open discussion between A and B is required.

SQUARE, ROUND, RECTANGULAR TABLES

Square Table (Formal)

As previously mentioned, square tables create a competitive or defensive relationship between people of equal status. Square tables are ideal for having short, to-the-point conversations or to create a superior/subordinate relationship. The most co-operation usually comes from the person seated beside you and the one on the right tends to be more co-operative than the one on the left. The most resistance usually comes from the person seated directly opposite.

Round Table (Informal)

King Arthur used the Round Table as an attempt to give each of his knights an equal amount of authority and status. A round table creates an atmosphere of relaxed informality and is ideal for promoting discussion among people who are of equal status as each person can claim the same amount of table territory. Removing the table and sitting in a circle also promotes the same result. Unfortunately, King Arthur was unaware that if the status of one person is higher than the others in the group it alters the power and authority of each other individual. The king held the most power at the Round Table and this meant that the knights seated on either side of him were non-verbally granted the next highest amount of power, the one on his right having a little more than the one on the left, and the amount of power diminished relative to the distance that each knight was seated away from the king.

Consequently, the knight seated directly across the table from King Arthur was, in effect, in the competitive-defensive position and was likely to be the one who gave the most trouble. Many of today’s business executives use both square and round tables. The square desk, which is usually the work desk, is used for business activity, brief conversations, reprimands and the like. The round table, often a coffee table with wraparound seating, is used to create an informal relaxed atmosphere or to persuade.

Rectangular Tables

On a rectangular table, position A has always commanded the most influence. In a meeting of people of equal status the person sitting at position A will have the most influence, assuming that he does not have his back to the door. If A’s back were facing the door, the person seated at B would be the most influential and would be strong competition for A. Assuming that A was in the best power position, person B has the next most authority, then C, then D. This information makes it possible to structure power plays at meetings by placing name badges on the seats where you want each person to sit so that you may have the maximum influence over them.

The Dining Table at Home

The choice of the shape of a family dining room table can give a clue to the power distribution in that family, assuming that the dining-room could have accommodated a table of any shape and that the table shape was selected after considerable thought. ‘Open’ families go for round tables, ‘closed’ families select square tables and ‘authoritative’ types select rectangular tables.

GETTING A DECISION OVER DINNER

Bearing in mind what has already been said about human territories and the use of square, rectangular and round tables, let us now look at the dynamics of taking a person to dinner where the objective is to obtain a favourable response to a proposition. Let us examine the factors that can build a positive atmosphere, discuss their origin and potential and examine the background of man’s feeding behaviour.

Anthropologists tell us that man’s origin was that of a tree-dweller who was strictly vegetarian, his diet consisting of roots, leaves, berries, fruit and the like. About a million years ago, he came out of the trees onto the plains to become a hunter of prey. Prior to his becoming a land dweller, man’s eating habits were those of the monkeys - involving continual nibbling throughout the day. Each individual was entirely responsible for his own survival and for obtaining his own food. As a hunter, however, he needed the co-operation of other individuals to capture large prey, so large co-operative hunting groups were formed. Each group would leave at sunrise to hunt throughout the day and return at dusk with the day’s spoils. These were then divided equally among the hunters, who would eat inside a communal cave.

At the entrance to the cave a fire was lit to ward off dangerous animals and to provide warmth. Each caveman sat with his back against the wall of the cave to avoid the possibility of being attacked from behind while he was engrossed in eating his meal. The only sounds that were heard were the gnashing and gnawing of teeth and the crackle of the fire. This ancient process of food sharing at dusk around an open fire was the beginning of a social event that modern man re-enacts in the form of barbecues, cookouts and dinner parties. Modern man also reacts and behaves at these events in much the same way as he did over a million years ago.

Now to our restaurant or dinner party. A positive decision in your favour is easier to obtain when your prospect is relaxed, free of tension and his or her defensive barriers have been lowered. To achieve this end, and keeping in mind what has already been said about our ancestors, a few simple rules need to be followed.

First, whether you are dining at your home or at a restaurant, have your prospect seated with his back to a solid wall or screen. Research shows that respiration, heart rate, brain wave frequencies and blood pressure rapidly increase when a person sits with his back to an open space, particularly where others are moving about. Tension is further increased if the person’s back is towards an open door or a window at ground level. Next, the lights should be dimmed and muffled background music played. Many top restaurants have an open fireplace or facsimile near the entrance of the restaurant to recreate the fire that burned at the ancient cave feasts. It would be best to use a round table and to have your prospect’s view of other people obscured by a screen or large green plant if you are to have a captive audience.

It is far easier to obtain a favourable decision under these circumstances than it will ever be in restaurants that have bright lighting, tables and chairs placed in open areas and the banging of plates, knives and forks. Top restaurants use these types of relaxation techniques to extract large amounts of money from their customer’s wallets for ordinary food, and men have been using them for thousands of years to create a romantic atmosphere for the benefit of their women.

Seventeen

Power Plays

POWER PLAYS WITH CHAIRS

Have you ever been for a job interview and felt overwhelmed or helpless when you sat in the visitor’s chair? Where the interviewer seemed so big and overwhelming and you felt small and insignificant? It is likely that the interviewer had cunningly arranged his office furnishings to raise his own status and power and, in so doing, to lower yours. Certain strategies using chairs and seating arrangements can create this atmosphere in an office.

The factors involved in raising status and power by using chairs are: the size of the chair and its accessories, the height of the chair from the floor and the location of the chair relative to the other person.

Chair Size and Accessories

The height of the back of the chair raises or lowers a person’s status and the high-backed chair is a well-known example. The higher the back of the chair, the greater the power and status of the person sitting in it. Kings, queens, popes and other high-status people may have the back of their throne or official chair as high as 250 centimetres (over 8 feet) to show their status relative to their subjects; the senior executive has a high-backed leather chair and his visitor’s chair has a low back.

Swivel chairs have more power and status than fixed chairs, allowing the user freedom of movement when he is placed under pressure. Fixed chairs allow little or no movement and this lack of movement is compensated by body gestures that can reveal a person’s attitudes and feelings. Chairs with arm rests, those that lean back and those that have wheels are better than chairs that have not.

Chair Height

The acquisition of power using height was covered in Chapter 14 but it is worth noting that status is gained if your chair is adjusted higher off the floor than the other person’s. Some advertising executives are known for sitting on high-backed chairs that are adjusted for maximum height while their visitors sit opposite, in the competitive position, on a sofa or chair that is so low that their eyes are level with the executive’s desk (Figure 162). A common ploy is to have the ashtray just out of the visitor’s reach, which forces him to be inconvenienced when ashing his cigarette.

Chair Location

As mentioned in the chapter on seating arrangements, the most power is exerted on the visitor when his chair is placed in the competitive position. A common power play is to place the visitor’s chair as far away as possible from the executive’s desk into the social or public territory zone, which further reduces the visitor’s status.

STRATEGIC OFFICE LAYOUT

Having read this book, you should now be able to arrange your office furniture in such a way as to have as much power, status or control over others as you wish. Here is a case study showing how we rearranged a person’s office to help solve some of his supervisor/ employee relationship problems.

John, who was an employee in an insurance company, had been promoted to a manager’s position and was given an office. After a few months in the role, John found that the other employees disliked dealing with him and his relationship with them was occasionally hostile, particularly when they were in his office. He found it difficult to get them to follow his instructions and guidance and he heard that they were talking about him behind his back. Our observations of John’s plight revealed that the communication breakdowns were at their worst when the employees were in his office.

For the purpose of this exercise, we will ignore management skills and concentrate on the non-verbal aspects of the problem. Here is a summary of our observations and conclusions about John’s office layout.

1. The visitor’s chair was placed in the competitive position in relation to John.

2. The walls of the office were timber panels except for an outside window and a clear glass partition that looked into the general office area. This glass partition reduced John’s status and could increase the power of a subordinate who was sitting in the visitor’s chair because the other employees were directly behind him and could see what was happening.

3. John’s desk had a solid front that hid the lower part of his body and prevented the subordinates observing many of John’s gestures.

4. The visitor’s chair was placed so that the visitor’s back was to the open door.

5. John often sat in the both-hands-behind-head position (Figure 96) and in the leg-over-chair position (Figure 132) whenever a subordinate was in his office.

6. John had a swivel chair with a high back, arm rests and wheels. The visitor’s chair was a plain low-backed chair with fixed legs and no arm rests.

Considering that between 60 and 80 per cent of human communication is done nonverbally, it is obvious that these aspects of John’s non-verbal communication spelt disaster. To rectify the problem the following rearrangements were made.

1. John’s desk was placed in front of the glass partition, making his office appear bigger and allowing him to be visible to those who entered his office.

2. The ‘hot seat’ was placed in the comer position, making communication more open and allowing the corner to act as a partial barrier when necessary.

3. The glass partition was sprayed with a mirror finish, allowing John to see out, but not permitting others to see in. This raised John’s status and created a more intimate atmosphere within his office.

4. A round coffee table with three identical swivel chairs was placed at the other end of the office to allow informal meetings to take place on an equal level.

5. In the original layout (Figure 163), John’s desk gave half the table territory to the visitor and the revised layout (Figure 164) gave John complete claim to the desk top.

6. John practised relaxed open arms and legs gestures combined with frequent palm gestures when speaking with subordinates in his office.

The result was that supervisor/employee relationships improved and the employees began describing John as an easygoing and relaxed supervisor.

STATUS RAISERS

Certain objects strategically placed around the office can be subtly used non-verbally to increase the status and power of the occupant. Some examples include:

1. Low sofas for visitors to sit on.

2. A telephone with a lock on it.

3. An expensive ashtray placed out of the reach of the visitor, causing him inconvenience when ashing his cigarette.

4. A cigarette container from overseas.

5. Some red folders left on the desk marked ‘Strictly Confidential’.

6. A wall covered with photos, awards or qualifications that the occupant has received.

7. A slim briefcase with a combination lock. Large, bulky briefcases are carried by those who do all the work.

All that is needed to raise your status, increase your power and effectiveness with others is a little thought given to non-verbal gymnastics in your office or home. Unfortunately, most executive offices are arranged like the one in Figure 163; rarely is consideration given to the negative non-verbal signals that are unwittingly communicated to others.

We suggest that you study your own office layout and use the preceding information to make the positive changes needed.