Deliver Me From Evil (28 page)

I
finally called up Jeanette that Monday, hoping I'd get her voice mail. I had purposely waited to call her at work because I knew that she was usually too busy to talk. A few minutes before I'd dialed Jeanette's number, I'd left a message on Nita's voice mail, telling her that I was doing fine and that I'd arrange a get-together with her and Jeanette in a few days. For the first time since I'd met Jeanette, I was disappointed to hear her voice. She answered on the first ring.

“Girl, we have been worried sick about you! Hold on. Let me get rid of this other call,” she said before I could respond. I held my breath for a few moments, hoping that Jeanette wouldn't return. I was tempted to just hang up, but before I could do that, she was back on the line. “Are you all right? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I'm fine … I guess,” I rasped.

“You are the healthiest woman I know. I've never even known you to have a cold, let alone a bug that shuts you down for so many days. Did you see a doctor?”

“Uh, yeah. Dr. Fine. He gave me some pills and a shot. And he told me to sleep as much as I could. This thing is real contagious, so I'd better stay away from everybody for a while.” I coughed and let out a few moans and groans.

“Well, you still could have called to let me know what was going on, anyway. I can't catch whatever it is you've got through the telephone. I couldn't get much of anything out of that man of yours. I even showed up at your house the same day Adele and her gang were moving out. I wanted to see if you needed anything. Chicken soup, something to read.”

“Like I said, what I have is too contagious. I told Jesse Ray, and Dr. Fine told him, too, not to let anybody near me.”

“Was that why your in-laws moved out so suddenly?” Jeanette asked, with a cackle. “They were throwing their shit into Mel's old van like it was contagious, too.” I was glad to hear Jeanette laugh. Then she got serious. “I didn't know Wade, but I went to his funeral,” she told me, her voice cracking. “I ran into his mama at the beauty shop the day before the funeral, and she … she had everybody on the premises in tears.”

“Oh,” was all I could say.

“I'm glad you'd stopped fooling around with him. Whatever it was that got him killed, you might have got caught up in, too.”

“I know,” I said. “Uh, will you call Nita and tell her we talked? I'm so weak, all I want to do is sleep right now.”

“You take care of yourself, and if there is anything I can do, just let me know,” Jeanette told me. “I'm having lunch with Nita today, and I'll tell her we talked.”

Nita called me up a little after nine that night. I had moved from my bed to the living-room sofa downstairs. Jesse Ray was in the bathroom and Daisy was busy getting Miss Rosetta ready for bed when the phone rang. I grabbed it on the third ring. As soon as I realized it was Nita, I faked a coughing fit. I was hacking so hard, my throat hurt, and then I really did have to cough.

“Christine, I just called to hear your voice, but I can tell that you are not up to talking. You go and get your rest. I'll call you or come by in a few days,” Nita said in a gentle voice. As much as I loved my dear friend, I was glad when she hung up.

Jesse Ray heard me all the way from the bathroom, so when he came into the living room, he handed me a tall glass of iced water. I practically snatched it out of his hand and put it up to my lips so I wouldn't have to talk.

“I thought you'd like to know that Adele and the twins are not speaking to me,” Jesse Ray said, with a mild chuckle. “Adele called me a stingy bastard when I refused to help her pay her American Express bill this month.”

I almost choked on my water. With my mouth hanging open, I set the glass on the coffee table and swung my feet to the floor. “What about all the money you've already given to her? What about the money you paid for them to get into their new apartment?” I asked.

Jesse Ray shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “I know better now,” he said. “I told her, and I told Mel and the kids, that they are welcome to come visit Mama whenever they want to. And, they are still welcome in my house, but it'll be a
long
time before they get any more of my money. It's going to be awkward with Mel working for me now, but …” Jesse Ray paused and looked away. He sniffed and rubbed the side of his head before he finished saying what he had to say. “You're all I need now. Other than Mama, you are the only person who ever really appreciated my generosity. That's why I was willing to pay whatever it took to get you back.”

I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. My own face was burning with shame.

“Uh, I need to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a new driver's license,” I said, steering the conversation in another unpleasant direction. “They took my purse,” I mumbled.

“I figured they would. Right after I got that first call, I cancelled your credit cards,” Jesse Ray told me. Before he could say anything more, the telephone rang again. He grabbed it on the first ring. The stunned look that crossed his face as he gazed at me made me so nervous, I held my breath.

“One moment please,” he said to the caller, looking at me now with both his eyebrows raised. “It's your mama,” he whispered.

I gasped and gave him an incredulous look. I had been married to Jesse Ray for over twelve years, and this was the first time my mother had called our house.

“Do you want to take the call?” he asked, still whispering.

I don't know how long I just sat there glancing from his face to the telephone. I don't even remember what I said, if anything. But the next thing I knew, the telephone was in my hand.

“Mama?” I croaked.

“Christine, are you all right? Your daddy and I have been worried about you. We've both had some very bad premonitions … about you. I woke up one morning with a feeling of darkness and evil all around you. Daddy felt it, too,” Mama told me. It had been so long since I'd heard her voice on a telephone that I almost didn't recognize it. She sounded like a stranger.

“Mama … Mama, I was a little sick this week, but I'm all right now,” I managed. “Mama, are you and Daddy all right?”

“We get by, like always. You know we are survivors,” she added.

“Me, too,” I said, still stunned to be hearing from her. “Where is Daddy?”

“He's out on an errand for that fishy Fisher woman down the street. Since that boy of hers, Wade, got himself killed, she's been in a tizzy.”

“Uh-huh. I heard about him getting killed. When you see Miss Louise, please give her my condolences,” I offered.

“I will do that, Christine. I hope you will continue to do well,” Mama said, with a heavy sigh. “I hope I didn't disturb you ….”

“Mama, you didn't disturb me. I am glad you called. And, you are welcome to come to the house anytime you want to. You and Daddy both,” I insisted. It pleased me to see Jesse Ray nod.

“Good-bye, Christine.” Mama hung up before I could say another word to her.

“Jesse Ray, can you drop me off at my mama's house?” I asked, already up and getting back into my clothes.

“Christine, why don't you take it easy for a few more days? You don't look too good, and I don't want you to fall apart in front of your mama and daddy. You don't want them to start asking you a lot of nosy questions now, do you?”

“Jesse Ray, Mama said she and Daddy have both been having bad premonitions about me. They are worried about me. I have to go over there so that they can see that I'm all right.”

Jesse Ray shook his head. “Baby, wait at least one more day. That's all I'm asking. I will go with you.”

“I will not wait one more day. And you will not go with me. This is something that I have to deal with on my own,” I said, rushing into the bathroom. “Give me the extra set of keys to my Lexus,” I ordered over my shoulder.

Half an hour after my mother had called me up, I was speeding down our street, driving like I was on a speedway. But when I spotted a scowling cop behind me in his cruiser in my rearview mirror when I stopped at a red light, I got so nervous, I pulled to the side of the street and stopped until he passed. I wanted to stay as far away from the cops as I could for as long as I could. Getting a speeding ticket was the least of my concerns when it came to the police. I was more concerned about them finding out about my involvement with Wade.

I
had retained two sets of keys to the apartment that my parents still lived in. One set had disappeared along with my driver's license, and the other items in my missing purse. The other set was on my spare-key ring, the one that Jesse Ray had so reluctantly given to me.

I didn't even have to use the keys when I arrived at the address on Prince Street. Daddy was looking out the front window when I parked.

“Christine?” he mouthed. “What the devil are you doing here?” he asked as soon as I reached the door. And then he did something that stunned me even more than Mama's telephone call. He rushed up to me and gave me a hug. “Mother and I have had some very bad feelings about you. You look okay, but are you?”

It had taken over thirty years for me to hear some serious words of concern about me from one of my parents.

I nodded my head so hard, it felt like it was going to roll off my shoulders. “Mama called me. I just wanted to come over … so that I could see you. And so you could see me,” I said, my voice cracking like ice.

Even after Mama's telephone call and my unplanned and hasty visit, once I got inside and they both saw that I was physically all right, I realized that things had not changed that much. Within minutes, it felt like I'd walked into a stranger's home. Daddy became aloof, and Mama became distant.

“Mama, I am glad you called,” I said, touching my mother's cold hand. “I hope you call again, and I hope I see you and Daddy more often.”

Mama's face looked like it was going to turn to stone when she smiled. “I hope so, too,” she said, with a yawn. “It's late now.” She stood up and started moving toward the door. Then I remembered something that Miss Odessa had told me many years ago. She had told me things about my parents that I didn't know. She'd also told me that if I wanted to know more about them, all I needed to do was ask. So I did.

“Mama, how come you and Daddy never loved me?” I asked.

Mama froze, with her hand on the doorknob, and gave me the most frightened look I'd ever seen on another person's face.

“I know you never really wanted me, and I know you almost died giving birth to me, but what did I do to make you feel the way you do about me?” I asked. I had made up my mind that I was not going to leave until I got some answers. Just then, Daddy shuffled back into the room, plopping down on the sofa, where he'd already laid out his blankets and pillows. It amazed me to see that he still slept on the couch, especially knowing that my old room was empty now.

“Your daddy, Reuben, needs his rest, and from the looks of the dark circles around your eyes, you do, too,” Mama responded, opening the door. I looked over Mama's shoulder as I backed out. There was a hopeless look on Daddy's face.

“I'll be back tomorrow night,” I assured them. And, I did return the next night and the next night. It took a lot of effort on my part, but it eventually paid off. The strange story about my parents' background finally began to unfold about a week later, after I'd made six clumsy visits.

As usual, Mama took the lead, while Daddy remained in the living room, on the sofa. I sat across from her at the kitchen table. A pot of oxtail stew sat simmering on the stove.

Staring at her hands, she started talking in a slow, controlled voice, like she was reading cue cards. “People had very little where we come from, but we had each other. We all looked out for one another because … because we loved each other. It didn't matter if one was blood or not. We shared our love. The soldiers would raid our village … and they were soldiers from hell. They killed the strongest men; they raped the females. Even the baby girls and the blind old ladies. My family and your father's family, we were lucky ones. For years, the soldiers left our families alone. Then things changed, all in one day. Reuben and I knew we wanted to be together, and we were as often as we could. One day, when Reuben and I were supposed to be working in the fields, we went to the woods instead. We returned just in time to see what was left of the village after the soldiers had raided it again.”

Mama stopped for a moment and wiped tears from her eyes. “Everything and everybody was gone. Destroyed by machetes, bullets, and fire. My sister Carmen had just had a baby girl a week ago. We arrived in time to see the soldiers toss the baby in the air and shoot her as Carmen lay on the ground in flames. Reuben and I ran back into the woods, and we kept running. We ran for years. We didn't stop until we made it to this country, with the clothes on our backs. We were afraid then; we are still afraid.

“Reuben used to be good with words. He met people, he talked to people, and he got the information we needed. He married an American woman so he could get the citizenship. I married an American man, whose first name I can't even remember. But it allowed us to stay in this country. The memories we manage to hold on to are not good ones. But we forced ourselves to forget a lot because it was too painful.” Mama paused again. Then she looked at me, with tears streaming down her face. “We even forgot how to love,” she whispered.

“Don't you at least love Daddy? Doesn't he love you?” I didn't know what else to say. It was hard to absorb what I'd just heard because it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. “How can a person forget how to love?” I wanted to know. “I am your own flesh and blood.”

“We lost everything and everyone we loved. We were afraid to let it happen again. I have a different kind of affection for your father. It is all I have left to give.”

“Oh.” I dropped my head for a few moments. “And nothing left for me,” I managed. I rose to leave, but my mother grabbed my hand and pulled me back to my seat.

“Christine, things can change. I know that now. Your daddy knows that now. I know because I couldn't stop myself from calling you,” Mama said. “And, I will call again ….”

“I will, too, Mama,” I said. Just as we rose from the table, I looked toward the door. Daddy stood there, with his head bowed. When he glanced up and saw me looking at him, he returned his attention to the floor. Just as I was about to leave, Mama came around the table and wrapped her arms around me. A few moments later, I felt Daddy's arms embrace me from behind. The group hug lasted at least two minutes. Nothing was said, and it was not necessary now. At least not at this moment. I reluctantly pulled away, and then I left.

They say that when one door closes, another one opens. That's what it felt like. I knew that my marriage was coming to an end. But I had a very hopeful feeling about resuming a relationship, a healthy one this time, with the parents I hardly knew.

 

“What do you mean you're leaving your husband?” Nita asked as soon as she entered my house three days later.

Jesse Ray had finally returned to work. And, true to her word, Adele had stopped speaking to her brother. We had run into her and the twins at the mall a few times, but each time they'd ignored us. She refused to even enter or call the video store that Jesse Ray still allowed Mel to manage. Instead, when she needed to talk to Mel, she'd have one of the twins call the store and tell him to call her. Harvey and his lady friend had moved to Chinatown in San Francisco and rarely called or visited. I didn't ask, and Jesse Ray didn't volunteer the information, but I was certain that Harvey had changed his MO because Jesse Ray had cut off his credit, too. But none of that mattered anymore. I knew it was time for me to make a drastic change, too.

“Your man is finally doing everything you want him to do,” Nita added. “What more could you ask for?”

“I've got to get away from Jesse Ray,” I admitted. “He's trying hard to make things work, and I appreciate him doing that, but I just can't stay with him any longer. The wounds that his family opened up on me are still too fresh.” I needed to heal from my wounds. Especially the ones I'd inflicted.

“How are you going to live? Where are you going to live?”

“My mother wants me to move back in with her and Daddy until I figure out what I want to do,” I said, with a smile so broad, it made my face ache. Yes, it was true. My mother, the woman who had rejected me all my life, had invited me to move back into my old room so we could “sort things out starting from scratch.”

And, at this point I felt that it was the best move I could make.

“I hope things work out for you, ma'am,” Daisy said as she helped me pack and load my things into the SUV that Jesse Ray had just bought for me. I'd sold my other car because it contained too many memories of Wade. His scent had permeated the interior. At least, it seemed that way to me. I'd only driven it three times since I'd returned home. “Mr. Thurman will be hurt and surprised when he returns home this evening,” she added, with a sad look on her face.

“I'll only be across town,” I told her, returning to the living room to give Miss Rosetta a long hug and tell her how much I'd appreciated her kindness. Her flat eyes didn't even respond to my gesture. She didn't even blink.

Nita followed me in her car to my parents' apartment so she could help me unload my belongings. I was glad that both my parents had chosen to go to work that day. I wanted to be by myself again.