Authors: Deborah Bladon
"Great. I slept most of the way so I'm full of energy." He runs his lips across my neck.
He wants to make love tonight. He wants to help me feel pleasure and all I can think about is who he was giving that same pleasure to last night.
"I need to tell you something." I pull back from his kiss. I can't think straight if he's so close to me. He looks so inviting, dressed in a grey suit and black dress shirt. I hadn't planned on the evening lasting long so my jeans and blue short sleeved sweater seem out of place.
"Let's go to my place and we can talk." He opens the door to his car and I silently slide into the passenger seat.
I wait for him to sit next to me before I speak again. "We can't make love tonight."
"We can't?" He reaches for my hand, cradling it in his before he brings it to his lips. "That's fine, sunshine."
I feel deflated as he drops my hand onto my lap. Of course he doesn't care if we make love. He fucked someone else last night in some unnamed city. He was likely with her when I called him. Why is this so upsetting to me? What did I expect from this? He owes me nothing. Nothing. As the car races away from the curb in front of my parent's home I wish that I had confided in Alexa about my call to him yesterday. Why had I pretended everything was good? She would have known what I should say to him.
He sings along to the radio as he pilots the car through the crowded streets of the city. "Do you want to pick up some dinner before we get to my place or should we order in?"
"I'm not hungry." I don't volunteer why.
"That works for me." His gaze doesn't break from the road. "We'll be at my place in five."
My heart is pounding. He has no idea what's about to happen. I don't know if I should bring up my scar first or the fact that I know he wasn't in Denver. Do I even have a right to mention Denver? Why did I agree to be his fuck buddy? My heart is already invested. I'm supposed to protect this heart at all costs.
I follow him silently from the garage into the lobby of his condo. He presses the call button for the elevator as he thumbs through his phone. "Did you work today?" The question surprises me.
"I had a day off today." I answer snappily
"Did you do something fun?" He drops the phone into his jacket pocket before his gaze meets mine.
"Not really." I shrug my shoulders. "I hung out with Alexa. That's all."
"That girl is a handful, isn't she?" He laughs as he places his hand on my back urging me into the elevator.
"She can be." I feel protective of my best friend. I don't need this man that I barely know to make judgment calls about her. He's in no position to do that.
"I'll get the door." He steps off the elevator before me and pushes the key to his door into the lock. I watch as he enters a security code into the panel on the wall before he turns the handle. "After you."
Chapter 17
I walk into the room and soak in the beauty once again. It's such an elegant space and I'm envious that he gets to live here alone. My home is usually the dorms but during breaks I always stay at my parents' house. I often don't feel like I belong anywhere.
"I bought you something while I was away." He throws his suit jacket over the back of the couch as he fumbles in his overnight bag. "You're going to love it."
I stand in silence watching him gleefully rummage through the bag. His hand darts back out with a rectangular box covered in silver paper in its clutches. He holds it out and I stand frozen staring at it.
"Open it." He pushes it at me and I reluctantly take it.
I rip the corner of the paper from its place revealing a grey box.
"You can use it when you go back to school." He's standing right next to me now. I can feel his eyes boring a hole through my hands willing me to open the box.
I do and I'm caught off guard by the sight of a beautiful silver pen. "It's so nice," I whisper.
"It's engraved with your name." He reaches to pull it from the box and his arm brushes against mine. I feel regret course through me. I wanted this to be uncomplicated. I wanted this to work, even if it was just for the summer.
"I can't accept this." I push it back at him. "You shouldn't have gotten this for me."
"Why?" I can see pain cover his expression. "I saw it in the hotel gift shop and I thought you'd like it."
"In the hotel gift shop in Denver?" I spit the question at him. I know it sounds sharp, but I don't care.
"Yes." He bows his head staring at the box and tattered paper in his hands.
"You weren't in Denver," I seethe. "You lied."
He pulls his gaze slowly up to meet mine. I can see the vein in his neck pulsing. The joy that was on his face when he picked me up is now veiled by something darker. He's angry. I've never seen him livid but I recognize it within his eyes.
"You didn't just call me a liar, did you?" He drops the box onto the hardwood floor and the pen bounces out. "Who do you think you are?"
"Nobody," I volley back.
"What does that mean?" His voice is vibrating. He's trying to calm it. I can hear it within the tone.
"I'm nobody to you." I push my finger against his unyielding chest. "You weren't in Denver. You lied for whatever reason to me about that."
"Why would I do that?" He pushes back against me, catching my hand within his.
"You already broke our agreement." I spit at him. "You went somewhere to fuck someone else."
"You're kidding?"
I pull my hand back and cross my arms on my chest. "I don't care what you do or who you do it with," I lie. "I just don't want to waste my time being part of some booty posse."
"A booty posse?" He arches his brow. "What the hell is that?"
"You travel a lot." I stand my ground. "You must have a different woman in every city that you screw when you're there."
"You've got no right questioning what I do." He points his index finger directly at me. "This wasn't supposed to be serious. What's gotten into you?"
"Whatever," I shout at him as I take a step towards the door. "You told me I couldn't sleep with anyone else and then you hop on a plane to go fuck someone less than forty eight hours later."
"You're acting like a child." He steps in my path. "Go fuck someone else if you want to, Sadie. I don't give a shit."
His words sting. I knew that's how he felt but when I hear the words roll of his tongue, I wince in pain. "I can't. It's not like that for me."
"You keep saying that." His voice is louder now. His anger is coursing to the surface. "You sure as hell weren't a prude when you were sprawled out on my couch the other night letting me eat you."
I feel like he's punched me in the stomach. He has no idea who I am. He thinks I'm just like the others. He thinks I just have random sex like him.
"I'm not like you," I say tightly. "I don't do those things."
"What things?" he barks. "You don't fuck? You don't enjoy yourself?"
"I don't." I want to hold it together but I'm racing towards lashing out. "I can't."
"That's ridiculous." The chuckle that accompanies the words sets me over the edge.
"It's not." I bite my bottom lip to hold back the anger.
"Why then?" He leans back against the couch before he crosses his arms across his chest. "Why is Sadie Lockwood so different than the rest of the world?"
"This." I scream the word as I pull open the front of my sweater. The buttons scatter. The room is so deathly silent that I can hear them all bounce when they hit the floor.
My eyes catch his for a brief moment before I turn to leave. The hand over his mouth and the clear shock in his eyes say it all.
Chapter 18
"How's Dylan?" I sit on the edge of my mother's bed watching her unpack one of the many suitcases she took with her when she raced off to Europe several weeks ago to rescue my brother from whatever legal hole he'd fallen into this time.
""Dylan is Dylan," she sighs as she rolls her eyes. "Daddy is staying there for a few more weeks. I couldn’t stand it. I had to get home."
The faint smile she throws my way suggests that she's back and happy to see me. I know that she's back and happy to be lunching with her friends tomorrow and having her nails done the day after. I've never been high on my mother's priority list.
"How did the benefit go?" She turns her back to me as she places her jewelry box on her nightstand. "There were no hiccups, were there?"
"It was fine." I answer. "The usual suspects were here and a couple of new faces."
"Like who?" She twirls around quickly. I realized at a very early age that the ultimate bait to catch my mother's attention is gossip. The juicier the better in her eyes.
"Rob Archer has a new wife."
"What?" The question comes out with a shrill shriek. "What's she like?"
"Young and pretty." I shrug my shoulders. "I didn't talk to either of them."
"Who else?" She sits down next to me.
"There was a guy here I hadn't seen before." I pretend to search my mind for his name. "Hunter Reynolds was his name."
She stares at my face before she responds. "I've never heard of him. Who was he here with?"
"I don’t remember her name." I try to pull back a mental image of the woman Hunter arrived with. "She was maybe in her early thirties, brunette, short hair."
"Was she wearing an emerald colored gown? An off the shoulder gaudy thing?" She motions towards her shoulder as she purses her lips together as if she's just eaten a sour lemon.
I laugh when I realize she's spot on. "How did you know what she was wearing?"
"Judith handled all the alterations. She showed me the gowns on Skype."
I burst out laughing. I don't know if I'm more bothered by the fact that my mother was scoping out everyone's dresses from across the Atlantic or that she was using Skype at all. I'm just grateful she's never tried to talk to me on it.
"I think that fellow, Hunter, owns a restaurant with her husband." She's a never-ending source of information today.
"He does consultations for restaurants," I correct her.
"That sounds right." She quips before she walks over to her suitcase and silently starts sorting through it again.
***
"Are you doing the whole surprise party thing for you mom this year?" Alexa pulls the bright red polish across her toenail. "Because if you are, I want first dibs on the guest list."
"Why?" I realize that I haven't even thought about my mother's birthday yet and it's less than two weeks away now. "There's a hot guy who works for my dad. I thought I could invite him."
I shake my head to clear away all of the confusion I'm suddenly feeling. ""What? Why on earth would a guy who works for your dad come to my mother's party?"
"Sadie," she pulls my name across her lips in a whine. "My dad and your dad play golf. My dad works with the hot guy so it only makes sense that I'd invite him."
"Whatever you want," I say only because I can't follow her train of thought for longer than a minute at this moment.
"Unless Dylan is back, then I'll just hook up with him." She closes the lid on the polish as she waves her wet toes in the air.
"You're disgusting." I pick through the dozens of bottles of polish she pulled from her washroom cabinet. "You can't sleep with him."
"Who says I haven't already?" She falls back onto her bed giggling uncontrollably.
I stick my fingers in my ears. "I can't hear you," I scream. "Stop talking."
She sits back up and yanks my finger free. "What are you getting the old hag anyway?"
I laugh at that description of my mother. She's spent a small fortune making certain she looks anything like an old hag. I know she wouldn't appreciate Alexa's view of her.
"Remember that guy, Jax?" I search Alexa's face to see if it jogs her memory at all.
"How could I forget that?" She runs her finger down the front of her jeans. "I've thought about him a lot when I've...you know."
"Shut up." I laugh. "His girlfriend owns a jewelry store in New York. She does custom pieces. I thought we could take the train there one day and get my mom something. She loves jewelry."
"I love it." She jumps to her feet and bounces on the bed. "The two of us will take Manhattan by storm. Those men won't know what hit them."
I cock a brow at her. "We're going to buy a piece of jewelry and maybe have a nice dinner. Try to rein in your hormones."
"What color are you doing your nails?" She's off the bed now searching through her massive collection of polish. "New York screams red, don't you think?"
I nod as I watch her choose a bottle filled with bright red liquid.
Chapter 19
I want to talk. Call me.
I'd been staring at my phone for almost an hour. I hadn't expected to hear from Hunter again and now I'm gazing at his words sprawled across the screen of my smart phone.
If I call him I have to face the consequences of my actions. I have to own up to being petty and jealous about his trip. More than that, I have to face him after baring my scar. I hadn't wanted to be so dramatic. I never would have planned it that way. It happened though and now I had to decide whether opening that wound again was worth it.
I tentatively press his number and wait for it to ring.
"Sadie." He sighs softly. "You called."
"You asked me to," I counter.
"Are you busy tonight? I can hear the trepidation in his voice. It's not the same unyielding, strong tone I'm used to.
"No. Why?"
"Can I pick you up in an hour? I'd like to talk."
I glance at the clock on my nightstand. It will be ten by then. "Sure. I'll be ready," I say the words before I slide my thumb across the screen to end the call.
I shower quickly and pull on a blue sundress. The very top of my scar is visible but at this point I don't care. I pull my damp hair into a tight ponytail and glide on some mascara. I can't imagine this conversation is going to take longer than a few minutes. I don't want to put too much effort into how I look. The look on his face when I flashed him my chest told me everything I needed to know.
I wait impatiently on the porch for him to come down the street. I would have told my mother I was leaving but, like usual, she's out on an adventure. Maybe everyone was right after all. My own mother seemed to have more fun in life than I did. The only difference was none of them carried the gift of someone else's heart inside of them. None of them understood my insatiable drive to honor that person.