“I’ve been living on my own since I was seventeen. I don’t need you to handle things for me.”
“There is nothing wrong with asking for help,” he said, then blew out a breath. For the first time since arguing with his father, he felt like he was about to lose. He didn’t like to lose.
“As I recall, I hadn’t asked for help. Remember when you asked me why I date the type of guys that I do?”
Aware of the trooper stationed a few miles ahead, he slowed and moved to the right lane. Then he pushed the insane jealous thoughts from his head.
“I want to be with someone who will see me as his equal on all levels. I want someone who will ask for my opinion about things. Value my ideas, my career. I want respect.”
“Are you implying I don’t respect you?” he snapped.
“In some ways I suppose you don’t.”
The last thing Jared wanted was to get pulled over and then have to pull out his badge in front of Ryan. She’d just accuse him of using his power. He stifled his urge to hit the pedal and bring the car to ninety. “Then you don’t know me very well.” He pulled his hand from her thigh and gripped the steering wheel.
“I know you mean well, but it’s just that it comes across like a dictatorship. No one will ever want to be with you when you act like that.”
“That’s a good thing,” he said behind a clenched jaw. “I much prefer to be alone anyway.”
* * * *
“Wow,” Ryan exclaimed stepping into the lobby of the Rutherford Hotel. “This is beautiful.”
“I was told it’s one of the nicest in the area.” Jared approached the front desk, glancing over his shoulder. “I only reserved one room. It’s a suite with a sofa bed. I’ll take the pullout, or I could get a second room if you’d prefer.” His face showed no emotion, but his eyes carried the hurt she’d caused him.
“One room is fine,” she said, turning from him. She’d never noticed the vulnerability behind his cool exterior before. She hadn’t meant to insult him, just to show him she was a capable human being. And he wasn’t always right.
“All set.” He took both their bags in his hands.
Silently, she followed him to their room. When he pushed back the door, he stepped in, not giving her the option of going first. Not something she was used to from him. She didn’t want him to stop being a gentleman, just from telling her what to do.
“Oh, my.” She closed her eyes and inhaled. Any hotel she’d ever stayed in always smelled musty or like wet laundry. This room smelled like a mix of fresh cut spring flowers and cinnamon swirl bread. She blinked, then kicked off her shoes, feeling the plush carpet on her bare feet. “This place is amazing. Nicer than the resort I work for.”
He shrugged, then plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote. “I’ve got meetings all morning, then we’ve been invited to an early dinner with a guy I’ll be doing some training with. His girlfriend will be joining us. I accepted because I thought it might be fun.”
Ryan’s stomach churned over. She stood in the middle of a magnificent room. She knew he wouldn’t have made such extravagant arrangements if it weren’t for her having to tag along. “It does sound like fun,” she said, hoping to ease his sour mood.
He lifted his bag onto the couch, then pulled a pamphlet from it and tossed it on the coffee table, before propping up his feet. “I took the liberty of signing you up for a facial, massage, and some other spa treatments this hotel offers.” He glanced at her with narrow eyes. “I was just trying to be nice because I’d be gone all day, but I suppose that gesture is just me being controlling.”
“It’s both,” she said as she took tentative step toward him when his feet hit the floor.
“I need a drink. You want to come?”
She shook her head.
“I won’t be long.” He marched past her without a second glance. The walls didn’t rattle when he pulled the door shut with a slam.
“I might have been rude, but I didn’t deserve that.” Snatching the brochure on the table, she decided on a long, hot bath.
The bathroom had to be twice as big as the one in Jared’s house. She suspected the tile was marble, and it felt silky and expensive under her fingers. Silver faucets set off the creamy tan and brown swirl countertops, and beautiful paintings hung on the walls as if she were standing in a museum.
The bath soothed her aching body but did nothing for her aching heart. She loved Jared, even though he had to be in control of everything. Considering their relationship the last few days, she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she’d subconsciously tried to change him. But why would she want to change him? Was he really all that bad?
She’d keep the spa treatments, and somehow she’d find a way to make it up to him. She didn’t want him to move under these circumstances. She didn’t want him to move period.
“Oh, you stupid woman,” she chided herself, tossing back the covers to the bed. She left the door open so she’d hear him when he came in. Not that she’d be able to sleep until she knew he’d returned anyway.
She shouldn’t have forced him to hold Nolan. He’d hold him eventually, when he was ready. She tossed and turned but was unable to settle her body into sleep. She stiffened the moment she heard the main door click open.
Time to fake it.
Chapter Fourteen
Jared couldn’t even manage getting drunk. He’d ordered a beer, but hadn’t taken more than two sips. Since when did he care so much about what one person thought about his actions? He’d only been acting like a gentleman. Not to mention some of the incidents she’d mentioned on the car ride over hadn’t even been his idea, but Pat’s.
He leaned against the doorjamb to the bedroom, listening to her breathe. She definitely wasn’t sleeping. “I’m sorry I acted like such an ass,” he heard himself say. “I know you’re not sleeping.”
The form tucked under the sheets shifted. “I’m trying to.”
“Will you at least let me apologize?” Hesitantly, he eased himself toward the bed. The firm mattress gave way to his weight. “I took out my issues with Johnny and his death on you.”
Adjusting the pillow, punching it with her hand, she sat up and brushed her untamed hair from her face. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“You thought you were doing what was best for me. I can’t fault you for that since I do the same thing to you.” Feeling a little more confident, he scooted himself to the head of the bed and rested his cheek against the soft feathery pillow. “But for the record, your brother made me go help you buy that car.”
“Excuse me?”
His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and her soft features melted away his raw emotions. Everything about her made him feel like he’d lost control of his world. “Pat didn’t think you could handle it. I tried to tell him you were fine, that you’d done all the necessary research, but he wouldn’t let it go.”
“I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
“Just wanted you to know I’m not the only control nut.”
“You mean to tell me that you let me ream you out that day, in front of half that dealership? And it wasn’t even your idea?”
He chuckled. “Following you there wasn’t my idea. But I did do my share of spying.”
“What kind of spying?” A wave of emotions washed over her face. Too many for him to try to figure out.
“I sort of peeked at all your printouts, then pumped you for information. You were only twenty-one. It wasn’t that I didn’t think you could do it, I was just checking up on you.”
“Prom night?” she questioned, turning toward him. A hint of fascination glimmered behind her cool blue eyes. “Your idea or my brother’s?”
“Both,” he admitted. “I only wanted to hang out and wait for you to get home. Your brother made me follow you.”
“How does my pansy-ass brother make you do anything?” Her eyes were wide. She truly looked baffled.
“I suppose he played upon my sense of honor and duty. Not to mention he reminded me of our prom night.”
She rolled her eyes. “The two of you made parts of my life miserable.”
“Only because we care.” He swallowed. Caring about her wasn’t an issue. Feelings of love in the forever kind of way were beginning to grate on his nerves. He didn’t want it, and he’d fight it. Even if he knew she was the kind of woman he could love. The kind of woman who’d be able to hold her own with him.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel unappreciated today. It’s just that sometimes you’re so overbearing, you make me feel inadequate.”
He glided his hand across her firm belly. Unable to resist the fresh scent of roses on a warm spring day, he snuggled closer. “I don’t mean to, honestly. I think you’re an amazing woman.”
“Thanks.” Her gentle fingers roamed his forearm. “And I want to keep those appointments tomorrow. That really was very thoughtful of you.”
He lowered his head and lifted a playful brow. “Not trying to be overbearing, but just because we’re not in Lake George doesn’t mean you can let your guard down.”
“I know.” The covers shifted and exposed more of her bare skin. She cupped his face. Her eyes filled with determination. “I’d like to make love now.”
His breath hitched. Not the response he’d expected. He’d been more prepared for another argument. When his mouth opened, only a faint groan escaped.
“But,” she said.
“But what?” His body had responded to her proposal.
“This is goodbye.”
“What?” He blinked. It wasn’t like he’d never see her again.
“I mean this will be the last time.”
“Why? I won’t be completely packed up and gone until next week. We like each other and the sex is good.” Did he just say that? What a fucking moron.
“I don’t want you thinking that you can come back for a visit and I will let you in my bed. My life doesn’t work that way.”
“I wouldn’t expect that.” He scowled, even though part of him would enjoy that. His heart pounded unevenly at the insane thoughts that bounced about in his head. “I just thought it wouldn’t end until I left.” He held his breath. There was no future, no hope. He’d be miserable if he let her completely into his heart. It wasn’t love he needed. He needed the thrill and excitement of police work. Not his present desk job.
“I don’t regret being with you. I think it has been good for both of us. You’ve gotten a chance to see I’m all grown up, capable of taking care of myself. I think you needed that.”
“I suppose.” He rubbed his jaw, trying to organize his thoughts and push down any unreasonable ones. Remaining indifferent would be the only way he’d survive leaving her.
“And I’ve seen a different side of you. I used to worry that you were lonely. I thought you needed a woman to love you, to make you whole. Now I see that people don’t have to have the happily-ever-after to be happy.”
“No, they don’t.” Especially him. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or want to be with you.” He adjusted himself on his elbow. “Just because my relationships aren’t forever doesn’t mean I don’t care about the women I’ve been with. It ends because it’s the right time.”
“This is the right time.” Something flirtatious illuminated her eyes. Something told him to push the issue.
“I don’t think this is the right time or place to end this. We say goodbye at home, next week.”
“As long as you understand it ends there. Affair over.”
“Works for me.”
Her hand slipped under his shirt and down the back of his pants, squeezing his ass and heaving him toward her. “Then get naked, or I’ll have to call the cops.”
“You’re a crazy woman, you know that?” He grabbed her and pressed his already rigid body on top of hers.
“No crazier than you.” Her legs shifted, allowing his body to settle in all the right spots.
“Promise me I won’t hurt you.” He fanned his thumbs over the lines her frown created on her forehead.
“You say you’re immune to emotional relationships and…” She bit down on her lower lip. “And please don’t get mad.”
“Why would I get mad?” The muscles in his back relaxed at her tender touch.
“Because you’re not the right kind of man for me, so you can’t possibly hurt me, because I don’t want that with you. Right now, I just want to be thoroughly satisfied.” Her beaming smile sent his usually logical brain into a fury of panicked emotions.
“Mutual gratification,” he whispered, pressing his lips against her soft earlobe. Getting lost in her body would help defuse the bomb of emotions about to explode inside his mind and heart.
He never expected to fall in love with her. Careful to hide his feelings, he ripped at her clothes with feverish intent. He needed to settle himself inside her; hopefully lose himself in the act of sex and forget about the pain lovemaking would cause his heart.
In the darkness of the night, her sensual eyes locked with his in a long tender moment of understanding. She had to feel it, too. The connection he had to her, as if she was made just for him, and he for her.
Slipping the condom in place, he pushed back all the craziness jumping inside his mind, and then in one powerful thrust buried himself deep inside her. The more he tried to make the moment about the physical act, the more her body responded to his, like she belonged to him. Before he knew what happened, she’d taken complete control, and he feared he’d be in love with her forever.