Kisses for the Billionaire: Final Kiss (6 page)

B
eing allowed
out of the hospital was both a blessing and a curse. I hated being trapped in the room, staring at the same four white walls all day depressed me and all I could think about was the fact that I wanted to make the Banks pay.

The doctors had run all the tests they could and as far as they could tell the baby would be fine but I still wasn’t convinced.

She hadn’t moved, or at least I hadn’t felt her move and no amount of them trying to convince me would tell me otherwise.

The flight home had been uneventful and as the car pulled up in front of the house I stared out the window at a place that felt alien to me.

I was lost.

How was I supposed to just carry on after everything that had happened? I’d killed a man, he’d deserved it and it was self-defence but I’d still taken a life.

Sleep was an elusive pleasure and no matter how much I wanted to just slip into oblivion the thoughts in my head wouldn’t let me.

“Carrie, we’re here…” David said, his voice soft.

He could tell there was something wrong but no matter how many times he asked me to share the problem with him, I just couldn’t bring myself to open up.

How could I?

He said he didn’t see me differently, that no matter what had happened he still loved me but I couldn’t bring myself to believe him.

How could he love me the way he had before any of this had happened?

He blamed himself for what had gone down and I couldn’t fix those feelings for him or take away the guilt he felt, anymore than he could do the same for me.

We were adrift and I knew who was to blame.

The only problem was I couldn’t get to them, I couldn’t make them pay for the holes they’d poked in my perfect life.

For the damage they’d inflicted.

David opened the car door and held his hand out to me. I took it, his warm strong fingers curling around mine as he helped me to step out onto the gravel drive.

Ever since I’d returned my instinct had been to pull away every time David tried to get close to me and this was no different.

Taking my hand back, I curled my fingers into a fist, the warm imprint of David’s hand lingered against my skin and I cradled it as though it were something precious.

And it was precious.

I didn’t want to be like this, I didn’t want to be distant and cold all the time. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms and feel him wrap his body around mine.

But how could I do that? How could I just pretend everything was fine when it really wasn’t?

I didn’t wait for him, my stride carrying me up the steps and into the house.

Familiarity washed around me and all I wanted to do was turn tail and run back out the door again.

But something stopped me.

His pitiful cry tearing at the very core of my being and my heart started to gallop against my ribcage.

I felt as though I hadn’t seen him in years, hadn’t felt his warm body against mine as I cradled him to my chest, when in reality it was only a few days.

Racing for the stairs, the urge to run from the house was replaced with a need to see my child, to hold him in my arms and reassure him of my love.

To be reassured that I hadn’t truly failed everyone in my life…

Reaching the door to his nursery I faltered, the sound of the nanny soothing Jenson ripped through my heart.

I had failed him, I hadn’t been there for him, instead I’d been off playing hero. A role I couldn’t have been less suited to if I tried.

Turning from the door I came face to face with David. His body blocking the escape I had planned for myself.

“I think he misses you,” he said, pressing his fingers beneath my chin and tilting my face up to his.

“He doesn’t, he’s so much better off without me, you all are…” I said, my voice hoarse and tears blurred my vision.

“Carrie, don’t be stupid, how can you say that? You’re his mother and he needs you…”

I tried to shake my head but even the effort of that was far too much.

David wrapped his hand around my wrist and spun me back to the door.

I tried to fight him but he was stronger and as he pushed the door open with the toe of his boot I caught sight of Jenson cradled in the arms of the nanny.

His big blue eyes peered back at me, piercing the darkness that surrounded me.

David released me from his grip and I went to Jenson, lifting him free of the woman who had looked after him while I was gone.

Cradling him against my body he gurgled happily, his chubby fist wrapping around my hair and tugging it hard enough to draw my face closer to his.

He was perfect, utterly and completely in every way and I loved him with a ferocity I’d never known myself capable of.

But I still couldn’t shake the feeling of having failed him.

I’d gone to the Sovereign Club that night when my place had been here at home, with him in my arms. I was his mother, his protector and I’d been too busy chasing answers and demanding respect from people I didn’t honestly care about, instead of being where I was supposed to be.

What if Taylor had succeeded, what if he’d killed me?

Jenson would have been without a mother.

And all because I was too stupid to see what my actions were doing, what they were risking for the people around me.

Tears started down my cheeks and I buried my face in against the top of Jenson’s head, inhaling the scent that was uniquely his.

He smelled of lavender and sunshine, the warm smell of milk and baby lurked beneath drawing me in. I never wanted to let him go, never wanted him out of my sight.

I’d been the cause of so much damage in my family, how was I going to repair it? Where was I even going to begin?

“David, how do I make this right?” I asked, gently rocking Jenson back and forth.

“You need to stop blaming yourself, this isn’t your doing. It’s not something we could control but we can put a halt to it.”

There was a steely determination to his voice that surprised me. He hadn’t mentioned that he’d made any headway with his own investigations into where Andy and Dominic had gone to and yet anticipation curled in my stomach.

He knew something.

“Where are they?” I said, glancing up at him, my tears drying against my cheeks.

“I don’t have their location but I know where they’ll be… I know their next move.”

Excitement thrilled through me and I stared down at Jenson’s now peaceful face. David crossed the room, his arms closing around my waist.

“He needs you, the guilt you feel isn’t something he understands, it’s all instinct and his instinct tells him he’s safest in your arms.”

Staring down at the tiny perfect face I smiled.

David was right, he did need me and while there was nothing on this earth could persuade me that I hadn’t failed him. I could promise I wouldn’t ever do it again. Nothing would take me from him again and nothing on this earth would keep me from him.

S
ettling
Jenson down after feeding him, I watched him.

Time was passing so quickly, he was growing so fast how was I going to keep up with him? I didn’t want to let him down, not again.

Part of me wanted so desperately to keep him as he was now, content and sleeping, stretched out and safe in his cot.

But another part of me ached to see the man he would become. With each day that passed he was beginning to look more and more like his father. What sort of man would he be when he grew up?

A quiet knock on the door drew my attention and I crept from the room and out into the waiting arms of David.

“I want you to tell me everything,” I said, not waiting for him to speak.

I’d waited long enough, I needed to know that it would all soon be over. I needed to believe that the Banks hold on us would soon be at an end.

“There’s not much to tell.”

“There’s enough, we spoke about this, David, you promised we would do this together,” I said.

“And you promised you would rest,” he said steering me away from Jenson’s room and down the hall to the master suite.

I let him lead me away and I didn’t fight him, it seemed pointless anyway. I couldn’t explain to him why I didn’t want to rest, he wasn’t going to understand it.

He guided me into the room, pushing open the room with his free hand and escorting me inside. I froze, my heart skipping a beat as I stared around at my surroundings. The bed was covered with rose petals, their deep crimson, a carpet of colour across the bedcovers.

There was a fire in the huge marble fireplace. We’d always planned on lighting it, making love in front of it but with Jenson and everything there just never seemed to be that sort of time. David had spread a huge tartan blanket out in front of the fire, a picnic basket overflowed with all the foods that would normally have caused my mouth to start watering.

He stared at me, his gaze expectant as he watched my expression.

Tears filled my eyes and I buried my face in my hands, suddenly unable to prevent the emotion that washed over me. He’d done all of this for me, despite everything that was going on, he’d prepared all of this and all I could do was cry.

“Carrie, what’s wrong? Don’t cry my love, it’s all right, please, don’t cry,” he said, wrapping his arms around me and drawing me in against his chest.

But I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. I wanted so desperately to be strong, to pull myself together and pretend that everything was just fine but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d nearly cost us everything we’d worked so hard for, how could everything ever be the same again?

“Talk to me,” he pressed his fingers beneath my chin, tilting my head back so he could stare into my eyes.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, I know you want me to sit back and let you handle it all but I just don’t know if I’m capable of that anymore, David.” My voice was a choked and sobbing mess but I managed to get my words out.

“I want you to be who you’ve always been, I know you’re not the type to simply sit back and allow things to happen around you and I would never ask you to do that.”

“But you are, that’s exactly what is expected of me and I just don’t know if I can do that.”

“I worry about you, I worry about what all of this is doing to our child and I all I want is for you both to be safe,” he said gruffly.

He pulled out of my arms and crossed the room to stare out the bedroom window. I could see from the set of his shoulders the tension that flowed through him. But he wasn’t sharing his true thoughts with me, he wasn’t telling me what was really going on. And it was something I needed to know, something I deserved to know.

“And I want to be safe too but they took me, they threatened my life and they nearly killed my child, that’s not something I can just ignore.”

He turned then, the anger in his face surprising me as he strode across the room and grabbed my arms.

“I know what they did, I know I failed, I couldn’t protect you and because of my failings I nearly lost you both but please, Carrie, let me do this my way. Let me do my job.” There was such passion in his voice, such pain and heartbreak that my throat became choked with emotion.

“But you don’t have to do this alone, that’s all I’m saying. I don’t want you doing this alone. We’ve had this argument a million times and it always comes down to the same thing, we’re stronger together.”

He nodded and dropped his head, keeping his gaze trained on the floor.

“Part of me knows that but another part of me is so used to doing everything myself, I don’t know how to share my problems.”

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders I drew his body into mine, holding him tight against me. What was I supposed to say to him? If he really didn’t want to include me in what was going on then I couldn’t make him. And my reckless behaviour had already shown me that this wasn’t something I could go poking my nose into without him.

“I love you, Carrie,” he said, whispering against my neck.

“And I love you,” I answered, there was no point in continuing the fight, it would only drive us apart and that was something I didn’t want the Banks to win at.

Drawing away from me, David paced across the floor before finally coming to a halt in front of the fireplace. I watched as his emotions warred across his face and he pushed his hand back through his hair.

“Andy is attending a charity event tomorrow night, I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d just want to be there,” he said.

The thought of seeing Andy again filled me with a mixture of dread and the overwhelming urge to wipe him from existence. My heart beat spiked as I remembered what I’d done to his father, what he’d manipulated me into doing.

The baby kicked.

It was really just a tiny flutter against my stomach but I felt it. My hands automatically going to my bump.

“What’s wrong? Carrie, is it the baby?” David sounded panicked and I shook my head.

“She kicked…” I said, lifting my face to his as he crossed the room to where I stood.

“Is she all right? Why did she kick?”

Smiling at him I took his hand in mine and laid it across my stomach. It happened again, the tiniest of kicks as she shifted inside me. But it didn’t matter how small her movements were, she was moving and that was all that mattered.

“She probably just likes listening to her Daddy’s voice,” I said.

David dropped to his knees in front of me, both hands cupping either side of my belly as he kissed the bump.

“Hi baby girl,” he said, speaking directly to my stomach.

There would have been a time where I would have felt more than a little uncomfortable by David doing that. I hadn’t always been on the best of terms with my body and its appearance and sometimes David’s overly enthusiastic admiration for my more than ample frame left me a little overwhelmed. But not anymore.

“I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, to meet you,” David continued. “Your Mom and I love you very much.” The baby gave a series of excited kicks and jumps and couldn’t help but giggle as David pressed his ear to my belly.

“She likes you talking to her,” I said.

David lifted his face to mine and smiled. “It’s all true,” he said, pushing slowly up onto his feet.

“I know.”

“When I watched them take you away, I think a piece of me died. I didn’t want to eat, to sleep, I was barely functioning as a human. All I wanted was to find you and get you back in my arms.”

“I’m here now,” I said, brushing my fingers against the side of his face.

“When I thought I’d lost you…” he trailed off his expression turning dark. “I would have done what they asked, I had everything lined up.”

His words shocked me to my core and ice prickled in my veins.

“I don’t understand,” I said, studying his face carefully.

“The guy they wanted me to kill, I found him, he lives a few states over and…”

“David, please tell me you didn’t hurt him, that you didn’t…”

He shook his head and I released the tension that had been building between my shoulder blades.

“You called me and that was it, I came for you instead. But I would have done it.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s over now.”

He shook his head, “you see that’s the problem, it’s not over. Andy and Dominic still want me to kill the mark, they still expect a body on the ground and if I don’t provide one, then I’m afraid of the retribution.”

“You can’t allow yourself to be afraid of retribution from a bunch of cowards like them. We can’t live like that but you also can’t stoop to their level.”

“Carrie, what choice do I have?”

“There’s always a choice, David, you and I both know that. All we need to do is find a way through all of this. And we will, we’re not going to let them beat us, not now, not ever.”

He sighed and cupped my face with his hands, lowering his face to mine he pressed a feather light kiss against my lips.

“I love how certain you are, it gives me courage that we will find a way through it all.”

“We will…” he cut me off before I could continue speaking, his mouth crushing mine, the passion and ferocity in his embrace stealing my breath away.

When he finally released me I was gasping for air, my chest rising and falling, each time I sucked in a deep breath it pushed my breasts tight against his rock hard chest.

“I won’t ever lose you again, Carrie.”

“You won’t…” I said, holding on to him as tightly as I could. My legs threatened to buckle beneath and still I clung to him.

“You need to rest,” he said, sliding his hands down over my waist to cup my ass, drawing my body tighter against him.

“I need you,” I whispered, my voice hoarse with need as I felt his erection press against me.

Suddenly all thought of rest and recuperation didn’t seem to matter anymore. I needed David, needed him like the earth needed the sun and rain in equal measure. In his arms I would find all the rest and recuperation I needed.

He scooped me into his arms and carried me to the blanket and the roaring fire, laying me out beneath him as he crawled over my body. Fire and lust burned in my belly as my fingers scrambled to undo the buttons of his shirt, I wanted his skin against mine.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice laced with the same lust that pounded in my veins.

“More than sure,” I said, tugging his shirt open and sliding my hands beneath the fabric to the rock hard muscle of his chest below.

His mouth found mine once more and I was lost in his kiss.