Love’s Journey Home (45 page)

“They’re keeping her overnight because of the injury to her head.” Helen sagged back
on the porch steps, relief mingled with a new aching sadness that made her legs weak.
Thank You, Gott, for sparing my children and for sparing Gabriel
. Blessings mixed with adversity. She’d come to expect that, but still, she sometimes
faltered when the blows rained down. “I only came for a few things for Ginny.”

“And Naomi and Betsy?”

“Bruises and bumps, that’s all. What about Seth?”

“Broken arm. Broken leg. Concussion. A desk got him good. He’ll be at the clinic for
a few days, but the doctor says he’ll be all right.”

“I saw them take you away in the ambulance and I thought…”

“What did you think?”

“That I’d—that we’d lost you.”

“And the thought pained you?”

More than he could imagine. “Why are you here, Gabriel?”

Wincing with the effort, he stooped and picked up the note. “What’s this?”

His dark eyes studied the words on the page. His gaze came up and met hers. Neither
of them moved, their gazes locked. He licked his lips, but he didn’t say anything.
After a few seconds, he eased onto the step next to her, his big body so close she
could smell his soap and that scent of a man who worked to earn his keep. She inhaled
it and closed her eyes, trying to hang on to the feeling of security it gave her.

His fingers, hard and callused, closed around her hand, resting on her knee. She swallowed,
fighting the urge to sob. Beyond the occasional pat on the shoulder from her father,
no man had touched her in seven years. Her chest ached where her heart had been wrenched
from her body that spring day. The void filled.

“I’m sorry.” Gabriel’s voice sounded rusty, as if he hadn’t used it in a while. Low
and husky, with a hint of honey. “He’s gone, then.”

“Gone.” She could manage only the one syllable.

“Do you want to go get him? He’s sixteen. You’re within your rights.” His grip tightened.
“I would go with you.”

“He didn’t finish his community service. I don’t know what will happen to him if he
doesn’t come back, but he needs to do it of his own accord.” She opened her eyes and
focused on the horizon as if she would see him walking down the road, returning to
her. “We accomplish nothing by dragging him back.”

“You’re a wise woman, Helen Crouch.” Gabriel’s thumb rubbed gently back and forth
over hers. “And a good mudder.”

“
Ach
, you’re wrong.” She swallowed back sobs and concentrated on the feel of his fingers
on hers. “So wrong.”

“He’ll come back.”

She studied his long, brown fingers covering her own smaller, whiter, plumper fingers.
“I should’ve tried harder to keep your Daniel here,” she whispered. “You must be thinking
how I deserve this. I didn’t keep your Daniel here and now my Edmond is gone. I’m
a terrible parent. That’s what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking how wrong I was to judge you. I’m thinking I know how you feel. I’m
thinking the situation is different.” He cleared his throat. “I’m thinking Daniel
is a man. He went home to the woman who will be his fraa. I should never have forced
him to come here. It’s different with Edmond. He’s young. He’s running around. He’ll
come home.”

“I don’t know.” She wiped at her face with her free hand. “You were right. You were
right not to want Abigail to see him. I’m so sorry she’ll be hurt.”

“She’s still a girl. If I were a lesser man, I’d see your son’s leaving as a blessing
for my girl. She’ll get over him.”

“But you don’t see it as a blessing?”

“Your son’s future in his community, his life with his family, his faith—all these
things are at stake. I’m not the kind of man who puts himself ahead of that.”

He didn’t sound offended. He sounded almost surprised. He too had moments of insecurity,
Helen realized. That surprised her too. “You don’t think I’m a terrible parent?”

“Nee. I want you to be the mother of my children.” His hand tightened on hers. “I
trust you to be a good mother to my children.”

The statement hung in the air between them. Helen tried to comprehend them. What was
he saying? They stared at each other. She couldn’t find the words. He wanted her.
Gabriel wanted her in his life, in his house.

“Helen.” He sounded as if he were gathering his patience. “I’m staying here in Bliss
Creek. I want you to stay too. Be my wife.”

“You’re staying?”

“We have to build a new schoolhouse, don’t we? And they’ll need a teacher until Bethel
recovers. Abigail has a hankering to teach, and she’s nearly old enough.”

“Who’ll take care of the little ones and the house?”

He pulled her hand from her lap to his. She forced herself to glance his way. His
expression held a tenderness she’d never seen there. She tried to understand its meaning.
Her heart hammered in her chest.

“Gabriel?” She watched as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. Surely, this
was happening to someone else. The warmth of his touch said otherwise. Her mouth parted
and her breath left her body. “Gabriel? What are you doing?”

“Don’t you know?” He spoke in a gruff whisper. “I…I care…for you.”

“I can tell from how easy it was for you to say that.” A spurt of anger—Helen was
sure it was anger—shot through her. She tugged her hand from his. “What do you take
me for? A silly, lonely, old fool? You want me to take care of your children? I love
your children. I love Rachel and Isabelle. But I won’t settle for that. I want to
be more than a mother to your children. I want to be more…”

She couldn’t say it. Her face burned at how closely she’d come to saying it aloud.
She wanted to be loved by Gabriel. Just as she loved him.

He bowed his head and sighed.

Her heart broke. He didn’t love her like that. He needed a housekeeper. He didn’t
need Helen.

After a second he put his arm around her and pulled her into his chest. He grunted
as if the pressure hurt, but he didn’t let her go when she tried to pull away.

“Don’t.” She meant to say it louder, but the command became lost in the soft cotton
of his faded work shirt as did her determination to pull away. His chest muscles were
solid and rock hard. His heart pounded, steady and strong, like him. “You don’t have
to feel sorry…”

“I don’t feel sorry for you.” His beard rubbed against her cheek, tickling her. “You
try my patience, woman. You truly try my patience.”

His warm, soft lips covered hers. Helen’s stomach dropped to her toes. Her hands slid
up his chest and her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. She let herself go,
let herself feel for the first time in years. Feel what it was like to be held and
loved. He had wonderful lips. He kissed her like he meant it. Helen reveled in him.

When he lifted his head, she looked up at him, startled, embarrassed, uncertain, all
over again.

“Don’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t back down now.”

“Are you sure?” Her voice trembled with emotions she didn’t know she still had in
her. “Of me. I’m not the most…I’m not very…I’m Helen Crouch.”

“I’ve never kissed another woman besides my wife in my entire life.” He brushed a
finger across her cheek, sending a chill careening through her. “What do you think?”

She’d never kissed another man besides George. Not in her entire life. Now the lovely
kiss Gabriel Gless had given her filled her mind to its brim, blotting out years of
loneliness bereft of a man’s touch. “I think I’d like to try that again. To make sure
you know what you’re doing and you mean what you say.”

A smile broke across his face, like the sun coming up on a perfect, cool spring morning.

The second kiss told Helen the first had not been a dream. It went on long enough
that she might faint from lack of air, but still it ended too soon.

He backed away, leaving a space between them wide enough to fit a half-grown child.
Wise man. She tucked her hands in her lap to keep them from straying to his. “What
now?” she asked, surprised at how calm her voice sounded. Inside, it felt as if a
whole batch of puppies were playing rough and tumble in her stomach. “What next?”

“Now we tell the deacon we want to get married in November.”

“We want to get married in November,” she repeated.

“You do want to marry me, don’t you, Helen?”

“I do,” she said.

H
elen lifted her head as the bishop’s final words of prayer dissipated in the slight
chill that hung in the air. Autumn might finally make an appearance, letting the hot
summer take its leave. The newly rebuilt schoolhouse stood ready to receive its students.
Fewer scholars would enter the doors when it reopened later in the day, and those
who did would be greeted by a new teacher. Abigail Gless stood on the steps, hands
clasped, looking all grown up. Bethel would make the trip to Missouri with Leah, where
she could continue her convalescence under her sister’s care.

The decision had been made to meet at the school so prayers could be lifted for a
safe journey and goodbyes said in the comforting presence of the others who would
stay behind. The white passenger vans lined the road, reminders that change awaited
them all. Moving vans had gone ahead, taking with them the worldly goods that the
departing families would need for their new start.

“God’s plan.” Smiling, Gabriel approached her, leaving behind the knot of men clustered
a few yards away. “Remember that.”

“I know.” Helen forced herself to breathe. In the city, Edmond sought his new start.
She prayed Catherine had the strength and wisdom to show a rebellious, confused boy
the way. That they would both find their way home. “Always. I’ll have a word with
Annie about the bakery and say a few more goodbyes. Then I’ll be ready to go.”

“
Gut
. I’ll talk to Josiah about the repairs he needs and meet you at the buggy.”

She watched him stride away, unable to stop herself. She still marveled that this
mountain of a man had chosen her. Smiling at the thought, she waited until Annie had
had a chance to say her goodbyes to Emma and the little ones. When she moved on to
Luke and Leah, Helen walked across the yard. Annie smiled and met her halfway.

“I’m so thankful we’ll have each other.” Helen gave her friend a quick hug and squeezed
Noah’s pudgy arm. The toddler favored her with a wide grin that sported two teeth
in the middle. “I’m looking forward to helping you in the bakery.”

“Until other duties take over.” Annie grinned and cocked her head toward Gabriel.
“I think you’ll have your hands full come November.”

“You too.” Helen wagged her finger at her friend. “If I’m not mistaken.”

“We’ll see. I’m taking this one day at a time. We both are.”

Helen nodded. That was all any of them could do. “I’m sorry about Catherine.”

“Me too. I’m sorry she chose to take Edmond with her.” Annie’s smile faltered. “The
letter she left me said she wouldn’t publish the memoir after all. Or the photos.
That she didn’t need to do that, and that she could find her way on her own. She says
she and her Englisch friend are engaged now.”

“Engaged? I hope she really is finding her way. I hope Edmond finds his way too.”

“He will and Catherine will help him. She won’t abandon him in the big city.” Annie
sighed. “She sees someone who’s searching, like she was, and she sees a way to make
up for some of the hurt she caused.”

“By taking my son away?”

“By letting him see what he will miss. He’ll be back. I know he will.”

“It’s hard.” Helen bit her lower lip, straining to keep the sobs at bay. “But I know
you’re right.”

“He will. Noah, stop fussing. You can’t get down. It’s muddy.” She adjusted her grip
on the wiggling child, who began to cry. “I’d better get him home. He needs his breakfast
and a nap before I take him to the bakery. I’m so glad Mary Beth has agreed to stay
on and help with him. With Mark and Josiah working our farm and the shop, I’ll need
all the help I can get at the bakery. See you there later?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Helen felt contentment brush against her, like the wings of
a butterfly beating against her skin, soft and quick. “I’m happy for Josiah. He finally
gets to farm.”

“Amazing how God’s plan unfolds, isn’t it?” Annie hugged Noah to her chest, her eyes
luminous with unshed tears. “Isaac will get his chance at the blacksmith trade. Josiah
will have income at the shop and still be able to try his hand at farming. We don’t
know if it will work out as we plan, but it will work out as Gott plans.”

She turned and trotted away, one hand lifted in a wave. Helen remained where she stood,
watching the myriad of goodbyes still being said. Six families faced a new future.
Micah had chosen carefully. Families with children of marriageable age would grow
the new district. He said the Bliss Creek district had become too large. Even without
the oil and the drought, a change would’ve been necessary.

It didn’t feel too large. It felt like family.

“Don’t look so sad.” Tugging his hat back, Thomas approached. The solemnity in his
eyes matched the feeling in her heart. “God will see us on our way.”