Read Self Destruct Online

Authors: K. D. Carrillo

Self Destruct (3 page)

4

Aiden

 

I was a dick.  I knew I was
during the entire conversation with Becca, but I had to push her away.  I’m fairly drunk, lonely, and I think my girlfriend is screwing around.  I think the hickey she had when she picked me up at the airport last week was a pretty good clue.  But shit, I’m not perfect.  I’ve messed around a couple of times since she moved to New York.  I draw the line at sex though, somehow that feels like
real
cheating. 

I’m nearly certain she doesn’t have the same standards, but I feel like I owe it to her to stay somewhat faithful. 
She doesn't love me, but I owe her.  I've destroyed enough of her life. We are shackled together by guilt, and our families' expectations. I didn’t even confront her with her noticeable cheating.  It seems easier to let things go over the phone and in person.  I didn’t want to spend the week fighting with her. I didn't want to spend the week with her either, but my mother insisted.

I won’t see her again until Christmas.  Even then I’ll probably avoid the topic, she’ll only be here for a few weeks.
  I'm not sure why I keep trying to force a real relationship.  No, that's a lie.  I'm weak.  I screwed up royally, and I've been paying for it for the last seven years.  But, if we are going to be forced together through our circumstances we should make the best of it.  At least that is what I tell myself.

As much as I would like to see if Becca would be interested in a friends-with-some benefits situation with me, she seems like the kind of girl you date exclusively.  The kind you actually look forward to introducing to your family. 
Actually her virginity, and my reluctance to take it might make this work for me at least.  I
know
Vanessa is stepping out on me, why should I suffer?  I could at least get some relief with a really hot girl.  Now, if I could actually convince myself relief is all I want from Becca.

Motherfucker
, I'm going to kill Nick.  I just walked through the door looking for her, even though I hadn’t made up my mind yet that I was going to, and saw my best friend lick her neck.  Shit, why was she letting him do body shots off her?  She is too fucking innocent for her own good.  Someone needs to look out for her.  Nick was handing her shots.  He prides himself on giving girls just enough that they are willing, and not so many that they puke on him.  Why am I friends with him? 

I’ll worry about that later
. Right now I am going to remove the very drunk Becca from his clutches.  “I’ll take that,” I said grabbing the shot of tequila Nick handed her.  She stuck out her bottom lip and that was it, I was done resisting her.  I grabbed her waist, pulled her away from Nick and sucked her plump lip into my mouth.  She grabbed a handful of my hair and began to kiss me back.  Holy shit this girl could kiss.  I feel like I’m on fire, and I love it. 

The voi
ce in the back of my head started screaming, “She’s drunk shit head!”  Reluctantly I pulled away.  I really wanted to keep kissing her, and maybe I would again, but not while she's drunk.  I couldn't let her lay down now though.  She had to work some of this alcohol out of her system.  Which reminded me of her dancing earlier. 

“Hey Ya

by Outkast began playing over the stereo.  Becca started doing a sexy wiggle without thinking, so I led her to where her friend had pushed the furniture aside to make room for dancing.  “Toni hates new music.  She only listens to stuff from the 90’s and early 2000’s,” Becca whispered.  The tequila made her voice become husky and was going to trash the rest of my self-control. 

I grabbed her waist and pulled her body tight against mine.  My hips started to sway us back and forth.  Her upper body turned and undulated across my chest and stomach.  Her tiny hands slid across my chest and around my neck.  I could tell she was slender looking at her, but
holding her I realized her clothes were hiding a fantastic body.  She had soft curves, but she also had tight muscles pulling while she danced. 

I looked into her jade green eyes.  She
was really very pretty.  All peaches and cream skin surrounded by dark red hair.  I’m sure girls have a different name for the color, dark red softened by tones of brown.  It was so thick and soft.  I love long hair on girls, and hers fell most of the way down her back. 

I might be a bastard, but my resistance
was slipping.  I leaned in and gently nibbled the tender skin of her neck.  I felt her try to suppress a moan.  I took my right hand from her waist and buried it in the hair at the back of her neck and went in for a kiss. 

First I gently brushed my lips across hers.  Then I traced her plump lower lip with my tongue until she opened for me.  I slipped into her mouth and our tongues danced in time with our bodies. 

My hips ground into her against my will.  I’m sure if she weren’t drunk she would be pulling away from me right now.  Unfortunately she became really cooperative when plied with alcohol. 

Good thing I got her away from Nick when I did.  I think she would let me take her right here on the floor in front of the entire party right now.  Lucky for her I’m not a complete bastard.  I might steal a kiss or two, and lead her in a really sexy dance, but I won’t violate her like he would.

I would just have to keep her close to me while the party was still in full swing.  Then I could safely leave her alone, away from my douche bag best friend. 

“Come on take a walk with me,” I said finally pulling my mouth off of her.  Maybe some fresh air would sober her up a bit, and cool me down.  She smiled shyly and allowed
me to lead her away from the crowd into the dark.  Fuck, I’m glad it’s me, but she is too damn trusting. 

I led her down the path towards the lake.  I laced my fingers with hers and watched the way t
he silver light of the moon made her pale skin glow.  “Do you have a boyfriend,” I asked, trying to break her spell over me. 

God, I hoped she didn’t have a boyfriend.  I know I’m an ass, but I don’t want her to be one of those kind of girls, a girl who promises love and fidelity, only to cheat behind his back.  A girl like Vanessa.

Her eyes opened wide with shock, but there was a hint of rebellion burning there too.  Her mouth quirked up. “Does it really matter if I do?  I mean you have a girl friend right?  For like…what was it… oh yeah seven years.” 

Yeah
, I deserved that.  “I just hope you aren’t the kind of girl who would kiss me like you did, and take a moonlit stroll along the water if you had a boyfriend.”  She laughed, “Wow, you’re a hypocrite.  I really don’t think it's any of your business.” 

Becca ripped her hand away from me and began to wander away.  I instantly missed the connection.  “Hang on there Red,” I said pulling her back.  She was still really drunk, and it was too dark to risk her falling in the lake.  “I don’t feel like going into my relationship right now.  We’ve been together a long time, but we’ve lived apart for a long time now too.  Ok,
now that I’ve spilled, tell me about you.”

“No,” she responded.  “No you won’t tell me? Or no you don’t have a boyfriend?”  She sighed.  I could tell I was pissing her off, but that was actually
a little fun too.  Everything with her has been fun. 

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”  “So there isn’t anyone back in Ellensburg who would object to you being out here with me?”  Why was I trying to press this?
I’m not available.  I should quit acting like a lovesick teenager chasing after this girl.  But I couldn't, I had to know.

“Probably not,” she shrugged.  I narrowed my eyes at her.  What the hell
did probably mean?  “Probably not, as in maybe there is?”  “There was someone, but I don’t think that is going to work out. So, like I said, probably not.”  “You don’t know for sure?” I deserved to be kicked in the nuts for acting like a possessive ass, but I really wanted to know.

“No I don’t know for sure.  Look we aren’t serious either way.  We’ve hung out for the last few months, and went out to dinner the othe
r night, but things ended weird.  I don’t think it's going anywhere,” she rambled.

“Define weird,” I demanded.  If he hurt her I
was going to hunt him down and bash his face in.  “I don’t know.  Everything was going great.  He suggested we play this game where we ask a bunch of personal questions and see who would back off first.  Then he asked where the craziest place I’d ever done it was…” she shrugged again, this time in defeat. 

“I see. He couldn’t handle the fact that you’re a virgin.” 
Its official I’m an ass. I wish I hadn't rubbed salt in that wound earlier today.  I turned her to face me.  “Listen, I think it's sweet.  I would rather date a virgin than a slut.”  I swallowed hard, because I
was
dating a slut. “If he cares about you he won’t let some weird hang-up distract him.” 

“It’s fine really.  I would rather find out now.  I think it is more of a convenient excuse than anything.  Maybe he realized I wasn’t going to be his fuck-buddy and decided to bail.  All of which saves me from wasting time on him.” 
Her face fell, like she expected this reaction. 

“How did you leave things with him?” 
I couldn't seem to stop my interrogation.  “He fed me some bullshit line about respecting me enough not to try and seduce me.  Then conveniently he had to leave town for a week to go to a wedding. He said he would call when he got back in town.”

“After all of that he still said he would call you?”  Shit, maybe this guy
was
interested in her.  Yeah, I’ve told girls I would call when I had no intention of ever calling, but I didn't work to make them understand why I haven’t called for a week.  I sure as hell didn't give them a time to expect me to call. 

“Toni
said he was definitely not going to call. She ordered me to get my ass here and stop being pathetic.  It doesn't matter. She’s right he’s too old for me anyway.” 

That got my attention.  What
did she mean about being too old?  How old was she?  My guess, she was twenty or twenty-one.  “Too old for you?  How old is this guy?” I was being pushy again, but I felt like this girl would be easily taken advantage of.  “Uh, he’s twenty-eight.  Which makes him eight years older than me.  Why how old are you?”

“I’m twenty-four. 
I have to say I agree with Toni. He is pushing thirty.  He’s probably thinking about marriage and babies and shit.  You should be thinking about classes and parties.” 

She shuddered as if what I said sunk in.  “Like I said we have only hung o
ut for a few months, as friends. I have no idea what his thoughts are on marriage or babies." 

She twisted a lock of her hair, a nervous gesture.  "
I may have dodged a bullet there, because I am never going down that road.  And parties really?  I hate parties.  Too many drunk people dry humping in front of virtual strangers.”

I tried not to laugh, but it was a wasted effort.  The memory of us "dry humping in front of virtual strangers" had me doubled over laughing.  When I gained control over myself,
I leaned in close to her again and pressed my chest against her back.

I
hadn't touched her for several minutes and it was hard. I was clearly becoming addicted to her.  I brushed her hair over her left shoulder and leaned in on her right.  I teased her neck with the tip of my finger and felt her tremor slightly.  At least it wasn’t just me.

“Sweetheart, you were one of those people tonight.  You would have let me take you anyway I wanted to with a room full of witnesses.  Promise me to b
e a little less trusting.  You're safe with me, but that might not be true of the next guy who leads you out of a party into the dark.”  She began to shiver.  I don’t think she realized the danger she could be in if I were anyone else.

“You’re right, I should head back to the party.”  She pulled away from me and began heading back toward the cabin.  I grabbed her wrist
to stop her.  “Wait.  I brought you out here because I was trying to keep you away from Nick.  He's one of the types of guys I'm warning you about.  He won’t think twice about pressing his advantage if he thinks he could get laid.”

“I hear the disgust in your voice. Why are you friends with him if you don’t respect him?”  Damn good question.  “I honestly
don’t know.  I had this epiphany when I saw the way he was going after you earlier.  I knew what he would do to get you into his bed. I also knew that the next morning he would want you to leave.  I didn’t want him to use you like that.”

She smiled at me, flashing her perfect white teeth, and arching her perfect bow shaped lips.  “That’s sweet.  You know for a cheating jerk you’re kinda nice.” 

I chuckled.  The girl had spunk I’d give her that.  “I deserve that.  If I can promise to
try
and keep my hands to myself can we be friends?”  Please say yes, I silently begged.

She bit her bottom lip while she considered my request, and I already wanted to break my promise by sucking it away from her teeth.  “Yeah, friends, I can handle that.” 

 

             

5

Rebecca

 

I hate geese.  Like really freakin’ hate them, especially when the little bastards
were honking near the cabin.  It probably had a lot to do with the fact I had a drum line marching through my head and my mouth tasted like moldy cotton. 

I don’t remember going to bed last night.  I know I stayed with Aiden until I started to feel sober.  I think I might have fallen asleep outside.  But I’m here in Toni’s cabin, in bed al
one, and still fully dressed. It was a relief.  I couldn’t have done anything too bad last night. 

There
were flashes of Nick licking me. Gross.  And, oh shit did I really grind on Aiden and try to suck his face off?  Oh just kill me.  I’m never leaving this room.

I am not
a cheater, and I do not hook-up. Well not anymore, and especially not with guys with long-term serious girlfriends.  Hell, any kind of girlfriend.  I’m pretty sure I agreed to be friends with him too. 

Toni was right
though. A distraction was a good idea. I’ve been so preoccupied with the situation with Aiden, I haven’t thought about Jake once.  Until now. I’m going to stop thinking.  Maybe it was time to shake things up a bit. 

“Becca get your lazy ass out of bed!” Toni hollered.  The bitch never gets a hangover.  I don’t get it.  She says my Scottish ass can’t take alcohol the way her “superior” Mexican genes can.  I think she
was just trying to make being a lush sound scientific.  “I’m up,” I grumbled.

She
tossed my door open flooding the room with bright sunlight that attacked my poor eyes like dozens of needles.  “Ah!” I moaned and tossed covers over my head.  She tossed my cell phone onto my bed.  “You have a call.” 

I picked up the phone, and realized
she had already answered for me. I failed to look at the caller ID, like usual. 

“Hello,” I answered.  “Hey Bec.”  I threw my hand over my mouth to keep myself from squealing like a ju
nior high girl.  Holy shit, it was Jake!  “Oh, hey Jake.  How’s the wedding stuff going?” I asked as nonchalantly as possible.

“Good.  A bunch of the guys kidnapped the groom for a week of fishing
instead of a bachelor party.  The wedding is this Saturday, and then I’ll be heading back to town on Sunday.  I won’t be back until late though.  Any chance you would give me a do over on Monday?  I really would like a second chance. I know I screwed up bad enough to have to ask for one.” 

I thought about leaving Aiden a week earlier than necessary and it made me a little queasy, but I shoved that emotion aside.  He
wasn't mine and never would be. 

I was
sure once I saw Jake again I would be hit with the same feelings I had for him before.  “Yeah Jake, maybe I shouldn’t, but I’d like to see you on Monday.”  “Great.  I was thinking about going hiking in Roslyn and packing a picnic.  Do you like hiking?”  “I love it actually.  I’m in Chelan this week with Toni. Call me on Sunday and let me know for sure if you are going to make it in and I'll head back.”

“I don’t want you to cut a trip short.  Can I come to you?”  Jake asked nervously.  “I would love that.  It is a lon
g drive just for the day though,” I said.  “Nah, I’ll just get a room Sunday night and call you in the morning around nine to get the address and come get you. Oh and thanks Bec.”  “Sure Jake, see you Monday.”

I buried my face in my pillow and finally squealed.  Toni came in to find me doing a very embarrassing happy dance on top of my bed.  “Good talk?” she asked smirking at me. 

“Awesome talk," I said, with a stupid grin on my face.  “He asked for a second chance and is going to come here on Monday to spend the day with me.  He wants to go hiking and have a picnic.” 

Toni shrugged.
“Huh, I guess I was wrong, it was bound to happen sometime.”  I hit her with a pillow, and she retaliated.  We pounded each other with pillows and didn’t hear Aiden, Nick, and Jeremy enter the cabin.  “Now this is what I like to see, except you two are wearing too many clothes,” Nick said, letting us know that they were watching. 

I tossed my pillow back on the bed, but Toni decided to get one more hit in.  “I win!” she announced.  I shook my head at her and removed a change of clothes from the dresser.  “I’m going to jump in the shower,” I announced.  “Want some company?” Nick propositioned.  “Not yours,” I dismissed him on my way through to the only bathroom.

When I came out twenty minutes later the guys were trying to talk Toni into going out on Nick’s boat.  It sounded like fun to me, well not being around Nick, but the boating sounded fun.  Nick was gorgeous, but he seemed devoid of morals. Basically, he made me very uncomfortable. 

M
y phone started ringing in my room.  Toni yelled, “Tell Kate to get her ass up here already.”  I remembered to look at the screen this time, Jake. "It isn't her, and I don't think she is coming," I yelled back.  I hit answer before Toni could ask me a million questions.

“Hey miss me already?” I teased.  He chuckled.  I missed that sound.  “Yeah actually I did.  Hey I, uh chickened out earlier.  I really wanted to invite you to the wedding.  I meant to do it the other night, but I was afraid you would feel like I was moving too fast.

I opened my mouth to reassure him, but he continued.  "T
he hell with it.  I want you to come to the wedding with me.  We are coming back from fishing tomorrow.  Would you meet me in Port Orchard on Friday and be my date to the wedding?  If this is too fast let me know.  I can get you your own room.”

“It isn’t too fast, if we are staying in different rooms.  I need
to talk to Toni before I answer, because I’ll be changing our plans.  But honestly think it will be fine. Toni isn’t big on planning too far in the future.”  I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “I’ll wait by my phone.”

I walked out to the living room.  “Hey Toni, uhm, would you be pissed if I bailed on you Friday
, and for the rest of the weekend?  I’ll probably come back.”

“What do you mean probably come back?”  Toni demanded.  “Just what I said.  Right now I plan to come back, but I don’t know for sure,” I
hesitated.

“That wasn’t Kate was it?” Toni asked suspiciously.  I shook my head.
  "Didn't you hear me when I said it wasn't?"  "Kinda busy," she answered motioning to the guys with her eyes. 

“What the hell does he want
now?” She asked, realizing it was Jake on the phone. “He wants me to go the wedding with him,” I answered playing down how big of a deal this seemed.  It didn’t work. 

“Becca don’t you think he is pushing things kinda fast after his complete choke Friday night?”
she asked raising her eyebrows.  “It’s just a wedding Toni,” I dismissed.

Aiden shook his head at me.  “What?” I demanded.  “Guys don’t just bring any girl to a wedding.  Weddings
make girls think about getting married and having babies.  We bring girls we want to see how they react to marriage and babies,” Aiden answered.  “Shit,” I muttered.

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