Self Destruct (7 page)

Aiden

“Off to see the girlfriend again?” Jeremy shouted from the kitchen.  “Wouldn’t you?” I replied on my way to the door.  “Hell yeah, with a girl who can kiss like that I don’t know why you ever come back.” 

I pinched the bridge of my nose.  “I would really like to forget you having your tongue down my girlfriend’s throat dude.”  “Not me, I replay it over and over.  Does she still taste like strawberries?”
Jeremy said and waggled his eyebrows at me.

“What the hell Jeremy?” 
He started laughing, and slapped me on the back. “Calm down.  I’m just yanking your chain.”

“Nick wanted to take his boat out tod
ay, do you guys want to come?” Jeremy asked.  “And bring Becca around his lecherous ass? I think I’ll pass,” I snapped.  “If you are going to stay friends with him you are going to have to try and work it out,” Jeremy advised.

“Jeremy, did you ever notice how depraved he
was before this trip?”  “I don’t know.  I guess I knew that he was pushing the limits. He does seem to have gotten worse.  I tried to talk to him about how he was treating Becca, but he doesn’t seem to give a shit.  You know on second thought, maybe it's better if you keep her away from him.”

“I’m gonna be
honest with you Jer. I don’t know if I can be friends with someone that treats my girlfriend like his next lay,” I told him. 

“I know Aiden.  He’ll be going back to Oregon for school
in another month.  I think he's planning on going to some friend’s apartment in Seattle after this weekend.  Let’s just get through the rest of this week.”

“Alright, I’m
going to go see Becca.”  “Hey I think I’ll tag along and see what Toni is up to.”  Jeremy grabbed his phone off the counter and followed me out. 

“You and Toni have been getting pretty close lately,” I observed.  “Well Nick is always out trying to get laid, and you have been with Becca for three straight days. 
We found ourselves alone together a lot.  Plus she is really funny, and as good as Becca at keeping the Barbies away.”

Jeremy and I headed across the lawn together, and knocked on the door.  Toni hollered for us to come in.  We found her wandering nervously back and forth
in the living room.

“Toni
, where is Becca?” I asked growing concerned.  “She’s on her phone upstairs.  Just give her a minute.  She’s talking to her mom,” Toni answered.

“If she'
s alright, why are you pacing?”  I could see the apprehension flash in her eyes.  She was trying to decide what she should tell me.

“Their relationship is difficult.  Her mother is
cold and self-centered.  Although, Becca seems to think it is tough love.  Personally, I think she is throwing a childish temper tantrum because Becca insists on living her own life."

Toni squeezed my hand.  "
I heard Becca yelling at her mother. This seems to be a particularly bad conversation.  Give her a little space.  She'll come to you when she's ready."

I shook my head and took the stairs two at a time.
Toni yelled for me to stop, but I ignored her.  My girl needed me. 

I found her curled up on her bed staring out the window.  I crawled behind her and pulled her into my chest.  A violent shudder ran through her body.  “Shh, Red, I’ve got you.  Talk to me.” 

“I will, but not right now,” Becca whispered.  “What ever you need, I’m here,” I comforted.  “Aiden, I don’t deserve you.  I…I’m broken.  What if I can’t ever be what you need?  I won’t blame you if you walk away from me.  We’ve only been together for three days, and you’re already having to pick up my pieces.” 

She sounded depressed, and it broke my heart.  “Red, I’m not going to try and fix you
, but I’ll help hold you together while you fix yourself.  I need you to believe me when I tell you this, I’m not going anywhere.”

Rebecca

I took a deep breath.  Now I understood why Aiden unloaded his history on me a few days ago.  If I rejected him he could recover.  I wasn’t sure I would be able to
get over him, even after only three days.

Could I tell him what I've spent years trying to forget?  Was there any other choice if I wanted to give our relationship a chance?  Aiden had the right idea.  It was best to rip off the band-aid and get it over with, expose the past and hope he could handle it.

“I grew up on an animal preserve in Colorado.  My grandparents had a lot of money and decided to build a ranch to treat and release injured endangered animals.  We had owls, hawks, large cats, and other forest creatures.  It was wild.  There was usually something cute and fuzzy running around to pet.  My friends always wanted to come over to see the animals.” 

I swallowed hard, because I was getting to the part I didn’t want to tell.  “With so many injured animals, my grandparents needed to have a veterinarian they could call.”
  My shaking was getting worse, but I felt like I should tell someone.  Maybe he would leave, but I was tired of caring this around. 

“Becca, sweet heart, you don’t
have
to tell me anything.  Only if you want to, ok?”  I nodded dramatically.  “I…I have to.  But, I’ve never told anyone this, so please be patient.” 

“Take all the time you need,” he soothed. 
I was pleasantly surprised.  “You’re amazing you know?” “Red, you bring out the best in me,” he said and tenderly cupped the side of my face.  I sucked in a deep breath and rushed ahead.

“One
day I was out feeding my grandparent's herd of deer. I poured out the grain and spread the bales of hay.  When I turned to go back to the house I saw a man watching me." I squeezed my hands together to stop them from trembling, and continued.

"
He was older, maybe in his forties. I guessed he was about ten years younger than my grandparents.  The way he watched me made me very uncomfortable.

"I ran away and told my parents. 
They told me I was being silly.  Apparently, Dr. Vincent James was a trusted family friend.” I couldn’t hide the anger rolling through my voice. 

“Dr. James started coming around a lot, and I continued to notice him watching me.  I made sure to
be around my family when he was there, but I still had chores.  I tried to put them off until he was gone, but my mom thought I was just trying to get out of my chores.  I started racing through my chores before he showed up.

Still somehow he would manage to find me alone frequently. 
When he did I kept my distance, ignored him and raced back to the house. All of that worked until the day one of the deer fell ill.

My grandfather called the d
octor to take a look at it.  My mother insisted I help him, while they rounded up the other deer to quarantine the sick deer.  The pin needed some repairs, and I ended up being left alone with the doctor for a long time.

It turned out the deer had been poisoned with antifreeze.  He fed it some charcoal, and it started to improve.  H
e told me that working together made us friends, and he kissed me. 

I was shocked,
and upset. I didn’t kiss my friends, but I was a very naïve thirteen. 

I told my mother,
but she told me I was over reacting.  She said the adrenaline must have made me confuse what happened.”

I snuck a peek at Aiden, and noticed that his body was rigid, and his fists were clenched.  His reaction made me stop talking.  “Oh god, Becca.  He didn’t, I mean you weren
’t…” he trailed off. 

“Raped?” I clarified. 
He nodded.  I frowned at him wondering if I was wrong to tell him.  Was he disgusted by me now?

“Oh honey no, I see the thoughts flying acro
ss your pretty face.  What you're telling me doesn't make me question how I feel about you. It does make me want to kill that guy and maybe your parents.”

“No, I wasn’t raped.
  I was told I wasn't."  I frowned thinking.  I mean I didn't think I was.  I would remember that right? 

I took a deep breath and continued.  "E
very time he managed to find me alone he became bolder.  He, uh, t…touched me, and I couldn’t stop him.  My mom told me to stop making up stories. 

A few days later my dad went
looking for me. He needed my help to feed an owl. He caught the doctor trying to take my clothes off.  I guess he heard me screaming when he got close enough. 

I only remember bits and pieces from that day.  The only things I know are what my parents told me.  I was taken to the hospital and sedated.  I was distraught, and they were afraid I was having a break down.  I overheard my grandparents say that my father
beat the shit out of the doctor, and he ran off. 

My mother decided
against pressing charges.  She said it would be embarrassing for the family if the scandal was exposed to the community.  My grandparents were afraid my father would go to jail if we pressed charges.  I was too young, and too traumatized to press charges on my own.  In the end he got away with it.

Social services assigned a social worker to my case until they were satisfied none of my family members assaulted me.  The moment we were permitted we left Colorado and moved to Washington.

Neither of my parents found life in Washington as satisfying as Colorado.  They fought about it constantly, and without my grandparents around no one stopped them.  Eventually they got divorced.  I felt like they blamed me for having to leave our home and for the end of their marriage. 

When
my mom started dating Rick, I didn't react well.  I began to have panic attacks.  I stopped eating and sleeping.  My mom thought I was throwing a fit because Rick wasn’t my dad.  The truth was I didn’t trust men outside of my dad and my grandpa.

I
broke out in a cold sweat whenever people touched me.  Luckily Rick is very intuitive, and kept his distance until I got used to him.  My mom and I managed to get along better after my parents' divorced.  Pretty typical mother daughter ups and downs until after I moved to college.

Rick
thinks when I moved out, it reminded her of how helpless she felt when I was attacked.  Her coping mechanism is to undermine me.  She constantly tells me I can’t make it on my own, that I’m not strong enough, and I need to be protected. 

He thinks she
does it because she wants me to be at home where she can shelter me from everything.  Most of the time when we argue it's about how I’m not moving home, or I won’t answer the phone when I go out on a date.  She went from uninvolved to smothering. 

This time she called to
tell me Dr. James was arrested for raping a fourteen-year-old girl.  I keep thinking if I had told someone what had happened to me I could have saved her. 

The police contacted my grandparents, and may have some questions for me. 
My mother thinks I should avoid this and not respond.  How in the hell does she think I can do that when I might be able to help send him to jail?  She wants me to think of what people are going to say. How it's going to look, and what it might do to my reputation.”

“Look at me,” Aiden demanded.  I turned over and stared into his night blue eyes.  He kissed me gently on the forehead.  “You did tell someone.” He kissed me again.

“Your parents are to blame for not having him arrested.” He kissed me again.  “But even they aren’t responsible for what happened to that girl.  The only person responsible for what happened to her is that sick fuck.” 

“I know how awful she feels, but I don’t at the same time,” I said
quietly.  “If you want to speak to police, I will be with you every step of the way," Aiden promised.

I felt a tear run down my face. 
Was it possible to love someone after only knowing them a week and a half?  It might not be love yet, but it was something like it. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and cried onto his shoulder.  “I’m not going to tell you not to cry, because sometimes you need to.  Is there anything else I can do for you?  I feel the need to do something,” he asked desperately
.  “You’re doing it,” I answered, and relaxed into his arms.

Aiden

“Does Toni know?” I asked.  “No.  I have never told anyone outside of my family.  After the way they reacted when I told them, I didn't have the courage to tell anyone else. I never wanted to live through that again,” Becca answered. 

“But you told me,
” I reminded her.  “I felt safe telling you,” she spoke quietly. “You’re safe with me.  I’ll keep you safe,” I vowed.  “Aiden, things happen sometimes.  You can’t always be there.”  I wanted to squeeze her tighter and never let her go. 

“I know I might not always be able to protect y
ou, but I’m always going to try,” I clarified.  “I know and I love you for that,” Becca said, and then slapped her hand over her mouth.

“Oh shit! Uh
, forget I said that,” she groaned.  I chuckled and rolled us until she was underneath me.  “You love me huh?  How could I forget that?  Say it again,” I taunted. 

When she didn't answer right away I began
tickling her.  “No.  It was temporary insanity,” she said squirming away from me. 

I kissed her, and pulled her leg around my hip.
She tensed for a second, and I wanted to slap myself.  She released an anxious breath, and tightened her leg around me.

“Ok, if you won’t say it I will.  I know it is fast, but I can’t help myself.  I love you Becca.”  A huge smile spread across her pretty face.  She rolled on top of me, planting tiny kisses over my face and neck.  I felt her tension melt away, and her natural happy personality rise up.  “I love you too.”

I pulled back for a minute, and ran my fingers through her hair.  It was so colorful.  It reminded me of a redwood tree, dark and tinted brown, but mostly red. Neither brown nor red seemed to be the right description. 

“I want you so badly, but I don’t want you to feel pressured.”  She kissed me to shut me up.  I love when she
did that. 

“I trust you.  I have never been able to get close to a guy because it used to make me panic.  I’ve tried, but I always froze.  I don’t know what was different about you the first time you kissed me, but it was.  It was the first time I’ve ever thought about going farther.  I want more with you.  I’m
almost ready, and not here.”

“No, not here.  I want you all
to myself.  I want you to be able to relax, and forget about the rest of the world.  I want to make you feel so good you scream my name.”  I don't know why I said that to her, but she blushed a bright red.  I smirked and ran my fingers across her flushed cheeks.  “I bet you’ll turn this color when you come. I can’t wait to see it, Red.” 

She blushed even more, the color trailed out of the top of her tank top.
I think I was turning her on.  “Why do you call me that?” she asked in a husky voice.  I was getting to her. 

“Red? 
For a few reasons.  Your hair is one.  I love the way it practically burns in the light.  The way you blush when you're embarrassed, or when I kiss you.  It makes me wonder if everything about you is tinted red.  Your lips are the color of a ripe berry.  Your skin is pink.  I wonder if your nipples are colored like your lips.  I can’t tell you how hot it is that I am the only one who will find out.”

“So you like that you'
ll be my first now, huh?” she teased.  “No, Becca.  I don’t want to be your first.”  I chuckled at her shocked expression.  I still loved teasing her. 

“I want to be your
only.  I like that I'll be your first, but I love that I'll be your last.”  She gently rubbed my jaw, and pulled my face towards her.  I kissed her softly, and she tugged on my hair.  I felt her tongue slip out and brush across my lower lip.  I groaned and opened for her.  The kiss turned frantic, until I pulled myself back.

Her smile was wicked.  S
he was getting more confident, and I found it sexy as hell.  “I think I can handle that.”  It took me a second to clear the fog in my brain and realize what she was saying. 

She was agreeing for me to be her last. 
The speed and seriousness of our relationship should have scared me, but it didn't.  I felt like an adventure was beginning and I was looking forward to every moment.

“We have to get out of this room,” I grunted.  She giggled.  “Can’t resist me?”  “It is getting harder,” I answered.  “Mmmm, I can see that,” she whispered near my neck. 
She flicked my neck with the tip of her tongue.  “Becca, are you trying to kill me?”

“I’m sorry,
” she answered unrepentantly.  “You have to wait one month,” she said smirking.  Most of my blood supply was still absent from my brain, and I couldn’t figure out what she was saying.  “One month until what?”

“When we get back to Ellensburg I’m going to get on the pill.  I believe it takes
a month for it to start working,” she answered.  Oh, that did not help me reverse my blood flow back towards my other appendages. 

She continued,
“I mean unless you want to use something else too.”  Did I?  When Vanessa got pregnant we hadn’t used anything.  She was never on birth control.  She said she was, but I found out later it was a lie. 

“As long as we are really careful.  I can’t go through giving up another child.  I want to make sure we don’t have child
ren until we are ready for them,” I responded.

“I can promise to be meticulous about taking the pills on time.  Are you worried what would happen if I got pregnant anyway?”
she asked. I nodded.  That was exactly what I was thinking about.  “I would never use abortion as birth control.  Also, I can’t imagine being pregnant with your child and not wanting it.” 

I relaxed. 
This was part of becoming an adult, considering consequences before acting. Maybe if Vanessa and I had talked like adults before we had sex we might never have done it. 

“I spent a lot of time preparing to be a father when Vanessa was pregnant.  At first the idea freaked me out, but then I started looking forward to it.  I will probably be ready before you a
re, but I want to wait until both of us have graduated.  However, if it happens before, I want to have it, raise it, be a family, all of it.”  She kissed my cheek, “I agree.” 

“Good, because the idea of there not being anything between us is really exciting.”
I waggled my eyebrows at her and she playfully slapped my arm. If we didn’t leave this room we were going to get ourselves in trouble.  I loved it when she let her worries go and teased me. 

I stood
up and reached out for her hand. When she gave it to me I pulled her up.  “Let me take you to lunch.”