Tempting Sydney (28 page)

I left CARE and took She-Ra straight to Jax’s apartment.

I knocked on the door. No answer. I wondered if he was screening his visitors and just didn’t want to see me. Maybe I should have texted him or called before I came over, but after Charlie had told me about Jax’s brother, I couldn’t get to Jax’s apartment fast enough. My heart ached for him, and what he must have gone through.

I rang the doorbell this time, just in case he hadn’t heard the knock. It was several minutes before I heard footsteps padding toward the other side of the door. I waved and smiled so if he looked through the peephole, he’d see I wasn’t wearing combat gear. I heard the click of the deadbolt, and the door knob turned. I lifted my head to meet Jax’s eyes with my best smile possible, and my face fell.

Pretty blue eyes stared back at me, but they weren’t Jax’s. They were a woman’s—and I recognized her from the pizza place. It was Jax’s sister. She was as stunning as before, her hair pulled into a ponytail. She was wearing a red, cashmere sweater, and bootcut jeans. “Hi,” I said with some trepidation. “I’m looking for Jax.”

Her smile widened and her face lit up. “You’re Sydney! I’m so glad I finally have the chance to meet you!” She hugged me like we were old friends, and suddenly the awkwardness I’d felt when she opened the door fell away. “I’m Jax’s sister, Courtney. Jax has told me so much about you.”

I pushed my brows together. “He has? Recently? If so, you probably shouldn’t believe a word of it.”

She smiled again. “Yes. Recently. Jax is out right now, but you should come in. I’d like to talk.”

I stepped inside and she motioned for me to sit down on one of Jax’s leather couches. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize he had family in town.”

“I’ve been staying with him for a while. He’s had a rough couple of weeks.” She paused, taking in my face. “I imagine you have, too.”

I gave a tiny nod and looked down at my hands. I’d never met her before, and didn’t want my first discussion with her to be about my fight with her brother. I wanted her to have a better first impression of me than that.

“I was just pouring a cup of coffee. Do you want some?”

I perked up at that. “That would be great.”

She went to the kitchen and came back a few minutes later, handing me a steaming mug. “I put some milk and chocolate sauce in yours. Jax mentioned that’s how you take it.”

My eyes widened. “He talked to you about how I take my coffee?” Sheesh. Clearly they were close. What else had he told her? Images from our night in the hotel over Lake Powell flashed through my head. I shifted in the chair, uncomfortable. I hoped they weren’t
that
close.

“He’s told me a lot about you. More than any other girl he’s ever been with.” She sat on the couch across from me. “Actually, you’re the first real relationship he’s had in years.”

I took that information in. “It’s not much of a relationship at the moment.”

“Well,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee, “that’s because Jax needs to get his head out of his ass.”

It’s a good thing I hadn’t been drinking my coffee at the time, because I would have spit it across the room. I laughed out loud. “That was…unexpected. I thought you’d defend him.”

“Oh no,” she said, shaking her head. “I have a low tolerance for idiocy. And the way he acted was a prime example of stupid.”

I laughed again. “I like you.”

She grinned conspiratorially. “That’s good, because I like you, too.”

I wasn’t sure what to say next, and was happy I had the coffee to fill the silence.

Courtney crossed her legs on the couch and looked at me. “He told me what happened and that you broke up. I know he didn’t give you any details, or tell you why he reacted the way he did at the gas station. Instead, he let his past cloud his judgment and he pushed you away like he always does with people he loves. It was a dumbass move and he almost lost you over it.” She paused. “At least, I
hope
it’s still an almost. Please, give him the chance to explain. Between you and me, when you left, it destroyed him. I’ve only seen him this depressed one other time. He can’t lose you, Syd—and he knows it now. He needs you. And Jax doesn’t need anyone.”

I stared at her, completely stunned. Given how he’d acted and that he hadn’t tried to contact me for three weeks, I didn’t think he cared at all. I opened my mouth to ask for more details when I heard a tiny voice say, “Mommy?”

The adorable little blonde girl I’d seen at the pizza parlor with Courtney and Jax came stumbling down the hallway, rubbing her eyes. Her pink sweater had a dog on it, and her black pants had pink paw prints printed on one leg. Courtney stood, a huge smile on her face as she swung her daughter up into her arms. “Hey, baby! Did you have a good nap?”

She nodded, putting her head against Courtney’s chest.

“Do you want to meet a really good friend of Uncle Jax’s?” Courtney asked.

She lifted her head a little, eyeing me suspiciously. Finally she gave a tiny nod and Courtney said, “Paige, this is Sydney.”

I smiled and waved. “Hi, Paige.” I’d noticed toys on the table and saw some Disney princesses I recognized. “Is this Ariel?” I asked, holding up her doll. Paige nodded her head. “I always wanted hair just like hers. It’s so pretty!”

She smiled and jumped down from Courtney’s arms, coming over to me. “Want to help me brush it?” she asked, her expression full of innocence.

“Sure!”

She went to a box next to the coffee table and got a brush out, then came back and sat on the couch next to me as we combed Ariel’s hair together. As soon as she was done, she decided she wanted to watch a movie. Courtney took her back to the bedroom and put the movie on, then came out again.

“She’s a beautiful little girl,” I said.

Courtney smiled. “She’s the light of my life.”

“I can see why.”

“You’re good with her.”

I shrugged. “I work with a lot of kids at the place I volunteer at.”

She nodded, like that wasn’t a surprise. Jax must have told her about CARE, too. “Did Jax tell you about Paige’s dad?”

I took another sip of my coffee. “Not really. He just said he wished the guy was dead.”

Courtney frowned. “Well, that’s not very nice. We didn’t work out, but I got Paige from it, so I think it was worth the pain.”

I heard a lock click in the front door. Courtney glanced over at me as the door started to open.

Jax looked up as he stepped in the apartment, his gaze landing first on Courtney, and then on me. His eyes met mine and I held my breath. He looked like he was holding his, too. There were so many things unsaid between us, and it was like all of the words hovered in the air as we stared. I couldn’t read his expression. He wasn’t mad, or upset. In fact, he almost seemed…relieved. Our eye contact was broken by Paige’s voice yelling, “Uncle Jax! Uncle Jax!” She ran to him with her arms spread wide.

He smiled at her, scooping her easily into his arms. “Hey, Paigey-poo.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Eww. I’m not poo.”

“You’re not?” he asked, acting surprised.

She let out a high-pitched giggle. “Nooooo.”

Courtney stood up. “Paige, do you want to go get some ice cream?”

Her eyes lit up and she nodded her head vigorously.

“Go grab your coat, then.”

Courtney picked her purse up and put her own coat on, then helped Paige with hers. “It was nice to finally meet you in person, Syd. I hope to spend a lot more time with you.” She put her hand on Jax’s arm and held his eyes as they had some sort of wordless conversation. “We’ll be back later,” she said, taking Paige’s little hand and closing the door.

Jax dropped a bag on the floor and I realized he was wearing gym clothes—shorts and a sleeveless shirt. He looked like he’d put on even more muscle in the last three weeks. The gym must be his way of dealing with emotional issues—mine involved studying, and eating a lot of candy. Jax’s head was down, eyes on the floor. He ran a hand through his hair and slowly inched his eyes up to meet mine.

“Hi,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“Hey.”

I couldn’t read his expression, and wasn’t sure if he even wanted me there. “I didn’t mean to surprise you. I came over. To talk. Courtney was here and invited me in.”

He nodded. “I’m glad she did.”

I watched him closely. At first I thought he might be glad I was there, but now his face had gone back to a blank mask and I didn’t know what to think. “Are you glad? Really? Because you don’t seem like it.”

“And you’re an expert on how I seem?”

“I used to think so.”

He took a deep breath. “I’ve had a rough few weeks, Syd.”

“Do you think you’re the only one who’s had it rough?” I asked. “Do you know what I went through when you left? I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I cried for days, Jax.”

He pressed his lips together. “It wasn’t easy for me, either.”

I stared at him, furious that he wasn’t even acknowledging what he’d done, or how he’d hurt me. It was all about him. “Oh, it wasn’t? It was just so freaking hard to pick up the phone and say, ‘Sorry, Syd. The guy on the trip made me fall back into old habits and shut you out. I’m trying to deal with it all, but I’m going through a lot of shit. I need some time to figure out how to talk to you, but when I do, I want you in my life. Wait for me’.”

A muscle worked in his jaw. “It’s not that easy. And I’d never ask you to wait for me. That’s asking too much.”

“Too much what? Too much emotion? Too much commitment? Because that’s what relationships are. Intimacy, commitment, emotion.
Love
. It’s being there for each other, especially during the times that are so shitty you feel like it would be easier to have your heart torn from your chest. I could have been there for you, but you didn’t even give me a chance.”

He shook his head. “It was stuff that didn’t concern you. Stuff from my past that you shouldn’t have had to deal with at all.”

My heart was pounding through my chest; I was furious. “That’s not how relationships work, Jax. I would have been there. I
wanted
to be there for you. Everyone has issues. Everyone has baggage. You go into a relationship knowing those things will come up, and willing to work on them because you care enough about the person to take on the hard stuff.”

He snorted. “After your ultimatum, I don’t think that would have been the case.”

I shook my head, even more pissed. “It wasn’t an ultimatum. I was just trying to understand where we stood. What I meant to you. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted you to talk to me. You didn’t even try.”

He put his hands on his hips, pacing from one side of the room to the other. “Do you think it was easy for me? You were the one person I wanted by my side. The one person I thought understood me. The one person I’d let in. But by the time I was ready to talk, you’d already decided you couldn’t be with me. It was too late.”

I shook my head. “That’s been your problem all along. You keep your emotions at bay instead of dealing with them. I just wanted you to tell me when, or even if, you’d be ready to talk. If you had, there wouldn’t have been a problem. I would have been there for you, Jax. And it was a douchebag move not to let me.”

His eyes latched on mine, and for the first time, I finally felt like he’d
really
heard me. He stopped pacing and moved closer. “You’re right. It was. And I’m sorry, Syd. We’ve been through a lot together, and we’ve been through a lot in the last few weeks. But now you’re here, and I’m not willing to let you walk out of my life again.” He closed the distance between us. “If you want me, you have me. And this time, I won’t hold back. I’ll give you everything I’ve got.” He sat down next to me, grabbed me around the waist, and pulled me close. “I’m yours, and I always will be.”

Blood pounded through my veins like liquid heat as he crushed his lips into mine, pushing his way into my mouth with his tongue. My need for him was raw, intense, and primal. I grabbed at his hair, my fingernails scraping over his back, pulling at his shirt. The kiss deepened even more, and I’d never wanted him more than I did in that moment. I couldn’t get enough of him. I’d never be able to get enough. I stayed lost in the kiss, in the earthy scent of him. But a nagging in the back of my mind made me slow the kiss down. I needed questions answered and having sex on his living room floor wasn’t going to get me those answers. I broke away and scooted back, breathing hard. I smoothed down my hair and licked my lips, still holding his eyes. “Did you miss me, Jax?”

A muscle worked in his jaw and he was breathing as hard as I was. “Every damn day.”

“I was at CARE today,” I watched as realization flashed through Jax’s eyes. “Charlie told me he’d been trying to figure out where he knew you from, but couldn’t place you. He finally figured it out. He told me about your brother, Jax.”

Jax face fell as he scrubbed his chin. He reached down and took my hand, then pulled me closer on the couch. He was silent for a long time as he stared down at the carpet. Whatever he had to tell me had been a defining moment in Jax’s life, and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to relive. I rubbed his hand, letting him know I’d be here for him—whenever he was ready.