Damn it!
Nitara.
He needed to have her.
Needed
to.
Damn this place. Damn this girl. Damn his own body.
Nitara.
His fondest wish. His worst nightmare.
It was morning. Nitara stood on the small terrace on the edge of the mountain, overlooking the City of Kroy Wen, the seemingly endless maze of adobe structures punctuating the flat, dusty earth. The terrace was, by custom, curtained, keeping the Breeders out of sight of the citizens. But the girls often peeked through, looking at the city, at the men who walked or rode the rare horses in and out of the tall gates.
Nitara had often been curious as to what the city looked like up close, what went on there. She’d heard talk of the simple matters of life, knew the men lived in the sprawling adobe buildings, that they slept there, had places where they went to eat, to trade: weapons, furs, meat and fish. But she couldn’t begin to comprehend what else went on there, what their lives were like. All she had was this tiny glimpse of them walking, riding, fighting.
The fighting, which often ended in injury or death, was the most interesting. There was nothing like it within the Temple. Except for the blood shed during a Sacrifice, but that was a sacred ritual.
Was it really any different?
She felt momentarily stunned. Then immediately remorseful. She had spent far too much time questioning the ways of the Goddess recently.
Akaash had only made that worse, raising questions and doubts in her mind. Making her yearn for things she could never have.
He had talked to her of love. A kind of love that seemed alien to her, strange. Utterly desirable.
Especially when she thought of him.
Akaash.
She must stop thinking of him this way, in any way beyond physical desire.
She raised her gaze to the hot yellow sky. Clouds hung heavy in the air. There were rumors of rain, which was rare. But because something was rare didn’t mean it could never happen.
She wanted to know more about love. She had no one but Akaash to ask.
It was time to go to him. She wanted to. But she was afraid. Afraid of what he made her think, made her feel. But she couldn’t stay away.
She made her way down and down, into the bowels of the Temple, to the dark and womb-like Sanctuary. She paused outside the door of the chamber, her pulse a heavy thud in her temples, her sex.
She had to see him. Talk to him. But she must learn to steel herself against her own traitorous thoughts.
He was sitting on the bare floor, as usual, his strong arms held by the chains. His golden skin and dark hair were damp, letting her know the guards had been there this morning, bathing him. She could see tiny droplets of water beaded on the tips of the long, narrow braids in his dark hair, shimmering in the torchlight. She didn’t know why this touched her. Perhaps because it made him seem human to her—the need to be bathed. Or perhaps it was simply the small sensual thrill at the sight of his wet skin.
She wanted to reach out and touch him, to rub the water into his flesh…
“Nitara. Good morning. Or good evening, I don’t know which.”
She sighed. “You are not supposed to.”
“Yes, I know.”
He sounded resigned today. Almost defeated. She stepped closer to the cage.
“You are not yourself today, Akaash.”
“Ah, it’s morning, then.” He waited, his brows raised, but she could not answer. “Never mind. It’s not important. I’m glad to see you.”
“Are you?”
Her pulse sped, heated.
He nodded, his watchful gaze on her.
“I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t care.”
“Neither should I,” she said, her voice a low whisper. She moved closer, laid her palms on the rough iron bars. “I should not be talking with you. I should not know you. I should only desire you, and make you desire me, so that on the day of my Sacrifice we are brought together in irresistible need. But I do know you, or at least part of you.”
“And?”
Her chest went tight, as though a heavy weight rested there, pressing her down into the hard, cool earth. “And I don’t know how I will do this. Sacrifice you to the Goddess.”
He remained silent, but his chest rose and fell with ragged breath.
“Akaash…” Her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know how I will fulfill my duty to the Goddess. Yet not to do so would mean my death, as well as yours.”
He said quietly, “I don’t want you to die for me.”
“How can you say that? How can you care for me at all, after what has been done to you by the Temple?”
“Because you understand this is wrong.”
She nodded, the tears pouring down her cheeks.
“What will you do, Nitara?”
“What can I do but obey the laws of the Temple, handed down by the Goddess herself, to ensure the continuation of the human race? My responsibilities are…enormous. But I don’t want them.” She wiped her tears with an angry hand. “I’ve always had doubts. Ever since my mother was taken from me there have been questions in my mind. And recently, it seems as if the Goddess herself is sending messages to me…but it is sacrilege to even think so.”
“I’d comfort you if I could, Nitara.”
His face was soft with sympathy.
“Akaash,” she said, his name coming out on a sob. “I would not see you dead. Tell me what to do.”
He leaned toward her, as much as his chains would allow. “Tell me, is there anyone within the temple you can trust utterly?”
“My sister, Leilin. And my twin brother, Nikkan.”
“Twin?”
“He is the guard who brought me to you the first time.”
“The guards have more freedom than the breeder girls, I would think.”
“Yes, although he is a eunuch, so he remains always in the temple, unlike the Sun Guards, who accompany the priestesses into the city. Why?”
“Can he get a message to anyone outside of the temple?”
“I don’t know. But I’ll find out. Tell me what I will do if he can?”
“I must try to get a message to Dhatri. To the people of my clan. Even shamed as I am, they may help me to escape.”
“None have ever escaped, that I know of.”
“I must try. Will you help me, Nitara?”
“Yes.”
She was damned in even considering this. She didn’t know how the Goddess, or worse, the angry God of the Sun, might punish her. But she had to try.
“Akaash, if you cannot escape, you will die at my hand. There is no other way. Unless I refuse…”
“And then your people will kill you before they take my life.”
She nodded. The tears were burning in her eyes once more.
“Nitara, if I must die, let it be at your hand. Let me touch you first.”
His own eyes were bright with emotion. She reached through the bars, her finger stroking his cheek, and he held perfectly still. Then he turned his head and laid a soft kiss on her fingertips.
A jolt of need, desire and emotion rocked her body, her mind. Her heart.
“I will try my best, Akaash.”
He nodded.
“Do something for me now, Nitara.”
“I will do whatever you ask.”
“Give me your pleasure.”
She smiled, light filling her heart. He wanted from her the one thing she was able to give.
She stripped her robe off and stood close to the iron bars. His gaze was hungry as she stroked her palms over her belly, her thighs, her breasts.
“Yes, draw out your nipples as I would with my tongue, could I reach you. Ah, beautiful. I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful, Nitara.”
She shivered, holding the hardening flesh of her nipples between her fingers, stroking, pulling on them. Pleasure suffused her. Her clitoris grew hard, needy. The anticipation of awaiting his instruction was strange and thrilling.
“Tell me what you want, Akaash.”
“Part your thighs for me so that I can see your lovely cunt. So pink…I can see how wet you are. I need to taste you again, Nitara.”
She slipped her fingers into her slick juices. She was shaking with need as she held a trembling hand between the bars that separated them, held her damp fingers to his lips, as she had done before. He leaned forward, took her fingers between his lush lips, and sucked.
“Ah, Akaash…”
Pleasure was like the sun, burning into her skin, arcing through her body.
He let her fingers go, but she couldn’t pull away. Instead, she explored the contours of his face, tracing over his mouth, his beard-stubbled chin, finding a long scar on his cheek. It only made him more beautiful, somehow, that he had survived hardship.
He turned his face and kissed her fingers as he had done before, lingering kisses, his lips soft on her skin. She turned her hand over, and he pressed his mouth to her palm. Her heart fluttered in her chest.
She felt stunned by his touch. Immobilized.
“Nitara,” he whispered, his breath warm on her palm. “Come for me.”
It was only then, at his instruction, that she was able to pull away from him, but only far enough that he could watch her.
She spread her legs and slipped one hand between them, her fingers feathering over her hard clit. She was hot all over, sweat dampening her skin. His gaze on her was purely erotic, as was the cool air on her skin, her own long hair brushing her spine. She began to rub, circling her clitoris with her fingertips.
“Beautiful, Nitara. Show me what brings you pleasure. Show me exactly how to please you.”
She raised her free hand to her breast and caressed the full flesh, pinching the nipple lightly.
“A little pain mixes well with pleasure. The contrast of hard and soft. I know it well.” His voice was ragged with desire. He was up on his knees now, his hips arching into the air. His engorged cock was clearly outlined beneath the thin layer of fabric. “I would touch you the same way. And I would have you touch me. I would have you touch me now…”
“It is forbidden,” she said, watching him, still stroking her swollen cleft.
“Yes…” His dark gaze was burning. “Do it, anyway.”
She pressed against the bars, one hand still working between her thighs. And with the other she reached through and touched her fingertips to his loincloth.
“Ah, Nitara…”
His eyes closed momentarily. Then they were on her again, burning hotter than ever.
She traced the outline of his cock through the fabric, and he moaned. She wet her lips with her tongue as she moved it aside and looked at his solid shaft, the head swollen and purple, making her mouth water.
“I’ve never seen this before. I have seen drawings from the sacred texts, the clay phallus used to train me. But never did I imagine it to be so…beautiful.”
He smiled. “I’m glad you find it so.”
“I want to touch it…”
“Yes.”
She wrapped her fingers around his cock, and it was hard as the iron bars that stood between them. But the flesh was soft, softer than her own. She began to stroke, pausing to cup his balls, then stroking again.
“Nitara…” His voice was a hard gasp. “I can’t take this for long. Not after you’ve tortured me with your body all these days. But I want you to come with me.”
“Yes, Akaash.”
She worked her clit with her fingers, pressing, pinching, pleasure a strong, steady rhythm in her blood. One she kept time with in stroking his cock. He grew even harder, his hips pumping. Her own were thrusting in time, into her hand. Her legs grew weak, and she rested her weight against the bars, the cold iron a strange and lovely contrast against her aching breasts, the flesh of her belly.
They were moaning together, panting. She had never imagined the power of sex between a man and a woman, so different from her training with Xian. Akaash was more primal, more purely sexual—his body, his scent.
Finally it was too much for her. Her body clenched, pleasure pouring through her in a hot tide, heavy and thick. She shook with the force of her climax, her mind going blank of everything but her pleasure, and his, as he arched into her fisted hand.
“Ah, Nitara…”
He pumped hard, and she felt the heat and the wet of his come flow into her palm. She was still shivering with her own climax as he came. She felt as if they were oddly connected. One orgasm. One overpowering sensation.
“Akaash…”
She fell against the bars, her hand slipping from his softening cock.
She was weak all over. And afraid.
What had she done? Surely the Goddess would punish them both. But at this moment, it seemed worth any punishment.
“Nitara.” He had settled back on his knees. His face was so beautiful, she could barely stand to look at him. But she couldn’t draw her gaze away. “Stay with me. How long can you stay?”
“Another hour or more. I don’t want to go.”
She reached for him again, taking his hand. He squeezed her fingers in his. His skin was rough. Warm.
“I cannot bear to leave you,” she told him. “I cannot bear that you will die.”
“We must find a way for me to escape. And you must come with me.”
“What? Leave the Temple?”
Her heart thumped, fear rising, threatening to choke her. But just as frightening was the idea of never seeing him again.
“Will you do it? Come with me, if we can find a way? Will you stay with me, Nitara? Live with me in the Wasteland?”
His gaze was steady on hers, his hand gripping until it hurt.
She knew she could not let him go without her.
“Yes,” she whispered, knowing she was damned either way. She would lose everything that was familiar to her. Or she would lose him. Perhaps both. And perhaps even her life in the process. But she would do it. “Yes,” she said again, her voice stronger this time. “If we can find a way, I will come with you.”
Chapter Four
Akaash watched the doorway for a long time after Nitara left. His body was still humming with pleasure, his mind whirling with possibilities.
Would escape truly be an option? He knew Nitara would do whatever she could. He felt in his gut that she would be true to her word. If he did manage to get out of this alive, she would go with him.
He couldn’t think any further than that. He understood too much depended on her siblings’ willingness to help. And that if either of them were more loyal to the temple than to their sister, it could mean death for both him and Nitara.
The idea of his own death didn’t scare him. Death was part of the cycle of human existence, something a warrior and hunter faced every day. But he couldn’t bear to think of anything happening to her.
His body yearned for her, his cock hard again already. But his heart yearned just as much.
This girl had touched him deeply. Her innocence. Her sweetness. Her sincerity. His feelings for her were different than what he felt for Dhatri, his partner of ten years. His love for Dhatri was deep and abiding, strong with history. What he felt for Nitara was a sort of tenderness he’d never felt with a man. More tenuous, being new. But powerful.
Maybe something in him responded to her femininity. The female Wanderers were different from the women of the temple. They were as fierce as the men, with none of Nitara’s softness. She was like some ethereal creature. And her blatant sexuality combined with her innate sweetness was devastating.
His cock rose, hardened even more. He was certain that even without the drugs he wouldn’t be able to get enough of her.
Footsteps in the outer hall had him on the alert, and he sat up, but relaxed as he saw Nitara enter. A guard was with her, and he had one tense moment, wondering if they had been overheard earlier. But he saw immediately that it was her twin brother.
“Akaash, this is Nikkan.”
He could see the resemblance in their pale green eyes, curving cheekbones and fair skin. Nikkan’s hair was a shade darker, but they had the same mouth, the same solemn expression.
Nikkan’s voice was soft, youthful. “My sister has told me of your plans. I want to help.”
Akaash bowed his head in gratitude. “I know this puts you at great risk, Nikkan.”
He shrugged, the casual motion at odds with his serious expression. “My life is nothing but service to the Temple, and will never be more. To give my sister the opportunity to have some choice in her path will be worth the risk. We’ll also speak to our older sister, Leilin. She will be willing to help in any way she can. Tell me what I must do.”
Akaash leaned forward, keeping his voice low. “Can you get a message into the city?”
Nikkan nodded. “One of the Sun Guards, Hel, is a loyal friend. He goes there regularly.”
“A note must be delivered to a trader I know there. He’ll get a message to my clan, and to my bonded partner, Dhatri. This is how you’ll find him.”
They spent the next hour making plans, then Nikkan left Akaash alone with Nitara. Her face was tense with strain, her hands wringing.
“Is this too much for you, Nitara? It’s a lot to ask, I know.”
“It’s frightening. I understand what the cost may be, if we’re unsuccessful. To us both, and to Nikkan and Leilin, if their involvement is discovered. I feel selfish, asking them to do this for me. Except that it is for you, regardless of what happens to me. I cannot accept your life being taken, even in service to the Goddess. It seems…cruel. Unnecessary.”
“The citizens thirst for blood as much as they do for sex. The rituals of your temple give them these things. It helps to keep them under control.”
“I’d never thought of it that way before.”
“You’ve been taught to exist on blind faith.”
“Yes. I’ve always thought there was something lacking in me that I questioned our ways. But do the people of the Wanderer clans live without questioning their god and goddess?”
“We’re an independent people.” He grinned. “And we love nothing more than a good argument.”
She smiled, and some of the tension he’d been holding in his neck and shoulders eased.
“You’re beautiful, Nitara.”
She knelt before the iron bars, reaching for him and grasping his hand. “So are you.”
That made him smile. “I’ve never thought of what I look like. Dhatri seems pleased enough with me. So have the other lovers we’ve taken, separately and together.”
“I hadn’t thought to ask…but Akaash, if we manage to leave this place, to go into the Wasteland, back to your lover, what will happen?”
“I can’t say for certain. You’ll be unusual to our people. Rare. Desirable. Dhatri will find you beautiful. Among the Wanderers, we take lovers as we choose. Dhatri and I are bonded, which means we live together, sleep together. But we take other lovers, male and female.”
“You said separately and together...”
“It does nothing to change our bond.”
“So…” Nitara bit her lip. “Does that mean that I would be with you, and with him?”
“That will be up to you. And to him.”
Her green eyes were enormous, pleading. “But I will not be separated from you?”
His fingers tightened around hers. “Not unless you wish it. There may be another of my clan you find more attractive.”
“Never!”
He laughed. “You haven’t seen them yet.”
“And I may never.”
“That’s true. How long do we have, Nitara? I have no sense of time in this place.”
“You’ve been here for sixteen days. There are two weeks remaining until my Taming Moon is over, and it is time for my Sacrifice.”
“Why is it called the Taming Moon?” Akaash asked.
“Our Goddess is the Loving Moon, our God the Angry Sun. The female spirit can tame the wildness, the hunger and anger of the male, through seduction. It is only through Her love that the God’s anger can be tamed, allowing human life to flourish on the earth once more. This month, the period of one moon, is to be used to tame the Sacrifice, so they will be calm and accepting for the ritual.”
He stroked the back of her hand with his fingers. Her skin was warm. His cock was hard again. It had been since the moment she’d walked into the room, and nearly every moment she’d been absent. But it was pulsing with need now.
“Tame me once more, Nitara.”
She smiled, let his hand go and stood to let her robe slip from her shoulders and flutter to the floor. She stood before him, all lush breasts and full hips, her skin flushed and glowing in the amber light of the torch.
“Akaash, I cannot wait to feel your hands on my body. On my breasts. On my thighs. And between them.”
Her hand lowered, caressed her naked sex.
“Ah, you torture me, Nitara.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No. Never.”
She kept her gaze on his and rubbed the swollen nub of her clitoris. Soon her hips were arching, her breath coming in gasping pants. His cock was a hammering pulse, heavy with desire.
“Nitara…make yourself come. For me.”
“Yes, for you, Akaash.”
She rubbed her fingers over the lips of her sex, the moisture glistening in the dim light. He was dying to touch her, to taste her skin.
“I wish it were my hand there, Nitara. My mouth. My cock. I need you…”
She dropped to her knees, reached through the bars and took his cock in her small hand once more. Pleasure arrowed deep into his belly.
“I will come inside your beautiful body some day, Nitara,” he murmured.
“Yes, Akaash.”
Her hands were working her clit, his cock. They knelt almost hip to hip, on either side of the iron bars. If only the damn chains had a little more give, so that he could touch her, feel her body against his… But there was something about being bound in this way, the heavy weight of the chains holding him down, that was erotic to him. Knowing he couldn’t move, that he was helpless against her touch…
She tightened her fist, and he could imagine it was the tight clench of her cunt.
“Ah, Nitara…”
“Akaash!”
Her hips arched, her hands pumping on his cock, between her thighs. He saw her body tense, small sobs escaping her lovely pink lips as she came. And his cock swelled, driving into her hand as he climaxed, groaning.
She kept her hand on him for a long time as they both caught their breath. Her eyes were half-lidded, the green a glimmer from beneath her long lashes.
“I should go,” she whispered.
“I know.”
She picked up her discarded robe, slipped it on. “I will be back in the night.”
He nodded. “I’ll look forward to it.”
She smiled, then she was gone. He was alone in the half-dark once more, contemplating his future, his death, his feelings for Nitara. They were all entwined, somehow, and he had no idea what the end might be. But he had a chance. At life. A life with her. That would have to be enough to comfort him for now.
It had been twelve days since Nikkan had sent the message into the city. Nitara waited to hear the outcome. With hope. With fear. They could be discovered, betrayed, at any moment. The only thing that saved her from going mad was her time with Akaash.
They came together in the only way they could, and when they were worn from climax after climax, they talked. Akaash told her of the life of the Wanderers. It was a hard life, a challenging one. But they were free of the strictures of the Temple, of the city and the council. Free to live as they chose, to love as they chose.
She loved him.
Akaash.
She’d known for a while. Perhaps even since he had first spoken to her of love. He was her first thought when she woke. He was in her dreams each night. His scent, his voice, had become a part of her. She lived now between her visits to him only to be with him again.
Nitara sat on her bed, combing her hair, waiting for nightfall. Her body hummed with yearning, her heart, her mind, filled with nothing but him.
“Nitara.”
It was Nikkan. He came quickly into the room.
“I have heard from Hel, Xian’s Sun Guard. The message has been delivered.”
Her heart was a hammer in her chest. “We have only a few days before my Sacrifice.”
“It was delivered some days ago. I have just received confirmation.”
“Then there is nothing more we can do.”
“Little Sister, I’ll help in any way I can. I’ll be in the Temple that day to create a distraction as we discussed with Akaash.”
“It will take more than one person, Nikkan. What can you do alone?”
“I have already asked Leilin to come here.”
“We put her at risk.”
“She’ll take it willingly.”
“I will, Sister.” Leilin walked in, took Nitara in her arms.
Nitara’s eyes pooled with tears. “It is much to ask of you both.”
“There is nothing too great to ask of those you love. Are we not asked to give our bodies, our lives, to the Goddess because we love her? Should we not do as much for those people we love?”
“It feels right. But it seems counter to what we’re taught. Our service to the Goddess is supposed to come first. And if you believe in those tenets, how can you be willing to help me now?”
Leilin pulled back to look at her. “Because ever since our mother was taken from us, I’ve questioned the ways and the rituals. Little Sister, we are born under a curse,” she whispered harshly. “We cannot serve the Goddess, faith strong in our hearts, allowing us to do what we must without pain. We’re born doubting. Our mother prayed we’d be stronger than she was, that we wouldn’t share her same fate. She cursed herself for having brought this on her children. For leaving us. For Nikkan’s fate. I’ve spent my life fighting it. I bit back the tears at my Sacrifice, as I brought the knife down, into the chest of the man who lost his life in the name of the Goddess.
“I gave our people twelve children. I did it for the Goddess. But also because our mother asked that I watch over you. I would wish something more for you. This is your chance. If you can have a life, it will be worth whatever I have to give up in order for that to happen.”
“And for me, as well,” Nikkan said. “I have an idea… I’ll need Leilin’s help. If it works, it will get you and Akaash out of the temple.”
“I will never see either of you again.” The tears spilled, hot on her cheeks.
Leilin stroked her hair. “Live for us, Nitara. You’re the only one of us with any hope of that.”
She nodded, embraced Leilin. Nikkan’s hand was on her shoulder, firm and reassuring.
If only she could be sure that this would work. She had nothing to rely on but the efforts of a handful of idealistic humans against the Goddess herself.
It was sacrilege. It left her with no familiar ritual, no Goddess to pray to. Her altar was nothing now but a statue made with human hands, an empty bowl. Her religion, her very perception of who and what she was, was shattered. If she made it out of the Temple alive, she would have nothing to hang on to but Akaash.
But she loved him. And he would be enough.
The morning of Nitara’s Sacrifice began before dawn. Leilin came to wake her, accompanied by the Crone, Meidra, as well as several of her Breeder sisters—Seti, Tilan and Fareen. They took her, naked, from her bed, down into the bowels of the Temple.
Today is the day my fate is decided. And Akaash’s, as well.
Her pulse was racing. It was all she could do to draw a breath, and even then it was shallow, uneven.
She had never gone so deep before, until the smoothly polished hallways ended and turned into close tunnels of rough-hewn rock. It was cold, the air smelling of molding stone and water.
They followed the tunnel until it let them out into a large cavern lit by torches. In the center was a small, still pool. The damp scent was stronger, and when Meidra lit a bundle of dried sage, the smoke mixed with it, making Nitara dizzy. Or maybe it was the feelings of dread and hope, battling within her heart.
Akaash.
Today could mean freedom for them both. Or their deaths. And she could not even pray.
Meidra came to stand before her, a bowl of dark mud in her hands.
“Today you become a woman,” the Crone said, her voice rough with age. She dipped her fingers into the bowl and smeared the mud on Nitara’s forehead. “Today you begin your true service to the Goddess.” She dipped her fingers again, and pressed the cool mud to Nitara’s breasts. “Today you open your body to mankind, so that you may give back to the earth what was lost.”