Heaven!
“WE MUST GO,” he whispered against her ear. “Sweet Ji Yue, I am sorry, but we must hurry.”
She blinked. Shimmering delight still suffused her body—their bodies—since they were still joined. He gently raised her off him, and she moaned. She liked the way he cradled her in his arms. And she loved the fullness of him inside her. She noted regret in his eyes, but it did not stop him from gently setting her aside. With faster and faster motions, he pulled off his tunic and undergarment. Then his biceps bulged as he tore a strip from the cotton shirt.
“This was not the way to do it,” he murmured. “I would have laid you in silk and covered you in perfumes.” He glanced at her, the apology clear in his eyes. “But you are so beautiful, and you took me by surprise.” He dropped a quick kiss on her lips. “I could not stop myself.”
With tender movements, he used his torn strip to clean her lower body. And when he lifted the cloth away, she saw the dark stain of blood. Tilting her head, she peered closer. The lantern light was dim, but the truth was horribly clear.
“I—” she gasped “—I am…”
He quickly wadded up the cloth and made to throw it away. But then he stopped and stared down at it. “I need to burn this,” he said softly.
“I am not…” she said again, her mind replaying what she had done and said. What had she done? He had felt so wonderful, and she had been swept away on her own fantasy.
“I am sorry, my sweet, but we have to go. The doctor will be here soon.”
Ji Yue pulled her legs together and curled her feet beneath her. What had they done?
He finished dressing, then he dropped to his knees before her. He held her hands and gazed into her face. She focused on him. She saw the dark center of his eyes and the loving curves of his cheeks. Even the length of his nose was beautiful.
“Listen to me, please. I have made reservations for us. There is a boat that will take us away at first light, but we cannot be caught here. Not now…” He glanced ruefully at the blood-stained cloth on the pallet. “I was so afraid for you, Ji Yue. I did not think, and then you were here, so willing in my arms. This was not smartly done, but—” he shrugged “—it is done. We must leave.”
“I am no longer a virgin!” she cried. “I have shamed myself and my family!”
He stilled. She did not think he breathed. She didn’t care. She was still reeling from what she only now began to understand.
“You planned this! You want us to run away from here! You planned all of this!”
He shook his head. “Not like this. Not now. I thought to talk to you.” He frowned. “We did talk! You chose me!”
“I did,” she whispered, but she hadn’t thought clearly. “I wanted you. I love you! But…” A tear fell on her hand and she realized that she was crying. “My mother will commit suicide in shame!”
His face was pale, his jaw tense. “Ji Yue…” he began, but there were no words. Not now with her heart pounding and her mind reeling.
The thud of footsteps sounded outside. Bo Tao could do no more than stand, before the door was pushed open and the women’s doctor stomped inside. Her gait was weary and her shoulders sagged, but her gaze was sharp as she looked from Bo Tao to JiYue and then to the wadded, bloody cloth. With a grimace, she spun and pushed the door shut. When she turned back to Bo Tao, her mouth was pressed into a thin tight line.
“It was not her fault,” he said.
The doctor rolled her eyes. “In China, it is always the woman’s fault.” She grimaced. “And now she will be killed.”
“I came as quickly as I could,” he said. “I spent the day in the city and didn’t hear about the party until too late.”
She bustled forward, coming to sit before Ji Yue, but her words remained for Bo Tao. “Nine virgins, Bo Tao. How could this happen?”
“Because the eunuchs are corrupt,” he snapped. “I kill the Dutch who bring in bribes of opium, then not one day later Han Du Yu brings in a case to bribe the head eunuch. With the emperor away this night to dine with General Li, it was the perfect opportunity.” How stupid he had been not to guess that something like this could happen!
“Can you prove it?” the physician asked.
He shook his head. “Not yet. I merely guess. But it does not matter, does it?” He rubbed a hand over his face, his gaze on Ji Yue. Was there a way to save her life? The punishment for the loss of virginity was death. It did not matter the cause or who was at fault, her honor was gone. She would have to commit suicide even if someone else pushed her neck into the noose that hung her.
The physician cursed under her breath. “How did you hear of it then? Duan Xu usually covers his tracks better.”
Bo Tao had set a spy on Ji Yue, a eunuch he trusted to watch her every movement when he was not there. Unfortunately, the coward had been too afraid to interfere against the two most powerful eunuchs in the Forbidden City.
“It was well planned by more than just Duan Xu.”
Ji Yue shifted, her words a near whisper. “The head eunuch was there. He pushed us through the secret door.”
Bo Tao grimaced, his fears confirmed. “He and the dowager consort are thick as thieves. They likely chose the girls together. They picked the ones they wanted disgraced.”
“Bitch,” the doctor said under her breath. “There was no need to do such a thing.”
Ji Yue abruptly pushed up on the pallet. Her gaze remained panicked, but at least her body seemed composed. “How are the other girls?”
“Hysterical,” the doctor answered. “They all know their chances have been ruined.” She glanced at Bo Tao. “And there will be much blame attached to you. You are master of the festival. He could order—”
“I know.” Bo Tao could be killed for failing to protect the virgins under his care. “I should have been here. I should have watched things more closely.”
The doctor sighed as she pushed Ji Yue gently back onto the bed. “Come, come. Let me see—”
“No,” interrupted Bo Tao firmly. “You have examined her. She is like the others—high on opium, terrified, but not damaged.”
The doctor stopped with her hand on JiYue’s knee. “And if she is bleeding inside? Would you have her die in her sleep?”
That, at least, was one worry he could put to rest. “It was not that bad,” he said softly.
The doctor’s eyes narrowed on Bo Tao. She had known him from his youngest days. She had been at his birth and watched him run wild with Yi Zhen throughout the Forbidden City. She knew him, perhaps, even better than his own mother.
“She might escape death,” she said softly. “Perhaps a mercy marriage to someone else might be allowed.”
“No!” JiYue breathed. “The shame would be known by all. My father. My brothers!” She swallowed and gripped the woman’s hands, drawing the doctor’s attention back to her. “My family is…is not as wealthy as it might seem. A disgraced virgin would put an end to any work for my father as an imperial scholar.” She shook her head. “My brothers’ education, my mother’s food, my father’s livelihood—they all depend upon our connection to the Forbidden City. If I were to disgrace myself…” Her eyes shifted to Bo Tao. “There are other scholars anxious to take my father’s place. Others who do not have my taint.”
Her stricken expression was like a blow to Bo Tao’s gut. “Ji Yue,” he began, but she shook her head.
“My immorality will follow my whole family.”
She wasn’t referring to simply being thrown out of the Forbidden City. She was referring to his plan to run away, to escape and live with him in love.
Ji Yue looked down at her hands. “I cannot take my own happiness over the lives of my family. I simply cannot.”
Her words were a death knell to his hopes and dreams. Then the doctor made it worse. “What if the emperor demands honor suicides from all of you?” she asked. “What good will that do when the eunuchs come with rope and tie your neck to a beam?”
Bo Tao saw the shudder course through Ji Yue’s body. He took a step forward, wanting to soothe her fears, wanting to promise that nothing like that would happen to her. But he couldn’t. In truth, the soldiers might even now be searching for him. His neck was by no means safe. After all, he was master of the festival, and he had allowed nine virgins to be ruined.
“Think, Ji Yue,” he said to her. “Think of all the possibilities.” He willed her to look into his eyes. He silently urged her to remember what he offered—a ship ready to take them away, an escape for the two of them. To his delight, she did lift her head, she did meet his gaze, and he believed she understood what he offered.
But in the end, she turned away. “My heart goes one way, and if it were only me, I would gladly follow it. But the moment I stepped inside the Forbidden City, I chose family over my happiness. I will not dishonor my family now.” Her voice was dull, but he heard the steel beneath it. She would not hurt her family, which made her more honorable than him.
“Do you know what you risk?” His voice broke on the last word. Even if she escaped this disaster, even if she was allowed to remain without committing suicide, she had clearly made an enemy of the dowager consort and the head eunuch. Her life would be a misery. And his life would be a misery watching her. Heedless of the doctor beside him, he dropped to his knees before Ji Yue. “You would do this for your family’s honor?”
“I do not blame you,” she said. Then she stiffened her spine. “If something happens to me, will you see that my family has work?” He understood the unspoken message. If they were to run away together, there would be no one here to see that her family did not suffer any consequences.
“Of course, but—”
She looked at the doctor. “There are ways, are there not? To prevent pregnancy? And to fake virginity?”
The doctor grimaced. “It will be hard to fool the emperor. You will not be his first virgin.”
She shrugged. “If it comes to that, I will already be his wife. It would shame him as much as me.”
Bo Tao almost snorted. “Do not count on Yi Zhen thinking that way.”
Her eyes met his. “But you will still be here to assure—”
“Yes, yes,” he snapped. “I will look after your father. But you, Ji Yue…” He bit his lip. “Does your life mean nothing?”
She reached out and touched his cheek, the stroke so tender, so exquisite that he shuddered at the beauty of it. “A woman’s life is to bring beauty and honor to her family and her husband. We have no honor or purpose beyond that. You know this as well as I do.”
He knew. All the love stories in China ended with death. It was the only way to preserve honor. “You are smart, Ji Yue. Surely you can think of another way.”
She shook her head. “I am an imperial virgin. Even in the lowest harem, I will bring honor and prosperity to my family. That was why I came to the Forbidden City in the first place.” Her gaze sharpened on the doctor. “I am an imperial virgin, aren’t I?”
The doctor sighed and glanced at Bo Tao. He gave a barely perceptible nod in confirmation. He would give the physician an excellent bribe for her part in faking Ji Yue’s virginity.
“Yes,” the doctor said with a crisp assurance. “But you should rest all day tomorrow to recover. As I have already examined you, you will not need to do so again with the other virgins.” Then she glanced sharply at Bo Tao. “Provided, of course, that the emperor does not demand—”
“He will not. The only dishonor is on the traitors who created the party in the first place.” He pushed to his feet. He had to do what he could to mitigate the disaster and to be sure that the blame fell where it belonged. “I must go.” He looked down with great regret at Ji Yue. “I will make sure that your honor and your family’s status are not harmed.” He said it as a vow and silently prayed that he could keep his promise.
Ji Yue nodded in gratitude.
“Stay and care for her, please,” he said to the physician. Then he looked one last time into Ji Yue’s eyes. She had made her choice, and he could not fault her for it. She had chosen honor over love, her family over herself. With a bow of greatest respect, he turned and left.
It was time to face an emperor’s wrath.
No one left, of course. They all knew it was a lie. And no one dared say that it had been the head eunuch who had met them at the door to the palace and who had directed them inside. In such a way, the virgins hoped to buy favor with the evil man.
The dowager consort visited later that day. She went from room to room, a sly smile on her face as she praised their new quarters. It was to become the home for the lowest harem. She spent the most time in Ji Yue’s bedroom. She complimented Ji Yue’s bravery and confided that the man she had gripped was permanently maimed. Then she remarked on how wonderful it was that her son was so open-minded as to not require honor killings for them all. They would become wives despite everything!
Ji Yue did as was expected. She kissed the ground in thanks for the emperor’s generosity. Then she lifted her head and pinned the dowager consort with a dark stare. She had not been able to forget Bo Tao’s comment that the dowager had probably helped plan this disgrace. She didn’t look away but simply stared and wondered. And the longer she looked, the darker the dowager’s color became.
“I would have helped you, Dowager Consort,” JiYue finally said. “I would have seen to your comfort out of respect for your place as his mother.” She straightened up from the floor, then made it to her feet. But the dowager did not let her leave.
“And what will you do now?” The question was half taunt, half fear.
Ji Yue arched her brow and made her next words a vow. “I will see that you get the honor and respect you deserve.” Then she walked away, knowing she had just declared the most powerful woman in the Forbidden City as her enemy. It was a foolish thing to do, and yet the petty vengeance felt right. Worse, all sorts of possible slights and petty revenges came easily to mind. In this way she soothed her own battered heart.
By evening she grew sick of her own thoughts. Revenges she would never enact could not distract her for long from her real pain, the ache of losing the love of her life. She could have fled the country with Bo Tao. She could even now be lying in his arms, dreaming of the sons that they would have.
If she had run, would her father really have been destroyed? Would her mother truly have committed suicide from the shame? It was a possibility, she knew, but would they have actually done it? And if she was doomed to the lowest harem anyway, would the emperor truly care if she escaped with his best friend? Would he really punish two such insignificant beings when he had all of China to oversee? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
She collapsed onto her knees before the fire, her eyes watching the dance of the flames. She felt like the burning log, on fire and slowly turning into a tiny knot of black ash. Was she withering now after one day in disgrace? How would she survive after a year in the lowest harem? Or worse, how would she live after a year of running in terror from an angry emperor?
The choices collided in her heart and her mind. One moment she thought she would run to Bo Tao and beg him on her knees to take her from here. The next would have her crying for her mother and the shame that could destroy everything at home. And in that dark moment, she heard the one voice she most hoped and feared to hear.
“Virgins!” Bo Tao called. “The emperor has brought you a present.”
She spun around, her heart leaping to her throat as she looked through her doorway. His expression was hard, as if frozen into place. She detected no softness in his eyes or his demeanor, and yet she thought his gaze lingered on her face. Did he see her tears and her regrets? She ducked her head in shame. She did not want to increase his suffering with her own. Head down, she slowly stood, leaving her room to join the other virgins in the main gathering place.
He watched her come into the center of the room. She knew it because her body tingled with awareness, but when she glanced up, his face was turned to the room at large. He looked over all the girls, his expression hard but his eyes sad. And then he held up nine red ribbons with a cheap monkey charm in the center.
“Virgins,” he said again. “The emperor apologizes for the insult given to you last night. He gives you this token of his esteem and bids you wear it tomorrow during the final selection of his brides.”
Silence greeted his words. All understood the meaning behind the gesture. After all, the emperor could not remember which of the thirty-six remaining virgins were the ones who had been insulted by the white apes last night. But this necklace, this cheap monkey charm would identify them as clearly as a black, ugly smear across their faces.
Ji Yue winced at the unfairness of it all. But in the silence following Bo Tao’s pronouncement, Ji Yue felt a spark of intelligence. Suddenly she was lifting her head and pinning the disgraced master with her stare. “We are all commanded to wear this?”
He nodded, his chin dipping with a firm, angry motion.
“But does the emperor say where we are to display the sign of his generosity?”
Bo Tao’s lips curved in a slow smile. “I, too, have been punished,” he said firmly, “for you virgins were in my care. I am punished for allowing such a heinous event in the first place. And so it is with great honor and humility that I wear my mark of shame here.” Then to everyone’s shock, he unbuttoned the top of his jacket. He pulled back the flap of his shirt so that all could see the pinned ribbon resting on the inside of his coat. Then he slowly closed his shirt. If he had not shown it to them, none would have known it was there. Which meant that the tainted virgins could do the same. They could hide their ribbons and have nearly the same chance as everyone else! After all, the Son of Heaven had only seen them during one banquet. How would he tell one virgin apart from another except by a hidden token?
“You arranged this, didn’t you, Sun Bo Tao?” Ji Yue asked.
He arched his eyebrow. “The emperor commanded such tokens of shame. Is it my fault that in his fury he forgot to specify the details?”
She smiled, her first real smile of the day. “You risk much in doing this.”
He shrugged. “Can I fall further from grace?”
Yes. Yes, he had a great deal further to fall, but he had done it anyway. Ji Yue was the first to step forward, lifting the ugly ornament from his hand. “Thank you, Master of the Festival,” she said, her heart in her eyes.
One by one, the other virgins stepped forward, taking their ribbon and secreting it away. “Thank you, Master of the Festival,” they murmured, and then disappeared from the main room, their voices raised with renewed excitement.
“You have given them hope for tomorrow,” Ji Yue said when it was only the two of them left. There wasn’t even a eunuch to guard them, so far had they fallen from grace.
“I would give more,” he said as he crossed to stand before her. “I would give you—”
She pressed her hand to his mouth. She did not want to hear his words. She did not want to allow herself to hope. “Tell me truthfully, Sun Bo Tao,” she said. “For this shame, what is your punishment?”
He frowned and slowly pulled her hand from his mouth, but he did not release her fingers. “Men are never to blame,” he said softly, “even when it is completely our fault.” His eyes told her that he blamed himself for everything. For not knowing about the party, for seducing her when she had been all too willing, for everything that had passed. “I am commanded to wear this silly token, and another will speak in my stead at the marriage festival.”
So no real punishment. “And afterward?”
He looked down at their intertwined hands. “The position of my choice. I told him I must have an official place of power in his government or I would leave.”
She looked up at him, truly pleased. “That is excellent news! Then you can have your own home and take a wife and…” Her voice trailed away. She did not like to think of him taking a wife other than her.
“I would still give it up for you,” he said. “We can still run.”
She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to rush into his arms. “How would we live?” she asked. “What would you do?” There were no jobs in China for a disgraced man. And that was assuming they were not caught and killed for their audacity.
Bo Tao shrugged. “I could learn something new. Ji Yue, it is not impossible to begin again. There is a very large world outside of China.”
“But your whole life has been here. You were born to stand by the emperor’s side.” Before he could dismiss her objection, she rushed ahead to her next point. “Have you ever been poor?”
“My family is not wealthy, Ji Yue.”
“But you grew up here, running with the future Son of Heaven. Have you ever wanted for rice in your bowl?”
“I do not care.”
“You will,” she returned.
“No, Ji Yue, I won’t. Not if you are by my side.”
She wanted to believe him. She did believe him. But he belonged in the Forbidden City helping the emperor direct China. She would not let him throw his entire life away just for her. “I care,” she said. “I will not run.”
He grimaced and made a sound of disgust. “You women are taught sacrifice from the cradle. You are here to serve men, to devote yourself to honor and care for us.” He abruptly gripped her arms and roughly hauled her forward. His eyes burned like fire and she gasped in stunned shock. “Even you,” he rasped, “with all your intelligence and your fire, you do not think that I need you, Ji Yue. That without you, I will—” he swallowed “—I will be hollow.” Then he crushed her mouth to his, kissing her more boldly and passionately than ever before. She melted against him. How she ached for the dream that he offered!
Then he released her. The separation was as abrupt as the kiss, and she swayed on her feet. She wished he would steady her. She wanted to be in his arms again. But he held himself apart, and she was forced to balance herself while his attitude shifted to one of bitter cold.
“Bo Tao—”
“Take these, Ji Yue,” he said.
She looked down and saw that he held out two carved jade combs. The one was a dragon coiling in exquisite majesty. The other was a tigress, regal and fierce. Male dragon, female tigress—symbols as old as China—and he was giving them to her. “Why?”
“They were my aunt’s. She wore them when she was selected by the last emperor, so she believed them to be lucky. According to her, when the two are separate like this, then the wearer still searches for her true heart. If a man were to steal the dragon from you—” He plucked the dragon comb away from her fingers. “Then he has taken your heart and you belong to him.”
Her eyes watered at the sight of him holding the dragon comb tucked against his chest.
“But if you wear them linked like this,” he continued, “then you have already found your heart.” He reached out and carefully joined the two combs. The mechanism was subtle and intricate, but when he was done, she saw a dragon and tigress locked together in…
She smiled. “That is not an appropriate comb for a virgin.”
He shrugged, but his eyes remained serious. “Tomorrow morning the virgins will assemble. They will be placed throughout the gardens and the walkways of the Forbidden City.”
“I know.”
“The emperor will walk among you and choose one to be his empress, four more to be his primary wives, and the rest will be separated into the middle and lower harems.”
She nodded. “Yes, I know.”
He pressed the linked combs into her hands. “Wear this comb like this, and the emperor will know your heart is given to another.” He took a breath as he carefully separated the two pieces. “Wear them apart and…”
She lifted her head. “And what?”
“And I believe he will select you as his empress.”
“What?” she gasped. The shock of his statement set her heart to clamoring in her throat.
His lips twisted into a rueful grimace. “Do you not understand why I was made master of the festival? Do you not know my strengths even now?”
She knew his intelligence and his compassion. She knew his fierce passion for his country and his virility as a man. “Which strength?” she laughed. “There are so many.”
He flashed a smile at her, but then it disappeared. “Yi Zhen set me the task of finding the most perfect of the virgins, the smartest and the most wholesome.” He released a short breath. “He wanted me to find the best woman to be empress. And I found her.”
“Me?” she breathed.
“You.”
She shook her head, the whole conversation overwhelming. “But will he listen to you? He would pick me as his empress?”
“I believe so, yes. If you leave the combs apart, he will know that you offer yourself to him and to China.”
She swallowed. It was an awesome destiny and the very dream she had set for herself when she’d first learned of the festival. “And if I link the combs, Bo Tao, what then? What is to happen to me then?” She searched his face for the truth, but saw only uncertainty.