3 Sides to a Circle (6 page)

I roll off of her and laugh. “I used to do t
he loogie dangle to my little brothers to make them stop changing the channel on TV.”

“I’m
gonna start practicing that. I feel like it’s a pretty good skill to have.”

We’re silent for too long and I wonder if things have gotten weird, but I look over at Libby and she’s tracing the clouds with her fingers.

“Libby?”

“I love fall. It’s such a perfect time of year. It’s like filled with hope and death all at the same time.”

I chuckle. “That’s kind of dark.”

She turns on her side and props her head on her elbow. “I can be like that. I mean I know you’ve seen
kind of crazy me, but I can have a dark side too. I’m lots of flavors, Toby.”

“Yeah. I believe that. So…were we going to find Honor?”

Libby shoots up. “Fuck. Honor. She’s probably already screwed it up by now. I can’t believe you forced me to mess around in this leaf pile. We’ve got to move it.”

She laughs again and goes running toward the
coffeehouse. I’m completely out of breath and can’t figure out if it’s the running or just being around Libby. Before I reach the door, Libby holds up her hand for me to stop. She ducks behind a bench and pulls me next to her.

“What are we doing?”

She bobs her head up. “Look. There she is. And she’s actually talking to him, and he seems amused and I think this might be good. I mean, maybe we won’t need to rescue her.”

I look through
the giant glass window, and there’s Honor with her beautiful smile and her fidgeting hands, talking to a blond dude who is too good looking for me to even acknowledge.

“That guy’s not a painter.”

Libby laughs. “Do not pull your dick out right now. You need to get in chick mode. Our friend, who can’t seem to wrap her head around the fact that she is fucking awesome, is actually talking to a guy and not screwing it up.”

I’m about to respond, but Libby hisses me quiet. And then we both see it. We both see the panic
ky weirdness cross Honor’s face and Libby springs up.

“Crap. She’s floundering. Did you see that face? She’s about to fuck things up.”

I know that face too. Honor’s going to bail. She’s going to stammer and bail. I saw her do the same thing last week at the Freshman Disco Ball. This guy started talking to her and suddenly, she crumpled and left the room. The guy was so stunned, he actually lifted his arm to sniff his pit like he was checking for BO.

I’m on Libby’s heels as we cruise into the
coffeehouse and make a beeline for Honor’s table.

“Oh my God, Honor, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Libby says and gives me a look that says I’m supposed to keep my mouth shut. Which is fine. I usually do. “We have to get back to the dorm. Your mom called.”

Honor stands and her face totally changes. Worry. Anxiety. “My mom? Is something wrong?”

I glance past her at the “painter” and he’s staring at the two girls. Yeah, dude, I’ve thought it too. Good luck.

“She said your brother just got in a bike accident, and she wants you to call. He’s fine but he won’t let the doctor give him stitches without you calling him first.”

Total confusion crosses Honor’s face.

“We better go,” I say. I don’t even bother acknowledging the painter. I grab Honor by the arm and tug her toward the door. She’s sputtering, but Libby is evidently going to stay behind to smooth things over. I turn back and see her getting comfortable in the chair across from the painter.

“What the hell was that?” Honor says as soon as we get out of the
coffeehouse. “And what is Libby doing with my…”

I grin. “Your what?”

“Shut up. Don’t tease me. What were you all doing?”

I let go of her arm because I
know this isn’t really a thing I can do without Libby around. She somehow makes things like that okay, and now that it’s just Honor and I, I don’t think the same rules apply.

“We were rescuing you.”

“From what?” Suddenly her eyes go wide. “Wait. Have you heard something about Sawyer?”

I laugh. “No. Evidently not even from you.” Her cheeks burn red. I love when they do that. “We were rescuing you from yourself. You were getting the panic look. Did something happen? Did he say something?”

Her eyes drift to the side. “No.”

“Honor.”

“Toby.”

“Can I tell you something about guys?”

She nods and kicks a rock on the sidewalk.

“The panic face. The ‘I’m
gonna hurl or bolt’ face. Not exactly a real confidence builder. You should maybe work on that. If you…well, I mean, I guess with anyone you might be interested in.”

Did I say that out loud? Did I just leave that out there between the
two of us? Right after I considered feeling Libby up in the leaves. I’m a mess. And I need to shut the hell up or the two best things that have happened to me since I left Nebraska are going to drop me.

Honor
looks at me. Hard. And now I know I’m blushing. I pull off my glasses and clean them on my T-shirt. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to say something now or if she is. But before I can even decide, Libby’s loud voice and snorty laugh are right behind me.

“It is way too early in the game for either of the two of you to consider fucking.
Trust me on this. It’ll ruin us and I like how we are right now. So you’re both going to need to hold that thought for a little bit longer. Until I get sick of the two of you. Or you get sick of me. Now stop looking at each other like that and let’s get off campus. I have a plan.”

H
onor

I still feel Toby’s gaze in my gut, and Libby’s words leave a weight on top of it. I can’t believe I froze in front of Sawyer again. And when everything was going so well. And I didn’t mean to look at Toby in any particular way, I only know that he’s safe and that I like him—it’s just the
kind
of “like” that’s hard for me to quantify.

Toby’s s
afe because I can talk to him about whatever since Libby just says anything she wants to. Anything I say will be tame in comparison. And then I also have to recognize that probably the only reason I like Toby is for his safeness, not because I like him in
that
way.

Libby’s arm
slides around my waist in her friendly way, and I laugh a little because she feels more like datable material than Toby does.

Of course
Sawyer feels dangerous for wholly different reasons. Namely that I don’t understand what he sees in me, and I’m just waiting for him to say, “Yeah. You’re just a pretty face. Nothing more. Sorry it didn’t work out.” Because he might be as hot as the guys I’ve dated, but he’s lacking the asshole quality I’m used to, which is refreshing, but also makes me mistrust him a little.

“So, what do you think?” Libby
’s panting, the words came out so fast. The ones that I completely missed.

“I, uh…” I stammer and glance at Toby
, hoping he caught some of that.

“That’s just a party
, Libby. Not a plan.”

She takes two dramatic steps
, demonstrating how slow we are as she rolls her head along with her eyes. “Ugh… No. It’s a party that will seem spontaneous but will be planned. I think that if Honor just had a beer or two, she’d lose the freak-out factor that keeps her from moving forward. I’ve done some checking up on this Sawyer guy at the art department, and he’s the real deal. Serious talent, and no one has anything horrible to say about him. Sort of amazing, really, when you think about how in-
sane
-ly hot he is.”

The art department?
Are there people on campus that Libby doesn’t know?

And then
I wince when the idea of her wanting to see me hammered files into my brain, knowing that the few times I have had something to drink, it didn’t turn out well. And I’m not sure if I wanted to know that Sawyer might be as perfect as he seems, because that would make me more afraid than I should be. “Not a good idea, I—”

But my phone beeps in a text, and I grab it
, thankful for the interruption of Libby’s plans.

Skype with your father in 4 min!

My heart leaps and I take off toward the dorms.

“What the hell are you doing?” Libby yells as she chases me.

“My dad’s in the Navy. We don’t talk much. Skype,” I gasp as I slam into the dorm doors, scan my card through the security slot, and run inside. After telling Sawyer about my dad and my name, and all the time Libby, Toby and I spend together, I really want to talk for a while.

Both Toby and Libby are on my tail, and as I step into our room, I have no idea how to tell them I want to be alone.

I drop my bag, flip open my computer, login, and my parents are both there, waiting.

“There’s my girl!” Dad’s smi
le is enormous, as always. His haircut is military short. Captain Priest of the USS Charleston, Navy Destroyer.

“Hey, honey!” Mom waves so fast that her picture blurs.

“Mom just told me the news, and I’m not sure if it’s good or bad.” Dad sighs, and my face flames. “At the very least, it seems like a great opportunity.”

No. No
. No. God. No.
We can’t talk about this now. I glance frantically behind me and try to wave Libby and Toby out of the room, but they’re frozen, staring at the screen.

“Honor?” Dad asks.

“Um, sorry. Yeah.” I shake my head like I’m being silly. “So school is going really well. I’m gearing up for midterms and all that right now.” And I can’t catch my breath because I really can’t have them utter the words—

“Victoria’s Secret!” Mom beams. “That Megan Fox girl was replaced by a Victoria’s Secret model
for the
Transformer
movie. Them asking for you to audition is the start of something big. I can feel it.”

Humiliation whooshes through me, leaving me dizzy and weak. “It’s not for sure.” I stumble over my words.

“Well, like I said,” Dad says and smiles again, “I’m proud of you no matter what. Even though the thought of it weirds your old dad out a little.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, really wishing our conversation hadn’t been tainted with the stupid call to my agent from Victoria’s Secret.

Swimsuits are hard enough, but lingerie? I can’t even say the word without blushing. Auditioning, if I go, is going to be a disaster, and I’ll never get the job anyway. Being part of a Seven denim ad campaign is one thing, but underwear is completely different. The bubble of hope over actually getting this chance is an easy one for me to pop.

We mumble through a few more
details about campus and classes and Dad’s schedule, but my brain is swirling from the barrage of questions I’m about to get from Libby. God, and Toby was in the room too. Why did Toby have to be in the room?

“Love you
, Honor.” Dad frowns a little like he does when he’s not ready to go but needs to. “Next time I hope to have more warning so we can talk longer.”

“
Okay. Love you, Dad.” I give a slight wave before his screen goes blank.

“The t
hird book came out this week!” Mom sings before holding up the book cover. My stomach rolls over. Not this too.

I’ve seen the picture. I know what it looks like.
Why did she do this?

“I got copies for you, and your aunt Rachel, and—”

“Thanks, Mom. I’m wiped. I’ll see you for Thanksgiving, okay?” Anything to be done with this.

“Love you!” Mom waves frantically again before her screen goes black.

I don’t move.

“Holy shit, Honor.” Libby’s voice is actually subdued. “Talk.”

I spin around in my desk chair, having a hard time pulling in air because my chest is so tight.

Toby’s face is a little red and he’s not making eye contact, which is the exact reason I don’t tell people.
Libby’s got a smirk that says she’s either known all along or that she’s impressed with me for not letting on.

“It’s not a big deal.” I shake my head. “I’ve done a few…” I have to swallow twice to push down some of t
he lump in my throat. “Modeling-type things.”

“Victoria’s Secret?” Her smirk turns a bit curious and smug.

Toby stares at his shoes.

I w
ant to dissolve into the chair. “My agent got a call about maybe—”

“You have an
agent
?” Libby’s leaning forward. “This is so…just…
Damn
, Honor. People don’t bowl me over often, but this shit bowled me over.”

I bite my lip and try to fold my hair over my barrette again.

“I need to see this book with your face on the cover.” She digs in her giant box of Libby stuff and emerges with a black hoodie and a flashlight.

“What are you doing?” I ask, really hoping that we won’t have to talk about me anymore.
“I can find you a picture on Amazon or something.”