Authors: Lorraine Heath
“I should have, and I’m sorry I didn’t, but I thought my not going to the library would put an end to the duke’s pursuit.”
“You did not want him pursuing you, but you think I should marry him?”
“As I said, he looks at you far differently than he looks at me. I truly believe you shouldn’t discount his feelings. He brought you a gift, Louisa. It’s so incredibly romantic.”
“Nothing he can say will change my mind.”
“Then where is the harm in seeing him?”
The harm was that he could possibly melt her resolve. No, she could be strong. She would be strong. She set the invitations aside. “Very well.”
She followed Jenny down the hallway and stairs to the foyer. Jeremy, ever her protector, was scowling at the duke.
As she neared, Louisa felt her heart tighten at the sight of Hawkhurst. The bruises on his face had deepened to a ghastly purple, and she thought his eye might be more swollen than before. He was holding a small paper sack. Recognizing the emblem drawn on it, she couldn’t help but smile.
“What have you there, Your Grace?”
“A small token of…my esteem. A dozen toffees.”
“And here I’d taken a fancy to brandy balls.”
His mouth curved upward, and he grimaced. “I beg of you, do not make me smile.”
“Your bruises look quite painful.”
He shifted his gaze to Jeremy. “They have served their purpose exceedingly well. I was wondering if we might take a turn about the garden.”
“Jeremy and I will be more than happy to serve as chaperones,” Jenny said.
“I don’t require a chaperone,” Louisa said.
“From the likes of him, I think you do,” Jeremy said.
Louisa rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Very well. If you’ll come with me, Your Grace.”
She gave the sack to the butler with instructions to have it delivered to her bedchamber. Then she led the way into the garden with Jenny and Jeremy trailing behind them. The duke did not offer his arm, but rather walked with his hands clasped behind his back. Night had fallen, and the gaslights created a muted glow that served to create an intimacy that reminded her of their first kiss in a garden.
“It seems our indiscretion is the talk of London,” he said quietly after a time.
She stopped walking and stared at him. “You told—”
“I’ve told no one. Falconridge heard the rumors. He came by to confirm them.”
She sighed. “Damnation.”
“My sentiment exactly.”
She thought she heard humor laced in his voice, when there was certainly nothing humorous about this situation.
“Be that as it may, the rumors change nothing,” she said.
“They change everything. Your reputation is in tatters—”
“Which would only make a difference if I cared, and I don’t.”
“Well, I do care!”
She heard a footstep, turned, and held up a hand to stop Jeremy’s advance. “It’s all right.”
“You speak to her with respect.”
“I’m trying. She’s a bit on the stubborn side and doesn’t seem to be hearing what I’m saying.” Hawkhurst turned back to her. “Less than a month ago, you were concerned that if you recommended me to your charges, your reputation would be suspect. How can you say now that your reputation does not matter? Do you think you will not be let go? Do you think you will be able to find another position? And even if our actions have not effectively ruined your chances of continuing on as a chaperone, how can we not take action when our sins could very well cause our child to suffer? If we marry posthaste, we can limit the damage.”
Our child. Our child. Our child.
Louisa wrapped her arms tightly around herself, suddenly dizzy. “If I’m not with child, we are both condemned to a life of misery.”
With his thumb and forefinger, he took hold of her chin and tilted her head back until she was forced to look into his eyes. “We are condemned anyway. My behavior has sullied my reputation
as a gentleman. I will no longer be welcomed in the finer homes, and I shall be labeled exactly as you view me—unsuitable to be the husband of an heiress. While you, sweetheart, will no longer be a woman of independent means. Mrs. Rose is certain to dismiss you once she learns of the rumors going around. Tell her,” he ground out.
“I’m afraid he’s right,” Jeremy said quietly. “It pains me to say it, but with last night’s encounter being whispered about…you are well and truly ruined.”
“You will not be able to find another position in another household,” Hawkhurst added. “No one will hire a chaperone who was caught in a compromising position, just as no one would hire a servant who has been caught pilfering the silver.”
She’d never known such despair. Her career as a social chaperone was coming to an end with ugly accusations and innuendo. What was left to her? Nothing.
She was not certain she could force herself to live under the same roof as Alex. He’d known she was in the library, and he’d brought Jeremy to it. Why?
Without a position she had no funds. She would be on the street. And if she were with child…
“But you don’t love me,” she said to Hawkhurst, hoping, praying, wishing that he would deny the charge, even a bit.
“Love is not something I required for a marriage.”
“Well, I did. I’m not like Jenny, requiring only passion.”
“It is not a half-poor substitute.” He glanced over his shoulder, his voice filled with anger. “Could you at least step beyond hearing?”
Jenny and Jeremy backed up several paces, and Hawkhurst turned back to Louisa. “I won’t say it won’t be difficult, because it will be. I will not say it is what I
want,
because it is not. But I think you could say the same. Marriage to me is obviously not what you
want.
”
She heard him swallow.
“But in the past few weeks, I have come to gain an appreciation for your determination and your ability to take charge of your life. You have a strength of character and strength of purpose that I believe would serve our marriage well. I’m fully aware that I gain the most with this arrangement, but I promise you that I would not hinder you in any ventures you wished to pursue. My weaknesses have brought us to this, and I shall spend the remainder of my life making it up to you.” He dropped down to one knee, took her hand in both of his, and looked up at her. “Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
She felt the tears burn her eyes, could hardly see him through their thickness. Dear Lord, such a proud man down on bended knee, in front of Jeremy Rose, in front of a man who would never have to bow down to anyone.
She could not refuse so heartfelt a request. Swallowing hard, she nodded. “Yes,” she rasped.
Pressing his lips to the back of her hand, he said in a low voice, “Thank you.”
With her free hand, she touched his bent head, threading her fingers through his thick hair. Everything would be all right. She would do everything in her power to see it was so.
“I
’m marrying Hawkhurst.”
Alex met Louisa’s announcement with little more than a nod. Looking slovenly with his clothes wrinkled and askew, he lounged in a chair, one leg bent, one outstretched. He’d barely acknowledged her when she’d walked into the room.
“You smell like a brewery,” she said.
“Pray tell, dear sister. How do you know what a brewery smells like?”
“I know the odor of alcohol, and I assume a brewery is merely the odor intensified. You are also sorely in need of a bath.”
“If I had a valet, perhaps I could have a bath. The servants have all abandoned me.”
“Poor, poor Alex. You keep waiting for life to
happen to you. Don’t you see? You must take charge, you must make—”
“I did!” he yelled coming to his feet, wavering, and dropping back into the chair. “I did take charge.”
“What did you do?”
Shaking his head, he looked away.
Dread piercing her heart with confirmation of what she had feared most of all, she took a step nearer. “You did more than betray me by bringing Jeremy to the library. You started the rumors.”
“Hawk told me that you refused to marry him.”
“Why was it so important to you that I marry Hawkhurst?”
He shook his head again. “Not that you marry Hawk. That he not marry Jenny.”
Anger pierced her soul, sorrow her heart. She loved him, and yet he had betrayed her as she never would have betrayed him. He was the one constant in her life she’d always thought she could depend on, but he’d selfishly put his own wants above all else. She felt an uncharacteristic need to lash out, and while it made her feel small and petty, she couldn’t seem to stop herself from wanting to hurt him as he’d hurt her.
“Mrs. Rose wants a prestigious title for her daughters. I daresay she would consent to letting them marry the Prince of Darkness if he knocked on her door.” She took another step toward him. “But she will not let them marry an earl.”
“She will have no choice if I’m all that remains,”
he rasped, his voice hoarse, and she wondered if all his drinking had burned his throat raw.
“Are you so greedy that you will do anything? Ruin my reputation? Break my heart? Conspire to have me marry a man for whom you knew I had naught but loathing?”
He laughed harshly. “You have a rather strange way of showing your loathing. My God, Louisa, you were lying beneath him—”
The crack of her palm connecting with his cheek resounded throughout the room. “How dare you? How dare you find fault with me when you live the debauched life that you do?”
“Who do you think taught me the debauchery?”
Why, oh why, was he working so terribly hard to hurt her? What had become of the brother who had once been her champion? Rather than rise to the challenge of overcoming their unfortunate circumstance, he’d resorted to trickery and betrayal, while Hawkhurst had turned out to be far more honorable than she’d ever given him credit for, honorable enough to protect her reputation. How could she have so vastly misjudged both men?
“I pity you, Alex.”
“I pity us both.”
As the coach traveled over the rough country road, Hawk watched his wife worrying her gloved finger, the finger on which, little more than an hour before, he’d placed a thin band of gold. He wasn’t certain he’d ever attended a more somber
affair. The private ceremony had taken place in a small chapel, the only guests in attendance Jenny, Kate, and Jeremy Rose, and Falconridge.
By all rights, as her husband, he could sit beside her, but he feared if he got too close, she would arrive at his ancestral home looking like a woman who had been thoroughly ravished, because she would be.
Louisa wore a silvery gray travel dress that modestly covered her from her chin to her toes. The last thing Hawk should have been was aroused, because nothing about her attire was the least bit arousing—except that she was in it.
He found himself envying cloth simply because it rested next to her skin. She was now his wife. It made no sense that he wanted her with a fierceness that was almost frightening.
In order to distract himself, he thought of the lavish wedding he’d hoped marriage to Jenny would have allowed him to give Caroline and felt a pang of guilt because his own wife had been given such a simple wedding. She’d not been even properly given away.
“I fear you are in danger of rubbing a hole in your glove,” he said.
She lifted her gaze to his. “Everything happened so quickly. I can scarcely wrap my mind around it all.”
“I’m sorry your brother wasn’t in attendance,” he said.
She gave her head a quick shake. “I’m rather glad he was absent, actually. I’m quite cross with
him. He set out intentionally to ruin me, to ruin us both. His most-trusted friend and his sister. What sort of man does something as unkind as that?”
“A desperate one.”
“You say that as though you approve of what he did.”
“No, I do not approve of his actions; but then neither do I approve of mine. Still, I understand the desperation that caused us both to act stupidly.”
“He wanted Jenny for himself.”
“I believe Falconridge did as well. And Stonehaven and Pemburton. I knew Jenny had no wish to marry this Season, and so I attempted to press the matter. Rather bad planning to take your brother into my confidence.”
“He was quite into his cups the last time I saw him. I’m angry at him, and yet I do worry about him.”
“I’m certain he’ll make out just fine, and marriage to me will give you plenty of other things to worry over.”
“You have been Alex’s friend for as long as I can remember, and yet I can’t recall ever being a guest at any of your residences or meeting your mother,” she said, as though needing to change the subject.
“My mother is a bit of recluse. She prefers her privacy.”
“I shall strive not to be an intrusion—”
“It is your home now. You may do as you wish.”
“How do you think she will take our marriage?”
“She has long wanted me to marry. She will be thrilled beyond measure.”
She glanced down at her gray-gloved hands. “I meant specifically how will she take your marrying
me
?”
“She will be delighted.”
She quickly lifted her head, and he could see all the doubts in her blue eyes. “Delighted that I bring naught but myself and scandal to this marriage?”
He furrowed his brow. “What of the eight pounds? Do you not still have it?”
She appeared horrified, and he quickly regretted his words. “I’m sorry. I was attempting to lighten the mood by teasing you. You’ve not smiled since I set eyes upon you this afternoon.”
“I see little to smile about. You needed a wife with money and you have married a woman with all of a hundred and eight pounds.”
“A hundred—”
“The Roses gave us a wedding present. I suppose I should have told you earlier.”
“I’m quite surprised they would give us anything.”
She shrugged. “I think it was from Jenny and Kate more than from their parents.”
“And Jeremy Rose as well? He seemed quite fond of you.”
She did smile then, as though some memory
delighted her. He was taken aback by the spark of jealousy that struck him.
“I think it is just his nature to be kind,” she said.
“And what is your opinion of my nature?” he heard himself ask before he could stop the words.
“Dangerous,” she said quietly, before glancing out the window at the passing scenery. “I think it is your nature to be dangerous. I’ve always thought you appeared to be rather predatory.”
He wasn’t certain whether to take insult or pride in her view of him. Insult he supposed. After all, to her, just as he’d feared, he had been a danger. He released a harsh chuckle.
“Do share the joke,” she urged. “I could use a bit of laughter.”
“I was merely thinking of that night in your library when you proclaimed me unsuitable, and I argued against your reasoning. It seems you know me better than I know myself.”
“I’m not certain I knew you as well as I thought. My reason for going to Pemburton’s library was to assure you that you needn’t take such drastic measures, that I was going to begin advising Jenny to seriously consider your suit.”
He stared at her in stunned disbelief. “What changed your mind?”
He could see the blush warming her cheeks. “Well, all thoughts of saying anything at all deserted me when you kissed me—”
“No,” he interrupted, needing no reminders of
his shameful actions. “What changed your opinion of me?”
“I’m not sure. I think…I think I began to feel like a bit of a prude. Jeremy Rose stays out until all hours. He drinks, he smokes, and on occasion, I have heard him use profanity, but my opinion of him is not any less. I began to think that perhaps I had set too high a standard for you.” She peered over at him. “And you make me laugh.”
“Laugh?” he asked, chuckling. He’d always prided himself on his ability to stir passion, but she’d changed her opinion of him not because of his seductive kisses but because she found him humorous?
She nodded. “With your outlandish tales about all the lords. Were any of them true?”
“No.”
“I thought not.” She looked back out the window as though very satisfied with her deduction.
He contemplated telling her that he’d told his outlandish tales, because he enjoyed listening to
her
laughter, but in the end, like her, he merely stared out the window.
His home was as large as any that Louisa had ever seen, grand and stately, at least three levels, if the rows of windows were any indication. With his assistance, she climbed out of his coach and stared in awe at her surroundings. The gardens were immaculately kept. They circled the drive, they surrounded the house. They made everything seem grander, more beautiful, more alive.
“You’ve somehow managed to keep your gardener,” she said.
“Denby is devoted to the grounds. After spending years cultivating them, he refuses to leave them, even though I can no longer provide him with a salary. He finds his pleasure in his work. He says it is enough.”
“He is a fortunate man, then,” she said. “Would that we could all find happiness as easily.”
“Indeed. Come, I’ll introduce you to my mother.”
She tried not to be nervous, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Meeting his mother was almost as daunting as going through an interview with Mrs. Rose. “What is she like, your mother?” she asked, as she walked beside him, her hand on his arm, up the wide steps leading to the massive front door.
“Quiet and kind. Not one to find fault with others.”
“She will think poorly of me when she learns the reason we are married.”
“She doesn’t think poorly of anyone.” He pushed open the front door. “We no longer have a butler.”
His voice sounded strained and she realized it couldn’t be easy for him to reveal all his financial shortcomings. Before today, they’d been rumor. Now she was experiencing them as reality. She didn’t want this day to be difficult on either of them.
“Before moving in with the Roses, I’d managed sometime without one myself, so I assure you that
I find doing without no hardship.” She stepped past him and into the grand entry hallway.
Stairs ascended on either side. Portraits lined the walls. Beautiful crystal vases held the most gorgeous flowers.
“You have as many flowers inside as out,” she said, again in awe of their magnificence.
“My mother has always found comfort in them.”
“They’re incredibly lovely.”
“She arranges them herself.”
Louisa walked over to a particularly bright and colorful arrangement. She sniffed. “What are these? Their scent isn’t overpowering like some flowers.”
“You’ll have to ask her.”
She spun around and smiled. “It will give us something to talk about, I suppose. It’s always difficult to carry on a conversation when you’ve only just met—”
“Hawk! You’re home!”
Louisa watched as a young lady in a simple blue dress and bare feet rushed across the foyer and skidded to a stop in front of Hawkhurst. With a deeply furrowed brow, she reached up and touched his face. The swelling was gone, and the bruises had faded to yellow. “What in the world happened?”
“I wasn’t watching where I was going, and I collided with a door. Rather clumsy of me.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not any longer.”
“We didn’t know you were coming home so soon. You could at least send word so we could prepare.”
“I’ve brought a surprise.” He extended his hand toward Louisa and arched a brow. Dazed, trying to determine exactly who this young woman was, she moved toward him, felt his hand close firmly over hers.
“Allow me to introduce my beloved sister, Caroline.”
Louisa was quite pleased with herself for not jerking her head around to stare at him. “It’s a pleasure, Lady Car—”
“Not Lady, just Caroline,” he said quietly.
Louisa cleared her throat, forced herself to smile. “Caroline.”
“Caroline, I’d like you to meet my duchess.”
Caroline’s dark eyes widened. “Oh, then you must be Jenny Rose. Hawk told me all about you. He said you were the most beautiful—”
“No,” Hawkhurst interrupted. “She is the daughter to the Earl of Ravensley. Lady Louisa, before she became my duchess.”
“Oh,” Caroline said, looking sheepish, pressing her fingers to her mouth. “I’m so sorry—”
“It’s all right, Moppet,” Hawkhurst said, immense concern woven through his voice. “I handled the introduction poorly.”
That,
Louisa thought, was an understatement if she’d ever heard one.
“You are married, though, if she is your duchess,” Caroline said.
“Yes, we were wed this afternoon, a few hours ago.”
“Oh, won’t Mother be surprised?”
“I daresay she will be. Where is she?”
“Denby wanted to share with her a new variety of flower he’d discovered at the far end of the property. They should be back any moment.”
“When she returns, tell her I’m in the library and wish to speak with her. Meanwhile, I shall leave you two to get acquainted.”
Louisa stared in bewilderment, as he headed across the foyer and disappeared down a hallway.