A Lovely Sunday for Creve Coeur (7 page)

HELENA:
Appears to be catatonic.

DOROTHEA
[
as she goes into the bedroom to get Bodey
]: Excuse me.

BODEY
[
singing nervously in the kitchenette
]: “I’m just breezing along with the breeze, pleasing to live, and living to please!”

DOROTHEA:
How did Bodey take the news I was moving?

HELENA:
“That far from
Blewett!
” she said as if it were transcontinental.

DOROTHEA:
Well, it is a bit far, compared to this location.

HELENA:
Surely you wouldn’t compare it to
this
location.

DOROTHEA:
Oh, no, Westmoreland Place is
a—fashionable
address, incomparable in that respect, but it is quite a distance. Of course, just a block from Delmar Boulevard and the Olive Street car-line, that would let me off
at—what
point closest to Blewett?

HELENA:
Dorothea, forget transportation, that problem. We’re going by automobile.

DOROTHEA:
By—what
automobile do
you—?

HELENA:
I have a lovely surprise for you, dear.

DOROTHEA:
Someone is going to drive us?

HELENA:
Yes, I will be the chauffeur and you the passenger, dear. You see, my wealthy cousin
Dee-Dee
, who lives in La Due, has replaced her
foreign-made
car, an
Hispano-Suiza
, no
less, practically
brand-new
, with a Pierce Arrow limousine and has offered to sell us the Hispano for just a song! Immediately, as soon as she made me this offer, I applied for a driver’s license.

BODEY
[
advancing quickly from the kitchenette
]: Limazine? What limazine? With a
show-fer
?

HELENA:
Miss Bodenheifer, how does this concern you?

BODEY:
Who’s gonna foot the bill for it, that’s how!

HELENA:
My cousin
Dee-Dee
in La Due will accept payment on time.

BODEY:
Whose time and how much?

HELENA:
Negligible! A rich cousin!
—Oh
, my Lord, I’ve always heard that
Germans—

BODEY:
Lay off Germans!

HELENA:
Have this excessive concern with money matters.

BODEY:
Whose
money?

HELENA:
Practicality can be a
stupefying—

MISS GLUCK:
Bodey?

HELENA:
—virtue
, if it
is
one.

MISS GLUCK:
Ich kann nicht
—go
up.

HELENA:
Go up just one step to the kitchen! Please, Dorothea, can’t
we—have
a private discussion, briefly?

MISS GLUCK:
Das Schlafzimmer
is
gespukt!

HELENA:
Because you see, Dorothea, as I told you, I do have to make a payment on the Westmoreland Place apartment early tomorrow, and so must collect your half of it today.

DOROTHEA:
—My
half would amount
to—?

HELENA:
Seventy.

DOROTHEA:
Ohhh! —Would
the real estate people accept
a—postdated
check?

HELENA:
Reluctantly—very
.

DOROTHEA:
You see, I had unusually heavy expenses this
week—clothes
, lingerie, a suitcase . . .

HELENA:
Sounds as if you’d been purchasing a trousseau.
—Miss
Bodenhafer says that her brother, “Buddy,” is seriously interested in you. How selfish of you to keep it such a
secret!—even
from me!

DOROTHEA:
Oh, my heavens, has Miss
Bodenhafer—how
fantastic!

HELENA:
Yes, she is a bit, to put it politely.

DOROTHEA:
I meant has she given you the preposterous impression that I am interested in her brother? Oh, my Lord, what a fantastic visit you’ve had! Believe me, the circumstances aren’t always
so—chaotic
. Well!
Il n’y a rien à faire
. When I tell you that she calls her brother Buddy and that he is her
twin!
[
She throws up her arms
.]

HELENA:
Identical?

DOROTHEA:
Except for gender, alike as two peas in a pod. You’re not so gullible, Helena, that you could really imagine for a moment that
I’d—you
know me better than that!

HELENA:
Sometimes when a girl is on the rebound from a disappointing infatuation, she will leap without looking into the most improbable sort
of—liaison—

DOROTHEA:
Maybe some girls, but certainly not I. And what makes you think that I’m the victim of a “disappointing infatuation,” Helena?

HELENA:
Sometimes a thing will seem like the end of the world, and yet the world continues.

DOROTHEA:
I personally feel that my world is just beginning. . . . Excuse me for a moment. I’ll get my checkbook. . . .

HELENA:
MISS BODENHEIFER!

BODEY:
Don’t bother to tell me good-bye.

HELENA:
I am not yet leaving.

BODEY:
And it ain’t necessary to shake the walls when you call me, I got my hearing aid on.

HELENA:
Would you be so kind as to confine Miss Gluck to that charming little kitchen while I’m completing my business with Dorothea?

BODEY:
Sophie, come in here with me. You like a deviled egg don’t you? And a nice fried drumstick when
your—digestion
is better? Just stay in here with me.

I can catch every word that you say to Dotty in there, and you better be careful the conversation don’t take the wrong turn!

MISS GLUCK
[
half in German
]:
Ich kann nicht
liven opstairs no more,
nimmer, nimmer
—
kann nicht
—can’t
go!

BODEY
: You know what, Sophie? You better change apartments. There’s a
brand-new
vacancy.
See—right
over there, the fifth floor. It’s bright and
cheerful—I
used to go up there
sometimes—it’s
a sublet, furnished, everything in cheerful colors. I’ll speak to Mr. Schlogger, no, no, to
Mrs
. Schlogger, she makes better terms. Him, bein’ paralyzed, he’s got to accept ’em, y’know.

MISS GLUCK
: I
think—[
She sobs
.]—Missus
Schlogger don’t like me.

BODEY:
That’s—
impossible
, Sophie. I think she just had a little misunderstanding with
your—
[
She stops herself
.]

MISS GLUCK
:
Meine Mutter, ja
—

BODEY
: Sophie, speak of the Schloggers, she’s wheeling that old
Halunke
out on their fire escape.

MR. SCHLOGGER’S VOICE:
I didn’t say
out
in the sun.

MRS. SCHLOGGER’S VOICE:
You said out, so you’re out.

BODEY
[
shouting out the window
]: Oh, my
Gott
, Missus Schlogger, a stranger that didn’t know you would think you meant to push him offa the landin’. Haul him back in, you better. Watch his cane, he’s about to hit you with it. Amazin’ the strength he’s still got in his good arm.

MRS. SCHLOGGER’S VOICE:
Now you want back in?

MR. SCHLOGGER’S VOICE:
Not in the kitchen with you.

HELENA
[
to herself but rather loudly
]: Schloggers, so those are Schloggers.

BODEY
[
to Miss Gluck
]: She’s got him back in. I’m gonna speak to her right now.
—HEY
MISSUS SCHLOGGER, YOU KNOW MISS GLUCK? AW, SURE YOU REMEMBER SOPHIE UPSTAIRS IN 4-F? SHE LOST HER MOTHER LAST SUNDAY. Sophie, come here, stick your head out, Sophie. NOW YOU REMEMBER HER, DON’T YOU?

MRS. SCHLOGGER’S VOICE:
Ja, ja
.

BODEY:
JA, JA
, SURE YOU REMEMBER! MRS. SCHLOGGER, POOR SOPHIE CANT LIVE ALONE IN 4-F WHERE SHE LOST HER MOTHER. SHE NEEDS A NEW APARTMENT THAT’S BRIGHT AND CHEERFUL TO GET HER OUT OF DEPRESSION. HOW ABOUT THE VACANCY ON THE FIFTH FLOOR FOR
SOPHIE. WE GOT TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER IN TIMES OF SORROW.
VERSTEHEN SIE?

MRS. SCHLOGGER’S VOICE:
I don’t know.

BODEY:
GIVE SOPHIE THAT VACANCY UP THERE. THEN TERMS I’LL DISCUSS WITH YOU. [
She draws Miss Gluck back from the window
.] Sophie, I think that done it, and that apartment on five is bright and cheerful like here. And you’re not gonna be lonely. We got three chairs at this table, and we can work out an arrangement so you can eat here with us, more economical that way. It’s no good cooking for one, cookin’ and eatin’ alone
is—lonely
after—

HELENA
[
with obscure meaning
]:
Yes—
[
She draws a long breath and calls out
.] Dorothea, can’t you locate your checkbook in there?

DOROTHEA:
I was just slipping into a dress. Now, then, here it is, my checkbook.

HELENA:
Good. Where did you buy that new dress?

DOROTHEA:
Why, at
Scruggs-Vandervoort
.

HELENA:
Let me remove the price tag. [
As she removes the tag, she looks at it and assumes an amused and slightly superior air
.] Oh, my dear. I must teach you where to find the best values in clothes. In La Due there is a little French boutique, not expensive but excellent taste. I think a woman looks best
when she dresses without the illusion she’s still a girl in her teens. Don’t you?

DOROTHEA
[
stung
]:
—My
half will
be—how
much did you say?

HELENA:
To be exact, $82.50.

DOROTHEA:
My goodness, that will take a good bite out of my savings. Helena, I thought you mentioned a lower amount. Didn’t you say it would be seventy?

HELENA:
Yes, I’d
forgotten—utilities
, dear. Now, we don’t want to move into a place with the phone turned off, the lights off. Utilities must be
on
, wouldn’t you say?

DOROTHEA:
—Yes
.
—Of
course, I don’t think I’ll be dependent on my savings much longer, and a duplex on Westmoreland
Place—
[
She writes out a check
.]
—
is
a—quite
a—worthwhile—investment
 . . .

HELENA:
I should think it would strike you as one after confinement with Miss Bodenhafer in this nightmare of colors.

DOROTHEA:
Oh.
—Yes
.
—Excuse
me . . . [
she extends the check slightly
.]

HELENA:
—Are
you holding it out for the ink to dry on it?

DOROTHEA:
—Sorry
.
—Here
. [
She crosses to Helena and hands the check to her
.]

HELENA:
Well, that’s that. I hate financial dealings but they do have to be dealt with. Don’t they?

DOROTHEA:
Yes, they seem to . . .

HELENA:
Require it.
—Oh
, contract.

DOROTHEA:
Contract? For the apartment?

HELENA:
Oh, no, a book on contract bridge, the bidding system and so forth. You do play bridge a little? I asked you once before and you said you did sometimes.

DOROTHEA:
Here?

HELENA:
Naturally not here. But on Westmoreland Place I hope you’ll join in the
twice-weekly
games. You remember Joan Goode?

DOROTHEA:
Yes, vaguely. Why?

HELENA:
We were partners in duplicate bridge, which we usually played, worked out our own set of bidding conventions. But now Joan’s gone to Wellesley for her Master’s degree in, of all things, the
pre-Ptolemaic
dynasties of Egypt.