She’d known a few people who had “yanked over” by leaving their faith, mostly rebellious teens and young adults who had gotten a taste of the Yankee world and started to chafe underneath the
Ordnung
. Usually those who left hadn’t been baptized and were allowed to come back to the community and socialize with their family and friends. She knew of only one woman who had moved away after she had joined the church. Rachel had heard she had fallen in love with a Yankee, but she didn’t know if that was a rumor or not, because the woman had never returned. When she left, she was immediately put in the
bann
. Maybe the shunning had kept her away, not an outlander. Rachel could only guess at the true reasons.
Leaving the church had never been an option in Rachel’s mind. She had always known she would become Amish when she was old enough to make the decision about baptism. The trappings of the world had never appealed to her, and she had never had the desire to break the
Ordnung
. Why would anyone want to, when their faith offered them so much?
Back at home, Rachel and her mother prepared a cold lunch. Aaron hadn’t attended church that morning—he had still been in his room when they’d arrived home. Again, her father, Emmanuel, along with her mother didn’t say anything when he came downstairs without a word. Rachel couldn’t figure out why he was allowed to do whatever he wanted to do.
“I’m going to visit Emma,” Sarah had announced when they finished with dinner. “She needs our support. Rachel, please wash the dishes. I’d like you to come with me.”
Rachel had just popped the last bit of her ham and Swiss cheese sandwich in her mouth and she froze midchew. Alarm shot through her at the thought of going to the Bylers. She had managed to avoid Tobias at the service that morning, only seeing him briefly before church had started. Thank goodness they hadn’t crossed paths. That would have been embarrassing. Either he hadn’t seen her in the service or he was ignoring her, and she would bet a week’s tips he’d disregarded her on purpose. The last thing she wanted to do was run into him again, especially after what had happened between them two nights ago.
“Can’t I just stay here?” she had pleaded, hoping her mother would change her mind. “I have some reading I want to catch up on.”
“Rachel, I’m surprised. You would put a book ahead of the Byler’s troubles?”
“Bible reading,” Rachel clarified, a twinge of guilt pricking at her as she said the lie. If her mother let her off the hook, then she felt duty-bound to crack open the family Bible. She found the High German translation hard to read, but she had some serious confessing to do about her newfound feelings for Tobias.
“As impressed as I am by your devotion, I think that can wait until later. Emma, Joseph, and Moriah left right after the service and I want to see if they’re all right. I should think you would care about their welfare as well.” Sarah said again, rising from her chair and adjusting her crisp, white apron.
“I do. But—”
“But what?” Sarah paused, lifting one brow.
Rachel couldn’t explain her real reason for not wanting to go the Bylers, so she dropped the issue. “Never mind. Just give me a few minutes to finish the dishes.”
“
Danki
, Rachel.”
As Rachel took her
daed
’s plate, he said, “Don’t forget Aaron’s too.”
Rachel pinched her lips together as she accepted her
daed
’s dish, then went to collect Aaron’s. Part of his sandwich still remained on the white plate. “Are you finished?”
“
Ya
.” He got up, pushed his chair back where it belonged, then left the room without a word of thanks. Their father departed shortly after, saying he had some work to do in the barn.
That was two hours ago. Now it was late afternoon, and as they approached the Byler’s, Rachel’s insides started to churn. She hoped Tobias wasn’t home. If she was lucky he’d be out visiting one of his cousins or something. But she doubted he would be out having fun, not after what happened to Moriah. She gripped the side of the buggy seat as her mother turned into the driveway.
“Please tether the horse,” Sarah said as she parked the buggy. “I’ll meet you inside.”
Rachel did as she was asked, then procrastinated by stroking the horse’s velvety soft nose. She wasn’t in a hurry to go in the house and see Tobias again. The weather had warmed several degrees since the other day, and the sun was out in full force. At least she could be thankful for that. When she couldn’t stall any longer, she turned to go inside, but paused for a moment when she spied the wrecked buggy parked behind
Herr
Byler’s workshop. The vehicle was completely mangled, and she said a quick prayer of thanks that neither one of them had been hurt. She spun around on the heel of her black shoe, only to run smack-dab into Tobias’s chest.
“Whoa,” he said, as his arms went around her shoulders to steady her.
She just had to pick that moment to breathe, to inhale the scent of his clean Sunday shirt, which was now inches from her nose. For the briefest of moments she reveled in his nearness, until common sense took over and she stepped back.
“Sorry about that,” she said, her hand touching her
kapp
as she tried to steady her nerves.
“It’s all right.”
The despondent tone of his voice caught her attention. She looked up to see his glum expression.
“What are you doing here?” he asked flatly.
“We came to see how your
daed
and
mami
were doing.” And because she couldn’t stop herself, she added, “Don’t worry, I didn’t come to see you.”
He ran his hand through his hair, revealing a yellowish bruise on his forehead. A reminder of the accident. As if either one of them needed another one. “
Gut
. That makes me happy.”
But he didn’t sound anything close to being happy. “What do you mean by that?”
Shoving past her, he headed to his damaged buggy. “Never mind.”
Turning around, she followed him. “That’s not an answer. I want to know what you meant.”
He knelt beside the buggy’s broken axle. “You know, Rachel, the world doesn’t revolve around you.”
“I never said it did.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Excuse me?”
Remaining in his crouched position, he looked up at her, any remnant of his trademark gloating and teasing gone from his crystalline blue eyes. “Go inside. I’m not in the mood for your drama.”
She crossed her arms. “I am not dramatic.”
He glanced at her folded arms, then went back to inspecting the axle.
Changing her stance, she moved toward him. “This is about the other night, isn’t it? You’re blaming me for what happened.”
“Not your fault we got hit by a car.” He jerked on the axle, checking its stability. It immediately came loose. He groaned.
“I’m not talking about the accident.” Why was she even bringing this up? She’d told herself that she didn’t want to see Tobias, but here she was, not only seeing him, but also trying to engage him in a conversation they really shouldn’t be having in the first place. What was wrong with her? “I think you know what I mean.”
He stopped his inspection and rested his forehead against the lower side of the buggy. The motion pushed his hat farther back on his head. “That’s not your fault either,” he said quietly.
“
Ya
, it is. I should have never kissed you. I must have knocked my head really hard to do something as crazy and stupid as that.” She looked away. “Not like it was good or anything.”
Slowly he rose from the ground and looked at her, eyes filled with fury. She’d never seen him so mad before.
“You’re a mean, miserable woman, Rachel Byler. I don’t know how—or even why—Christian puts up with you.” He brushed her aside and stormed off, but not before turning around and adding, “And for the record, I’d kiss a stinkin’ pig before I’d kiss you again.”
Ouch.
Her eyes pricked as she watched him walk into the woodshop and shut the door in her face. He’d called her mean? He was the cruelest man on earth. She didn’t care if she never saw him again. In fact, she’d prefer it.
The sound of a screen door slamming made her turn around. Tobias’s younger sister, Elisabeth, approached. Like Tobias, she had blue eyes and blonde hair, along with one of the tiniest waists Rachel had ever seen. When she neared, Rachel could see her eyes were red rimmed from crying.
Rachel met her halfway. “Are you all right?”
Elisabeth nodded. “I’m fine. Just upset over what happened to Moriah. We all are. It’s been so hard on her.
Mami
and
Daed
aren’t taking it too well either.”
Her words caused Rachel’s heart to stop. How could she have been so dense? No wonder Tobias was angry with her. She’d been so caught up in thinking about that kiss, so self-centered and defensive, she had forgotten the reason she and her mother had even stopped to visit. His sister’s husband had just left her, and instead of trying to offer him comfort, she’d picked another fight.
He was right. She was a miserable person.
“My parents are with Moriah at the Millers,” Elisabeth said. “But your
mami
is helping us make some cookies. She said it will keep our mind off of everything. Even Lukas and Stephen are helping, and they hate to cook.”
“That’s
gut
,” Rachel said absently, glancing over her shoulder at the woodshop.
“I’ve been sent to get you.”
Rachel focused on the woodshop for another second, then turned to Elisabeth. “Tell my
mudder
I’ll be right there.”
The young woman nodded. “I will. Oh, and if you see Tobias, tell him we’re making his favorite—oatmeal chocolate chip.”
Rachel nodded at Elisabeth and watched her hurry back to the house. But she couldn’t follow her inside, not just yet. Not before talking to Tobias one more time and apologizing for being so insensitive. She walked to the woodshop door and placed her hand on the knob, only to hesitate turning it.
Maybe she should leave things be. Tobias was mad at her, but he would get over it. Besides, what did she care if he was angry? He’d been mad at her off and on for years.
But this time was different. He was hurting over his sister, and she’d only made things worse. She had to apologize, at the very least. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
He stood in the middle of the shop, sifting his hand through the small pile of wood shavings that lay on a long, tall, tool-nicked table. An unfinished cradle perched next to him, amid millions of tiny flecks of sawdust. The scent of freshly cut wood enveloped her as she breathed in.
“What do you want?” he asked, not looking up.
Rachel looked at his fingers as he continued to push around the shavings. Long, strong fingers attached to a large, calloused hand. The hand of an artist. She’d seen his work before and had grudgingly admitted he had a gift with wood. Always knowing that he had yet another talent had chafed her in the past, but thinking about it now only brought her admiration. Instead of maligning his talent, she should have been appreciating it. Just one more indication of what a rotten person she was when it came to him.
Finally, he glanced at her, his expression lifeless. “What?”
The sawdust made her itch, and she rubbed her nose with her palm. Then she quickly thrust her hands behind her back. “I, um, well, I want to apologize. To you.”
He shrugged, then went back to messing with the shavings. “Fine. You apologized. Now leave.”
Once again his response triggered a tiny spark inside her, but she pushed it down. He had been right; this wasn’t about her. It was about him and his family, a family he obviously deeply cared about. And she needed to show him that she understood.
She didn’t stop walking until she was right next to him. “Tobias, I’m really sorry. Especially about your sister. That’s a terrible thing to happen to her.”
Turning, his gaze met hers, its steeliness softening. “I appreciate that, Rachel. Been hard on her.”
“Hard on everyone, I’m sure.”
He nodded, his lips flattening in to a thin line. “All my life I’ve been taught that fighting is wrong, that hitting another person, no matter what, is forbidden. But right now I could hurt Levi Miller with my bare hands for what he’s done to Moriah.”
“No one would blame you if you did.”
“Yes, they would.” He let out a flat chuckle. “You know they would.” With a flick of his hand he swept the wood shavings off the table. They floated and shimmered to the floor.
She couldn’t argue with him, because what he was saying was true. “So what are you going to do?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing I can do. Moriah moved back home yesterday. I guess things will go back to the way they were before she was married.”
Yet they both knew things would never be the same. Not for his sister . . . and not for them. Their kiss had changed that.
They stood together in silence for a moment, Tobias staring at the mess on the shop floor in front of him. “Guess I better clean it up.”
“I’ll do it.” Rachel quickly went to the back of the shop and found the broom. Without looking at Tobias, she started sweeping the shavings into a small pile.