A Matter of Honor (15 page)

No mention was made of Lord Parrington
in the days that followed. Aggie dared to hope that Cecilie had forgotten him. Perhaps the Earl’s comment about the man’s horses
had
changed her mind. Where animals were concerned, she would stand for no cruelty. Any man, once condemned on that score, would never be able to worm his way back into her good graces.

Several gentlemen came to call, but Cecilie pronounced them all perfect blocks and the Earl did not press any of them upon her. His lordship, it seemed, was being very polite. Between the two of them
,
Cecilie and the Earl, Aggie felt sometimes like she was watching a play. It was almost as though they were each playing a part - determined to convince the other that the roles were the real people. To Aggie, who knew them both rather well, such behavior was more than a little peculiar.

To see the Earl, whom she had more than once observed in a towering rage with his ward, behave to her with such extreme politeness gave Aggie a feeling of unreality. And Cecilie’s behavior did nothing to alleviate that feeling. She was so utterly charming and pliable, so deferring to the Earl’s every opinion, that Aggie felt almost nauseated by it. If it hadn’t been so sickening, it might almost have been amusing. And still the two of them persisted in playing out their farce. And there was nothing Aggie could do about it.

After all, she told herself somewhat petulantly, which actually wasn’t like her at all, she had enough trouble keeping in check her feelings for the Earl. He spent most of the days away from the house on Grosvenor
Square, but he dined with them almost every evening. When his eyes met hers or lingered on her person, when she was anywhere near him, she was again overpowered by the force of her feelings for him. They were stupid feelings, of course - even dangerous, considering her vulnerable position in his household, but they were also feelings that could not be denied. His simple presence in a room caused her breath to quicken and her heart to flutter strangely in her breast. The warmth in those smoky gray eyes completely unnerved her. Thank heaven, she need not be alone with him! Cecilie’s presence forced her to keep a tight rein on her emotions. Otherwise she might well have been tempted to give way to the terrible longing that consumed her - a longing to feel the strength of his arms around her and the pressure of his mouth on hers. Such thoughts troubled her mind a great deal and, indeed
,
occupied it much of the time.

It was such thoughts that she was thinking one morning about a week after their excursion to the theater as she and Cecilie sat at breakfast. “Aggie!”

She could tell from Cecilie’s tone that this was not the first time her ward had called her name. She shook herself slightly. “Yes, my dear? I’m afraid I was woolgathering.”

“You do that a great deal lately,” said Cecilie thoughtfully, but before Aggie could prepare herself for an attack of questions, Cecilie grinned and shook the
Morning Chronicle
she was holding. “Look
,
Aggie! Mr. Sadler
,
the aeronaut, is going up in his balloon. It sounds like great fun.”

Aggie shook her head. “That doesn’t sound like fun to me.”

Cecilie’s eyes widened. “Why not?”

“Such ascents can be rather dangerous
,
as I recall.”

“Oh
,
marvelously exciting!” cried Cecilie.

Aggie sighed. “I doubt if it is much fun to be half frozen or to be forced to slash a hole in one’s balloon in order not to be landed in the river. Such accidents often happen to aeronauts.”

“But the weather is warm,” said Cecilie
.

Aggie shook her head slightly. “I understand it is quite cold up high.”

Cecilie’s face took on a bemused expression. “Just imagine. Floating up above all the housetops. Almost like a bird.”

Aggie eyed her charge sharply. “Cecilie, be sensible. Balloon ascension is a very dangerous occupation! Not an amusement for young ladies.”

“Yes, Aggie, I know.” Cecilie’s face wore an expression of contrition. “But don’t you think it might be educational to watch?” She consulted the paper again. “It says here that Mr. Sadler will make an ascension this afternoon at three from Hyde Park.”

Aggie smiled. “Well, at least he should be out of the way before the fashionables arrive for their ride at f
i
ve.”

“Oh, Aggie, I should very much like to see the balloon go up. Mayn’t we go?” Her wide eyes pleaded with Aggie. “I’ve been most awfully good,” she continued as Aggie offered no response. “You know I have.”

Aggie had to agree to that. “I know it, Cecilie. But I cannot take you to such a thing without the Earl’s permission.”

She expected a pout and an exclamation of anger, but Cecilie merely smiled. “I’ll just go now and ask him myself.” And she rose from the table.

Aggie was somewhat taken aback by the suddenness of the thing, but Cecilie was gone before she could muster her arguments. Aggie sighed again. She was probably upsetting herself over nothing. Surely the Earl would forbid such a junket. She attempted to lose herself in reading the latest theater reviews, but she could not concentrate. Then she decided she had best be prepared to deal with Cecilie’s disappointment.

But when Cecilie returned some moments later
,
her face was wreathed in smiles. “His lordship says it’s a capital idea, very educational.” From the look of triumph in her eyes Aggie knew that this must have been one of Cecilie’s arguments for the trip. “He says Winters will go along as well as the grooms. To keep an eye on us.”

Aggie nodded. The ways of his lordship were past understanding.

“He even says I may take Dillydums
,”
Cecilie chatted gaily on. “As long as I keep him on the leash.” She clapped her hands together in excitement. “Oh, Aggie, it will be just capital. I can scarcely wait. I wish it were time already!”

In the next hours Aggie, too, wished for a way to speed time by. First they must decide on a gown for Cecilie
,
then on a bonnet and slippers. Then Aggie was plied with question after question about the nature of balloons and the miraculous gas that allowed them to rise, and their behavior after they had risen. To all of which Aggie had perforce to reply, “I’m sorry, Cecilie, I really don’t know.”

“But Aggie, it is all so interesting!”

* * * *

The afternoon did finally arrive, in spite of Cecilie’s protestations that it obviously was never going to, and Cecilie, her blond curls hidden by a straw gypsy hat tied by a wide blue scarf, looked very young and pretty in her blue-sprigged muslin. Aggie herself wore yellow-sprigged muslin and a more sedate bonnet of woven straw which was kept in place by two broad ribbons tied under the chin. Dillydums
,
attired in his usual blue trousers and red jacket, was perched on Cecilie’s shoulder. His little black eyes seemed to take in everything he saw. Aggie would have really preferred not to bring along the monkey. Cecilie alone was more than enough to handle. But Dillydums was there and to insist that he stay behind might bring on a tantrum. And right now Aggie wished only for peace.

She wondered momentarily where this terrible tiredness she so often felt was coming from. She had never before been so utterly weary, except - She shook her head. She was not going to think about those days anymore. Or the grief she had felt. She would never feel such grief again. She had promised herself that. Yet -

“Aggie! You’re woolgathering again,” Cecilie eyed her curiously. “Whatever are you thinking about these days?”

Aggie managed a smile. “Nothing important. Shall we go?” And picking up her reticule and gloves, she followed Cecilie down the stairs and into the carriage.

The streets of the city were full of people and Cecilie’s bright eyes darted everywhere. “Look, oh look!” she called repeatedly, until Aggie thought her neck would break from the constant motion. She turned down requests for baked apples, sticky buns, and tea, reminding Cecilie of the difficulty of eating anything with Dillydums perched on her shoulder, ready to reach out and pinch a piece.

“Oh, all right. But Aggie, you put such a damper on things. Smile a little. You’re terribly glum these days.”

Cecilie turned immediately back to the fascinating street and so did not see the color that rose to Aggie’s cheeks at this accusation. She must get hold of herself. She could not bear having Cecilie after her with questions like this.

By this time they had reached the park, where a considerable number of people had gathered to see the brave aeronaut take to the skies. Off in the distance a small herd of deer and several cows could be seen grazing, on occasion raising their heads to contemplate with mild brown eyes the antics of these strange humans.

Winters threaded their carriage skillfully through the others until they were fairly close to the great balloon. Cecilie clapped her hands in glee. “Oh, this is wonderful. Just capital!”

Aggie had to admit that the balloon was rather exciting. It seemed quite large, hovering high in the sky above them, and decorated with bright designs in gay colors. A network of rope attached it to the colorfully decorated car below. And the whole was held to some sort of anchoring platform on the ground with more ropes. The bright and brilliant colors and the gay cheerful mood of the crowd gave the occasion a very festive appearance.

“See!” cried the excited Cecilie
.
“They are handing in things. Oh! It’s so exciting!”

Then a rising tide of sound announced the approach of the intrepid Sadler
,
his youthful face wreathed in smiles. To Aggie’s surprise, the young man actually looked happy.

“Isn’t he handsome?” cried Cecilie. “So brave.”

Aggie held back the question that had sprung to her lips. She dared not ask if Cecilie had just added aeronautical exploits to the list of prerequisites for a husband. Aggie did not at all like the look of this and she wished fervently that the Earl had denied Cecilie the trip
,
or at least had had sense enough to come along.

She watched in silence as the aeronaut mounted the car. “Oh!” cried Cecilie suddenly. “I must get closer.” And before Aggie could stop her she had scrambled out of the carriage and was worming her way through the crowd.

“Cecilie! Stop!” Aggie hurried to follow, but the crowd was densely packed and passage was very difficult. She had never before been alone on foot in such a crowd, but her worry over Cecilie kept most of her own feelings in abeyance. She pushed and shoved, trying to get closer to the balloon. She must get to Cecilie.

She had almost reached the edge of the space that was cordoned off by ropes when an exclamation went up from the crowd of onlookers. Aggie shoved her way to the front just in time to see the balloon rising. The aeronaut stood gaily waving and beside him, her bonnet askew and Dillydums jumping up and down on her shoulder, stood Cecilie
!

“
Cecilie
!
No! You must not!” cried Aggie, hardly aware that she spoke.

A kindly-looking man next to her chuckled. “Ain’t no yelling gonna bring that thing down now. No sirree
.
Mr. Sadler
,
he’s going to Dover.”

“Dover!” Aggie felt the ground begin to sink beneath her. “He can’t!” She turned frantically back toward the carriage. She must f
i
nd Winters. They had to do something. She began blindly pushing her way through the crowd.

“Miss! Miss!” Aggie f
i
nally realized that it was Winters who was impeding her progress. She tried to calm herself.

“It’s Cecilie,” she said. “She’s gone with the aeronaut.”

“Yes, miss. I seen.” Winter’s lined face was almost as pale as hers.

“Oh,” cried Aggie
,
and the word was a wail. “What shall we do?”

“My guess is we’d better get back to the Earl,” he said after a moment’s pause, and it was clear that the idea frightened him almost as much as it did her.

She nodded dumbly. “I suppose we’ll have to.”

As by a common thought their heads turned and their eyes moved to the sky. The balloon was now a small white speck to the south of them. “Well,” said Winters, in an obvious attempt to cheer her
,
“he’s got the right wind. That’s Dover way.”

Aggie nodded. As the people around them dispersed, she just stood there, too upset to know what she was doing.

“Miss,” said Winters, “the quicker we f
i
nds his lordship, the quicker he can go after her.”

Aggie allowed herself to be led back to the carriage and helped inside. As Winters guided the horses into the stream of conveyances leaving the park, she fought to keep back the tears. The Earl was going to be furious - and rightly so, she supposed -though she could not see how she could have avoided any of it. How could anyone be expected to know that Cecilie would do such a foolish thing? Her shoulders shook then with her efforts to hold back the sobs. Cecilie, up in that balloon, in a thin muslin gown. She had read that it got very cold up there. But even worse was what would happen when the balloon came down! Balloons could loose their gas and fall. She shuddered. Or when they were almost down, they could be suddenly sei
z
ed by the wind and dragged through trees and against buildings. She must stop thinking like this, she told herself. It would do no one any good. She tried to force her mind to other scenes, to keep from seeing Cecilie’s lively young body all bruised and bloodied.

They reached the house on Grosvenor
Square and Aggie hurried up to the door. There was no time to think of her own feelings. She must get help for Cecilie
.
“The Earl?” she asked Bates. “Is he in?”

“He just got in, miss. He’s in the library.”

Bates seemed about to tell her something more, but she was already gone, hurrying down the hall as fast as her trembling legs would take her. She did not stop to knock on the door, but pushed hurriedly through.
“
Denby
,
it’s
-”