“So,” James began as if stating a point,
“You’re a doctor at Wayside. What’s your specialty?”
She looked at James with wide eyes. “I’m
not a doctor. I’m a nurse. I work on the oncology floor.”
“Sarah told me you were a surgeon.”
She felt the lump in her stomach grow to
larger proportions. “I’m surprised she would have told you that, she knows I’m
a nurse. I’m sure you must have misunderstood.”
“Nope.”
Shrugging, she said tightly, “Well, I’m
sorry to say, but she misinformed you.”
He looked disillusioned. He didn’t
answer, and an uncomfortable silence ensued.
Thankfully, the waitress arrived to take
their drinks order and it was a welcome diversion.
Without even asking what she wanted,
James ordered a bottle of Château Roquefort. “You like red right?”
Before she could answer, the wine was
ordered. She sat quietly, nervously folding and unfolding her napkin. She only
drank white wine, and now she realized she couldn’t even get drunk on this
date. Talking about her job would be taboo, given James’ intense
disappointment. Stories about IVs and blood tests would not impress, nor
interest James in the least.
She fished for a subject that would click
for them both. “So James, what do you like to do in your spare time?” She
smirked and added, “Maybe you hunt deer or something or kill small animals.”
“Ha, funny,” he grunted. Stroking his
chin for a moment, he said, “I love fine wine, fine restaurants, and fine
women.” He looked straight at Penny with his eyes narrowed. “Do you want me to
be honest?”
She now felt as if ping pong balls were
doing flipflops in her stomach. She didn’t want him to be honest at all. “Absolutely,
of course.”
With a sly smile, James said, “Alright
then, here goes. Sex is my biggest interest. I love sex and if I could I would
have it three times a day with as much adventure, variety, toys, and positions
I could manage to dream up.” He looked at her square in the eye. “And believe
you me, I can conjure up a whole lot of stuff.” He leaned in closer to her, and
the crackling fire played off the face that she had initially found to be so
attractive. “Am I scaring the hell out of you with all this?” He laughed
suavely as if he had just told the most perfect dinnertime anecdote.
She kept her voice level, though a bolt
of anger was ricocheting around her insides. “I don’t think I needed to know
about that particular interest, James. It’s a little too much information on a
first date, don’t you think? I was hoping for something a little less personal,
maybe something like what kind of sports you like to watch on TV.”
His laugh turned harsh and ugly. The
waitress arrived with the wine and opened it at the table. He sampled it and
told her to pour both of them a glass.
Penny watched him practically finish the
first glass off with two big gulps, and then to her horror he promptly filled
his glass again. She knew he would be that much more offensive with each drink.
He was already trying to see how far he could go. He took another large gulp of
wine.
She sat watching him butter his roll.
Evidently he was having a lot of fun at her expense. He had most likely written
her off as a potential girlfriend the moment he found out she was a nurse.
“My sister’s a surgeon,” he said suddenly
through a mouthful of bread. He swigged it down with more wine. “And she works
her ass off, let me tell you.”
“Good for her,” she countered. “Look,
let’s find some commonality here or this could be one long dinner.” But she
felt as if she’d just been slapped with a huge chunk of ice. She was shocked
that Sarah Bentley had put the two of them together. It dawned on her that
Sarah may have not have had good intentions. What could she have against me?
she thought with sudden horror.
Her assumptions were confirmed when her
Romeo for the night said leeringly, “I told you my interests. Come on, we at
least have that in common. Don’t we?”
She could feel the heat in her cheeks;
she realised with dismay that she was out of her element. She’d never dealt
with a man like this.
He put his hand on Penny’s arm. “Don’t
tell me you’re a prude or anything ’cause that would disappoint me something awful.
We could have a great night ahead of us.”
“You’re kidding me right?” She felt that
little place inside her, that little sense of self she was trying so
desperately to build, crumple like a used-up tissue. She was at a loss what to
do now. She was used to being made to feel small, it felt so familiar to her.
She could step into being belittled as naturally as stepping into her shoes.
She was ready to bear the rest of the evening as best she could.
Just play along and let this asshole have
his thrills and get home as fast as you can, she told herself.
“I never joke about lovemaking. Ever.”
His fingers were lightly tracing the stem of his wine glass, and he smiled.
“I’m one serious guy when it comes to
that
.”
She took a deep breath. Penny thought of
how far she had come and how far she will continue to go toward the inner
knowledge that she is worth so much more than that. Anger burst forth so
quickly that she didn’t have time to process it. But in that quick instant of
overwhelming fury, she understood that she couldn’t bear anyone making her feel
small and insignificant. She’d had enough of that.
She stood up, picked up her untouched
wine, and poured it into James’ half-full glass. The wine spilled over onto the
table. She snarled, “I can’t stand red wine and I can’t stand spending another
minute with you.”
The hostess appeared to have teleported
out of nowhere, and was looking from Penny to the table and back with wide
eyes. “Everything alright miss?” the young girl asked. Penny was stunned by her
own actions.
She grabbed her bag off the table; James
grabbed a napkin to wipe off the wine that had spilled on his pants. His purple
tie, face and suit, spattered red, looked like a kid with measles.
“I think you should take your fancy suit
to the cleaners as soon as possible,” she said snidely. “Red wine stains,
that’s why I don’t drink it.” Two male waiters were now standing nearby, ready
to lend assistance; uncomfortable expressions all round. She felt a surge of
bravery and added, “No wonder you have to go on blind dates. Who would go out
with you once they met you?”
He answered through clenched teeth, “Go
home to your stupid dog. Who else would want you?”
She felt as if she’d been punched in the
stomach. Blinking a few times, she felt the tears come, even as she silently
prayed that they wouldn’t. Deep down, she wondered if this horrid man had,
perhaps, spoken the truth; but she certainly didn’t want him to see that.
She turned on her heel and marched
through the line of wait-staff to the coatroom. Thankfully, James did not
follow her out to continue the altercation. With a huge sigh of relief, she
jumped into her car and sped away from the restaurant.
The tears came freely then. With each
tear that fell, she felt the despair wrap around her all the more. All she had
tried to build in these past few months, the courage it took to make the
changes in her life… it seemed so futile now.
Nothing’s changed, she thought as a sob
caught in her throat, I’m still going home alone to sit with Winston and Bob;
James is right, I should never have believed that someone could love me the way
I want to be loved.
She told herself to be content with her
new friends and her new job and not to expect anything else. Like a smartly
dressed leprechaun stealing a bag of gold with a sex-laced leer, James had
successfully stripped her of her budding confidence in one short evening. She
hadn’t realized how fragile she was; she should have been more careful.
Dolores’ words blared into her mind like
a siren. Her well-wrought phrases clamour into your ears, spinning unchallenged
around your head as if they’ve charged down the gates and won the battle: Penny
don’t do this, it’s not worth it; Penny why are you doing that? It’s a mistake;
Penny, don’t try that, don’t do it, and don’t go, you can’t…
She stopped listening and swerved to the
side of the road.
From the distance a car approached. She
fought to regain control over her emotions. The car hushed past through the
dark, and she glanced over to see if it was James. She was almost sure that it
was.
Grabbing her cell phone out of her bag,
she called Aunt Bess. When she answered, her voice was filled with sleep.
Drumming her fingers on the steering
wheel, Penny’s voice cracked. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Penny! Are you okay? What’s happened?”
“No, Aunt Bess I’m fine, I just… I just
had to talk to you.”
“Thank God, I thought something dreadful
had happened. How was your date?”
“Awful,” she answered with a sob. “He was
a horrible man and I left him at the table before we ordered appetizers.”
Crying in big gasping gulps, she sputtered, “All my life, I never cried and now
it seems as if I can’t stop. I was never a cry baby was I?”
“Never, ever. Even when you fell and
scraped your knee, you were always a brave little soldier.”
“And, and, I never yelled at people did
I? Even when I got mad?” she asked as a fresh wave of sobbing gripped her.
“Not that I can recall.”
A sense of relief rush through her. In
the space of a few minutes she had faced many of her demons, and she was still
in one piece.
“God, Aunt Bess, who knew? All I do is
yell at people. I’m an angry mean person and I am scaring the hell out of myself.”
“Whoever you yell at must deserve it. And
probably deserved it for years.” She laughed. “You may just be warming up, you
know.”
“Don’t say that!”
“The blinders are off, my dear. The power
Dolores has had over you is losing its mighty grip. You may not see it, but I
do. Just a short time ago, you would never in a million, gazillion, years have
left anyone at a restaurant, even if they hit you over the head with a crispy
duck.”
The crying stopped, and Penny managed to
laugh. “Am I such a wimp? God I’m so confused. Well at least you love me Aunt
Bess, and I hope I’m done with being mad at everyone else.” She felt as if big
boulders had been lifted from her shoulders. Having no confidence had held her
down; now she realized she had a chance to take care of herself. Walking out on
James had proven that to her.
Penny knew what she had to do. She would
attend Thanksgiving dinner at her parents’ house. She would face her brothers
and her sisters-in-law, and she would be overjoyed to see her nephews and
niece. But more importantly, she would try to make her family see her in a
different light, and she could only hope to gain their respect.
“Aunt Bess,” she began, “I can’t believe
you’re going back to Florida in two days. What am I going to do without you?”
Chuckling, she replied, “Don’t worry,
there’s always the phone. I’ll always have your back and do you want to know
why?”
“Why?”
“Because,” Aunt Bess stated simply, “I
love you.”
Feeling calmer, she stood with Winston in front of her
apartment building. The damp air was chilling her to the bone, and the
lamplight cast weird reflections in the puddles. She heard footsteps. Of all
people, Sarah Bentley was walking down the street: she hadn’t seen Sarah out at
this time of night for years. She felt the anger rush toward her like a dark
spirit.
Trying to keep her voice even, she called
out, “Hey Sarah, is that you?” She didn’t turn around, just carried on walking.
“Sarah!” Penny screamed out.
Sarah halted.
Legs shaking, Penny crossed the street.
“I went on my date tonight with James. Remember?” Sarah still hadn’t turned
around. “Why couldn’t you come, again?” Sarah just stood there, silent and
unmoving. “Do you even know him that well?”
Whirling around, Sarah answered sharply,
“Of course I do. My boyfriend works in the same office as James. I told you
that.”
“Then how could you have matched me up
with him? He’s crazy!”
“Well, it appears to me that you like a
little excitement. I mean after all, you found me so boring. I thought his
personality would be a good match for yours. Plus, I know you both have
something in common. He loathes reality TV just as much as you.”
A dozen gobsmacked thoughts and emotions
flew at Penny in less than a second. She shouted back, her voice echoing down
the empty street, “You knew how awful he was so you set me up with him on
purpose. Why did you do that?”
“So that’s the thanks I get? Oh, how
appreciative you are,” she said sarcastically.
Trouble was brewing in Penny’s head; a
barrage of vicious retorts lined up ready to be hurled in Sarah Bentley’s direction.
But, as if the dark spirit had run out of “oomph” and departed, a calm thought
infused her mind. She said, very calmly, “You’re not worth having this
conversation with.” She tugged gently on Bob’s leash and walked in the opposite
direction.