A Simple Mistake (15 page)

Feeling quite gloomy, Lainey drove home from Lara’s place. It had been a year since she and Nick had broken up, not that she’d expected Lara to remember, and she hadn’t.

Instead, she’d announced that she and Adam were moving to Queensland.

Adam had successfully applied for a job at Valley Christian College, the school founded by Lainey’s old church. With his parents now retired to the Gold Coast and his two older brothers and their families in Brisbane, he wanted to take the opportunity to live closer to them. Lara didn’t mind. They wanted to start a family sometime soon and they could save money, living in the granny flat under Adam’s parents’ place.

‘So you’ll come and visit us, won’t you?’ asked Lara.

‘Of course I will.’ Lainey hugged her friend. ‘Between you and Hannah, I’ve got good reason to come up as often as I can.’

‘I’m glad about that. Now,’ Lara looked uncomfortable, ‘I don’t know how you’re going to take this but I’ve got something for you from Nick. He was here the other night before The Mavericks flew out to the States and he asked me to give you this.’ Lara handed Lainey a CD.

‘Thanks.’ Lainey wasn’t quite sure what to think. She turned it over in her hand a couple of times and then put it in her handbag.

‘He said you’d probably use it as a coaster.’

‘As if I’d do that. It’ll end up in my treasure box.’

‘He said that too.’

Lainey sighed, and then it dawned. ‘There’s a song on it about me, isn’t there?’

‘Three. My favourite was released as a single last week and it’s already climbing the charts. Nick wrote it the night you guys broke up.’

Lainey made a face. ‘It’s a year ago today.’

‘Lainey, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise.’

‘Well, life goes on. And I’m glad for you two; it’ll be an adventure. I’ve got to go.’ She didn’t at all; she just wanted be at home. ‘Maybe I’ll end up back on the Gold Coast one day too.’

‘I’d love it if you did.’ Lara hugged her hard. ‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

Lainey had to crawl home in the traffic, torrential rain making it worse. But it gave her a chance to listen to the CD.

The first two songs were catchy and upbeat. When the next one started it was obvious it was the one Lara had referred to. It was in a minor key, very pretty, but also reflective and sad.

‘
Wish I didn’t love so much; I can’t believe it’s not enough

To keep you here with me, with me.

Thought we’d love as we grew old

There’d be forever to have, to hold

Close beside me, always with me.
’

Lainey toyed with the idea of turning it off but she wanted to hear the whole thing, even if it upset her. The emotion in Nick’s voice was very real.

She was less than a hundred metres from home, hearing all about his ‘
restless, aching, burning; hollow, empty, yearning, homeless heart
’ when she was distracted by an ominous clunk-clunk-clunk. She groaned out loud. A puncture. What a wonderful day.

Lainey thought about the lyrics as she nursed her car the short distance home. She didn’t think Nick would have too much trouble finding his heart a home. In fact she could almost hear the piercing cries of thousands of desperate females clamouring to be the answer to his problem. Going by the magazines she’d got into the habit of flicking through at the supermarket, and from the girls at work who kept her up to date on Nick’s social life as reported on pay TV, he wasn’t exactly hard up for female company. It seemed she’d done the entire female population a huge favour by breaking up with him. He appeared to attend every party, opening night and fundraiser available to man and was never photographed with the same girl twice.

As for her, well, she did nothing to make interesting reading and she didn’t exactly have a bevy of men queuing to take a number like impatient customers at the deli, anxious to ask her out on a date. She had to admit that was partly her fault. According to Kate and Lara, she had become an ice maiden, her disinterest in men visible from a hundred metres.

The last six months had had a few changes but nothing very exciting. Kate’s friend Emily had replaced Lara and they wanted to share a room so Lainey had ended up by herself. She didn’t mind; it meant she had a lot more privacy and opportunity to sift through her treasure boxes and brood.

She had two boxes now. The one Nick had made for her was dedicated to him and all the things he’d given her, the other comprised of everything else. She tried not to go down Nostalgia Lane too often, but she’d indulged on Valentine’s Day and her birthday. Those two days had been so different compared to last year. Today being what it was she felt she could allow herself another browse. Anyhow, she had the new CD to add to it so she was going to have to open the box regardless.

At least she hadn’t been on any emotional roller coaster rides.

She heaved a sigh. Emotional roller coasters were wonderful when they involved Nick. She’d enjoyed it when they’d locked horns. Sometimes she said things just to get a reaction; he was usually so laid back and relaxed it was fun to see him get fired up.

He’d fired up at Lara’s wedding alright.

Walking away from him had been the worst. All she’d wanted to do was fling herself on him and tell him she was in love with him too and who cared, let’s get married. But the sterner stuff she knew she was made of had come to the fore and she’d walked away.

Lainey punched the stereo’s off button and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, not wanting to get out and face the elements. It was the perfect kind of day to get morose. The weather and the flat tyre alone were enough. Add that to everything else—

The knock on the window sent her head snapping back onto the headrest.

‘Sorry – are you alright?’

Lainey rubbed the back of her skull and wound down her window. A pair of blue eyes rather like her own, peered at her. The owner of the eyes also had a thatch of thick, dark hair and a nice smile, all protected by a large golf umbrella.

‘I’m fine, thanks.’ Lainey knew she sounded cross but didn’t care.

‘Yes, but you’ve got a flat tyre and it’s pouring.’

‘That’s okay. I live just here.’ She indicated the building beside her then was annoyed with herself for giving away such information to a complete stranger.

Her face must have reflected her thoughts.

‘Don’t worry, I know who you are. We go to the same church. I thought I’d drop in to see my sister Rachel who lives next door to you but she’s not home. I’m Josh.’

‘Oh, hi.’ Lainey felt a bit better. His face wasn’t familiar but that wasn’t unusual in a church their size. She had a vague memory of Rachel saying her brother was coming back from overseas. There was some sort of story attached to him but she couldn’t remember what it was.

‘Listen, can I change your tyre for you? I know it’s raining but I won’t melt. Then you can ask me in for a coffee and I can talk to you about something we have in common.’

Lainey didn’t like his assertive approach, but she did need her tyre fixed. ‘What do we have in common?’

‘Why don’t you hold the umbrella for me first?’

If he could solve her immediate problem, why not? She watched him wield the jack and the tools needed to do the job and in less than fifteen minutes it was done.

Josh lifted the punctured tyre into the boot and then dusted off his hands. ‘Right. How about that coffee?’

She gave him a towel to dry off while she made them both a drink and got out the jar of choc-chip cookies she always had on hand.

‘Thanks for coming to my rescue,’ she said, ‘it hasn’t been the best of days.’

‘I figured that. I was wondering if you’d passed out or something when I saw you with your head on the steering wheel. You gave me a bit of a fright.’

‘Ditto.’ Lainey felt the back of her head. ‘So what have we got in common?’

‘Tell me about your day first.’

He was nosy but she couldn’t be bothered arguing. ‘It’s a year today since I broke up with my boyfriend who I’m still in love with; my best friend just told me that she and her husband are moving to the Gold Coast; it was pouring with rain and I had a flat tyre but you’ve fixed that for me. I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch.’

‘I know about rough patches. They have a way of sorting themselves out.’ He brushed the crumbs off his fingers, linked his hands behind his head, one leg crossed over his opposite knee.

Lainey’s heart gave a little tug. Nick often sat like that. ‘So what’s your story? Rachel said she had a brother coming back from somewhere. Where have you been?’

‘I’ve just come back from two years in Hong Kong. I’ve been teaching Physical Education at one of the international schools over there but I decided it was time to come home.’

So he was a teacher. Was that what they had in common?

‘What made you go over there?’

For the first time he seemed less relaxed. ‘My wife died two and a half years ago. Tess had cystic fibrosis and even though I knew it would happen, it was tougher than I thought and I needed to get away, go somewhere different.’

‘Oh!’ Lainey hadn’t expected that. ‘I’m sorry. That must have been dreadful. My pathetic ramble is nothing compared to that.’

‘Don’t be silly. You’ve had it tough too, just in a different way.’

He was being kind.

‘It sounds like you were very happy together.’

‘We were. I’m glad we had the time we did. We’d been going out since high school and I knew how things would end up, but I don’t regret one minute of it. I’d do it all over again.’

‘Nick and I were high school sweethearts,’ said Lainey, ‘but we lost contact for ten years. We got back together for six months, but he’s not a Christian so I broke it off.’

‘That can’t have been easy.’

‘No, it wasn’t. It still isn’t. Anyhow, what did you want to talk to me about?’

Josh eyed her over his coffee. ‘You don’t know this yet but your Phys Ed teacher has quit. I’m the replacement and I start on Monday. What can you tell me about your school?’

Josh McMillan, or Mr Mac as the kids called him, was an instant hit. All the girls in Lainey’s class thought he was wonderful and the boys all wanted to win his approval in whatever athletic task he set them. He had their respect and admiration by the end of the first week.

Lainey found him very easy to talk to but that was as far as it went. He was good-looking in a sporty, outdoors kind of way, patient with the kids, and had a great sense of humour. But when she compared him to Nick, he came up short, even if he had changed her tyre in less than fifteen minutes.

On a Friday afternoon in late October, Lainey was lugging the softball kit from the bus back to her classroom when she saw him coming towards her.

‘Let me take that for you.’

‘Oh, hi. Thanks.’ Lainey was happy to let him take the bag. It was heavy and unwieldy.

‘Did you win?’

‘Yep. Seven runs to five.’

‘Well done.’ He stopped outside her classroom and looked around before asking his question. ‘What are you doing tonight, Lainey?’

‘Nothing much, why?’

‘Will you come out for dinner with me? It’s not a date. I know where you stand on all that. I just want to go out somewhere nice with someone I can relax with and enjoy a good meal.’

‘So we’ll go halves then?’

‘Sure. I’ll pick you up at six. That should give you plenty of time to get ready, seeing as how you don’t have to worry because it’s not a date.’ He grinned, dumped the kit in the doorway and headed off towards the sports department.

Perhaps Josh could accompany her to the odd event that required a partner, like end of year functions at school, weddings and such. Brian used to do it before he’d started dating Kate. She mentioned it later that evening as they enjoyed their steak.

‘Suits me as long as you don’t mind doing the same.’ He sat back. ‘I’ve never had to worry about dating before. It’s a nightmare. Like I told you, Tess and I were an item in high school and we never dated anyone else.’

‘Nick and I were the same except he left before either of us were old enough to have a driver’s licence. Most of our social life was within our youth group.’
Except for one momentous afternoon
. ‘We had our first date after we met up again.’

‘Tell me about him, Lainey. He must be some guy for you to still feel about him as you do.’

She knew he was aware of who Nick was; the girls at work and church had taken care of that, but he seemed to understand how she needed to talk about him. ‘Okay. As long as you tell me about Tess.’

He grinned. ‘We’ll be here all night.’

She started at the beginning but left out the bits about Liam and the magazine articles. Nobody else needed to know about those. By the time she’d finished and Josh had asked lots of questions, it was late and they were the last ones left in the restaurant.

‘We’d better go.’ Josh stood and got out his wallet. ‘Thank you, Lainey. I feel like I know you so much better. Let me get tonight, and you can pay for next week. I want to tell you all about Tess so we might as well do it the same way. Is that okay?’

‘Why not?’ Lainey hadn’t enjoyed herself so much in ages.

The following Friday night, Lainey could see it was as good for Josh to be able to talk openly as it had been for her. She had tears in her eyes a few times when he was telling her about Tess’s battle with her chronic lung disease.

Despite Tess dying from not having a lung transplant in time and despite the fact she had died, Josh’s faith hadn’t wavered.

‘That’s what Tess taught me,’ he said. ‘She knew where she was going and though she didn’t want to leave she was exhausted. She was a true Aussie battler. God hadn’t given up on her so she wasn’t about to give up on Him. She died knowing she’d kept the faith right to the end.’

‘I’d like to have met her.’ Lainey wiped her eyes yet again.

‘She’d have liked you. You’ve got the same kind of spirit.’

‘So how come you ended up in Hong Kong?’

‘I got pretty angry for awhile. I think it was the build up towards the end. It had been going on for years and when she’d gone, there was nothing to fight for and I was left with this big hole in my life. My school principal came up with the idea. He thought a complete change might do me good and he was right. It’s funny how God uses people who don’t even believe He exists to point you in the right direction sometimes.’

Lainey nodded, thinking of Malcolm.

‘Want to do this next Friday?’ Josh looked hopeful as he dropped her off.

Lainey sat back in the car she’d just gotten out of. ‘You realise that people are talking about us don’t you?’

‘Rachel had mentioned it.’

‘You go out somewhere twice and this church has you married off within a year.’

Josh grinned. ‘We’d better set a date then. Look, I realise you’re nowhere near ready to have a relationship with anyone, and that’s okay. I appreciate having you as a friend.’

Friday nights became the pattern in the weeks ahead. Being a P.E. teacher, Josh was interested in a lot of sports and they often played tennis and squash, and went to the football. He got to know Adam and Lara and had an instant connection with Adam which wasn’t particularly surprising, given their occupations.

Lara quizzed her one night. ‘Are you sure you’re not falling for him?’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘It’s a shame. If it wasn’t for Nick, you two would be perfect for each other.’

‘Tell that to my heart.’ Lainey fiddled with the ends of her hair, twirling it around. ‘It would be so much easier if I didn’t feel the way I do.’

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Lara said, ‘and I’m trying to be very careful how I put this, but do you think Nick’s become a
habit
? He’s been a part of you for so long.’

If Lara had been anyone else, Lainey would have been annoyed but she knew her friend loved her and was only trying to help. And what if she was right? There could be some truth to what she said. It was something to mull over but she’d do it later when she was lying in bed. For now she’d keep it light.

‘Unfortunately, I don’t think the pharmacy sells ‘Nickotine’ patches big enough for the habit I’ve got.’ It was a pathetic joke and she deserved the cushion Lara threw at her. It also ended the topic of discussion.

The girls at work thought Josh was a hunk and didn’t believe her when she said that there wasn’t any chemistry. On the odd occasion when their hands had brushed, Lainey hadn’t felt a thing. With Nick, it was a whole different story. Lainey hadn’t forgotten the sensations when he’d kissed her hand, let alone kissed her mouth.

She was confronted by true love yet again when Sarah and Hamish announced their engagement. Lainey was thrilled and accepted the invitation to be a bridesmaid. They were planning a March wedding which was only four months away but Sarah was confident that, with Lainey’s help, they could organise it in time. They had their engagement party in the backyard and Lainey decorated it as she had for Sarah’s birthday almost two years ago. Lainey ran a critical eye over everything and made a few minor adjustments. ‘It looks good, doesn’t it?’ she said to Josh.

‘It’s impressive. And so are you. You look lovely in that dress.’ He reached out and squeezed her hand.

He’d never touched her like that before. Alarmed, she put the thought aside and went to greet the first lot of guests.

* * *

‘What have you got planned for the holidays, Lainey?’

It was a week after the engagement party and Lainey had kept her distance from Josh until tonight. They’d gone to their staff Christmas party together but they’d had enough and escaped to Bondi to enjoy the ocean breeze and the quieter atmosphere.

‘Not a lot. I’m spending as much time as I can with Lara before she and Adam leave in the New Year. I’m going to miss her so much.’

‘And I’m going to miss you more than you’d probably like me to.’

He and Rachel were leaving straight after school finished and spending Christmas with their family in Adelaide. They wouldn’t be back for three weeks.

‘Josh, don’t. You’re spoiling everything.’

‘Maybe, but there’s something I want you to think about. I’ve got a theory.’

Lainey already knew she wasn’t going to like it.

‘I think your feelings for Nick have become such a habit you don’t know how to let them go.’

Had he discussed this with Lara? They’d better not have.

‘You’ve known him for so long, grown up together, have all that history and now he’s a big star …’ he shrugged. ‘I don’t blame you for wanting to hang on. But face it Lainey, he’s not a Christian. How long do you plan on waiting for him? One thing I’ve learned from my time with Tess is that life is too short. Sometimes you need to move on, as difficult as that may be.’

Lainey dug her nails into her palms. ‘If it wasn’t for the fact I have respect for what you’ve gone through and you know what you’re talking about as far as letting go is concerned, I’d tell you exactly what I think about your theory. How can you tell me what I feel for Nick is just a pointless habit?’

‘I didn’t put it
quite
like that,’ he said. ‘I’m asking you to think about it while I’m away, that’s all.’

She stared at him for a long moment. ‘I’d like to go home.’

‘I’m sorry, Lainey,’ he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence as they pulled up outside her flat, ‘but I can’t pretend my feelings haven’t changed.’

She gave him a tight smile. ‘I’m annoyed, but I’m also flattered.’

‘Well, that’s something, I suppose. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

As she lay in bed, thoughts jostled for space. What if Josh and Lara were right? It made a
tiny
bit of sense. It was ironic, but with Josh, she should have followed her heart not her head, and given him a wide berth. With Nick it was the opposite. Her heart had ruled and put her through a dreadful tug of war.

Sometimes she didn’t understand what God was doing at all.

* * *

Over the Christmas break, Lainey did a lot of thinking. As usual, she spent it with her mother and Roger; Sarah and Hamish were there as well. She did her best to be cheerful but she was preoccupied. What should she do about Josh?

To her surprise, she missed him. Maybe he was right and these feelings she had for Nick were there only because she hadn’t ever had a romantic relationship with anyone else.

She still thought about Nick every day and he was on her prayer list, right up there with Liam. If he would come to his senses and surrender his life to the Lord, then everything would be alright. Or would it? Should she presume he would be hers if that happened?

After much soul-searching, she knew what she had to do.

When she returned home, Lainey got out Nick’s treasure box and went through it once more. It was going to be the last time for a very long while. She re-read the cards, the handwritten notes, and looked over the photos. She got out the latest Maverick’s album and read Nick’s thank yous. When she’d discovered his cryptic remarks a few months ago she had shed a few tears. ‘
My
2Ls – I hope that one day we’ll be together; love always.
’ Maybe it would happen, maybe it wouldn’t.

Lainey got down on her knees beside her bed and prayed, surrendering her feelings for Nick to the Lord. She prayed about her relationship with Josh and committed that to God too. When she’d finished, she got up, put on a music CD, turned it up loud and set about doing some baking. It was time to get on with her life.

* * *

Josh looked better than Lainey remembered. He took her to a café down the bay and it wasn’t until they’d been through the small talk of their Christmases that he asked the question.

‘So did you think about me?’ He flicked a glance then swirled the last of his coffee around.

Lainey pleated her serviette. ‘More than I thought I would. You made me have a good look at myself. I thought about what you said about Nick being a habit and while I’m not entirely sure, I’ll admit it
could
be true.’

His face lightened. ‘And?’

‘I missed you more than I expected.’

He reached across and squeezed one of her hands then let it go.

‘Josh, I have a lot more baggage than you realise. I may not tell you about it for awhile, but you need to know it’s there. I’m just warning you in advance, in case …’ She fumbled and floundered, gesturing with her hands.

He caught one and grasped it. ‘I won’t rush you.’

She gave him a shy smile. ‘Okay. Thanks.’ And left her hand in his.

* * *

Lainey was thankful Josh kept his word. When they walked on the beach or saw a movie he would take her hand but that was it – for two weeks, anyway.

She thought he might have kissed her after they’d waved Adam and Lara off to Queensland. She’d held it together in front of the Bancrofts, but later that evening, it had been a comfort to have Josh’s strong shoulder to cry on. He’d come close then, but it hadn’t happened. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

The night before they went back to work, they went out for dinner at Bondi Beach and then walked along the esplanade.

‘Are you happy, Lainey?’ Josh searched her face in the moonlight. ‘Are you okay with us so far?’

She smiled. ‘Yes, I am. It’s nice. I feel comfortable with you.’

‘Nice? I hope it’s more than just nice,’ he said, then took her in his arms.

As far as kisses went the first one was gentle and warm and held a hint of things to come. Technically, Lainey couldn’t fault it or the ones that followed.

‘Please tell me that wasn’t like kissing your brother.’

‘No,’ she said, smiling, and this time she kissed him.

She couldn’t help making comparisons. When she held Josh’s hand it was, well,
nice
, but it never invoked what she’d felt with Nick. She liked being with Josh, and yes, even enjoyed kissing him.

But the truth was undeniable. She’d had a taste of the other and it had spoiled her.