Authors: Amy Mullen
Weeks passed and the summer began to fade. Gemma was weary as the missing men had not been found
,
and two people from the village also came up missing. She was also resigned to the fact she would never understand
her husband
. He had not touched her since the night he rescued her from Hugh Bigod. He was attentive and sweet to her, but he avoided touching her in the night. Their relationship was deepening despite the lack of physical touch. Her love for him was
blossoming
each day too.
She felt she might go mad. It was nearing the end of July and nothing had changed. She busied herself with preparations for the winter to come. The winters on the Thames were cold and long. It took a lot of food to feed everyone. There were always hunting parties throughout the winter, no matter
how
cold and wet the winter would be, but vegetables and fruit must be preserved. Leda was in charge of this with the aid of Gemma, who was now the acting lady o
f the castle in every capacity.
It was impossible to focus on what Leda
was telling her about the garden a
nd what was about to ripen. S
he could not focus. No matter how hard she tried, her mind simply was not on winter food storage and which vegetables could be preserved now and which would come later.
Though she thought it too good to be true, s
he was all but sure she was pregnant. She knew when it happened, as there had only been one night they had spent together since their wedding night. If her count was true, she was expecting a baby. She
was
unwell in the late evening and had only picked at her food the past few nights
, and she
was also sluggish and tired even after a good night of rest.
She wrestled with telling Nicholas about the babe. The pregnancy was new and exciting. She knew early on the babe was fragile and perhaps waiting to tell him would be wise. That would save him some pain should the babe die. That did not stop her from touching her still flat stomach and dreaming about what their baby would look li
ke.
This was another reason why she had to be careful. She could not put herself in danger. She allowed Matthew to walk with her instead of behind her, no longer rebelling at the constant state of being guarded within the castle walls. A baby changed everything. It was no longer all about her.
The soldier turned out to be quite
charming and a much needed diversion. He talked with her when Nicholas simply did not have time.
Remaining polite, he
never mentioned anything about the night she tricked him. She learned about his home
,
and he often talked of how grateful he was to Nicholas and Henry for this assignment. He had grown to love Blackstone Castle and wanted to remain.
She
did not know why he was so certain he wanted to settle there until
s
he saw him with Leda
'
s youngest daughter, Adela. They kept a respectful distance from each other, talking together near the orchard. They did not touch, but Gemma could tel
l they wanted nothing more. T
here would be another wedding in Blackstone and
,
from the looks on their faces when they were together, she sensed it would be before the
year was done
.
Blaise
was doing well, though he still tired easily. Isabel was increasingly grumpy. She was scared and not old enough to properly deal with
the new restrictions in her life
. Rulnoff had indeed healed
,
just as Nicholas had said he would
,
and was once again on duty. He had a limp, but he was working with it instead of against it, which won him much admirat
ion
from
those within the walls.
A horn sounded as she strolled with Matthew. It was not meal time, which meant something was amiss. It was the warning call she feared and still heard in her nightmares.
It was Rulnoff she spotted first, near the entrance to the stables, struggling with someone. At first she thought he was being attacked, but it was not so. The man in his arms was falling. She instantly recognized the falling man as Willis Gromme.
Men-at-arms came running and shouts echoed off the walls. Willis was lying on the hard earth, his breathing labored and his skin pale. Sweat was beading on his forehead and his limbs were limp. Someone took off running
toward
the south wall, looking for Nicholas. He appeared instantly.
Willis was not responding. Someone had lifted his head from the ground. Nicholas pushed everyone aside and scooped up the man in his arms and ran with him to the great hall, struggling with his weight. Gemma followed, though she stayed out of the way of everyone else rushing to help
him
. Matthew was right behind her, visibly shaking as they ran.
There was a crash as the candlesticks on the dais were brushed off
,
and Willis was laid atop it. Nicolas was almost as pale as Willis. He commanded someone bring water and Father Darius be summoned.
He
picked up Willis
'
s limp hand in his, talking to him in a voice that faltered, the words not clear to anyone but him. The seneschal did not respond.
Nicholas
glanced
up. His eyes were wild as he surveyed the scene around them.
"
The stables are to be searched!
"
he bellowed.
"
I want to know what he ate to break his fast this morn. Who was with him?
"
"
I was, milord,
"
Oliver de Toeni said as he took off his gloves
.
"
W
e were out riding in the wood together as we do most mornings before dawn. When we returned, he ate in the hall
,
and I ate after.
"
Nicholas
stared
at him and then nodded, as if the words took a while to register. Father Darius came in
,
and there was much confusion as men went back to their posts but also
ran to do their lord
'
s bidding.
"
Is he injured?
"
the priest asked,
lifting
his hand to his forehead in disbelief.
"
Nay,
"
Nicholas shook his head,
"
I do not think so. I see no injury
,
but I have not had much time. He fell and he sleeps.
'
Tis all I know.
"
"
This had become far too common here,
"
the priest
said to no one in particular.
"
We shall arrange to have him taken to th
e empty quarters in the solar.
"
Gemma had not said much and had stayed back. She knew this was something she could help with
,
so she rushed off to find some assistance. Gavin
'
s quarters between her father
'
s and her own were vacant
,
and that was the perfect place for Willis to rest. It appeared Nicholas was greatly troubled and having him close
might
help. Servants were already in motion upon hearing the command of Father Darius, so there was not much she could d
o to
help
after all
.
After Willis was taken to the solar, Nicholas grabbed Gemma by the arm and pulled her into their quarters. He was shaking. His face was dark and stormy.
"
If anything happens to him, I shall never forgive myself,
"
he began and then stopped. He walked to look out t
he window with his back to her.
"'
Tis not your fault,
"
she said, not sure if she should go to him or remain where she was.
"
But I feel as you do. Willis is a fine man
,
and this is truly unbearable.
"
"
You do not understand, woman,
"
he
said, his voice low and hoarse
.
"
Willis was the only person I trusted for a long time. He and I met when Henry was crowned
,
and we served together. When it came time to come here, he was the first to step up to come with me. He has no family. I am all he knows. And now,
"
he paused with his head bent,
"
now I have failed him.
"
"
Nay!
"
she
said, walking to him. She stopped behind him, still not sure if she should touch him or not.
"
You did not do this.
"
"
I have not stopped it.
"
"
I do not see it that way. You have been tireless and diligent. You are not God. You cannot see all and know all,
"
she replied.
"
You would not understand,
"
he said
.
"
I should have ended this long ago. I came here out of revenge without thinking through what it
truly
meant to be here. My attentions
toward
you have taken me from my goals. Willis is ill
,
and the others have died because of my blunderings. I never should have come here no matter what Henry commanded. You have been the root of all of the evil in my life.
"
Her heart twisted within her.
The room spun around her.
Had he just blamed her for all that had happened here?
"
You do not mean it,
"
she whispered.
"
Aye, I do! Had I been on guard, Phillip would not have been near you. My men would not be missing
,
and Willis would be well. I have been too kind and too lenient on the people within these walls. I have become soft
,
and
'
tis because of you.
"
Hot tears hit Gemma
'
s cheeks as she clenched her fists at her sides, her nails digging into her flesh.
His anger was palpable.
He continued,
"
Had I kept my guard up and my heart hard, Willis would not be lying in a bed, unaware of the world around him. Had I kept you where you belong, Rulnoff would not have been hurt. Had I become true lord of this castle, you would still be p
aying for what happened to me!
"
She
cringed as he picked up a stool and threw it at the stone wall with so much force it crumbled upon impact. Splintered legs landed on the floor and scattered.
"
You are a brute,
"
she said through clenched teeth,
"
and as soon as I can, I will be away from you. You still hold your past in my face as if I had a hand in it. You blame me for your pain. You came here to hurt me and my family, and now, even though you know the truth, you still push me away and treat me as if I were a mere distraction of no importance to you.
"
"
My involvement with you was a mistake right from the beginning. Had I never come in the night to meet you, we wo
uld not be here today.
"
"
You are maddening!
"
she spit
out
, her anger and pain coming to the surface.
"
Despite all you have learned, you still blame me. I do not know how to believe anything you have told me.
"
"
You defy me,
"
he
said as he
spun around to face her,
"
and you do it at every opportunity. You have caused me great pain
,
and I will have no more of it. You lead my men astray and cause them to be weak. I cannot be lord with you undermining my authority within these walls!
"
Gemma steadied her voice, her only option clear,
"
I shall leave then. I will go to my uncle in Wales. We shall remain married. There is nothing that can change that, so your hold on this land is secure.
'
Tis all you care for. I once loved it here, but living with a man who does not know how to trust me is too much to bear.
"
"
You are my wife, like it or hate it, and you will do as you are told! You will stay out of my way
,
and you will not step foot out
side of the keep until I say so.
"
His entire body was tense, his voice harsh.