Addicted to Mr. Parks (The Park #2) (5 page)

“One minute,” she agreed.

I gaped at her, shaking my head mindlessly. Unbelievable. One touch from Mr. Parks and she melted into a bloody puddle of hormones.

Parks wandered over to the curtain after she’d left, making sure it was closed. He kept his hand on the curtain, scrunching it into his palm and spoke with his back to me. “Come home with me.”

His soft plea halted my breath instantly. “What?”

Spinning on his black, wing-tipped shoe, he moved over to my bedside and knelt beside me. “I can get you specialist help, Evelyn. Please. Let me take care of you.”

I looked down at where his hand covered mine and embraced the warmth his touch gave. I’d missed it. Indisputably. Being in his presence made me realise how much I missed his arrogant ways. His cocky attitude. Even though I denied him in the beginning, it was still hard to ignore how he made me feel. However, I listened to my head and pulled my fingers from his grasp.

“You told me you would never leave, but you left me when I needed you the most. You said you were different. You said you weren’t like the others, the ones who abandoned me.” I pushed him in the shoulder, but he didn’t flinch. “I opened up to you,” I continued. “It may have only been a little, but it meant a lot to me. I told you I felt safe in your arms, and you completely betrayed my trust. You told me you wanted me to feel safe with you, and you left me. And now you want to take care of me?”

He took my hand once again even though I was trying to fight him off. “Evelyn, I was angry. I promise to explain my reaction.”

“Explain?” I scoffed. “Your reaction explained enough.”

He stopped fighting me and stood from his crouched position to turn his back on me. “It was spontaneous, I agree.”

“Ha.” I laughed. “Spontaneous? You acted like a heartless twat.”

His hands fisted as he turned. “Don’t say that. I have been nothing but good to you, Evelyn.”

He wasn’t getting it. “If you’re so good for me, then why have you sucked the life out of me?”

His expression stumbled at my statement. My words cut him deep, but I meant them.

“I’m sucking the life out of you?”

“You already have. I’m exhausted from thinking about you. Tired of trying to block you out of my mind. Shattered from denying you. You’re sending me insane because you’re making me feel things I don’t want to feel.”

“That’s a bad thing?” He was completely clueless for a man of his intelligence.

I looked away. “It is for me, Parks.”

“Call me Wade. Fucking hell!” He was exasperated, but behind his shield I sensed a wounded, tormented soul. A soul maybe similar to mine, but he never unleashed that vulnerability that I sensed. He had to have control. It was his defence. It was his shield, just like alcohol was mine.

After a tense pause, I explained myself. “I’m someone who has never felt before. I’m not used to feeling. I can’t deal with attention, emotion, affection, and I’m drinking again as a result of it. I’m a person who needs to keep my mind clear and empty, because that’s how I cope. I need stability, routine, and my own control.”

He seemed desperate to get me on board. “I can give you that.”

Picking at the bedsheets wistfully, I avoided his green eyes. “You can’t give me that. I’m a…” A lump the size of a golf ball formed in my throat as I tried to form the words. “I’m a…an alcoholic.” I lifted my eyes to his. “I witnessed the blood drain from your face when Steph told you. Your reaction
—
”

“—was wrong.” He shook his head sternly, but I didn’t buy it. A first reaction always shows an honest view about what people are thinking. And I will never forget the way he looked at me instantly. Never.

“You were ashamed of me,” I argued. “I saw the pain in your eyes.”

“It was a shock, Evelyn. I needed time to get my head around it.”

“Why?” My frown was deep as I thought of something else. “You know, Alex knew of my addictions, but he would never judge me the way you did.”

“Alex is not me, though, is he?” he bit out.

I heavily stalked his body with my eyes—the strong, solidly built, masculine body I couldn’t deny looked heavenly and felt just as good. If not better. My eyes couldn’t find fault in that face of his, which looked like it’d been crafted by angels. And his eyes, Jesus, they were like emeralds in the snow. His hair was like dark chocolate swirls and so silky-soft. His voice was smooth but husky, and it always caused a shiver to run down my spine. Yes. He was right. Alex wasn’t him, but Alex had a good heart.

Parks stiffened. “Alex already knew. Steph sprung it on me out of nowhere. Didn’t you think to tell me at all?”

“I was in recovery, Parks. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Well, forgive me if I’m wrong, but you don’t drink when you’re in recovery.”

“Oh, so you know all about it, do you?”

That particular question apparently speared through his shield. He held it up so well, but I saw the way he faltered before straightening out again. “I’m simply stating the obvious.”

My eyes narrowed at his snarky choice of words. Did the subject hit a nerve for him? There was no way a man of his calibre was an alcoholic or even a recovering one. He didn’t even drink. Although I knew little about him, I was certain alcohol hit close to home. Whether I was going to find out if I was right, though, was unlikely.

“I was in recovery for almost a year, Parks. Before you came along and fucked it all up. My life took ten steps back after I met you. I thought I was my own worst enemy, but I’m not. You are. The things I want in my life kill me, and I don’t know how to deal with it, so I wish for nothing. I don’t ever see a way out.”

He closed his eyes briefly, then took firm hold of my hand again, not wanting to let go. “Then let me help you.”

My shoulders sagged. “Where have you been this past week when I needed help?”

“Living in purgatory.” He sighed, as if he wanted the words to remain hidden, but forced them out. “When I left you, it was like walking out of heaven and straight back into hell again. I thought staying away would be the appropriate option for both of us. But now I see that staying away from you isn’t going to work.”

My heart fluttered with hope at his words. He thought life without me was like living in hell? Well, hell was where I always was. Maybe I should have met him there.

“My life is broken. I have more demons living inside my head than the devil. Why would you want to drag yourself into my shit?”

He took my knuckles to his soft lips and spoke tenderly against them. “Because I see something inside you that resembles perfection, Evelyn. And I want that. I want you.”

I swallowed down a pesky ball in my throat. “You want me, after all this?”

Parks stared tenderly into my eyes, tilting his head to the side. “I want us. Together. You’re beautiful, Evelyn. So beautiful and precious to me. I can’t deny that. And you can’t deny me.”

Maybe I couldn’t, and maybe what he confessed did pull at my heartstrings, but there was that word again—
maybe
. And
maybe
was never conclusive.

He kissed my hand again, and he spoke against my skin—his words cutting me apart. “I want to hold the key to your heart, Evelyn.”

My head shook if only slightly. “That key is dead and buried.”

“Then I will make it my duty to find it.” My eyes flicked up to his, my heart absorbing, but he wasn’t finished. “Come home with me. I can get you the best help.”

That’s when I flipped. “I don’t need help,” I screamed so loudly that Cheryl came running in.

“What’s all the shouting?”

“Cheryl,” I heaved, getting worked up and pointing to Parks, “tell him I don’t need help.” I would inevitably panic every time someone told me I needed help because it forced me to face my problem. My past. My demons and issues. But I wasn’t strong enough to face them.

Her soft eyes topped up with tears and compassion as she stared at me. “Evey, I can’t tell him that because I agree. You need help, my love.”

My eyes narrowed for a second as I gulped down the ball in my throat. She agreed with him? I wanted to tell them both to get out, to leave me alone, but my life had suddenly come crashing down on me like a pile of rocks, hitting my head so hard they knocked some sense into me.

Unexpected tears fogged my vision, and my tired, exhausted eyes closed. I heard Cheryl suddenly burst into tears. And as I opened my eyes, I saw her trying to suppress her own torment with a hand over her mouth because she’d never seen me cry. She also hesitated to walk over to me and wrap me up in her arms because she knew I couldn’t deal with affection. Affection, nice comments, sympathy, they were all for the weak. I didn’t need any of that because I was strong. I didn’t need reassurance, didn’t need love. Or so I thought.

I looked down at the bed, my eyes closed and I let tears slip onto the bedsheets. Parks took my face into his hands and softly urged me to look at him. When I opened my eyes, I saw sympathy in his green eyes as if they were absorbing my suffering. His features overflowed with angst. “Evelyn, I don’t know the full extent of what darkness you have to live with on a daily basis, but please accept my help to bring you back into the light.”

I bit my wobbly lip, crushing any sobs threatening to escape, then I looked around the hospital room. My parents, my feelings, Parks…everything seemed to have been thrown at me, and the way I coped with it was destroying me. Was I wrong to accept help from a man that was partly cause to my suffering? His help had to be better than killing myself, surely?

“If you take me, you need to take all of me, Parks. My past, my present, my issues, my fuckups
—
”

“I wouldn’t take anything less.” His confidence was strong. He meant it, but I needed to make
sure
he meant it.

I looked around the hospital room on a deep sigh, then glanced towards my drip and tiredly carried my gaze back to Parks. “You want all of me?”

Perching on the edge of the bed, he took my hands and whispered gently, “I want all of you and more. Let me have that.”

I sucked in a ragged breath. In just a couple of hours, my world had been turned on its head multiple times. I’d come face-to-face with my fractured life and, now the man I was falling for, who abandoned me, had walked back into my life and wanted me, issues and all. Was I ever going to get off the ride from hell?

“I’m not strong enough to survive my past, so how can I be strong enough to promise a future with you?”

Parks’s eyes looked torn between despair and deep concern. “You don’t have to be strong anymore, Evelyn. Let me do that for you.”

My gaze drifted to Cheryl, who was tearful but awaiting my response. She wanted more than anything in the world to see me better, to see me happy. It was then I knew I wasn’t just hurting myself as I self-destructed. I was killing those few who loved me.

Finally, I accepted. “Okay.”

Clearly expecting me to decline, Parks blinked at my words, then regained composure. “Okay,” he breathed. My eyes closed when he pressed his forehead against mine because I felt our souls touch, and the passion that was undeniable between us soared once more.

The strained sound of my aunty breaking down at the bottom of my bed punctured my heart. Her sobs made mine escape, giving me no choice but to break down with her.

“Evey, you brave, brave girl.” She ignored my plea not to be hugged and took me into her arms anyway, and there I cried, holding her tightly against me. She held me in an embrace, but the tears came like a flood. Admitting I needed help was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I felt vulnerable and weak, but I couldn’t be strong on the outside when inside, I felt like I was killing myself.

I was losing. And that was okay.

Chapter Seven

Parks and Cheryl hovered closely around the bed as a doctor checked me over, then gathered his notes.

“You’re good to go, Evelyn. But remember…”

“Rest. I know, I get it.”

Cheryl tried to make a fuss over me, but Parks took over and helped me to my feet. She frowned at the way he seemed to want to protect me and not let anyone else help.

“Right, Evey. Do you need anything at all before I leave?”

“No, she doesn’t,” Parks confirmed. “I have everything she needs. Excuse me one moment.”

“Where are you going?” His suggestion that he was going to leave the room rattled my bones. He stroked my cheek with his thumb to ease my panic.

“I have to call Cleaver. I won’t be long.”

I nodded and sagged down into an empty chair as he left. Cheryl was silent for a while. It looked like she was assessing all the new information in her head before she came out with what I knew she was pondering about.

“He’s a bit dominating, isn’t he?”

Oh how little she actually knew.
I dismissed her lightly. “He just likes to get the job done.”

But that didn’t reassure her, and her building worry made me agitated. “So how long have you known him?”

I winced because of how little time I’d actually known him, and saying it out loud make it sound worse. “Four weeks.”

Her eyes resembled an owl. “Four bleeding weeks? And he’s got further with you than I ever have? Well, praise the Lord for Wade Parks. I should kiss the handsome bugger’s feet.”

I chuckled, thinking deeply about her comment. “You know, it’s not just because he came into my life that I’m accepting help. I can’t go on like this, Chez. When I first started gaining feelings for Parks, I was confused. I still am. But trying to deny him is killing me. It’s easier if I let him in. I know that now.”

“Are you going to move in with him?” she asked, ignoring her phone ringing in her bag.

I rubbed at my face. “For now. Steph doesn’t want me, and I can’t go back to my parents’ flat.”

“What?” Her tone sent chills down my spine. “You went back there?” My embarrassed grimace told her yes. “Are you crazy?”

Dipping my head down, I admitted, “I know it was stupid, but my parents are my weakness, and I don’t know how to break free from them. But what I crave from them is something I will never get. Craving their love is something else to add to my list of why I fuck up in life.”

“But unless you cut them out of your life, you will never start to rebuild.” She went to hug me, but I put my arms up.

“Don’t. I’m fine.” I knew if she wrapped her arms around me, I would have cried again, and I couldn’t deal with more tears. “She’s back on drugs.” I sighed. “I found her high as a kite. When she came around, we had a fight. I ran into one of her dealers, and my mind just blew, Chez. How much am I supposed to take?”

Her hand slowly crept to her mouth, the blood dispersing from her cheeks. “Trevor?”

I shook my head. “It was Gabe. Trevor isn’t out yet.”

Cheryl knew all about Gabe and Trevor because I went to her house for two months in hiding, living in fear until I knew for definite he was behind bars.

“Did he hurt you?” She edged towards me.

“Just threatened me. Don’t worry. I can handle myself against Gabe.”

“Who’s Gabe?”

Both our heads shot up to see Parks standing in the room with his arms crossed. I quickly shook my head to Cheryl as a warning. She acted quickly. “Oh, no one to worry about.” I was grateful for her lie. Parks did not need to know more of my dark past.

After studying us carefully, he clasped his hands. “Okay, if you’re good to go, I will take you straight home.” Then he turned to Cheryl. “Cleaver will gladly take you home if you so wish.”

Cheryl flapped her hand. “There’s no need for that. I quite like the train journey. Gives me some peace from the kids.” He nodded on a smile, which made her smile and cup his cheek. “I don’t know you, Wade, but I have a good feeling about you. Evey kept you quiet, but then she keeps everything quiet.” She scowled at me before focusing back on Parks with a pointed finger. “I want you to promise me you will look after my niece or—”

Parks placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Cheryl, you have my word. As long as Evelyn is with me, she is in safe hands.”

She patted his hand that was resting on her shoulder, then walked over to where her handbag had been placed. “Right, I need to head off, Evey. I will call you tonight, okay?” She kissed my forehead, then turned back to Parks. “Maybe we could get to know you a little better. How about dinner at mine next weekend?”

I butted in hastily. “That’s not necessary.” Was she insane? I couldn’t go to her house with Parks and pretend we were a happy couple. I’d hoped Parks felt the same, but I was wrong.

“Thank you for the offer. It’s one I couldn’t refuse. Just let me know a time and day, and myself and Evelyn will be there.” Parks smiled wryly, and Cheryl chuckled like a girl.

“I’ll call you.” She smiled and left us alone.

“What are you doing?” I hissed.

He shrugged a shoulder. “Being courteous.”