Adrenaline (Speed #2) (25 page)

I jumped up, sliding the chair back, scaring both of Malcolm’s parents.

“Are you okay, Paislie?” Shirley asked, “You look white as a ghost.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me.”

Quickly turning, I bolted out of the dining room. I needed air quickly. This feeling of being jealous of women who were in Malcolm’s past was foreign to me and I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I hated it as a matter of fact. It was Malcolm’s past.

Before I made it out of the room I ran smack into Malcolm, who reached his hands out to stop me from falling over.

“Where’s the fire?”

My mouth parted open, but words wouldn’t form. What if he flew to her today? What if he had been and I didn’t know? I’d been here for two months and never even knew he had a helicopter.

“Where were you?” I asked.

“I flew into Dallas . . . business meeting.”

Bile formed in my throat. “W-what kind of business meeting?”

“I talked with Mr. Elliot, my boss. Told him I met with one of the NASCAR doctors and they cleared me for racing.”

It felt like a piece of lead was in my stomach. I stood there dumbfounded as I let his words soak in. “You’ve been cleared to race? Malcolm . . . you still have issues with your knee and I know you’re hiding the pain. I can see it on your face.”

Something moved across his face as his eyes turned dark and not in good way. “You don’t know shit, Paislie. I need to be in that car. You don’t understand.”

I took a step back, my eyes filling with tears. “No. I don’t understand. Please enlighten me, Malcolm. Why do you have such a need to be behind the wheel? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

A look passed over his face . . . as if a memory hit him.

“I need the rush.”

“And you can’t get that rush from something else? From someone else?”

He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut. I scrubbed my hands down my face. “Why do you even bother to have me here doing therapy if you’re just going to do the things you want to do?”

“I don’t need therapy anymore. I’m fine now.”

It felt like I’d been slapped across my face as he gave me a blank stare. “So that’s it? Does that mean we’re through?”

His eyes softened. “Why would you say that?”

“Oh I don’t know, Malcolm. Because you’ve tried at least three times today to say or do something to push me away or cause me to hurt.”

“Hurt?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“Call me crazy, but when the man you love tells you he liked the company of another woman today, tells you to shut up, then walks away from you and drives off with not so much as a goodbye. That fucking hurts. I stood there like a damn fool while you drove off without saying a word to me. Nothing! You don’t do that to someone you care about.” I didn’t even care that his parents were standing in the room.

Horror filled his eyes as he glanced over my shoulder to his mother and back to me. “You don’t love me, Casey, you just think you do.”

My heart dropped and I couldn’t breathe. That was the final blow. I never imagined I could actually feel my heart breaking like I did that very moment.

Shirley gasped as I heard her walk over to me. I used to think the woman hated me, but in that moment, her hand on my shoulder told me she understood what I was feeling.

I slowly shook my head as tears rolled down my cheeks. Standing up taller, I squared off my shoulders and attempted to talk without my voice cracking while I quickly wiped my tears away. My chest felt as if someone had placed a hundred pound weight on it as I fought for the words to speak.

“You’re so wrong, Malcolm. I do love you and I’m sorry you don’t feel the same. I let you in and I honestly thought you were the last person in the world who would ever hurt me.” With the back of my fingers, I wiped more tears away as I turned my body but stopped. Slowly looking over my shoulder at him, I managed to say one last thing. “And my name is Paislie. Not Casey.”

His eyes widened in shock while he stumbled back a few steps. “Shit. Baby, I didn’t mean to call you that.”

I turned to face him as I let a sob slip through my lips. “Don’t call me that.”

He took a few steps toward me. “Paislie, wait I’m so sorry and I’m not sure why I’ve been acting this way . . . but let me explain one thing.”

My hand came up to stop him. “Stop. Just don’t say anything else. I’m leaving.”

He grabbed my arm. “Wait. Let me just talk to you.”

Pushing his arm away, I shook my head. “You’ve had plenty of chances to talk to me. I can’t do this. You promised me you wouldn’t do this. I’m not your dead girlfriend and if that’s all I was to you . . . a replacement . . . then you’re more fucked up than I thought you were.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s nothing like that. I swear to you.” His head jerked back. “Wait. How did you know about Casey?”

My phone beeped with a text message. Glancing down, I saw my father’s name scroll across along with the beginning of his message.
Baby, I need to borrow some money. Can you ask your rich boyfriend?

I didn’t even have the energy to talk. It felt as if every ounce of strength I had vanished.

“I can’t do this.”

Not even bothering to go to my room to get anything, I grabbed my purse and keys and ran out to my car.

Malcolm called out after me as I opened the car door. “Paislie! Please just give me five minutes! Paislie!”

Tears streamed down my face as I drove off. Leaving everything behind, including my damn cat.

This was why I never opened up my heart up to anyone.

I wasn’t meant to love or be loved.

“MALCOLM?”

The sound of Janet’s voice filled the empty room, causing me to open my eyes. “Did they leave?”

“Yes.”

“Is all of her stuff gone?”

Janet paused. “Yes, are you sure you don’t want to try and call her?”

“That’s all, Janet. You can head back to North Carolina tomorrow. I’ve been cleared to race this weekend.”

She paused for a moment and took in a deep breath. “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing? I mean, with the race and with letting Paislie go.”

Just the mention of her name caused my heart to ache. I tried so hard to hide the pain in my knee and leg from everyone that I started taking it out on Paislie. The one person who was doing her damnedest to help me and I fucked up. I promised her I wouldn’t hurt her. She trusted me. I’d never be able to forget the look of hurt in her eyes.

“Have a safe flight back to North Carolina, Janet.”

I had never dismissed her like that, but I needed to clear my head. It had been a month since Paislie had walked out of my life. After a few appointments with the NASCAR doctors, I had them convinced I was ready to drive again. I needed to get back behind the wheel. The need to be racing around a track at almost two hundred miles an hour was greater than ever before. The rush I had with Paislie was the only thing that compared to the rush I felt driving, and even racing wasn’t nearly the same kind of feeling.

My phone buzzed as I glanced down at it.

Emmit: When are you coming in to town?

Me: Tomorrow.

Emmit: Dinner? My house? Addie would love to see you and so would Landon.

The thought of seeing them made my stomach drop. Emmit had everything I wanted.

Me: I’ll try but I may be busy trying to get back into the swing of things.

Emmit: Totally get it. Let me know if you can.

I stared at the text messages. It was hard to believe I now considered Emmit to be one of my closest friends. It wasn’t long ago we practically hated each other. Now I was having dinner at his house and playing with his son.

My hand dropped to my side as I stared out the window. Paislie was nothing like Casey. So why did I let it slip?

I brought the beer that was in my other hand up to my lips and drank the rest of it. I needed to feel numb. I needed to forget about Paislie Pruitt if I wanted to get back into the swing of things.

Forget Paislie.

I could never forget the only woman I’d ever loved.

My eyes closed as I dropped my head back and slowly let sleep take over. I barely heard the bottle hit the floor as I drifted off into a dream.

Richmond—one of my favorite tracks and the best place for my comeback race.

“How are you feeling, Malcolm?”

“Emmit?” Hearing Emmit’s voice over the radio made me smile bigger than I wanted. “What in the fuck are you doing?”

“Applying for your crew chief position.”

I let out a roar of laughter as I waited for the green flag to drop.

“Hey, in all seriousness, be careful out there today. Listen to your body.”

I gripped the steering wheel harder as my emotions had me damn near choked up. “It means a lot to me you’re here for this.”

“I know. I can’t wait to rub it in your face when you lose.”

With a smile, I shook my head. “Fuck off, asshole.”

“One more to go,” Russ said into my ears. Damn it was good hearing his voice. I missed this. Missed us chasing each other around in a circle.

As we came around turn four, I said a quick prayer my leg and knee would cooperate today. I was stunned when I got the pole in qualifying. Goes to show this shit was in my blood.

“Green . . . go go go,” Russ shouted.

I hit the gas and gave it my all. “Let’s do this,” I said as I focused on nothing other than winning. Nothing else mattered. The only thing I had in my life was this racecar. As fucking pathetic as that sounded . . . it was true.

A hundred and ten laps in and I could feel my leg and that wasn’t a good thing.

“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath as I tried to ignore the throbbing around my knee.

Russ counted me down as I came in for a scheduled pit stop. “Five, four, three, two, one.”

Dalton barked out orders as I waited for the signal.

“Go, go, go!” Dalton yelled in my ear as I took off in the race off pit road. I only had to get ahead of the number twenty. He was a rookie and I hadn’t raced against him yet. Little bastard was trying to do his best to get around me. Either he would be going into the wall or I would be and I was going to make damn sure it wasn’t me.

“Twenty to go . . . wreck in turn two. Stay on the apron.”

Oh fuck.

I was going into the turn blind, with only Russ telling me where to go. It’s not like I hadn’t done it a million times, but this was the first time since my accident. The sweat was pouring down my face as my heart practically beat out of my chest.

“Go. You’re clear.”

I hadn’t realized I had been holding my breath until I blew it out.

“How ya doing, Wallace?” Dalton asked.

My leg was feeling numb. The pain no longer there . . . it was replaced by numbness. “Fine,” was my only response.

“Ten to go.”

“Where’s the twenty?” I asked.

“A car length back and falling. You’re coming up to lap traffic. Stay on your run. Stay outside.”

I did like Russ said. The adrenaline was pumping through my body and I loved every second of it. Fuck I missed this. The only thing that would make it better was if Paislie was waiting for me on the bus. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to fuck her on the high I was on right now.

A memory hit me hard as I sucked in a breath.

“You only want me after you’ve won a race, Malcolm. I want to know you want me all the time. Not just when you’re pumped up from winning.”

The memory of Casey flashing through my mind had me confused. I’d never thought of her when I was in a car. Never. This was my escape from all of that.

“Focus, Wallace! You’re sliding all over the fucking place.”

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

“One to go. One. To. Go. Keep your line; you’re clear all the way. Twenty is dropping back.”

Is this fucking for real? My first race back and I’m going to win. Hell yes!

Coming out of turn four, I gripped the steering wheel like it was my lifeline. The checkered flag dropped and all I heard were cheers.

Dalton went crazy screaming in my ear. He finally settled down enough to say, “Welcome home, Malcolm. Welcome home.”

The words hit me like a brick wall.