Authors: Brenda Kennedy
I hear the rustling sounds
of the foil wrappers being removed and the laughter, hoots, boos,
and squeals coming from everyone in the room. “I knew it,” I hear
Emma say. She and Angel are standing next to each other on
the
Team Pink
side, laughing. Within seconds, everyone is holding up their
pink cupcakes into the air. I see the flash from several cameras as
Robert and I laugh.
Everyone helps with the cleanup before they
leave. I remain seated, although I would rather be up helping and
visiting. I get kisses and hugs from everyone before they leave.
Robert stays with me on the couch as we say our goodbyes together.
We thank them for coming and for the gifts and they congratulate
us.
Drake Sinclair
I sit in my black Mercedes outside of the
Grether residents. I had my attorney, Mr. Reed, find out everything
he could about Bobby and Leah Grether, including their address.
According to DNA results, they are Madison’s biological parents. I
waited by the gate for a car to enter their passcode into the
keypad, then I followed them into the gated community. I wanted to
see where they lived and how they lived.
I sit patiently in my car as I watch people
enter and exit their home. Looks like they’re having a party, a
celebration. Must be nice. My world has been turned upside down and
they are out celebrating. I snap a few pictures and
wait.
The longer I sit here the angrier I become. I
move my car and park it down the road, still within viewing
distance of their home. I watch their house and make note of the
window and door placements. I can’t see the rear or the other side
of the house, so I walk around the neighborhood, keeping their home
within my view.
Leah
When the last person leaves, I am exhausted.
Robert locks up and I wait for him in bed. It felt good to be among
friends today in celebration of our baby. The fears that this baby
could be switched at birth haunt me. And not knowing what will
happen with the Drakes, Madison, and us tears at my heartstrings.
When I think back to the anger that Drake Sinclair showed during
the meeting, I shiver. I still silently fight the black cloud, and
Robert tries so hard to keep my mind on the good things that our
life has to offer. For him and for this baby, I will try my best to
fight the depression.
Robert walks through the bedroom door with a
dimpled smile. “Quite a party, huh, Sweets?”
“
It sure was. Good job on
the shirts, too, Ace.”
He bows and it makes me laugh. “I’ve been
thinking of going into graphic design after I beat Kennedy’s ass,”
he jokes.
I ignore the statement about Kennedy and add
as a joke, “And party planning.”
“
And party planning.” He
gets into bed and says seriously, “When I retire, I’m retired. I
won’t be working odd jobs, I’ll be home with my wife and kids, or
at the book store, eating Jo’s famous cinnamon
buns.”
I cuddle into him and he wraps his arms
securely around me, “I like that idea. You’ll still work out,
right?”
“
I’ll have to if I want to
avoid the nickname ‘Doughboy’ my wife has threatened me
with.”
“
Good, because I think
I’ll need a break from you, time to time.” He holds his hand over
his heart like my words hurt him. I laugh and smack his stomach.
“Good night, Ace.”
“
Sweet dreams,
Sweets.”
“
Momma, don’t
cry.”
“
Jamie, don’t go. I don’t
want you to go. Please stay with me.”
“
Momma, don’t cry. I have
to go. Grandma needs me.”
I try to move, but can’t.
“I’m coming with you. Wait.”
“
Daddy needs you and you
need Daddy. You have to stay here with Daddy. The lights and the
flowers are so pretty. Can you see them, Momma?”
I blink but all I see is
blackness. No lights and no beautiful flowers. Just darkness. “I
can’t, I’m sorry.”
“
It’s time for me to go.
Grandma is waiting. I love you so much, Momma.”
I can now see her face so
clearly. I think it’s a memory, I’m not sure. I touch her small
face with my trembling fingers. I never want to forget her, I never
want to forget anything about her. Her beautiful face, her touch,
her smell, and her sweet voice. She looks at me and she is so
happy. “I love you, Jamie. I will always love you. Do you have
Jack?” I ask. If my baby girl is leaving, I want to make sure she
has her favorite toy.
“
Daddy has Jack, I love
you. I’ll be watching out for you, for you both,” she says as she
gradually fades away into the air.
I wake up breathing hard and crying. My
pillow is wet from the steady stream of tears. Robert is talking
calmly to me. “It’s a dream, Leah. It’s all right, Sweets.” I rest
my hands on my belly to calm the kicking. It reminds me of the
present. I’m pregnant and there is no Jamie in the present. I
dreamed or remembered the past, the accident. It was like a memory
or a vision, but it was a dream. “It’s all right, Leah,” Robert
says as he pulls me closer to him.
“
I dreamed about
Jamie.”
“
I know, you were calling
her name.”
“
It was a dream, but it
was like a memory… a memory of the accident.”
“
Was Jamie telling you
goodbye in your dream, vision, or your memory?”
I tilt my head to look at him. “Yes, was she
talking about lights and flowers and she said she had to go because
grandma was waiting for her.”
“
I had the same memory,”
he admits. “I think it was right before she went to
heaven.”
I get cold chills and run my hands up and
down my arms. “I think you’re right. I told her to wait for me and
she said I had to stay here with you. She said that her grandma was
waiting for her,” I cry.
Chapter Three: Sugar and Spice and
Everything Nice
Robert
I comfort Leah as she
cries. She had the same memory I had of Jamie right after the
accident. I still have nightmares/memories and I try to forget them
as soon as I have/remember them. It haunts me to this day and now
it will also spook Leah. Leah said that Jamie said her grandma was
waiting for her. I forgot about that part.
What grandma?
Both of Jamie’s
grandparents are still living and she doesn’t remember her great
grandparents; they died before she was even born.
Who was she talking about?
I hold Leah and rest my large hand over her
belly. I know that when Leah gets upset, the baby also gets upset.
It’s like the baby can feel Leah’s emotions. It amazes me that an
infant can feel so much before birth. The kicking calms and Leah
laughs softly. “She likes you.”
“
She should; I’m her
Dad.”
I’m her Dad. God, I love the way
that sounds.
“
When I rest my hand on my
belly, she calms slightly but continues to kick. You do the exact
same thing and she calms almost immediately. I don’t get
it.”
“
My hands bigger and it
covers more, maybe that’s why.”
“
I love you,
Robert.”
I look down at her and smile. “Thank you. I
love you, too.”
The next morning, Leah decides to stay in
bed; she doesn’t want to lie on the couch. Our mothers are coming
over to help put the gifts away that we received last night. I know
Leah is on bedrest, but I have to wonder if the reason she is
staying in bed in the bedroom is because her depression is coming
back. I also know the dream Leah had is hard for me to deal with, I
know it will be hard for Leah to deal with, too.
I shower and make us breakfast. When I
return, Leah is sleeping. I leave the tray of food in the bedroom
for her for when she wakes up. While I run the vacuum, Mom and Sue
arrive. They immediately put dinner in the oven and start helping
me with dusting and mopping. When the cleanup is done, they wash
all of the new baby clothes we got at the shower. I’m surprised
they are washing everything and not just folding and putting
everything in the drawers. I don’t ask. I check on Leah a few times
and she appears to still be sleeping. Her tray of food is left
untouched.
“
I think we should put the
swing together now, don’t you, Robert?” Sue asks. I stare blankly
through the lanai door overlooking the swimming pool and hot tub.
“Robert?”
“
I’m sorry,
what?”
“
I was just suggesting
that we put the baby swing together. Is everything all
right?”
“
It’s good,” I smile. “I
think that’s a very good idea.” I stand up and open the large box
containing the contents of the baby swing. Thankfully, the swing
has only a few large pieces that need to be assembled. Mom goes
into Jamie’s room and returns with one of her baby dolls. She
carefully places it into the swing and we watch as the baby swings
back and forth. I remember when Jamie was in her swing for the
first time. She loved it. “I’m going to check on Leah,” I say as I
stand from the floor.
Leah is walking into the room smiling. I
smile and walk towards her. She isn’t dressed for the day, but I
didn’t expect her to be either. “Well, there’s Sleeping Beauty,”
Sue laughs.
“
I didn’t know you guys
were coming over together,” Leah says as I help her to the couch.
She props her feet up and covers her body with a gray plush
throw.
“
We couldn’t leave you
with all this stuff to do,” Mom says as she sits in the chair
facing Leah.
“
Is that a roast I smell?”
Leah inhales and I can.
“
It is. We were going to
make dessert, but we still have cupcakes left over from the party.
We also put the baby’s clothes in the washer and Robert put the
swing together.”
“
I watch as Leah's eyes
move to the swing. It is still swinging with Jamie’s baby doll in
it. “It looks great, and the baby likes it.”
Leah looks at me and asks, “No extra swing
parts left, Ace?”
“
No, not a
one.”
“
Mmm, good
job.”
“
Thank
you.”
Our mothers stay a large part of the morning.
Once all of the baby’s laundry is washed, folded, and put away,
they leave. They give me strict instructions on how to finish up
the pot roast once it’s done. Leah seems to be doing okay. She lies
on the couch and reads a paperback book. Generally, I would be
watching the sports channel or boxing, but not today, not when I
know it’s upsetting to Leah. I don’t want to upset her or the
baby.
I sit in the recliner with a book that Leah
had me pick up from the shop the other day. I skim through the
contents and I find it’s difficult to concentrate. I peek over the
book at Leah and she is watching me. We both laugh. “Ace, are you
worried about me?” she asks bluntly.
I lower the book and say, “Always.”
“
Because of the dream I
had last night?”
I think about what she said and I’ll always
worry about her. I wonder if I should tell her I don’t think it was
a dream. “I’ll always worry about you,” I say honestly.
“
I appreciate that, but
I’m all right. I’m stuck on the couch, but I’m all right.” She
smiles and I know she does that for my
benefit.
“
You know,” I say, slowly.
“I’ve had the same dream about Jamie.” She folds up her book and
sets it down beside her. I mimic her actions and set my book down
too. “I think mine was more of a memory.”
“
Really?” she
asks.
“
Really. But in my dream,
memory, or vision, whatever it is, Jamie asked me to watch over
Jack for her.”
Leah looks like she remembers something. She
says with a tear in her eye, “Jamie told me that you had Jack. I
told her to wait, that I was coming with her and she told me that I
had to stay here with you. She said that we needed each other.” I
stand up and walk over and sit at the foot of the couch where Leah
is. She lifts her feet until I sit down and then she lays her feet
on my lap. I massage her feet and she says, “Jamie was passing from
this life to the next and she was making sure everyone here was
taken care of first.”
I never thought of it like that. “God, I love
that little girl.” I remember my own memory and Jamie said her
grandma was waiting for her. “Jamie told me that Grandma was
waiting for her,” I finally say.
“
She didn’t know her
grandmothers who have passed. They had died before she was born,”
Leah admits.
“
That does remain a
mystery.”
Leah
I think about Jamie saying that she needed to
go and be with Grandma. I’m not sure what she meant or who she was
talking about. Robert worries about me and I know he worries about
my depression. I feel good and I need for him to know that. I think
I feel better knowing that Jamie isn’t alone. I also find comfort
in knowing that Jamie said she’ll be watching over us. I have never
had a dream or a vision like this before. The baby kicks and I’m
glad it’s more of a playful calm kick. My water broke so there
isn’t a lot to cushion the baby’s movements. Whenever I’m upset,
the kicks are more aggressive, almost angry. These almost feel
featherlike, compared to the other ones.