Alayziah II: When Loving Him is Complicated (2 page)

Rell

“Are y’all niggas crazy? Ain’t no way in hell I’m letting you two out of all people play matchmaker for me. I’m good.”

I looked from Bishop, who had a smug look on his face like he knew I wasn’t gone go for this shit, to Kai, who looked like she couldn’t believe I didn’t want her help before I took another sip of my water. I guess since they were married and a couple of months away from welcoming their first son into the world, they wanted me to experience that love and happiness too, but shit, I was good with my first love – my music. Any woman that I entertained would be playing mistress to that. Originally, they were supposed to get a few months of traveling in before the baby was born, but when Kai started having those hormonal mood swings, Bishop hurried up and brought her ass back home. He said he wasn’t gone be spending all that money to be arguing with her ass almost every other day. He could do that at home for free. That nigga was a trip.

Even though I, at one point, had deep feelings for his girl, Bishop and I… we were just as close now as we were before she even came into the picture, if not closer, which was why they were taking it upon themselves to try to play matchmaker. Shit was starting to make my nerves bad. Every time we got together, they brought this shit up and I couldn’t smoke around Kai because she was pregnant. She knew what she was doing. I stood and she grabbed me by my forearm and sat me back down.

“Prince,” she started talking and I quickly dismissed her.

“Don’t call me that, Kai, and don’t start with this shit either. I’m good. Bishop, get your woman, nigga.”

“I agree with her, nigga. You need somebody on your side. We getting old, bruh. The late nights and early mornings are cool when you got somebody waiting for you and supporting you, but that shit is played out now.”

I looked at his ass as if he was crazy and chuckled, “Oh, so since you married now, it’s played out?” I asked, standing again. “Look, I appreciate y’all looking out for a nigga and caring about a nigga… but I’m good. I don’t have time to be getting to know nobody. Shit is time-consuming. I got too much going on with my label to be weeding out who I can and cannot trust.”

“That’s why we’re going to find her for you. Just let us set you up on one date, Rell, and if you don’t like her I won’t bring it up ever again,” Kai said, rubbing her stomach.

I sighed heavily. “I’m not gone say okay. I’ll just say… I’ll think about it.”

Kai jumped up and into my arms. “Yay! That’s good enough for me.”

Alayziah

Watching Kailani wobble over to my table was the cutest thing I’d seen in a while. She was little like me so to see her stomach sticking out as much as it was had me cracking up. I stood and we embraced before I helped her sit down.

“How are you feeling, mama?” I asked.

We talked and Facetimed a few times, but this was the first time we saw each other face to face.

“Girl, I’m so ready to get this little boy out of me I don’t know what to do.”

“How much longer do you have?”

Pouting she replied, “Two months.”

“That’s beautiful, Kai. You and Bishop are beautiful together.”

Blushing, she rubbed her stomach, staring absently. “Yeah, but it ain’t always been beautiful between us, Al. I love that man, though, wouldn’t change him for anything in the world. What about you? Anyone special in your life?”

I chuckled before taking a sip of the wine I’d ordered. “No, not at all.”

She looked at me skeptically. “Why not? You’re beautiful. I know you have men falling all over you.”

“I’m just not into that right now. I’m focused on school and my poetry, feel me?”

“I hear you. That’s how I was. I didn’t want to have anything to do with love, but love found me in Bishop when I least expected it. I’m sure the same thing is going to happen to you.”

Leaning back in my seat, I smiled. She had no idea. I was avoiding love at all costs.

Rell

When Kai invited me to see this poet she met, I was a little skeptical. I felt like she was on some slick shit knowing how I’m drawn to creative women. Hell, that was why we were crazy about each other because of that vibe, but she assured me that it was strictly about business. She said shawty wanted me to produce her poetry CD so I agreed. I met Kai and Bishop at the young lady’s set at this banquet hall out in East Memphis. When I first pulled up, I was a little skeptical because the building was so plain looking outside, but when we walked in, I was pleasantly surprised. The lights were dim, but she had candles lit all over the place. In select areas of the room, blue lighting shined down. She had a band playing softly in the background. Our table had three candles and some sweet smelling incense burning in the middle.

“You owe me for finding her for you, my nigga. You think I’m cold with the pen; this chick is a beauty and a beast with her writing. That’s what she should call her album,
Beauty on the Beat.
”

I nodded as Kai boosted her girl up. As much talking as she was doing, I just hoped ole girl lived up to her potential.

“We’ll see about all that,” I replied as our server came and took our drink orders.

The band stopped playing. The silence caught everyone’s attention. When we were looking at the stage, the band began to play again and that was when I saw her, and I swear she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Not just physically, but she had an aura about her that drew me to her. As she walked onto the stage, I found myself leaning deeper into our table, trying to inch closer to her. Her brown skin was smooth while her arms were practically covered in tattoos. I couldn’t see all of her legs because she had on a long maxi dress but from the split on the side, I could tell at least one of her legs were tatted too. She was slim with toned arms and a flat stomach. Her perky breasts were sitting up perfectly without a bra. Her hair flowed to her armpits in loose waves that were jet black, complimenting her skin.

Taking the mic into her hands, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as a smile slowly crept across her face. When she opened her eyes, they immediately met mine, and at that moment, I was her prisoner. Her eyes shined the way honey did. I knew I should’ve looked away, but she had me. Dammit, she had me. She ran her hand through her hair before looking down to the ground.

“Masterpiece,” I heard myself say.

I saw Kai looking at the side of my face cheesing, but I didn’t give her the satisfaction of acknowledging her. I felt like I was holding my breath – waiting for her to speak. I needed to hear her speak, and she was taking her precious time, torturing me. I needed her to make my heart beat. Just as I was about to get frustrated at this game she didn’t even know we were playing, that she was winning, she opened her mouth, her beautiful mouth, and spoke.

“This is called,
As I Wait
.” Inhaling deeply, she tilted her head to the side and looked at me briefly before looking at Kai and smiling.

“As I wait.

Wait while you sleep.

Wait as God molds me into who He wants me to be.

As I wait.

Wait for Him to bring me to you as He did Eve.

As I wait. I can’t wait.

Until the first time I see your face, and he says to me, ‘That’s him, Beloved, he’s awake.’ A poem for my future husband… I am your Eve.

Adam. I am your rib.

How have you been able to survive without me?

Have you been lonely?

I’m here to save you from that.

Give you the companionship you lack.

Commune with you.

And, display God’s mysterious equation of how 1 + 1 will equal one flesh, never 2.

I am your Eve. Adam. I am your rib.

I was created to protect your heart.

I was created to love you.

To support you as you fulfill the purpose God created you to do.

I was created to give you life like no other woman can.

To respect you.

To encourage you.

And to lift you up as a man.

As my man. I am your Eve. Adam. I am your rib.

And I will not cause you to sin.

No, I will not use my influence to hinder you.

No baby.

I’m going to be your help… Meet.

Your salvation and relationship with God will be safe with me.

If anything, I’ll help you grow in your walk with God.

That’s what a real woman does.

He will fill me with Him and I will drench you with His love.

I am your Eve. Adam. I am your rib.

I will bear you a son who will want to grow up and be just like you.

I will bear you a daughter who will want a man to treat her just like you do… Me.

Baby.

We will live.

And, we will love and we will serve.

And, nothing will separate us until the grave.

And, even then, our bones will be side by side as our flesh rests peacefully.

And I believe your spirit will recognize me.

And, we’ll meet in heaven and if our hearts are visible, your name will be tattooed across mine.

And, like an eternity, our love will not be constrained by time.

I am your Eve. Adam, I am your rib.

So, I wait… Wait while you sleep.

Wait as God molds me into who He wants me to be.

As I wait.

Wait for Him to bring me to you as He did Eve.

As I wait.

I can’t wait.”

Alayziah

I had the hardest time concentrating during my set. Kai invited the sexiest man I’d ever seen in my life with her and he was distracting me. Yes, he was a beautiful man physically, but there was also something about the way he looked at me that made me see no other man but him. From his dreads to his thick eyebrows and chocolate brown eyes, full brown lips tattooed arms and chest to his skin that was the same color as mine he was finessing these niggas. His dreads were in a high bun and he was wearing a white v-neck with a pair of dark jeans and royal blue hi top Adidas. It seemed like no matter where I looked my eyes always found their way back to him, and every time I would look at him, he’d smile.

Once my set was over, I walked my way over to their table. After hugging her and speaking to Bishop, she grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly as she said, “This is Terrell. Everyone calls him Rell. He’s the producer I was telling you about.”

Trying not to stare, I smiled and waved as I took a step back.

“The sun is shining in your eyes, Beautiful.” His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me into his chest.

The feel of his six-pack through his shirt had me licking my lips. As much as I didn’t want to be turned on, I was.

“I’m sorry… when did I give you permission to touch me?” I asked as I tried to push myself away from him.

“I don’t need your permission to touch what is mine,” he replied, his grip on my waist tightening.

I felt my face twisting up as Kai and Bishop laughed. Rell’s face was serious like he meant what he said. Quickly correcting him, I placed my hand on top of his forearm and tried to push him away again with no success.

“Nigga, I am not yours. I don’t even know you.”

“You are mine. You my girlfriend. You my woman.”

I laughed. I mean, I really laughed, and the more I laughed, the more serious his facial expression was, which made me laugh even harder.

“Yo, you crazy yo. I am not your girlfriend,” I said once I finally stopped laughing. I was still smiling, though, and he looked at my lips like he wanted to kiss my smile away. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look me in my eyes. “My eyes are up here. Don’t be staring at my lips like that.”

“Fine… I won’t stare.”

I opened my mouth to respond but when I did, he pulled my lip into his mouth and sucked the shit out of my top lip as he squeezed me tightly. I didn’t want to moan but I did. Pushing him off me, I slapped his ass before walking away. I didn’t know who this crazy nigga was that Kai tried to link me up with, but I was going to have to find another producer – soon.

Rell

I didn’t know why she was acting like she didn’t wanna get down with a nigga. To be honest, I didn’t know what even came over me. I’ve never done any shit like that before, but I just couldn’t help myself. Her lips were taunting me. I
had
to taste them, and even though she slapped my ass, I was glad I did. I could tell by her moan that she was feeling my kiss, but before I could even slip her some tongue, she was pulling away. Then, she had the nerve to haul off and slap a nigga and try to walk away like I was just gone let her get away from me that easily.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist – pulled her into me. She rested her head against my chest briefly before she could catch herself to try to fight me away. Then, she started pushing the back of her body into me as she tried to remove my arm.

“Stop fighting and putting that ass on my dick. That’s only gone make it worse, Alayziah,” I said just above a whisper into her ear before brushing it with my nose and burying my head into her hair, taking in her scent.

“Rell… let me go,” she pleaded.

I couldn’t tell if her voice was filled with lust, frustration, or both.

“Why?” I asked turning her around to face me, making sure to keep her inside of my arms.

I didn’t trust her ass. For a moment, she just looked into my eyes. I didn’t know what she was looking for but I prayed she found it. As I caressed her cheek with my thumb, she covered my hand with hers, pulled it to her lips, and kissed it, her eyes never leaving mine.

“What do you want from me?” she asked finally.

Honestly, I didn’t know. I was done with relationships for the time being. So what did I want from with her? I didn’t even know anything about this woman. All I knew was that I wanted her and whatever came with her.

“Rell…”

“I just want you,” I said honestly.

“You don’t even know me,” she said, trying to release herself from me.

“I want to know you. I want to know you on every level possible, Alayziah.”

“I’m not tryna be on that love shit right now, Rell. I’m just… tryna focus on school, my poetry, all that other shit…” Her eyes filled with sadness as she tried to pull away from me again.

This time, I let her go. I nodded in understanding as I took a step back from her and stared at her so long and hard she looked away. “I feel you, Alayziah, but let me tell you this… I’m not gone chase you and I’m not the type of nigga to constantly pursue a woman once she lets me know how she feels. I know you want me just as much as I want you. I’m not gone wait for you and play with you because of what the last nigga did. So, if you want to focus on you, that’s cool. We can link up in the studio and leave it there.” I took one of my business cards out of my pocket and handed it to her before I walked away.

I didn’t plan on acknowledging Bishop and Kai, but Bishop stepped up to me with the biggest smile on his face and stopped me.

“So, what’s up? What y’all gone do?” he asked as Kai took one last bite of her burger and stood by his side.

“We ain’t gone do shit. She on some
broken hearted girl I just wanna focus on my school and poetry
shit,” I replied nonchalantly.

I could see the disappointment in Kai’s eyes, but shit, what could I do?

“So, you’re just going to give up? You niggas don’t give up on what y’all want. Rell, you can have her head gone by the end of the night if you really wanted to,” Kai said as she looked behind me at Alayziah.

“I ain’t finna chase that girl, mane. You know how I do. If she wanna keep it on a professional level so be it.”

I smelled her before I saw her. Her scent was fruity. Swear the shit made me want to pick her up, throw her on one of these tables, and feast.

“Al, what’s up? Why you won’t give my brother no play?” Kai asked.

I looked behind me and Alayziah was making her way towards us. She gave Kai a half smile before she looked me up and down and bit her lip. Her eyes met mine briefly and she shook her head before turning her attention towards Kai.

“Kailani, I’ve told you before that I just want to focus on school and work.”

“Well… just tell me this…”

I rolled my eyes and groaned as I tried to walk away but Kai grabbed me by my forearm.

“Wait, Rell. Al, are you hungry?”

I looked at Kai in confusion and so did Alayziah.

“I could eat,” she mumbled.

“Well, I know Rell could too because he couldn’t eat for staring at you, so why don’t you two go out and grab a bite to eat and talk about your CD, you know… since you both are
so
into y’all careers. Why not start tonight?”

Bishop burst into laughter but stopped when Kai side-eyed him.

“You crazy, mane. Leave these folks alone and let them do them,” he said, wrapping his arm around her neck. “Al, it was good meeting you. Hit me up tomorrow, nigga.” Bishop turned Kai around as she said goodbye and then started yelling at her for being messy and in other people’s business.

Sighing heavily, I turned to face Alayziah as she looked everywhere but at me. Figuring she wasn’t going to make this any easier, I gave in and asked, “So… what you want to eat?”