Authors: Lourdes Bernabe
“How do I do it? You wanna know how I play t
he game?” He continued laughing arrogantly. “It might be a lil’ too much for you, I dunno. But Imma tell you how I do it. First, I tie ‘em up on a stick. Then I spark those bitches up and watch ‘em burn while I eat a nice hot meal. That’s how I do it. But the shit you do…you are one fucked up son of a bitch,” he said pointing a finger in my face and then taking that pointed finger and pulling it all the way behind his back.
I’m a fucked up son of a bitch? Was this guy for real? “So you’re normal? You’re normal and I’m a sick twi
sted fuck?” I asked showing more than a slight hint of irritation. “I fuck and kill men. Ok. Got it, it’s kind of unheard of but the mere act of fucking is the most primal urge in the world next to the consumption of food. Our species depends on the fact that human beings essentially, like to fuck. I’m definitely not crazy on that standpoint but let’s move on. Killing, well yeah maybe in today’s society killing is seen as something taboo. But since the beginning of time, man has been killing man. The Bible itself couldn’t get men to stop killing each other. I use the word men loosely, as I have no penis and thus must use the holistic definition of the word. But sticking to the point, only in recent history and specifically only on this hemisphere do people refrain from killing other people. You kill and I kill, that much is clear. But at least I don’t set people on fire like some adolescent pyromaniac with nothing better to do on the weekends.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you offend someone in twenty sec
onds flat. The words that flew out of my mouth were not planned. They weren’t thought out in a long introspective prose. I simply offered exactly what I was thinking without bothering to sweeten it up with some sugar and a bow tie. I took great offense to his notion that I was a fucked up son of a bitch. Perhaps I was. I was sure I met at least some of the prerequisites for such a title but I definitely would not be the only one.
Jimmy
responded with a look of utter shock. But then the muscles in his round black face began to relax and his eye balls no longer protruded from their sockets. He fidgeted slightly in his seat and as the words that had come out of my mouth entered his ears and reverberated in his head, he did the strangest thing. He smiled. It wasn’t one of those ear-to-ear smiles like a kid going to Disney or anything like that at all. He smiled as if he had gained some sort of satisfaction from my -. Honestly, I had no idea why he held such a smug look on his face.
I turned to look at Derek and he was just sitting there watching our exchange. All he needed was for someone to pass him a bowl of popcorn and he would have been entertained for the rest of the day watching us go back and forth over who was more
insane than the other. I guessed with those currently in attendance, that it would be a conversation topic in which we would never really be able to find a conclusive answer.
Chapter 17
The thought of Eric, my very neglected boyfriend, hadn’t entered my mind until I led the way up the stairs to my apartment with Derek and Ramos right behind me. After finally nudging the door open and offering my two visitors a place to sit down I saw the gleam of my shiny new iphone on the coffee table in the living room. I went straight for it. Amazingly enough I only had a missed call from my mother and two missed calls from Eric and it was already 6pm.
That was strange considering by now he would have called at least a half a dozen times and left a number of text messages and voice mails voicing his concern. I decided to call him back immediately. It only rang twice before he answered his telephone in an exasperated tone.
“Jolene, what’s up? I called but you never answer the damn phone.
“Yeah, uh I guess I didn’t have service, yo
u know how Sprint works in my apartment. Sometimes you get it and sometimes you don’t.” It really wasn’t the best excuse but I hadn’t taken the time to contrive a better alibi than that. If I had taken a moment or two to gather myself and my thoughts perhaps I could have come up with a better story line. But I supposed anything is better than the truth. Well honey, I spent the day with five marvelous men who kidnapped me and wanted to discuss at great lengths my modus operandi. Blaming choppy cell service seemed like a perfectly acceptable excuse to me and I’m sure Eric would have agreed.
“Yeah, sorry babe but I’m at the gym right now. I just got here and it’s packed. Mind if I give you a call later maybe? I really wanna get in a good leg workout.” he sounded out of breath like he’d been running around on the treadmill for a while. “Sure, no problem. I’ll call you later or whatever. No worries. Love you. Bye.” I said.
“Later,” he responded and then he just hung up. I guess it was entirely possible that maybe Eric had a full day on his plate as well. Of course, I wasn’t the only one juggling a lot on her plate right now. I should count myself lucky for his lack of interest in my whereabouts today. Eric could be a bit over the top with questions sometimes and I was glad today had been the exception and not the rule.
I should have l
ied and made up a more realistic reason as to why I had been incommunicado today but I really didn’t have the strength or the mindset to do so. I brushed those thoughts to the back of my mind as I served my two new guests some coffee and then stood there in amazement.
Here we were, 24 hours ago we knew nothing of each other and now we’re drinking coffee. What would make adequate small talk in this situation? Though, small talk really wasn’t what I was in the mood for right now. There was still a lot of information that I knew I needed but my head really did need a good night’s rest. I needed to digest what I already knew before adding
even more information into the mix. I had no idea where to even begin.
“So…” I said with a stagnant pause. “What happens now?” Derek and Ramos each took sips of coffee but didn’t offer anything up. “I mean, hell you guys have a lot of information on your hands. I suppose I do too, but the fact of the matter is that you went looking for m
e not the other way around. So…it begs the question…What now?” I thought it was a perfectly good question on my part if I did say so myself. They never really answered the question as to what they wanted from me.
I was beginning to feel like a broken record. I felt as if I was asking the same questions over and over again and getting bits and pieces here and there but never really getting the picture in its entirety. It was rather annoying. But I did not want to appear overbearing to my new friends. I wasn’t even sure I could call them that but it would do for now.
They just sat there. They looked lost in their own thoughts, too busy to answer my childish questions. They remained quiet. Too fucking quiet if you were to ask me but I’m not the type to force people to talk. Usually, if people weren’t talking I was extremely happy. Most people never knew when to stop talking. I welcomed the silent bliss from time to time. Unfortunately, this was not the time and the growing tension was beginning to give me the tiniest sliver of a headache.
Ramos shifted in his seat slightly tugging at his long black coat. “You still don’t get it,” he said staring deeply into his cup of coffee. This man was obviously
deep in thought and I didn’t think it would be wise to interrupt him.
“You don’t appear to me to be particularly squeamish Jolene so I will just say
what I need to say…” Ramos was looking at me now with a stone cold look in his eyes. “We all have the ability to kill. Some do it out of necessity, such as an act of war or as an act of protection or self defense, as you would call it. But there’s an entirely different kind of killer as well. There are those who kill purely out of instinct. They, at times, could be considered sub-human or even an entirely different species altogether. The ability to kill in cold blood for no other means other than the kill in itself is a superior skill. It is evolution in practice. For the lesser evolved human who kills, without absolute need, would spiral into anxiety and perhaps a bout of insanity. Only the evolved superior mind can kill and enjoy a cup of coffee or eat a meal and not think twice. To some, current society especially, this may seem psychotic, deranged, or even evil. Yet the compartmentalization necessary to accomplish the incomprehensible is something people should strive to attain. It is not to be shunned.”
Ramos stopped speaking and the quiet echoed his words. The silence was deafening and you could have heard a pin drop
if only I had one. At that very moment, all that was going through my head was WOW. I had never thought of it in such plain terms before. His words were so clean and precise. It almost sounded like a speech he may have prepared but that was highly unlikely. There was a beauty is his words. I felt like I was beginning to see. Slowly but surely, I was getting it.
All my life, I saw myself as different. Not slightly different but completely different. Neither my family or any friends that I ever made would ever, could ever, understand me on a personal level because we were not the same people. And here, all in one day, I met five dis
tinct men who, on some level, were just like me. And yet, thinking about it like that brought about more worry then relief.
Usually, I
was perfectly comfortable knowing I was the most dangerous person in the room, which also meant that I held the power. Albeit, no one else knew this, the fact that I knew this made all the difference. I knew how many souls I’d taken. I knew how many throats I’d slit. I knew how many men I’d seduced. But today, the world spun 180 degrees and all of a sudden, I was surrounded by a group of people who not only knew how dangerous I was, they didn’t care. For them not to be bothered even the slightest bit, goes to show, how little I knew of how dangerous they could be. I was no longer the one in power. I was humbled.
How would
I ever know when I was safe? Sure, everything seemed peachy-keen now while everything was still new and fresh and everyone was still getting to know each other. But this was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. What if one of them thought it might be fun to take me, a fellow murderer out? Yes, it sounded completely bizarre and a bit too Hollywood, but I had to admit that it was very plausible even if it wasn’t all that probable.
It
appeared to be that I had a lot more to contemplate than I initially thought. I now had a lot more to juggle than just the usual, work, home, family, murder. I now had to factor in that someone might want to take me out, if only for the thrill of the ride as well.
“I think I get it now,”
I said to Ramos. It’d taken me a few moments to gather my thoughts. I hoped I hadn’t led him to believe that I had not been listening. I didn’t know why, but when Ramos spoke, you had no choice but to listen. Your ears tuned in to the softness of his voice. It lured you in. And yet I didn’t think that a few moments sitting here with the two of them was all that was needed to fully comprehend what it was that he had just said. I needed to know more.
“
We better get going,” said Derek notably exhausted. “I think we’ve all had enough of this stuff for one day,” he sighed.
“Ok. Well, how can I get in touch?” I asked. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get in touch but it seemed appropriate to ask. You could never know when a few friends like these would come in handy.
“All of our numbers are stored in your phone already. I took the liberty of adding them while you were still sleeping before I took you,” he said as he grabbed his hoodie off the back of his chair.
“
Is that right?” I asked. I should have assumed that he would have taken the liberty to go through my phone. After the day’s events, nothing would shock me now. It irritated me immensely to know that someone went through my phone without my permission. It might be absurd, but I enjoyed my privacy. Perhaps I enjoyed slicing the necks of my victims more, but I did so privately and so I would say that both went hand in hand.
“Yeah, hope that was o
k with you. No worries though. I didn’t
really
look at anything. I just saved the numbers and put it back,” he said nonchalantly.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Nothing much to
see anyway,” I lied. “Have a safe trip home. See you soon.”
Part of me wanted to believe him but the other part knew better. He went through that phone inside and out. Good thing there was nothing there other than some
crude pictures and a little internet porn.
Hey a girl’s got needs right? And with that thought, I held the door for them while exch
anging whispered pleasantries and just like that they were out the door. I turned the lock behind them and a tiny chuckle escaped from my mouth. There was nothing truly funny of course. I merely laughed at the phony sense of security the little turn of that lock used to give me. It was gone now. I knew its uselessness. Yet knowing who the monsters were made me feel much safer than ever before.
Chapter 18
I’d never been a stress eater. Not by the farthest definition of the word. But I could relate to those who were. It was perfectly conceivable to me that stress could have the ability to turn the act of stuffing food down your throat into a comforting and welcome activity. Like I said, I wasn’t a stress eater, but I really got where they’re coming from.
I had
a different coping mechanism altogether. You might say I was a stress-killer. No good? Stress-murderer? I wasn’t sure what the professionals might call us, but when my life began to go against the grain of where I’d like it to go, the thought of killing something became more and more appealing.