“How did he come into the picture?” Sig asks.
“He’d been looking for Tommy.
I guess he’d been watching the house for
a while.
Probably wondering if
Tommy took off with his money or his drugs. He caught me outside hanging
laundry on the line one day.
He was
asking for my brother.
Must’ve
thought I was lying to protect him when I said I didn’t know where he was.
He got a little rough.
Forced his way into the house. I suppose
he’d been watching long enough to think no one lived there other than Travis
and me.
Which no one
did.
Not really. My mother never counted.”
I sigh wearily.
“Anyway, he searched the place for
Tommy, for the money and the drugs that Tommy never made good on.
Unfortunately he
did
find Tommy.
Dead.
In the freezer.
It
didn’t take long for him to realize he had a unique opportunity. And that’s
when the threats started.”
“But why did you–”
“Oh, if it had just been me, I would’ve told him to go to
hell. I’d rather have gone to jail for murder than spend an hour being nice to
Lance Tonin, but it
wasn’t
just
me.
There was Travis. I was all he
had in the world.
The only person who cared, who understood.
The only person who
would never hurt him, who would always protect him.
So I made a deal
with the devil.
To make sure that
my brother would have a home and what was left of his family.
To make sure that he wouldn’t have to
live the rest of his life with no one to love him.
And to make sure that all our secrets
were kept until I could find a way out.
An escape.
I went to prison
that day. I just never had to leave home to do it.”
Not for the first time, my heart aches with excruciating
regret.
With the
fervent desire for a do-over, for things to have been different.
For me, for Travis, for our family.
Sometimes I think I’d give
anything…anything in the world to be able to go back and change things.
Make Dad stay.
Make things better.
But there was no going back.
There
is
no going back.
“So who are you, really?”
It seems odd to talk about the real me.
Sometimes it feels like she died with
Tommy that day. But it’s also a relief to talk about her, to remind myself that
parts of my plan are still in place.
And that there’s still
hope.
And maybe, just maybe, someone I can trust with it all.
But still, there’s bitterness.
So much bitterness as I think about who
that girl is versus who she
could’ve been
,
if only…
If only…
“Tia Lawrence,” I say stiffly. “My name is Tia Lawrence and I’m
a twenty-one year old whore to Lance Tonin because that’s the best I could do
with the cards life dealt me.
At
least for a while longer, until Travis turns eighteen and the state can’t take
him from me.
But on that day…by
midnight, on the morning of his birthday, we’ll be long gone from here.
We’re leaving, going some place where no
one will be able to hurt us anymore. Not even Lance Tonin.”
“Aren’t you afraid he’ll tell the police about your
brother?
How will you ever be free
of him?”
“Oh he might. He took Tommy’s body. I don’t know what he did
with it. He says he’s got it buried somewhere safe so he won’t have to worry
about my loyalty. The thing is, he knows why I have to be Tommy. I think, in a
way, to all of us, I
am
Tommi.
No one has called me Tia since the day I
came home from the DMV.
It
had to be
that way.
I think even Lance sometimes forgets, so
much so that I don’t think he keeps tabs on Tia Lawrence. I never mention
her.
No one does.
For all he knows, she disappeared and
won’t ever come back. He thinks he saved me.
He thinks he has me.
But he doesn’t.
Tia got her GED online.
She also has almost enough credits to
graduate college with a degree in psychology.
And when she does, she and her brother
will go to a non-extradition country and she’ll be able to get a job helping
kids like him and they can finally live a happy life, free of Lance Tonin.
Free of our past.
Where nobody can hurt us. And nobody can
take us away from each other.”
I hear his whispering sigh of understanding.
“
Ahhhh
, so that’s what you sneak
away to do on the computer. You’re getting your degree.”
I nod.
“Yes.”
As I always do when I think about my plan, I feel
lighter.
I can even smile when I
think about what our lives will be like once Travis turns eighteen and we can
start over somewhere else. It’s like the mental picture alone is capable of
lifting away the weight, the shame, the sadness,
the
fear.
Everything
that I’ve lived with for so long.
For just a few seconds, it fades away.
Only this time, it doesn’t return in the same way that it
usually does.
Today, only one emotion
comes back in full force.
So
strong, in fact, that it drowns out all the others.
Fear. Fear for my brother.
If something happens to him, everything
I’ve done will be for nothing. I will have ultimately failed him.
And I’m not sure I can live with that.
I’m not sure I’d even want to.
Finally, after baring my soul to the only person other than
Travis and my mother that I actually care about, I turn to Sig.
I wait until he meets my eyes and then I
beg.
Without dignity or hesitation,
I beg.
“Please help me find Travis. Help me save him.
Please.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT- SIG
“We’ll find him,” I tell Tommi.
“We’ll find him if I have to tear this
town apart.”
She falls quiet for the rest of the trip, leaving me to my
chaotic thoughts.
Holy mother of
shit, what the hell am I going to do?
I’m a cop, for
chrissake
.
The woman that I’ve been steadily
falling for is not only the girlfriend of a drug dealer, which was something I
could’ve gotten around, she’s also a murderer with a laundry list of other
felonies to her credit.
In more than one name.
Christ on a
cracker!
Where do I even start?
I don’t even know.
I can only think of all the ways that this can go, none of them
good.
I mean, how
can
this end
well?
How can I save her from the
shitstorm
that she’s created for herself?
There’s only one answer.
I can’t.
Unless I were to compromise everything
that I believe, everything that makes me
me
,
there’s no way I can save her from this.
There’s just too much.
But how can I
not?
How can I be yet another person to
let her down? How can I beg her to trust me and then let life take her from me?
Maybe there’s a way I can help her, a way that we can
both
live with.
Talk to my captain, to the DA, to
anybody who will listen about getting her reduced sentencing.
I mean
,
she was
a juvenile when she killed her brother. And it was accidental at that.
Self-defense, some could even argue. I
mean, if he’d turned his rage on her…
Then there are the checks, also forged while she was a
minor.
But she didn’t say she
stopped cashing them once she made the deal with Tonin.
And, if she were smart, she probably
didn’t so that it wouldn’t raise any brows or questions about the welfare of
her mother.
Shit!
Then there’s whatever she might have been complicit in as
far as Tonin’s dirty dealings.
Jesus in a jumpsuit, she’s in a shitload of trouble if all this comes
out.
And that’s up to me.
If I don’t tell, and Tonin for some reason doesn’t rat her
out… could I go on, knowing this, and never tell?
Could I do that and still look myself in
the mirror?
Could I
not,
though?
Could I live with myself if I didn’t do
anything and everything for her, to help her?
I don’t have the answer.
To any of those
questions.
I just hope something comes to me before I need them.
I glance over at Tommi where she sits in the passenger
seat.
No matter what she’s done, no
matter what happens from this point on, she will still be
my Tommi.
The woman who draws my soul like bees to honey.
She’s good. Deep down. There’s no
question of that.
And regardless of
what unfolds from here on, I’ll fight for her, for her case and her life, until
my dying breath.
I begged her to
trust
me and she
did.
Even though I knew I’d have to betray
that trust to some degree, I had no idea what I was actually asking of
her.
But she did.
She knew she’d be giving me everything I
could ever need to destroy her whole life.
Yet she did it anyway.
Knowing how thoroughly I could screw her, she did it. She trusted me
when she’s never trusted anyone else. She picked me.
Determination sets in.
I can’t let her down.
I have
to do whatever I can. Whatever it is.
I have to. I know I do.
As
God is my witness, I’ll go to my grave trying to make good on her trust because
no one else ever has.
And she
deserves that. After all that she’s been through, she deserves someone to love
her that much.
I should probably tell her that I’m a cop, but it would be
crazy to risk the operation at this stage.
If I can take Tonin down, half her worries will be over. So for her good
as well as that of my career, I’ll keep my mouth shut a little bit longer.
When the old restaurant comes into view, I pull around to
the next block, to the side street, so we can approach from the rear of the
building. I don’t want to advertise our presence.
I turn toward Tommi, who looks exhausted.
Like
she might fall apart any second now.
“Stay here.
I’ll–”
“Don’t even finish that sentence. I’m coming with you.
That’s my brother in there.
At least I hope to God it is.”
“Tommi, I–”
“Unless you plan to knock me out or tie me to the roof of
this truck, I’m coming.
Stop
wasting time.”
Her face is pale, but determined.
And really, I don’t blame her. I’d be
the same way if it were one of my brothers or my sister in there.
“Stay behind me.
No matter what.
You hear me?”
She nods once. “Behind you. Got it.”
I reach across in front of Tommi and unlock the glove
compartment. I remove the “illegal” gun I was given for my cover ID.
At this point, I don’t give a shit if
it’s legal or not; I just want it to shoot.
We both get out and meet at the tailgate. I stuff the gun
into the back of my waistband and take Tommi’s hand. Together we walk down the sidewalk
toward the old restaurant.
A million
things left unsaid.
A lifetime of questions for just the next
five minutes.
I’m immediately suspicious, my instincts on high alert when
we get close enough to see that the back door is open.
So is the door to the matching storage
building across a narrow alley.
I
pull Tommi to a stop, but before I can decide our next move, Barber, Lance
Tonin’s right hand man, appears at the entrance to the smaller building.
Alarm bells start sounding and my gut
tells me that this is all about to go sideways.
He smiles, a gesture that I guess is what a rat would look
like if it were capable of such expression.
“Just in time. Come on in.”
He disappears inside and I turn to Tommi. “Please.
Go back to the truck.
Get the hell out of here. I’m begging
you.”
She looks me in the eye, nothing but bravery and
determination on her beautiful face.
“He’s my brother.
And-and I
won’t let you clean up my messes.”
Yeah, it might be the worst possible time in the world for
something like this, but I don’t give a shit.
Things are happening.
Most likely the sun will rise on a
totally different reality for all of us tomorrow.
Gotta
make the most of right now.
I cup Tommi’s face in my hands, staring intently down into
the emerald green I’ll probably never be able to forget, no matter what
happens.
“I’d walk through fire for
you. And for anyone you care about.
You don’t have to do this alone anymore.
You’ve got me.”
Tears well in her eyes, turning sparkling jewels into liquid
pools.
Her chin trembles the
tiniest bit and she winds her fingers around my wrists, holding me to her.
“Whatever today or tomorrow, or next
month or next year holds, I will never regret you.
Whether you know it or not, you saved
me.”
God, how I want to!
I wish I could just sweep her off her feet and run with her, far and
fast.
But I can’t.
For a hundred different reasons, I
can’t.
And I won’t.
I’m not one to run from anything and
this is no exception.
We’ll face
this, whatever
this
ends up being,
together.
My mouth falls onto Tommi’s in a kiss that was meant to be
gentle, sincere.
But the urgency of
the situation, the uncertainty of tomorrow turns it into a rough, wild
plundering. When I pull away, we’re both gasping for air.
The moment is real and raw and maybe as
honest as any we’ve shared.
And I know that Tommi feels it, too. I can see it in the
lines of her
face,
in the way her eyes soften.
“Sig, I…I–”
My chest gets tight. I know what she’s going to say.
Whether in truth or as a result of the
turmoil, I don’t know, but right at this moment, she loves me.
In a way, I hope she doesn’t finish her
sentence, doesn’t tell me.
I want to hear her say it.
Yes, it makes me feel a little panicky,
but I still want to hear the words come from those delectable lips.
Just not right now. Not this way.
And she must realize the same thing. She
takes a single step back, trailing off into something else entirely. “I…I say
we go get my brother.”
She threads her fingers through mine and we turn toward the
back door, together.
As we near it,
I move in front of her and tuck her safely behind me.
I don’t know what to expect, but I’ll feel
better about whatever it if Tommi isn’t in the line of fire.
Inside, the room is mostly empty. There are a few crates
stacked against one wall and a couple of old stoves, maybe from the restaurant,
lining the other.
In the center of
the floor
is
a chunky wooden table and four chairs poised
under a swinging overhead light.
All
it lacks is a bloody suspect tied to a chair and it would be the most cliché
setup I’ve ever seen.
It’s at that table where Travis sits, playing on his phone.
Chaps is
on one side, Barber on the other. I wonder for just
a second why they let Travis keep his phone and why he didn’t answer it when
Tommi called.
Or call somebody for
God’s sake.
“I’d just get that idea right out of my head if I were
you.
You won’t be getting a signal
in here,” Barber explains, uncrossing his ankles and crossing them to the other
side, like he’s bored as hell.
“It’s
jammed.
Can’t have you calling your
buddies for help, now can we?”
I narrow my eyes on him.
“My buddies?”
“Yeah, your cop friends.”
My pulse flutters, but only slightly.
And I make sure nothing shows on my
stone face.
“I don’t have cop
friends.”
Barber smiles again. It’s humorless, though.
Maybe even smug, like he’s got me right
where he wants me.
“I’d expect a
criminal
not to have many cop friends,
but you’re not a criminal, are you,
Sig?
You’re a cop.
What’s that say about you–a cop
with no cop friends?
Don’t you play
well with others?”
My blood runs cold, but I maintain.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re
talking about.
Sounds to me like
you’ve been sneaking into boss man’s stash.
What’s the matter, Barber?
You tweaking on the
side?
Making you a little
paranoid?”
He laughs.
“A
smart ass to the end. Not that it will matter.
You’re caught.
Busted.
What
I
don’t know is why you’re still pretending.
Last ditch effort to save an
operation?
Or maybe save face with
a girl?”
His sharp eyes dart to
Tommi.
“Does
she
know who you
really
are?”
In the quiet that follows his question, I hear Tommi’s
breathing grow ragged where she stands slightly behind me.
The fingers twisted into my shirt grip
tighter, so tight I can feel a slight tremble. I try to put her reaction out of
my mind, but it’s hard as hell not to feel guilty when I’ve told her she can
trust me.
Not to mention the fact
that she just spilled her guts about some shit that she’d probably want
anyone in the world
to know
except
a cop.
“You must have me confused with somebody else, Barber.”
“Oh, I think not
Sigmond
Locke.
Did you really think Lance wouldn’t find
out?”
Think!
“If you’re trying to throw some poor bastard under the bus,
I’d suggest you pick one of your lackeys. Maybe one who’s too dumb to figure
out what you’re doing.”
“Oh, I’ve got the right man.”
I don’t give in. I press the issue while moving a few small
steps forward, nothing to alarm him.
Just enough to get
closer.
“Is that why you took Travis?
You trying to
get rid of me?
Blame
something on me?”