Read And De Fun Don't Done Online

Authors: Robert G. Barrett

And De Fun Don't Done (71 page)

Les didn't know whether the car hire turned him over or not and he didn't care, he just kept looking at his watch and searching the crowd. But although they went over the car with a fine tooth comb and he ended up paying gratuity and tax and God only knows what else, they were pleasant enough and it didn't take long. Les paid with his VISA and they walked up to the departure lounge.

The lounge was up two short flights of stairs, not far from and above the check-in counters. It seated about fifty and was almost two-thirds full. The bar was down one end to the left, Les found a table to the right of the stairs with a view over the departure area and sat down facing the stairs with Esme on his right and Delta on his left. There was the usual throng of people coming and going, the hubbub of voices around them and the occasional, crackling din of the PA system paging passengers and staff throughout the terminal. A waiter in a white shirt and bowtie appeared from among the other tables and Les ordered two more orange juices and another Red Stripe. The two girls didn't say a great deal while they sat and waited for their drinks; they seemed more intent on watching Les, who was watching everyone walking round the airport and checking his watch about every halfminute. The drinks arrived, Les paid the waiter and left his wallet on the table.

‘Well girls,' he said, holding up his bottle. ‘Here's to Jamaica.'

‘Ire mon. Jamaica,' said Delta.

‘I Island,' said Esme, smiling right into Norton's eyes.

‘Yeah. Island in the sun,' nodded Les, and took a swig of beer. Les paused for a moment and stared at the two girls while a poignant silence seemed to settle in around them. Then Norton seemed to click into second gear. ‘Alright, Esme and Delta,' he said, looking at his watch again, ‘I haven't got much time left and it looks like Millwood isn't going to make it. So here's what I want you both to do.' Les took most of the money out of his wallet, gave it a quick count then put his wallet back in his jeans. ‘There's the best part of a grand US there,' he said, handing the money to Esme. ‘I've also written down Millwood's phone number again. Plus the name of the school he teaches at.'

Both girls blinked at the money in Esme's hand. ‘Les,' she said, screwing her face up a little, ‘why yu do all this? Yu something else, mon.'

‘I told you,'replied Les, ‘because I love the both of you. Now listen.'

‘He does too,' smiled Delta, her eyes widening. ‘Look.' She reached across the table and took Norton's hand. ‘Yu wearing our rings. I ony jus notice.'

‘He is too,' said Esme excitedly, reaching across the table to take Norton's other hand.

‘Yeah, well why wouldn't I?' shrugged Les, a sheepish grin on his face as he looked at the two, cheap, junky rings he'd bought from the girls jammed on both his little fingers. ‘I just didn't want to make a big thing of it. That's all.'

Esme's eyes started to swim. ‘Oh Les. Yu so sweet.' Both girls put their arms around Norton's neck and kissed him tenderly.

‘Yeah, alright,' said Les. ‘That's nice. But listen, because this is important. When you leave here and go back to the hotel, get a phone book. Then…'

Delta cut in and pointed towards the stairs. ‘Is that…?'

Les looked over at an awkward, spindly movement near the stairs. Some bloke had just run up them, elbows and knees going everywhere, now he was standing at the top in a white shirt and blue trousers, a briefcase in one hand, his other arm resting on his head something like a chimpanzee, as he peered round the lounge through a pair of black-rimmed glasses. Les knew he'd seen that face before somewhere. Another bloody American movie:
The Nutty Professor
. Without thinking, Les jumped to his feet.

‘Jerry! Over here,' he yelled out.

Millwood Downie saw Les and came gangling through the chairs and tables, knocking people with his briefcase and bumping their seats with his knees. ‘Les,' he puffed. ‘Thank God I made it.'

‘You can say that again,' said Les, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree as he pumped Millwood's hand. ‘Here, grab a seat.' Les pushed a chair out and Millwood sat down next to Delta with his briefcase on his lap. Les quickly introduced him to the girls then sat down himself. ‘Hey, thanks for coming out, Millwood. Do you want something to drink?'

The skinny schoolteacher nodded his head gingerly. ‘I might have a soda water.'

Norton gave him a wink. ‘Wasn't a bad night, was it?'

‘Terrific Les. Except for when I had to get up this morning. Why do you think I'm wearing my glasses?'

Les caught the waiter's eye and ordered another round of drinks. ‘So what happened? I didn't think you were bloody well going to get here.'

‘Well, apart from a monumental hangover, there was that hurricane again.'

‘Hurricane!!?' said Les. ‘Don't tell me the bloody thing's on its way?'

‘No, it's changed direction. It doesn't look like it's coming now.'

‘It's not? What the…?'

‘Don't yu read de newspaper, Les?' said Delta. ‘Listen to i radio?'

‘What yu do all day today?' asked Esme.

‘Went down the beach,' said Les.

‘So instead of everyone cancelling,' continued Millwood, ‘they've all changed their minds at once and decided to stay. Plus about another two million chucky bwoys have booked in. And there's more coming. Honestly, Les, I went that close to telling them to shove it today. I'm absolutely stuffed.'

A smile flickered around Norton's eyes. ‘You never know yet, Mill. You might be able to.'

‘I wouldn't mind.' The teacher closed his eyes and shook his head for a second.

The drinks arrived and Les paid. ‘Well, here's to you, Millwood,' said Les, raising his bottle. ‘You're something else, old mate.'

Millwood raised his soda and smiled. ‘You're not bad yourself, Les. Just bad luck you haven't got any sense of humour.'

‘Haven't got a sense of humour!' howled Norton. ‘Millwood, your jokes'd turn a baked dinner cold.'

‘Get out, you big red-headed buguyaga. I'm a killer.'

‘Hey. Not so fiesty there, mon.'

Whatever was going on between Les and Millwood seemed to slip straight over Esme and Delta's heads. They seemed more mystified than anything else. All this money and concern over a skinny little bloke with glasses and a dud crewcut carrying an old briefcase.

‘Listen, Millwood,' said Les urgently. ‘We haven't got much time.'

‘I know,' cut in Millwood, ‘which is why before we go any further I want you to have this souvenir of Jamaica.'

‘Souvenir? What…?'

‘I got you a T-shirt, Les.'

Millwood opened up his briefcase and pulled out a white T-shirt big enough for two people. Printed across the front in green, yellow and black was ‘Spring Water Primary School, Jamaica'. Underneath was a funny drawing of three young faces; a boy and two girls. The boy wore dreadlocks. The girls wore pigtails and bows. It was all bright, squiggly colours, yet had an abstract, childlike innocence about it that stood out.

Les stood up and held the T-shirt in front of him for all to see. Even Esme and Delta were impressed. ‘Shit! Thanks Millwood. That's terrific.'

‘It's one of Harvey's. He painted it with natural dye from berries up in the hills. That won't come out.'

‘It's unreal, Millwood. Gee, thanks mate.'

‘The children said to say hello. And so did Harvey. He can't come in. He's waiting outside in the car.'

‘Tell him thanks.' Les looked at the T-shirt across his chest and started to laugh. ‘You're not going to believe this, Mill, but I've got a T-shirt for you too.'

‘You're kidding?'

‘No.' Les folded up his present, put it on the table and sat down. ‘Millwood,' he said sincerely, ‘I've got bugger all time. And so much I want to tell you. But before I go any further, do you know what this is?'

Les dipped into the fob pocket of his jeans and pulled out one of the coins he'd found at the manse and handed it to Millwood. The schoolteacher's forehead knitted, he moved his glasses and started examining the coin. The
way it sparkled in the light caught Esme and Delta's eye and they moved in closer for a look too. While they were all staring at the coin Les took the T-shirt he got for Millwood out of his backpack and placed it on the table. It was Norton's white Emu Bitter one that was a size too big for him. Where the one Millwood brought for Les was folded flat, Norton had folded Millwood's present up rather lumpily, so it looked something like a loaf of bread. He then placed the one Millwood had brought him in his backpack and resumed sipping his beer. A few seconds later Millwood looked up at Les and his eyes were starting to get that boiled egg look again.

‘Les, do you know what this is?' he said incredulously.

‘If I knew what it was, Millwood, you Dubbo, I wouldn't be asking you. Would I?'

‘It's an eight-escudo piece.'

‘A what?'

‘It's an old Spanish coin. Eight escudos.' Millwood pointed to one side of the coin. ‘That's Phillip the Fifth of Spain. He was the first monarch for hundreds of years to start having his likeness on the coins again.' Millwood turned the coin over. ‘My Latin's not what it should be, but, “Timor” is fear of. “Domini” means rule or ruler. “Sapien- tia”. That's… wise, or something. And “initium…”.'

‘Yeah, alright, Millwood,' interjected Les. ‘I haven't got time for a bloody lesson in Latin right now. Is it worth anything?'

‘Worth anything? You're joking! It's solid gold. Old, old gold. The finest there ever was. That's not counting its other value as a collector's item. Coins like this can be worth up to a thousand dollars or more. US.' Millwood stared at Les through his glasses. ‘Where did you get this?'

‘Don't worry where I got it. Just put it in your pocket.'

‘What!!?'

‘Put it in your pocket. There's people around.'

Millwood stared at Les, stared at the coin and put it in his trouser pocket. ‘I… don't understand, Les.'

‘I don't expect you to. Now, there's your T-shirt. Don't open it up, put it in your briefcase.'

Millwood reached across to pick up his T-shirt and it didn't move. Millwood's face went all funny. ‘Les, this weighs a ton. What's in it?'

Norton stared right into the little schoolteacher's puzzled eyes. ‘At the last count, about three hundred and ten of those eight-piece escudos. Now stick it in your briefcase. Hurry up.'

Millwood picked up his T-shirt with both hands and placed it as carefully as he could in his briefcase, then put it down on the floor with a dull thump. ‘Les,' he said nervously, ‘this is all getting a bit weird for me.'

‘Don't worry about it, Millwood. It's all sweet.' Les took a sip of beer and looked Millwood in the eye. The girls just sat there and blinked. ‘Millwood, I've got about two minutes. But all I say is this. You were wrong about that poem.'

‘Poem?'

‘Yeah. That one you were reading me last night.' Les took his book of Elizabeth Norton Blackmore's poems from his backpack and handed it to Millwood. ‘I want you to have this too as a souvenir. Have a good read and forget about old Edith Nettlefart, or whatever her name is. There's no incest in my family, son. I don't mind you calling one of my ancestors a thief and a slave trader. But brush the incest.' Millwood just sat there blinking. ‘One of these days I'll tell you, Millwood. Now there's a fortune there in your briefcase. You'll know how to cash those coins in. Do up the school, set yourself up in business or whatever up there at Spring Water. You'll know what to do. And give Esme and Delta a job up there. They could teach. They're good girls and I want you to look after them. Okay?'

‘Yeah,' replied Millwood faintly. ‘No problem.'

‘They've got my old room for the night. Give them a lift back with you after I leave and you can sort things out at the hotel. But everything's alright now, Millwood. You can tell the chucky bwoys and the golf club to get stuffed.' Les turned to Delta and Esma. ‘And you two don't have to start work at that sleazy Badminton Club. You're now on Millwood's payroll. You're social workers.'

Esme and Delta both shook their heads. ‘Social workers?'

‘Yeah. Millwood'll explain it all to you back at the hotel. You're TAFE teachers.'

‘Tief?' said Delta.

‘No. Not thief. TAFE.' Norton looked at his watch. ‘Shit! I got to go.' He stood up and offered his hand to Millwood. The schoolteacher shook it as warmly as he could. ‘See you, Millwood. Old mate,' smiled Norton. ‘Don't bother coming down to see me off. If you come near those metal detectors down there you'll blow the place up. Stay here, then take the girls back in to the hotel.'

Millwood sat there motionless. It looked as if someone had punched him hard in the stomach. ‘I… I don't know what to say, Les.'

‘Goodbye'll have to do for the time being. See you, Millwood. You take care. Come on, girls. You can see me off at the gate.'

Les picked up his backpack, left Millwood staring into space and walked down to the departure gate with Esme and Delta. There weren't that many people going through; some backpackers, an English couple, a few Americans. Les looked at the girls and smiled.

‘Well, this is it girls. Uncle Les is off.'

‘We gonna miss yu, Brer Wallaby,' said Delta. The girls didn't look like they were going to burst into tears, but they weren't laughing all that much and it wouldn't have taken a great deal to set them off.

‘I'm going to miss you too, Delta. Come here.' Les gave her a nice kiss. ‘Goodbye, Delta. Have a good time up at Spring Water Primary.'

‘Goodbye, Les.'

‘As for you, Esme,' grinned Norton. ‘Come here.' Les bent her over and gave her the full Rhett Butler-Scarlett O'Hara. Right in front of all the other passengers. She didn't seem to mind at all. ‘See you, Esme.'

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