Anna and the French Kiss (14 page)

“Thanks for ditching us,” Rashmi says.

“It’s not like we didn’t tell you where we were going,” I say.

Josh grabs the statue’s privates. “I think this is seven years’ bad luck.”

Mer sighs. “Joshua Wasserstein, what would your mother say?”

“She’d be proud that the Fine Institute of Learning she’s sent me to is teaching me such refined manners.” He leans over and licks Victor.

Mer and Rashmi and I squeal.

“You are
so
getting oral herpes.” I whip out my hand sanitizer and squeeze a glob into my hands. “Seriously, you should put some of this on your lips.”

Josh shakes his head. “You are so neurotic. Do you take that everywhere?”

“You know,” Rashmi says. “I’ve heard if you use too much of that stuff, you can actually desensitize yourself to germs and get
more
sick.”

I freeze. “What? No.”

“HA!” Josh says.

“Ohmygod, are you okay?”

At the sound of Mer’s alarm, I quickly turn my head.

St. Clair has fallen against a tomb. It’s the only thing keeping him from collapsing to the ground. The four of us rush to his side. He’s still holding the phone to his ear, but he’s not listening anymore. We talk over each other. “What happened? Are you okay? What is it?”

He won’t answer us. He won’t look up.

We exchange worried glances. No, terrified. Something is
really
wrong. Josh and I lower him to the ground before he falls. St. Clair looks up, surprised to find us holding on to him. His face is white.

“My mum.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“She’s dying.”

chapter fifteen

St. Clair is drunk.

His face is buried between my thighs. Under favorable circumstances, this would be quite exciting. Considering he’s minutes away from vomiting, it’s less than attractive. I push his head toward my knees into a slightly less awkward position, and he moans. It’s the first time I’ve touched his hair. It’s soft, like Seany’s when he was a baby.

Josh and St. Clair showed up fifteen minutes ago, stinking of cigarettes and alcohol. Since neither of them smoke, they’d obviously been to a bar. “Sorry. He said wehadtuh comeup ’ere.” Josh dragged his friend’s limp body inside my room. “Wouldn’t shuttup about tit. Tit. Ha ha.”

St. Clair burbled in heavy, slurred British. “Me dad issa bastard. I’m gonna kill ’im. Gonna kill ’im, I’m sooo pissed.” Then his head rolled, and his chin smacked violently against his chest. Alarmed, I guided him to my bed and propped him up against the side for support.

Josh stared at the picture of Seany on my wall. “Tit,” he said.

“Ahhh-nuhhh, he’s an arse. I’m
serious
.” St. Clair widened his eyes for emphasis.

“I know, I know he is.” Even though I didn’t know. “Will you stop that?” I snapped at Josh. He stood on my bed with his nose pressed against Sean’s picture. “Is he okay?”

“His mom is dying. I dontthinkhe’s OKAY.” Josh stumbled down and reached for my phone. “Told Rashmi I’d call her.”

“His mother is not
you-know-what
. How can you say that?” I turned back to St. Clair. “She’ll be fine. Your mom is fine, you hear me?”

St. Clair belched.

“Jesus.” I was so not equipped for this type of situation.

“Cancer.” He hung his head. “She can’t have cancer.”

“Rashmi iss me,” Josh said into my phone. “Mer? Put Rashmi on. Iss emergency.”

“It’s not an emergency!” I yelled. “They’re just drunk.”

Seconds later, Meredith pounded on my door, and I let her in. “How’d you know we’re here?” Josh’s forehead creased in bewilderment. “Where’s Rashmi?”

“I heard you through the wall, idiot. And you called my phone, not hers.” She held up her cell and then dialed Rashmi, who arrived a minute later. They just stood there staring, while St. Clair babbled and Josh continued to look shocked by their sudden appearance. My small room felt even smaller stuffed with five bodies.

Finally, Mer knelt down. “Is he okay?” She felt St. Clair’s forehead, but he smacked her hand away. She looked hurt.

“I’m fine. My father’s an arse, and my mum is dying and—oh my God, I’m so pissed.” St. Clair looked at me again. His eyes were glassy like black marbles. “Pissed. Pissed. Pissed.”

“We know you’re pissed at your dad,” I said. “It’s okay.You’re right, he’s a jerk.” I mean what was I supposed to say? He just found out his mother has cancer.

“
Pissed
is British for ‘drunk,’” Mer said.

“Oh,” I said. “Well.You’re definitely that, too.”

Meanwhile, The Couple was fighting. “Where have you been?” Rashmi asked. “You said you’d be home three hours ago!”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Out. We’ve been out. Someone had to help him—”

“And you call that helping? He’s completely wasted. Catatonic. And you! God, you smell like car exhaust and armpits—”

“He couldn’t drink alone.”

“You were supposed to be watching out for him! What if something happened?”

“Beer. Liquor. Thatsswhat happened. Don’t be such a prude, Rash.”

“Fuck you,” Rashmi said. “Seriously, Josh. Go fuck yourself.”

He lunged, and Mer shoved him back onto my bed.The weight of his body hitting the mattress rattled St. Clair, and his head fell forward again, chin hitting chest with another disturbing
smack
. Rashmi stormed out. A small crowd had gathered outside in the hallway, and she shouted further obscenities as she fought her way through them. Mer chased behind—“Rashmi! RASHMI!”—and my door slammed shut.

And that was the moment St. Clair’s head landed between my thighs.

Breathe, Anna. Breathe.

Josh appears to be passed out. Fine. Good. One less boy for me to deal with.

I should probably get St. Clair some water. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to give drunk people? So they don’t get alcohol poisoning or something? I ease him off my legs, and he grabs my feet. “I’ll be right back,” I say. “I promise.”

He snuffles. Oh, no. He’s not going to cry, is he? Because even though it’s sweet when guys cry, I am so not prepared for this. Girl Scouts didn’t teach me what to do with emotionally unstable drunk boys. I grab a bottle of water from my fridge and squat down. I hold up his head—the second time I’ve touched his hair—and angle the bottle in front of his lips. “Drink.”

He shakes his head slowly. “If I drink any more, I’ll puke.”

“It’s not alcohol. It’s water.” I tilt the bottle, and it spills into his mouth and dribbles down his chin. He takes the bottle and then drops it. Water pours across my floor.

“Ohhh no,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, Anna. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” And he looks so sad that I lie down next to him. The puddle soaks into the butt of my jeans.
Ack
. “What happened?”

St. Clair sighs. It’s deep and exhausted. “He’s not letting me visit my mum.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“It’s what my father does, what he’s always done. It’s his way of staying in control.”

“I don’t und—”

“He’s jealous. That she loves me more than she loves him. So he’s not letting me visit her.”

My mind spins. That doesn’t make any sense, none at all. “How can he do that?Your mom is sick. She’ll need chemo, she
needs
you there.”

“He doesn’t want me to see her until Thanksgiving break.”

“But that’s a month away! She could be—” I stop myself.The moment I finish the sentence in my head, I feel sick. But there’s no way. People my age do not have parents who die. She’ll have chemotherapy, and of course it’ll work. She’ll be fine. “So what are you gonna do? Fly to San Francisco anyway?”

“My father would murder me.”

“So?” I’m outraged. “You’d still get to see her!”

“You don’t understand. My father would be very, very angry.” The deliberate way he says this sends a chill down my spine.

“But . . . wouldn’t she ask your dad to send for you? I mean, he couldn’t say no to her, could he? Not when she’s . . . sick?”

“She won’t disobey my father.”

Disobey. Like she’s a child. It’s rapidly becoming clear why St.Clair never talks about his father. Mine might be self-absorbed, but he’d never keep me away from Mom. I feel awful. Guilty. My problems are so insignificant in comparison. I mean, my dad sent me to France. Boo-freaking-hoo.

“Anna?”

“Yeah?”

He pauses. “Never mind.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

But his tone is definitely not
nothing
. I turn to him, and his eyes are closed. His skin is pale and tired. “What?” I ask again, sitting up. St. Clair opens his eyes, noticing I’ve moved. He struggles, trying to sit up, too, and I help him.When I pull away, he clutches my hand to stop me.

“I like you,” he says.

My body is rigid.

“And I don’t mean as a friend.”

It feels like I’m swallowing my tongue. “Uh. Um. What about—?” I pull my hand away from his. The weight of her name hangs heavy and unspoken.

“It’s not right. It hasn’t been right, not since I met you.” His eyes close again, and his body sways.

He’s drunk. He’s just drunk.

Calm down, Anna.
He’s drunk, and he’s going through a crisis. There is NO WAY he knows what he’s talking about right now. So what do I do? Oh my God, what am I supposed to do?

“Do you like me?” St. Clair asks. And he looks at me with those big brown eyes—which, okay, are a bit red from the drinking and maybe from some crying—and my heart breaks.

Yes, St. Clair. I like you.

But I can’t say it aloud, because he’s my friend. And friends don’t let other friends make drunken declarations and expect them to act upon them the next day.

Then again . . . it’s St. Clair. Beautiful, perfect, wonderful—

And great. That’s just great.

He threw up on me.

chapter sixteen

I’m mopping up his mess with a towel when there’s a knock on my door. I open it with my elbows to keep the vomit from touching my doorknob.

It’s Ellie. I nearly drop my towel. “Oh.”

Slutty nurse. I don’t believe it. Tiny white button-up dress, red crosses across the nipples. Cleavage city.

“Anna, I’m soooo sorry,” St. Clair moans behind me, and she rushes to his side.

“Ohmygod, St. Clair! Are you okay?” Again, her husky voice startles me. As if the nurse getup weren’t enough to make me feel completely juvenile and inadequate.

“’Course he’s not okay,” Josh grumbles from the bed. “He just puked on Anna.”

Josh is awake?

Ellie smacks Josh’s feet, which hang over the edge of my bed. “Get up. Help me move him to his room.”

“I can get up by my bloody self.” St. Clair tries to push himself up, and Ellie and I reach out to steady him. She glares at me, and I back up.

“How’d you know he was here?” I ask.

“Meredith called, but I was already on my way. I’d just gotten his message. He called a few hours ago, but I didn’t get it, because I was getting ready for this stupid party.” She gestures at her costume, upset with herself. “I should have been here.” She brushes St. Clair’s hair from his forehead. “It’s okay, babe. I’m here now.”

“Ellie?” St. Clair sounds confused, as if he’s just noticed her. “Anna? Why is Ellen here? She’s not supposed to be here.”

His girlfriend shoots me a hateful look, and I shrug with embarrassment. “He’s really,
really
drunk,” I say.

She thwacks Josh again, and he rolls off the bed. “All right, all right!” Amazingly, he stands and pulls St. Clair off the floor. They balance him between their shoulders. “Get the door,” she says sharply. I open it, and they stagger out.

St. Clair looks back. “Anna. Anna, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ve already cleaned it up. It’s fine, it’s not a big deal.”

“No. About everything else.”

Ellie’s head jerks back to me, angry and confused, but I don’t care. He looks so awful. I wish they’d put him down. He could sleep in my bed tonight; I could stay with Mer. But they’re already maneuvering him into the rickety elevator. They push aside the metal grate and squish inside. St. Clair stares at me sadly as the door shuts.

“She’ll be fine!Your mother will be fine!”

I don’t know if he hears me. The elevator creaks upward. I watch it until it disappears.

Sunday, November 1, All Saints’ Day. Oddly enough, this is the actual day that Parisians visit cemeteries. I’m told people are dropping by the graves of loved ones and leaving flowers and personal tokens.

The thought makes me ill. I hope St. Clair doesn’t remember today is a holiday.

When I wake up, I stop by Meredith’s. She’s already been to his room, and either he’s out cold or he’s not accepting visitors. Most likely both. “It’s best to let him sleep,” she says. And I’m sure she’s right, but I can’t help but tune my ear to the floor above.The first movements begin in the late afternoon, but even these are muffled. Slow shuffles and laborious thuds.

He wouldn’t come out for dinner. Josh, who is cross and bleary, says he checked in with him on his way here—a pizza place, where we always eat on Sunday night—and St. Clair didn’t want company. Josh and Rashmi have patched things up. She looks smug to see him suffering through a hangover.

My emotions are conflicted. I’m worried for St. Clair’s mother, and I’m worried for St. Clair, but I’m also furious with his father. And I can’t focus on anything for more than a second before my mind whirls back to this:

St. Clair likes me. As more than a friend.

I felt truth behind his words, but how can I overlook the fact that he was drunk? Absolutely, positively, one hundred and ten percent smashed. And as much as I want to see him, to be assured with my own eyes that he’s still alive, I don’t know what I’d say. Do we talk about it? Or do I act like it never happened?

He needs friendship right now, not relationship drama. Which is why it’s
really
crappy that it’s become a lot harder to kid myself that St. Clair’s attention hasn’t been as flattering—or as welcome—as it has.

Toph calls around midnight. We haven’t talked on the phone in weeks, but with everything happening here, I’m distracted the entire time. I just want to go back to bed. It’s too confusing. Everything is too confusing.