Authors: Crystal Walton
All bundled up, Anna backed open the front door and stopped short. As if the icy air didn’t strip enough breath out of her, a view of Evan—cleaned up and unfairly gorgeous with an arm lounged against the hood of his car—finished her off.
In dark jeans and a hunter green button-up under his leather jacket, he smiled at her lingering stare. Heat tinged her ears. Thankfully, her hat covered them. And at least she could pass off the flush in her cheeks as a reaction to the cold, right?
His unabashed grin widened.
Okay, maybe not. She’d be lucky to remember how to speak, forget pulling anything else off. Seeing him this casual shouldn’t make her heart stagger worse than seeing him in a tux had.
She swallowed the lump that had no business terrorizing her throat. “I thought I said I’d meet up with you later.”
He pushed off the car. “It
is
later.”
The breeze rustled damp bits of brown hair over his forehead and swirled hints of his recent shower around her. And she was supposed to hold herself together around him . . . right.
Somehow managing coordination, she held out a hand.
“What?”
“Keys.” Anna motioned for him to surrender them. “I’m driving.”
“Should I be scared?” He retrieved his keys from his jeans pocket.
She swiped them, circled the bumper, and let a mischievous grin suffice as an answer.
Evan chuckled while getting in the passenger side. “Okay, but go easy on her.”
“Her?” Anna started the engine. “Don’t tell me you named your car.”
He flaunted a sworn-to-secrecy expression.
“Mm hmm.” After a quick check in the mirrors, she pulled away from the curb. “Next, you’ll tell me it’s classified, right?”
An awkward silence ensued. He drew back his seat belt and resituated positions.
She hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable. “I’m just teasing, Evan. I understand your job prevents you from telling me things. We both need to let it go. It’s the way things are.”
With his elbow on the door panel, he kept his gaze out the passenger window and his voice a shell of its normal tone. “That doesn’t mean it’s easy.”
Anna wrestled to shake off the uninvited tension. They should be celebrating the things they were grateful for today, not dwelling on the ones neither of them could change. They’d be apart again soon. It was time to stop messing this up.
She smiled across the console. “How about we retire from adulthood for the day? Pretend we’re kids again, back when things were simple. Just friendship, family, living in the present.”
He nodded away a hint of sadness shading his eyes. “Copy that.”
Hopefully, he’d still agree once he found out where they were going first.
“You saved room for dinner, right? ‘Cause you know Ms. Riza’s gonna go all out with her spread. Which reminds me.” She feigned an apologetic frown. “No recyclable dinnerware tonight. You gonna be able to handle that?”
“Think I’ll manage.” His laugh stretched into a yawn. Visible exhaustion pulled him deeper into the seat.
He never did tell her how late he stayed up last night. She needed to convince him to lower his guard long enough to get sufficient rest. At least she had the turkey conspiring with her today. As long as Reese actually let him in the house.
Several miles down the road, Anna sent a glance his way while turning into the hospital parking lot. Eyes closed, he didn’t even startle when they rolled over a speed bump. A silent laugh shook her shoulders. The man could fall asleep at the drop of a hat in any location. Pure talent.
Parked in the garage, she cut the engine but left the heat on. They could spare a few more minutes. Honestly, he’d probably need all the strength he could get. Had she made the right decision bringing him here?
Questions circled as she twisted the strings hanging from her hat and let them unwind. Grabbing on to conviction, she leveled her shoulders. No, he needed to be here. She was sure of it. Getting him to believe it, on the other hand, was another story.
True to his power-nap-taking self, Evan stirred ten minutes later. He wiped a hand over his eyes, yawned, and stopped mid-stretch when his gaze landed on her. “Sorry. Long night.”
“I can imagine.”
He looked around and froze again. “The hospital?”
“There’s someone waiting to see you.”
“Anna . . .”
Trying to thwart an argument, she met him on the opposite side of the car. He leaned against the panel with his head angled in resistance, but she wasn’t backing down. She curled her fingers under his. “Trust me.”
He wasn’t alone in this. Even if he didn’t reciprocate her feelings, she wouldn’t stop being the friend he’d been for her.
His warm breath clashed with the frigid air until soldier-mode kicked in. He nodded, pushed off the car, and approached the entrance.
Inside, a gust of heat fanned an antiseptic-scented greeting over them. Evan’s confident strides led them to the Cardiothoracic Unit, where they stopped to wash their hands and pick up masks and gloves.
His feet slowed in front of his mom’s door, as though settling into a worn spot they were forbidden to pass. How many times had he come and stood on the fringe, trapped in unwarranted guilt?
“She looks much better than she did in ICU.” He stared ahead. “Seeing her after the surgery . . . The breathing tube . . . I couldn’t . . .” A slow exhale veered his gaze to the floor.
“She loves you, Evan.”
He balled his fingers at his sides. “But my dad—”
“Is gone.” Anna rested a hand to his lower back and dipped her head forward. “Don’t lose any more time with someone who’s still here.”
A deep breath freed his feet and pushed him across the threshold.
The blood pressure cuff around his mom’s arm compressed while heartbeats pulsed on the echogram. Mrs. O’Riley’s eyes fluttered open as he approached her bed. One look at her son, and a wave of emotion overrode her expression.
Anna couldn’t see Evan’s face with his back toward her, but the slight tremor in his shoulders said enough.
Mrs. O’Riley’s mouth quivered. “Evan?”
Head down, he closed her hand in both of his. “I’m so sorry . . .”
Without the slightest hesitancy, his mom tugged him close. And in the arms of complete acceptance, the undaunted soldier he’d become gave way to the tender boy Anna had never once stopped loving.
Mrs. O’Riley’s frail hands rubbed circles over his back. “You’re here,” she whispered. “That’s all that matters.”
Monitors continued to beep. Foot traffic carried on outside the room. But the image of a mother’s love for her child superseded everything surrounding Anna. A stinging sensation constricted her throat and backed her out of the doorway. She lowered her mask beneath her chin, needing to breathe.
Maneuvering through the halls, she fought a riptide of memories with her own mom. Her laughter, her encouragement. Every rehearsal, every recital. She’d always been there, always rooted for her. Until that night. When a single moment branded the rest of Anna’s life with the scar of loss.
She jogged harder, faster—afraid to let go of the memories but equally as afraid of holding on to them. Along a quiet hall, Anna braced a palm against a vending machine and waited for the waves to subside.
Don’t fall apart. Not here. Not today.
Something dark stirred in the periphery. A glance down the hall caught a sliver of a black trench coat shrinking behind the corner. Heat pricked the back of her neck, the same panic from last night closing in. Was someone watching her?
Goose bumps multiplied down her arms. She spun in the opposite direction and ran until her momentum drove her smack into someone hastening in the other direction.
“Whoa.” Evan steadied her.
The sound of his voice collided with her yearning for safety. Anna clutched his arms without thinking.
“Hey, you okay?”
What was she doing? She had to stop letting him see how afraid she was. “Yeah.” She stepped back and dragged a finger under her eyes. “I was just, um, thinking of my mom. It’s nothing.”
He lifted her chin. “You look scared. What happened?”
Why did he have to be so good at reading her? She peered behind her. “I thought I saw something.”
“Saw what?” Concerned eyes searched hers.
“It looked like someone was . . .”
Footsteps echoed from down the hall. They both glanced up as a doctor with a charcoal coat draped over his arm rounded the bend.
Anna’s pent-up breath oozed out in a silent scolding. No way she was going to let that creep from last night hold the fear of paranoia over her. She wouldn’t live her life like this, especially with Evan watching.
“Anna.” He angled in front of her. “If you’re worried about Painter, he’s not coming near you again. Harris locked him up last night.”
“They found him?”
Evan ran a knuckle above his brow and scuffed his Skecher over the tiles. “Yeah.”
A swell of relief quaked through her. “Sorry. I shouldn’t let stuff freak me out so easily. Everything going on has me overly emotional right now.”
His gaze hardened. “Don’t ever apologize for listening to your gut.”
But what if he knew her gut was telling her to run right now—away from him, from her heart? Or worse, that it was begging her to stay—to give in and show him how she really felt?
The shuffle of footfalls behind her pulled Evan’s gaze past her shoulder. A pair of nurses glided by, carrying charts in their hands. “Happy Thanksgiving,” one said with a warm smile.
Thanksgiving at Dad’s was the last thing Anna wanted to deal with right now. No wonder she was such a mess today. Holidays without Mom always hit her the hardest. If she couldn’t get a hold on her emotions, maybe it’d be better if Evan didn’t go.
She untied her mask from behind her neck, folded it in her hands, and grappled for some semblance of a composed tone. “You don’t have to come with me today. You could stay here. Spend time with your mom.”
His jaw rippled. “She needs to rest. I’m coming back tomorrow.”
Anna’s inner turmoil succumbed to a smile. “I’m glad.” It’d be good for him and his mom both. The short time he’d shared with her a moment ago had opened the doors for healing, but they still had a long road ahead.
Shoulders slack, Evan tinkered with his keys a moment before meeting her eyes again. “If you’re not comfortable with bringing me today, at least let me drive you.”
What? No, it was the other way around. “Of course I’m comfortable. You’re like our surrogate brother. I just didn’t want you to think I was pressuring you into making it a date or something.” Why didn’t she know when to stop talking?
A tendon on his neck flexed, but he didn’t retract his stoic gaze. “I know where we stand, Anna. I always have.”
And now, that made two of them.
Border
After picking up Megan and making the thirty-minute drive north to the Gold Coast, they pulled into one of Dad’s private parking spots beside his black town cars.
Two streets away from the lake, the home Anna essentially ran away from stared back at her through the window. Muddled memories rained down with the wintery mix dotting the windshield. She grabbed the door handle and inhaled slowly.
Please help me get through this night
.
“Hey.” Evan reached for her. “Before we go in, I want to say thanks.”
She twisted in her seat. “For what?”
He dragged his pointer finger along the bottom of the steering wheel. “For pushing me to see my mom.”
“You’re welcome. And I didn’t push. I nudged,” she corrected.
His raised brow begged to differ. He nodded at the house. “Well, just so you know, I’m here to do the same.”
But he wouldn’t always be. He’d be leaving soon . . . unless she gave him a reason to stay. After last night, she thought she had. Thought he might even want to share a life with her. But maybe it wasn’t enough. Would being back in this house together change things?
Something beneath his dauntless exterior held her a moment longer. He hadn’t said more than a few words on the drive here. What was going through his mind?
He broke eye contact and diverted his attention to the backseat. “Ready, kiddo?”
“For pumpkin pie?” Megan opened her door. “Oh, yeah.”
Thank goodness for levity. Anna followed suit and climbed out. All three jogged through the sleet to the front porch, where one of Dad’s long-time guards stood post.
He moved his umbrella over them and dipped his head while opening the door. “Miss Madison. Mr. O’Riley.”
“Hi, John.” Anna stretched on her tiptoes to peck him on the cheek. Unlike most of the Secret Service wannabes Dad had on his detail, John had an actual personality. He’d been in her life long enough to be an adopted uncle. “You joining us for dinner?”
“Wouldn’t miss it. My shift ends in ten.” He stopped short on closing the door when his gaze fell on Megan. Arching a bushy eyebrow toward Anna, he lowered his umbrella and stepped out of the slushy rain. “And who do we have here?”
Megan bunched her lips to the side, tilted her head to her shoulder, and shrugged.
Anna rubbed Megan’s arms from behind. “Mr. John, I’d like to introduce you to Megan Allison.”
“A soon-to-be famous ballerina,” Evan added.
A gigantic smile lifted Megan’s rosy cheeks.
“Is that right?” John rubbed his chin. “Well, now, I bet you’d enjoy watching some of Miss Madison’s old dance recital videos. “
Her high-speed nod sent her red braids bobbing against her shoulders.
He winked at Anna. “I think I can arrange that.”
“Careful, mister,” Anna teased. “I’m pretty sure there are some clips of you attending my tea parties, too. I seem to remember there being aprons and dollies involved.”
A hearty laugh trailed him outside. “Well played.”
With the door closed, the savory aromas of Ms. Riza’s cooking mingled with the scent of the wood-burning fireplace and a hint of fresh pine.
A tinge of anticipation butted into Anna’s apprehension and blindsided her with a wave of nostalgia. Until Reese’s voice bubbled from down the hall, along with the
pop
of a champagne bottle opening.
No backing out now.
Evan offered a reassuring nod. If anything ever flustered him, he did a solid job at hiding it.
He helped her with her coat, did the same for Megan, and finally shed his own. Anna stashed their bags in the corner beside the coat rack and straightened her spine.
A gentle, yet confident hand to the small of her back led her forward into the dining room. As soon as they crossed the open doorway, Evan slid his arm to his side, taking his warmth and security with him. After that short amount of contact, the loss shouldn’t have left such noticeable emptiness in its wake. She focused on the dining room instead.
In the center, a flicker of candlelight cascaded over the elaborate place settings garnishing the oblong mahogany table. Ms. Riza’s touch of elegance, no doubt. Dad had done well hiring such a talented cook. How he’d managed to keep her on staff after Anna and Reese moved out, she had no idea.
Megan tightened her grasp around Anna’s fingers when Reese and her husband, Mark, turned in their direction. Dressed to the hilt, they could’ve been extracted from a holiday-themed magazine. The pregnancy glow only added to the lovebird aura they always carried.
Anna tugged off her hat and sent a peace offering smile in Reese’s direction. “Told you I’d be on time.”
Reese set a water glass on the table. “Early, actually.”
“And with such a handsome date.” Ms. Riza sailed around the corner from the kitchen with a scalloped apron on and a red dish towel draped over one arm. “Look at you. All grown up.” She kissed both of Evan’s cheeks. “Did I hear right that you’re a soldier now?”
“Yes, ma’am.” The slightest shade of pink dusted his cheeks.
“A Ranger,” Anna clarified with a pointed glare at Reese’s stone cold stare.
Looking impressed, Ms. Riza patted his bicep. “I bet you have a few stories to share.”
“I bet he does,” Reese mumbled. Her wary gaze zeroed in on the cut above Anna’s lip and then on to Evan’s. The smallest grin tipped her mouth sideways. “Don’t tell me you two head-butted each other trying to kiss.”
Anna’s jaw came unhinged.
“What?” Chuckling, Reese hurled Anna’s gaping stare back at her. “The guy never dated in high school. Maybe he never learned how to be smooth. Just sayin’.”
Oh my word.
They weren’t actually having this conversation. In. Front. Of. Everyone. Had the girl ever heard of a filter? Jeez.
The flush already coating Evan’s cheeks streaked down his neck.
Anna twisted her hat into a tight spiral. She was two seconds away from dragging Reese out of the room by her elegant updo.
Mark defused the electricity with a mollifying cough while strolling toward Evan. “Mark Falloway, Reese’s husband.”
Evan clasped his hand. “Evan O’Riley. A family friend. Well . . .” He zipped a glance at Reese. “To most of them, anyway.”
“Be nice,” Anna mouthed to her sister.
A dramatic sigh lowered Reese’s defenses. “Fine.” She waddled over and rested her arms across her baby bump. “I’ll cut you some slack since it’s Thanksgiving. But tomorrow . . .” She wagged a finger at him. “You and me, we’re having a little heart-to-heart. This house isn’t as big as it looks, so don’t think you can hide from me.”
Evan scratched his smooth jawline, smile quirking. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Okay, then. Now, come here, Pipsqueak.” Reese pulled him into a hug. “You might be twice my size now, but I’m still older.”
“And you still kinda scare me.” Evan laughed.
“I think that goes for all of us.” Dad winked at Reese while striding in behind them. He curled an arm around Anna’s back and squeezed her to his side. “It’s good to have you home, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head.
Anna leaned into him, longing for his embrace more than she realized.
Dad cleared his throat and strode behind the chair at the head of the table.
Everyone’s gazes banked around the walls like pool balls. On instinct, Anna inched closer to Evan. Not that he couldn’t hold his own. Shoulders back, he stood at attention as though ready to salute a general, but Dad barely acknowledged him. The silence plunged past awkward.
“Dad,” she squeaked out. She swallowed the knot barricading her voice and tried again. “Dad, you remember Evan.”
Toying with the top of the chair in front of him, Dad swerved an uncertain glance between the two of them. “Of course.” He stretched out a hand. “Evan.”
“Sir.” Evan returned the firm handshake.
“Good to see you again.”
“Likewise.”
Mom’s Irish Setter hobbled in on arthritic legs with his impossible-to-turn-down brown eyes scouting the tabletop.
“Aye, Hunter.” Ms. Riza fanned her dish towel at him. “Shoo. Out of the dining room. Go on.”
Megan released Anna’s hand and scurried over to him. On her knees, she rubbed Hunter’s face, red hair going everywhere. High-pitched laughs trailed each sloppy kiss to her cheek.
Evan leaned close enough to Anna to whisper. “Looks like she just found a new best friend.”
One of the many childhood experiences she deserved to have. Warmth from seeing Megan so full of life and joy spread across Anna’s chest and sprawled into a smile.
Ms. Riza didn’t seem to miss it. “I’ll keep an eye on her.” She patted Anna’s arm. “There are hors d’oeuvres in the kitchen. The main course will be served after the tree trimming,” she called behind her while prodding Hunter and Megan into the living room.
Mark tipped back the last of his drink and jutted his empty glass at the kitchen. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” He strolled around the table.
Reese arched a brow at her husband and rubbed a hand over the silky fabric covering her belly. “Seriously, guys, you better get in there before it’s all gone. And be sure to have some champagne for me.” She snagged her water goblet as she turned. “Just don’t tell me how good it is.”
Alone with Evan and Dad, Anna dawdled in front of the table. A blast of heat from the ceiling vent stirred another round of awkward silence throughout the room.
Did seeing Evan catch him off guard, or did this have to do with the last argument she’d had with him? Either way, couldn’t he drop it, just for the night?
She folded her hat back and forth enough times to perforate it down the middle, trying to think of something to say.
Dad pressed off the back of the chair he’d been leaning against and gestured toward the kitchen. “Please. Help yourself. I need to take care of a couple things in the office first.”
Evan’s stance relaxed once the
whoosh
of Dad passing by settled.
“Sorry.”
He stared at the shirt cuff he was unbuttoning. “For what?”
“For that.” Anna waved between the two doorways her family had just exited.
His lips thinned as he rolled up his sleeve. “It’s nothing less than expected.”
Did he really think that? “Evan—”
“Shall we?” He splayed a hand toward the kitchen.
The decorative mirror on the wall caught a flicker of her reflection. She choked back a grimace. “Um, actually, you go ahead. I’m gonna run upstairs for a sec.”
He studied her, always reading between the lines.
“It’s nothing. I just want to change before we eat.”
And tame this massive rat’s nest of hair.
She shouldn’t have worn a hat today.
A
clank
from the kitchen drew Evan around.
Taking advantage of the distraction, Anna headed into the entryway, swiped her bag from the floor, and made a beeline upstairs.
At the top of the steps, she slowed around the banister. The attic door’s cord swung in front of the vent. Memories trickled over her until a dim light fanned across the carpet from Mom’s study.
A pull Anna could neither explain nor ignore drew her to the door that’d stayed closed for most of the last five years.
Inside, the subtle fragrance of vanilla scented candles and the faintest smell of acrylic paint triggered such specific memories, she could almost feel the paintbrush in her hand.
Dad left the room exactly as Mom had it—easel propped open in the corner beside a bay window, a slew of scrapbooks lining a bookshelf above a daybed, Anna’s old dance uniforms sprawled across a sewing table on the left. All of it here.
Except for Mom.
Anna traced her fingertips over an unfinished project lying in the glow of the streetlight.
Unfinished
. No notice. No preparation. No chance to say good-bye. Life had stopped that night. And somehow, Anna’s world was supposed to carry on as if it hadn’t.
Her knees found the soft berber carpet. The same burning sensation from the hospital seared around the hole in her chest.
A week before she died, Mom made Anna promise to pursue her dreams without losing herself. Almost as if she’d worried she wouldn’t be around to help. “I’m trying, Mom. I swear. Don’t give up on me yet. Please.”
Metal jingled behind her right before Hunter’s wet nose nudged its way to Anna’s cheek. She held him down by the collar. As if there were any point. He slobbered her face, anyway.
“Okay, boy. I missed you, too.” A soft chuckle chased away the tears. Anna sat back on her heels and ran her hands down his floppy ears. “We gotta be strong, though, buddy.” For Mom and Evan both.
Hunter tilted his head, tongue out. He didn’t need a voice to let her know he understood. His round brown eyes held enough memory of Mom to make Anna’s heart weep all over again.
“No sadness tonight. Deal?”
He rose when she did and wagged his tail expectantly.