As I Close My Eyes (28 page)

“
That’s nice to hear.”

“
You are a bit younger than Ben, though, correct?”

“
Yes ma’am, I’m only eighteen.” Ooh, maybe I shouldn’t have said “only eighteen.”

Ben shuffled down the stairs seconds later and sat next to me on a stool at the island and immediately put his hands in his head. “Arghhhh.”

“
Did someone have a little too much fun last night, Benjamin?” asked his mother.

“
Hi, Mom,” he replied while she handed him a cup of coffee. He stared into the mug for minutes before trying to take a sip.

“
What are your plans for today, Ben?” his mother asked.

“
Well, we have about a fifteen hour drive back to Georgia, so, Maryann is packing up our things right now and we’re going to leave by eight,” Ben replied as he tried to take another sip, but that didn’t look like it was going down so well because he pushed the mug away towards the center of the island and ran into the bathroom.

“
Danielle, I have to thank you for bringing my long lost son back home to see his mother after almost two years. And Benjamin - ,” she yelled in the direction of the bathroom, “
-
Maryann should not be doing the work of a man. Now you get outside and help her with your bags. I didn’t raise you to be anything less than the perfect gentleman.” She gave Ben a vicious stare as he exited and wiped his lips with his hands. Ben grumbled his way out the front door.

“
I couldn’t wait to meet y’all and I’m so glad it worked out that we could drive up here. Maybe next time you can come down to see us in Georgia,” I replied, unsure of how Ben would appreciate my invitation.

“
Even though it was brief and he’s most definitely still drunk, it was nice to finally see my son.”

“
Speaking of your son, I was thinking about throwing Ben a party for the one-year anniversary of him opening Something Old. What do you think?” I asked her, anxiously awaiting her response.

“
I think it’s a wonderful idea, Danielle.”

“
There’s something else, too. I was wondering if you, Mr. Sheffield, Sharon, and Leah could come down south for it as well.”

“
Well, when were you planning on doing this party?”

“
Next weekend, actually. I know it's last minute, but I already talked to his friends here last night and most of them said they could make it. I thought maybe I could come to his bookstore when he’s closing it up on Saturday night and accidentally leave my purse there so that when Ben and I go out to dinner we’d have to go back and everyone could be there.”

“
That’s a fabulous idea. We’ll get a flight down there and I’ll plan everything,” said his mother as she clapped her hands together in complete excitement that she’d have a party to plan.

“
You don’t have to do that, Mrs. Sheffield, I am there and can do the planning.”

“
Now, Danielle, this is what I live for. Besides, Maryann can help me. I’ll get a caterer to come to his store while you are out to dinner with him and I’ll hire a decorator to make the place sparkle by the time you get back.”

“
If you insist. Please let me know what I can do,” I replied, slightly annoyed that she completely took over and would now be getting most of the credit for the surprise party. I guess I’d have to get used to it if I was going to call her my mother-in-law some day. It was a thought that made me want to throw up and jump for joy all at the same time.

“
Don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll have that old bookstore looking like Tiffany’s when I’m through with it.” 

Before we left, we Skyped Ben’s brother in Europe as we planned and I felt a bit relieved that I didn’t recognize him. With every new face I met, my brain scanned the dreams I had for someone in the past who looked like them, but his brother Kevin didn’t match anyone I had seen in Cape May. Towards the end of the conversation, Ben and I decided that we’d fly out to Belgium to see him soon since I had never been to Europe. As we ended our discussion, Maryann brought down the last of our bags and set them at the bottom of the steps. Ben and Mr. Sheffield loaded them into the back of the Audi.

“
Thank you for having me,” I said as I hugged Ben’s mother and father on the stone front porch.

Ben was already in the front passenger seat, hunched over and wearing a hat and dark sunglasses to keep the piercing rays out of his delicate eyes.

We both waved out of our windows as we began our trek back to Georgia. It was apparently my turn to drive.

Chapter 27

We were only ten minutes into the drive when I had to pull over because he thought he’d get sick. I could hear retching sounds coming from him as the passenger door pushed open, then the splash of yesterday’s dinner. He let out a sigh and fell back into his seat.

The hours of quiet solace I had while passing through several states on the way back down south helped my mind wander. My bag was open a bit in the backseat and I could see, out of the corner of my eye, several of the photos we had found peeking out of the top. I started to get sad again thinking about Robert’s death. It didn’t say how he died in that book I found in the library and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know. I had become so connected to the people in my dreams. My emotional attachment to Caroline’s life in Cape May teetered on a delicate edge and my mental health was beginning to affect me physically. I was beginning to get frequent headaches, probably from the stress and almost constant transportation between the two times.

I drove for eight hours straight before Ben awoke from his drunken slumber.

“
Where are we?” he asked.

“
It lives,” I said.

“
Ha, ha. Seriously, what state are we in?”

“
We just crossed into North Carolina. My guess is that we have about four hours to go.”

“
Have you stopped to eat yet?”

“
No, I didn’t want to wake you,” I replied, but it was more about getting lost in my thoughts of Cape May that kept me from eating.

“
Let’s stop at the next exit. I can’t believe you haven’t had to get gas yet.”

“
I actually stopped a few hours ago, but you were asleep.”

“
You didn’t pass out at all, did you?”

“
Ben, if I did pass out, we wouldn’t be talking right now because your Audi would be wrapped around a tree.”

“
You’re right. It just makes me nervous with you driving this far basically by yourself. Sorry I’m so unavailable today.”

“
It’s fine, really. You needed to have fun with your friends. I understand.”

Ben fell asleep once again.

We drove for a while in silence and eventually stopped to grab a bite to eat in a little service plaza.

“
I’m sorry I’m no fun today and that you have to drive us all the way home,” Ben said while slowly eating a turkey and cheese sandwich, taking big gulps in an effort to keep his food down.

“
It’s fine. I don’t mind,” I replied, thankful for the sandwich traveling down my throat and into my starving belly. “You can sleep more in the car. Seriously, I’m fine.”

Those were the last words we spoke before we got back in the car and continued our drive in silence. I enjoyed every moment of the peace and quiet.

As we got closer to Georgia my mind started wandering again and I began to think about John. His voice, as well as the birthmark on his hand, was all too familiar to me and Justin was the closest match that I could think of. Then it hit me - tomorrow would be the anniversary of his death. Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I began to sob and had to pull over because I couldn’t see through the water pouring out of me. Ben stayed asleep as I stopped and put my 4-way lights on.

“
Justin, I miss you so much,” I said out loud.

I didn’t get a response, but I tried to remember how John sounded in my dreams. His voice was the voice of Justin. I’d bet money on it. How could this be? At least Ben looked like Robert and I resembled Caroline, but John looked nothing like my deceased brother. He acted and talked like him, but was that enough for me to believe John was Justin in another life? Who else from my dreams was with me in my present? I ran through everyone - Rebecca, my Victorian mother, Mrs. Bigsley - none of them seemed to fit with anyone I knew in Sugar Hill.

Ben began to stir. “How much longer?” he whispered.

“
Probably only about an hour,” I replied as I pulled out onto the highway and continued on to Georgia.

He fell back asleep and I tried to think about something other than the insanity that was my mind lately.

I started to plan his one-year anniversary party in my head. I knew his mom had probably already figured out the decor and menu, but I wanted to give Ben something special when we went out to dinner before the surprise. It had to be something meaningful to the two of us. A unique item that was important to just us. Nothing came to mind, but I had a few days to figure it out. I was glad most of his friends could come, but I felt bad about only giving them a week’s notice.

We arrived at my house about an hour later and Ben gingerly kissed me good-bye on the porch steps before I went inside.

“
When will I see you again?” he asked before getting into his car.

“
How about this weekend at your place? I’ll call you and we can plan it,” I responded.

He nodded with approval and drove away.

When I got into the house, Walter was the only one who greeted me, but there was a note on the kitchen table.

Dani Bear,

We decided to head to Virginia a day early.

See you in a few days. Bill left some lasagna in the refrigerator for you while we’re gone.

Love ya,

Mama

I cuddled up on the couch with Walter and the lasagna and couldn’t wait to fall asleep to my other life awaiting me.

*  *  *

I began to wake from a rocking chair on the front porch of our Cape May home with Grace in my arms. She was a few months older than the newborn baby I held the last time I dreamt about her. Her white lace dress with silk bows and matching booties made her look like a little package waiting to be opened. Rebecca came out of the front door with two glasses of lemonade. The old wooden screen door made a loud bang as it closed behind her. It startled Grace a bit, but not enough to wake her from her nap.