Avoiding Mr Right (26 page)

'Well, that was a conversation killer that one,' I said to
Warren, who looked embarrassed at how rude his manager
had been. 'What's his problem? Here's my card anyway,
because there may actually be something that I can do for
you fellas through my job.' Warren read it and nodded with
approval. 'When I'm not here you might want to pass it on
to your snobby boss.'

'Yeah, sorry bout him, there's this bullshit A-circle in
Melbourne.'

'A-circle? Is that "A" for Aborigine?' I joked.

'You wish. It's the A-list for top dogs, and we're not
on it. I'm on the D-list for sure. But old Robbo there, he
likes to think he's on it. Doesn't realise he's not, but we just
let him go.'

I liked Warren, he was cool. And tall, and hunky, and
there, and James was in Dubai, and it was my birthday,
and I was drunk, and time was moving on and I hadn't had
a birthday pash, and knew I wouldn't be getting a birthday
bonk, and it
was
my birthday, and at least he wasn't Mike
the cop, so I just said, 'I think you should kiss me.'

'Do you?'

'Don't you want to?'

Warren looked taken aback. 'Only since the minute you
walked into the pub. But why would someone like you—'
and he looked at my card again, 'want to kiss someone
like me?'

'It's my birthday!'

'But . . .'

'But what? It's just a birthday kiss! I didn't ask you to
marry me. I would
never
ask that. Nothing personal, you
know, it's just I
never
want to get married is all.'

He leaned in and kissed me softly on the mouth.

'Happy birthday.'

'Thank you. It wasn't that traumatic, was it?'

'No, it was lovely, but if you're expecting another one I
really think we should do the family tree first.'

'Are you serious? Really? I have
never
thought about
doing that before I kissed someone.' I was from such a
small family there was no way Warren and I could be
related, and I knew the names of all the families I was
related to.

'Well, I'm a Tully from Coolangatta,' I said confidently
and his face dropped.

'I'm a McGrath from McLean and I'm pretty sure
we're related,' he said seriously. My face dropped too. I
knew the McGraths and he was probably right. Were there
any
of the Bundjalung mob actually left up north?

'Ewwww,' I said wiping my mouth. 'No offence but
I've gotta go.' And I grabbed Sylvia and Josie, who were
standing at the bar in deep conversation.

'Let's go to Mink, NOW!'

Thank God it was just a flight of stairs away. I'd been
out and about since breakfast with Shelley and wasn't in the
best form, but it
was
my birthday, which gave me a sense
of diplomatic immunity. But when I tried to get into the
downstairs bar I was told it was full. I knew they didn't
want to let me in because I was too trashy – Mink was a
sophisticated, up-market sort of place.

'Pull the race card,' Sylvia whispered in my ear.

'Get her away,' I said to Josie, who had got a dose of the
giggles.

'I'm luscious, and sexy, and dark, just like your bar,' I said
to the doorman, but he didn't respond. 'Don't you know
who I yammmmmm?' I slurred. The girls were in hysterics,
holding each other up like drunken teenagers.

'Look at me, look at me hard. Or look hard at me,
whichever is the most grammatically correct,' I said, and
the doorman finally gave me a smile. 'Can't guess? I'll tell
ya. I'm Rachel Berger. Now, I know I haven't been on telly
for a while, so you can be excused for not knowing me
straight away. I'll forgive you this time, just this once, but
you have to let me and my gorgeous friends in, because in
actual fact, it's my birthday.' And then I panicked. I had no
idea how old Rachel Berger was. Should I be looking older
or younger? But it didn't seem to matter as the doorman
had changed his mind.

'Of course, now I recognise you. And happy birthday.
Of course you can come in and celebrate, but there's someone
here who loves your work, so could you just wait one
minute while I get them?'

'Of course, anything for my fans.' The girls burst out
laughing again. The doorman walked away and the three of
us just stood there waiting for him to return with my 'fan'.

'Ladies, I'd like to introduce you to Rachel Berger.'
And there she was with the doorman, larger than life. 'This
young lady is celebrating her birthday and just told me how
much she admires your work, Rachel.'

'Well, it's like looking in the mirror . . . but with a
spray-on tan.' Rachel was really friendly, and very pretty,
and funny, and so I was pleased people mistook me for
her.

'Peta – my name's Peta,' I said, ashamed.

'Let me buy you a birthday drink, Peta, and your friends.'
And we all went into Mink – for just one drink. The doorman
smiled as we walked past him. 'Thank you,' I mouthed when
I looked back.

It was December and the scorching Melbourne summer had
set in. There was no way I was wearing black anything to
anywhere. All of a sudden it wasn't the cold that bothered
me, but the dry summer heat I had first arrived to earlier in
the year. I missed Coogee more than ever – the smell of the
ocean, the sound of waves and the afternoon southerlies.
The countdown to returning to Sydney seemed manageable
when I thought about swimming in the sea again.

First, though, I was going home to Coolangatta for
Christmas.

James had been completely irrational when I finally
found the courage to tell him I wasn't going to Sydney
for Christmas. 'Are you punishing me for going away on
your birthday? I knew it. I knew you were angry with me.
I shouldn't have gone.'

'Don't be so bloody ridiculous. I was never bothered by
you going away, and I told you, I had a brilliant birthday
with the girls in Melbourne anyway. I was
happy
for you
to go to Dubai – in fact, I've been hoping you brought me
something gorgeous back.'

'I did, of course – I was going to give it to you when you
came up for Christmas.' He was sulky and being too much
hard work.

'Well, you can give it to me a couple of days later, and
it'll still be gorgeous, and we can still celebrate Christmas.'
I sounded like a parent talking down to a child. 'I just want
to see my family this year. It's been four years since I've had
Christmas with them.'

'I didn't know that.'

'There's a lot of things you don't know about me, James,
and that's okay, but right now I'm telling you that I want
to be with my family on Christmas Day, like you'll be with
yours.'

He picked up on the stress in my voice. 'I'm sorry for
being a sook, I just miss you.'

'I know, but we'll do our own delayed Christmas dinner
with pressies when I get to Sydney, okay? And it will be
wonderful.'

♥

I flew into Coolangatta airport on Christmas Eve and
there were millions of people everywhere. Tourists heading
to the Gold Coast for holidays, family members greeting
loved ones, kids running around with what looked like
presents already opened. Mum was waiting with a huge
smile and hugged me like a mother who hadn't seen her
daughter for four years. It was the best welcome I could've
asked for.

'The boys and Gis can't wait to see you,' Mum said,
patting me on the thigh as she pulled out of the car park.
'And the kids have all made their aunty Christmas cards.
It's so good to have you back, everyone's excited and
looking forward to tomorrow. But tonight it's just you and
me. I've got some prawns for us – I thought we could have
some dinner, go and look at the houses all done up with
lights and then go to midnight mass.'

'I can't believe you still do that. Why? You don't go any
other time of the year.'

'There are some holy days that must be respected
always, Peta.'

I smiled as we pulled into the drive. The family home
looked just the same, like the place was in a time warp.
Mum's blonde brick house looked like every other house
in our street – they were all exact replicas. I could smell
the frangipani tree immediately, and Kyla the family dog
came running up to me straight away, like she remembered
who I was after all the time away. I took my case into my
old room, which Mum had turned into her sewing room,
and then we sat down with a cuppa.

'Coffee, bub?' she asked as she got the jar out of the
cupboard. I didn't have the heart to tell her I only drank
barista coffee since moving to Melbourne and couldn't face
the instant variety any more.

'I might have a tea eh, Mum, just black.' I also didn't
want to say I'd moved on to soymilk and preferred my tea
green, not black. She would think I was being too uptown.
If I could get through the time on the coast without having
a row with Mum, then my Christmas would be perfect.

'So, when you going to settle down and have a family of
your own?'

Mum got straight to the point; it was one of the traits I'd
inherited from her.

'Mum!' I protested.

'Okay, okay, then. How's James?' But talking about
boyfriends with her was not something I had ever done or
wanted to do. I had always viewed my mother harshly for
having had so many husbands and leaving me so distrustful
of men and relationships.

'He's fine, spending Christmas with his family. They
have everyone over to their home and do the traditional
Christmas thing, you know, turkey and all the trimmings.'
My mum wasn't much of a cook either – the reason the
men never stayed, she used to joke. But we didn't want
turkey anyway, it was so hot and humid that seafood was
our Christmas Day menu.

'Are you going to marry him?' she asked.

'Hell. I don't know. Can we talk about something
else?' I said rudely and took my cup to the sink. 'Actually,
no!' I turned back to her. 'Let's talk about it, about your
divorces, and the defective marriage gene you've given me.'

'What are you talking about? And don't take that tone
with me – I'm still your mother.'

'You were married three times and divorced three
times, Mum. Why would you want me to get married
when it obviously never worked for you? All your marriages
failed.'

'Firstly, three divorces out of three marriages means I
have a hundred per cent success rate. And that's how I'd
prefer to look at it.' Mum poured herself another cup of
tea. 'Secondly, they didn't really fail. They gave me four
beautiful children, and many years of happiness when the
times were good. And that's the way I choose to look at it.
Always look on the bright side is what one of those husbands
used to say to me.' She smiled and sipped her tea.

'But they didn't stay!' I was confused.

'No they didn't, but it's not because they didn't want to.
I didn't want them to.'

'What? Why? I don't even know my own father.'

'Your father . . .' My mother paused, 'had an affair with
his secretary for the first two years he was married to me
and while I was pregnant with you. He was not the kind
of man I wanted my first-born child to know. He didn't
respect me, or you in my belly, and I couldn't have that.
I was short-tempered and perhaps a little short-sighted
at the time, but I knew my mind and I told him to leave
and never come back. And he left and didn't come back,
which tells you what kind of man he was. I'm so sorry
that you didn't have a decent dad, it was my fault I chose
a bad man.'

'But what about Gerry? He was a good father to Ben,
Matt and Gis. He was lovely. Why did he leave? I know
it wasn't your cooking, because he did all the cooking.'

'The others don't know this, but Gerry is gay. Of course
he wasn't when he married me, but then one day, I don't
know, he woke up and was gay. What was I supposed to
do? Should I have told my children, "Gerry's your mum
and
your dad?"'

'Gay? Gerry? Oh my God, that's harsh to deal with
when you've been married and had kids together. I'm
sorry, it must have been hard for you.'

'Yes, when your first husband is having sex with another
woman and your second husband tells you he wants to have
sex with men, it doesn't make you feel very good about
yourself at all. And so I vowed never to have sex again.'

'But then you married Kevin?'

'I married Kevin because I wanted companionship, not
sex, which in fact we ended up having anyway, but only
after we went to the club and drank too many middies
of beer. I realised Kevin was an alcoholic when I woke
up with a hangover every day for six months. It was too
much. I vowed off the booze and the bed and I've been
happier ever since.' Oh God, I got the celibacy gene from
Mum also – but that was not a conversation I was going
to have with her, not now.

'Wow, why haven't you ever told me this? Or Gis at
least?'

'Because as kids I told you to stop asking me questions
that I couldn't answer and then you just stopped asking all
together. I'm sorry, but I did the best I could. Now I'm
trying to just live the life I've got. No point in living in the
past, is there?'

'You're so right.' My mum had wisdom and a history
I had never appreciated or known.

'And the only defective gene you might have is the gene
that makes you pick the wrong men. It's got nothing to do
with marriage, though. Not if you pick the right one. Is
James the right one?'

'Well, he would never cheat on me, he certainly isn't gay,
and he doesn't even like me drinking too much, let alone
him drinking too much.'

'Sounds like the right one to me.' Mum poured another
cuppa for both of us and we sat looking into the back
garden, where Kyla was wrestling with a bone.

Mum and I went to midnight mass and at nine the
next morning my siblings arrived with all their kids. Ben
dressed up as Santa, Matt cooked the barbecue and Gis
and I sat back and she told me all about life on the coast.
Aunty Nell rang from Melbourne after lunch to say Merry
Christmas and as Mum chatted with her I could finally
see the similarities between them. They were both happiest
with their kids and grandkids around them. It was the best
Christmas I had ever had, and I had to tell James about it
when he called.

'I've had the most wonderful day. Mum and I had a
great talk, the kids were so much fun and they made me
cards, and it was great to see Ben, Matt and Gis. I'm so glad
I came up here.'

'Sounds like you didn't miss me at all today.'

'What?' I was stunned. 'It's not always about you, James.
I just had Christmas Day with my family for the first time
in four years. I learned things about my mother and my
father that I never knew. And somehow, it's turned into
a discussion about whether or not I miss you. I just called
you, didn't I?'

'I'm sorry.'

'I've got to go.' I hung up.

Later that night as I got into bed, I checked the
messages on my phone and he had called to apologise. I
didn't have the energy to talk, so just sent him a text:

I'm sorry 2. It's been an emotional 24 hrs 4 me. Cya soon n we can
make up! Px

At midnight my mobile sounded with a message:

Merry Christmas Peta! Hope Santa was good 2 u. Mike

The message made me smile and I texted back:

Merry Xmas 2 u 2! On Gold Coast with fam. Was Santa kind 2 u? P

He texted back immediately:

I asked Santa 2 put me in ur stockings, but he said I wouldn't fit.
LOL.

Mike was funny, and it was just so easy to be his friend.

Perhaps I shoulda taken them off first. Hehehehe!

It was harmless flirting. Next he asked:

When r u back?

I texted him back:

Jan 4 back @ work. Finish up end of month.

My phone buzzed again straight away:

Can I buy u dina b4 u leave?

I smiled again.

That'd b nice. Will let u know date of departja. Off 2 bed. Nite.

♥

I'd had a great time in Coolangatta, but I was looking
forward to New Year's Eve in Sydney. I'd well and truly
made up for my time away from my family and now I could
relax at the beach with my friends.

I stayed with James in the inner west and discovered he'd
already started packing boxes, assuming he'd be moving in
with me when I returned to Sydney, although we hadn't
discussed it properly at all. He'd gone to a lot of trouble to
make the place pretty for me: lots of flowers and Christmas
decorations. He took me to Cafe Sydney for my belated
birthday dinner and prepared a dinner for us at home to
celebrate Christmas. He also gave me some lovely gifts:
diamond earrings from Dubai, perfume, lingerie and a
double-sized beach towel for us both to lie on.

On the inside of the pantry door hung a calendar and he'd
been marking off the days until my return, like a prisoner
checking the days until parole or release. It was sweet, but
I couldn't help thinking that my perfect James was a little
obsessive. Still, I couldn't fault his commitment. He loved
me, he wasn't shy about saying so, and he'd never leave me.
James was a known quantity – something my mum had
never found in a man – so I tried not to think too hard
about his flaws. I didn't have time, anyway – we were going
to enjoy the fireworks from Alice's balcony, and had to get
ready to go.

It was one of the best New Year's Eves I'd ever had. Alice
and Gary were so at peace in their little home, glowing with
the preparations for their wedding in March. Dannie and
George were both glowing with the thought of their new
baby due in April. Liza and Tony were back together and
he was booking dinners out at restaurants and taking a basic
cooking class and getting naked as often as Liza wanted him
too, so they were glowing from lots of sex without socks.
And then there were James and I. It seemed like all the old
friends back together. But
we
weren't getting married or
having a baby, and we weren't even having lots of sex any
more. James didn't seem to care, though, as long as we were
all together.

'This is how it should be, babe,' he said, as we watched
the fireworks and celebrated the beginning of another
new year.