Authors: Jennifer Loiske
Longing crushed my heart. I missed them so much. My mother was laughing silently at something my father had said and the beauty of her face enchanted me. Her golden brown hair had been tied
in
to a ponytail, but several gray tresses had escaped. Her warm brown eyes were surrounded by some wrinkles, but otherwise her skin was almost as smooth as a young girl's. Her lips were curved to
form
a smile and I saw small dimples on her cheeks. Father whispered something quietly in her ear and she burst out laughing. Her l
aughter was so warm and infectious.
I saw how lovingly
my father looked at her. He
swayed his long dark brown hair and yelled sharply at the men who were packing the car. His eyes were golden brown and tight. Ageless wisdom was reflected in them. They seemed to see to your soul and for a moment, I was sure he
could see
me as clearly as I saw him. He was tall and broad-shouldered and he looked like an ancient warrior. His muscles made his shirt look tight and even though his human form looked like a fifty-year-old man, he was anything but old. He radiated the warmth and confidence that only the great leaders had. He didn't bother to give orders as the others followed him anyway. I wanted to run into his arms so badly. I had never seen my parents in their human forms before and yet I was sure that this was more than a dream. They were so real.
The men near the car said it was ready and the dark man turned.
“Gunward,” I gasped and awakened from my dream.
Had I said it aloud? I listened to David's breathing. He stayed still. I must have imagined the whole thi
ng. I closed my eyes again and saw Gunward looking
straight at me. I missed him so much that it killed me. I lay still and tried to reach his mind. I felt the slight connection between us and I knew that he was still with me. I looked jealously at what my dream figures did and I felt truly guilty. How stupid could I be? I had made my choice and I had no right to regr
et it. I belonged here, for
right now
at least
, and I should look forward, not behind.
“No regrets,” I whispered quietly.
“I'll be back soon,”
said d
ream Gunward
and went to his car.
I was sure he had addressed his words to me. After he was gone, I looked at my parents for a while. They guided the wolves up to the mountain but at some point I lost my touch and my dream was mixed with some other dream. In the end my dreams were so messed up that in the morning I felt even more tired than before I went to sleep.
T
he sun made the snowy trees look
golden. It looked so tempting, I had no choice but to get up and get dressed. Bruun and Flow were elate
d. Too many days had passed where
I didn't have any time for them. They jumped wildly against each other, barking and making weird noises that were supposed to sound like howls of joy, but sounded more like grunts. I bent down and scratched their furs and they went all crazy.
The snow was soft as I sloshed in the snow banks
.
I en
joyed the light-weight snow as
it flew around me. Deeper in the woods I decided to see how my dogs would find my shape shifting skills. I heard them barking somewhere near
by
and decided to start my change. Every cell in me enjoyed the change. They recognized the shape of the wolf and had missed it as I had. Pure joy filled me and I let the long, deep
howl fill the woods. In my mind I heard
Tiamh
aidh and Marie sleepily wondering
what I was doing, but I didn't bother to answer them. This was my moment. And I intended to enjoy it.
With a few long graceful leaps
I reached my dogs and even though they knew me o
n
some level, they
crouched near each other with their tails pressed tightly between their legs. I waved my tail and looked down, showing them I wasn’t a threat. They relaxed a bit and as they sniffed me carefully they started to respond to my waves and their ears lifted attentive
ly. It was actually surprising how easily
they adapted to me as a wolf. When all the sn
iffing was
done, they slowly started to jog beside me.
The
tree branches
were sagging from the weight of the snow and as we scampered underneath, we received cold snowy showers on our necks. In my human form, I would've shivered from
the
cold as the freezing cold snowflakes fell down on my neck, but the wolf me en
joyed the shivers on my fur as
the snow cooled me and melted on my snout. I licked the snow from my snout and it felt so good that I had to howl a little. The first snow would melt as fast as it had come, but
right now when the sunlight shone on
the pure white snow, th
e woods around us looked like
wonderlan
d. My whiskers were full of ice
and my paws were shrinking from the cold weather.
It was only 10 degrees and although
my fur was thick and warm, I
still
felt the coldness crawl around
me. I began to run faster and
noticed that it was hard for Bruun and Flow to keep up with me.
The cold wintry woods were quiet.
The l
ittle b
irds had withdrawn themselves under
the cover of snowy branches and only a few brave crows
were flying near the treetops
. They sensed that the hunting beast was near and every time we got closer, they f
lew higher and further. The
blanket
of snow
was covered with a few footprints of wood mice and rabbit paths, but they were old and it was useless to track those. I stopped and waited for my dog friend
s. I lifted my paws and felt my legs shivering
from
the
cold. When Br
uun came to me, I saw that he was going to freeze any moment and
turned to go home.
And then I felt it. The delicious smell of
a
rabbit filled my snout and I couldn't leave. Somewhere nearby was a shivering rabbit and I intended to get it for my meal. My senses sharpened and I sniffed the air as I tried to locate its hiding place. Bruun and Flow could smell it too, and they stood beside me, excited. I lifted my snout and tried to decide where I should begin the tracking
. I
nstant
ly,
my eyes caught a movement. I focused on the fir to my left. Something
was definitely moving
under
neath
it, not much but just enough that I could catch the movement. Pleasure filled me as I noticed a fat white rabbit that
was trying
to hide from my eyes, i
ts terrified eyes locked on me
. I howled with joy and darted towards it. It didn't wait for me but ran as fast as it could, away from m
e. It knew it had no
chance against three hunting animals and yet it
had to try. Bruun and Flow
clustered beside me and each leap got us closer. I wanted to surround it against the rock in front of us and when it realized what I was doing it sped up
. But it
was useless. The rock got closer and clo
ser and the rabbit didn't have the
slightest chance of moving its direction. I prepared to jump on it as
a
fierce pleasure filled my mind.
Tiamhaidh scr
eamed frantically in my mind, stopping
my movement. The rabbit sneaked h
appily away as I turned
and started to run, faster than ever, to my house. Bruun and Flow
stared as they were left behind
. Then they scampered after me. I didn't let myself turn into a human until I reached our yard. Joshua and Jonas
looked surprisedly at me as they came from the guest house.
I didn't bother to explain as I knew they had also sensed the emergency of Tiamhaidh's tone. I opened the door, leaving a mass of water and snow behind me.
Marie was lying on the floor with Tiamhaidh holding
her head on his lap looking terrified. In some other situation it might have seemed funny, a dreadful
ly
huge man looking so frightened, but with Marie half-lying in his arms, the situation was anything but funny. Marie's eyes were half open and
they were staring straight in front of her
. Her left leg
was twitching
a little, but otherwise the seizure seemed to be over. Tiamhaidh looked into my eyes and I saw how scared he was.
“She's been like this for about half an hour,” he said roughly. “She can hear what I'm saying, but can't answe
r and she can move
but not much. I've been trying to contact her mind, but all I see is a dark mess.” Tiamhaidh raked his short, dark hair.
“Joshua! Call the ambulance!” I yelled and bent next to Marie.
I
petted her dark curls and
gently
tried
to re
ach her mind. Tiamhaidh was
right. Marie's mind seemed to be a mess and I wondered how lo
ng this had been going on. She
had had several small seizures during the past
few
days, but they had all passed with a small amount of medicine or sometimes even without
it. Now, however, it seemed like
she was going through a big one that didn't really stop. I asked Jonas to give me my cell phone and dialed David's number. He promised to leave work as soon as possible and come straight to the hospital. The next call I made was to Marie's doctor, who sounded really concerned. She promised to meet us in the hospital and asked us to come straight to the intensive care unit. I heard sirens and knew that the ambulance would be here any minute.
I ran upstairs and packed Marie's hospital bag, throwing some clothes for myself in it, too. Joshua was already at the yard, cleaning the cars from the snow. I heard Matt and Ciall scuffling down the stairs.
Clarissa was speaking with her d
ad on the phone and I knew Blake and Jona
s would be here
any minute. My pack was admirably unanimous, though it had been a pack for a very short time. Suddenly I noticed that my brothers were missing, but before I could ask, I heard Tiamhaidh's voice in my mind. “At the gym.” I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but he shook his head and I didn't have the energy to worry about them. My throat felt sick and my heart was breaking for Marie.
I knew Tiamhaidh could feel
my pain, even though I tried to hide it.
Marie became
sick years ago and I still remembered it like it was yesterday. I remembered vividly how abominably terrified I had been and how unsure her survival had been. Images flashed in my mind. Marie's small withered body, lying between the white hospital sheets, tied up
to the hospital machines
with severa
l tubes
. Each time one of those machines beeped I was sure I
had
lost her. I had no idea how I could handle it again.
“Sofia! The ambulance is here!” Tiamhaidh yelled.
I ran down the stairs and told the paramedics about Marie's situation. I also said that they were waiting for her in the ICU and they moved her into the ambulance. I nodded at Tiam, who was scared to death. They wouldn't let him be with Marie. Joshua and Jonas had already started the cars and Clarissa and Blake
were sitting
in one of them, looking
panicked. Matt and Ciall were i
n the other. When the ambulance finally drove away from our yard, we headed straight after it. I called my brothers in my mind and told them to come to the hospital as fast as they could.
When we reached the hospital, Marie was already in the ICU. I knew they let only the closest of the family in, so I asked my pack to wait in the cafe. At least they could provide some eye candy for the tired nurses and they would be off my panicked feet. Clarissa decided to join the pack. She hated the ICU. I pressed the elevator button and waited restlessly. I had no
idea what to expect when I
open
ed
the door to the ICU, so I tried to prepare myself for the worst. It seemed to take ages before the elevator came and by the time I reached the top floor where the ICU was, I had lost most of my courage. I didn't like the ICU either, but I tried to handle it like something you just had to do. For me the ICU meant death.
I remembered the last time we were there and how many children had died during those horrible month
s. Every time someone died I
thought, Marie must be the next one. Even though she survived, the whole place scared me. Yes, I knew it was stupid and yes, I knew that statistically more survived than died in the ICU, but that didn't comfort me at all. I sighed deeply and pushed the buzzer. I told them clearly who I was and who I wanted to see and I heard the door open. I put on
the
blue cover slippers and a cover cloak and pushed the door open.