"I never expected that I could love the way I love her Jean. I want to tell you how much I appreciate your watching her while I kept my appointment. I am very protective of her and you feel like family - I hope I'm not imposing--"
"Not one bit," she assured me as she finished up in the living room.
"It does my heart good to care for a little one again. I feel like family with her too, Tylar."
Preston was squirming in my arms, a sign she was either hungry or needed a diaper change. I decided I would check her diaper first.
I headed to the nursery laying her down on her changing table and raising the rails on it while I gathered up a clean diaper and the baby wet wipes dispenser.
She promptly started sucking her thumb; her big blue eyes followed me as I crossed the room to get the tube of ointment off the dresser. She was kicking her little legs as I unsnapped her onesie and ripped the taped tabs off of her disposable diaper.
"Pee-Yew!" I said, pinching my nose and smiling down at her.
"Somebody has a stinky poo-poo in her diaper, doesn't she?"
She grinned at me, momentarily forgetting about her thumb, kicking her legs as I removed the dirty diaper and wiped her clean. Once cleaned up, I dabbed some ointment on her almost healed belly button and fastened a fresh diaper on her. I swaddled her back up in a clean receiving blanket and cradled her against me as I put the soiled diaper in the stainless steel lidded container.
I carried her into our bedroom and settled down on the bed with her. She started rooting for my breast; I knew it was nearly time for her next feeding. I switched the television on and we got comfortable in our normal position watching Ellen. She clamped onto my breast, sucking hungrily as I pulled a blanket up to partially cover us. It was so cozy nestled with her that I ended up dozing off as she nursed contentedly encircled in my arms.
It must have been an hour or more later that Trey lifted a sleeping Preston from my arms, gently placing her into the bassinet near our bed. I awoke and yawned, stretching languidly as I pulled the blanket up further. My nap was delicious. I didn't want it to end now that I knew Preston was snuggled up in her bassinet sawing logs.
Trey was beside me in a moment, wrapping me in his arms, kissing my neck. He fondled the bare breast that Preston had just left.
"What did the doctor say today, baby?"
(Uh oh.)
"Well, he said that it looks as if I am healing up nicely."
( No lie there.)
"So? Are we good to go then?"
"How romantic, Mr. Sinclair," I commented wryly.
"Baby, it's been a total of seven weeks since I have been able to sink myself into you. Two weeks before you delivered; the last five since Preston came along. I'm not thinking romance at the moment."
I looked up at him warily, not sure what his response was going to be when I presented my idea to him.
"Trey, will you consider something and I mean really consider it before answering?"
He cocked an eyebrow now looking at me warily, waiting for what I was about to spring on him.
"Go on," he urged.
I sat up in order to face him squarely while we discussed this. At least I was hopeful that it would be open for discussion.
"We are getting married in less than four weeks," I started. "I was hoping that you would be agreeable to abstaining from, well, from any form of sex until our honeymoon."
I blurted the last part out hurriedly afraid I would chicken out if I delayed the inevitable.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me," he practically screeched. "Why?"
"I know you are probably thinking 'what's the point' in doing this, I get that, but honey, I'm just asking for some semblance of tradition. I think it will add so much more mystique and romanticism to the wedding and honeymoon. It's just as rough on me as it is on you believe me. . . .Please for me?"
(That last part was a cheap shot, I realized, but I really needed to get him on board with it.)
He was glaring at me in disbelief, but at least he was not shouting, nor had he given me a definitive 'no.' He raked both hands through his hair.
(Not a good sign, double raking.)
"Tylar, what exactly will that prove? I mean I'm horny as hell for you right this minute. It seems like it has been months instead of weeks. Don't you miss it?"
"I just said I did Trey. How could you think that it hasn't been hard for me as well? I just want that feeling back like when it was our first time. Just a little bit of mystery because we are sort of 'rediscovering' ourselves on our honeymoon. I know it may seem ridiculous to you. If you say 'no' I won't be mad or anything."
(I knew that last part would really get to him. I was counting on it to at least.)
"Christ, Tylar, what the hell? When you put it like that I guess I would be some uncouth caveman if I didn't honor your request now wouldn't I?"
"Trey, are you angry?"
"No, just a bit disappointed. I'll get over it."
He raised himself off of the bed, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his dress shirt to get into his sweats, which were his usual after work garb.
I went to the kitchen and prepared dinner. I broiled some steaks and made a salad. We ate in silence. I tried to strike up a conversation, asking about things at the office. Trey was giving me one or two word answers. This was not working.
Halfway through my dinner, I stood up, taking my plate to the kitchen and scraping my uneaten portion into the trash. I rinsed the plate, shoving it into the dishwasher and went into the laundry room to check on the load of Preston's clothing that I had washed separate from ours.
I was folding her little onesies, tee shirts, socks and receiving blankets when Trey came in a few minutes later with his cell phone in hand.
"Mom is on the phone," he said. "She wants to talk to you."
( Oh dear God! Had he called his mother to complain about my requested abstinence until we marry?)
I took the phone, giving him an obvious glare in the process.
"Hello," I greeted tentatively.
"Hi there Tylar," Susan gushed, "How is my grandbaby doing? I bet she has grown a foot since ma-maw left her," she whined.
I had to smile.
"Not quite," I replied, "But it does seem as if she changes just a little bit every day."
"Well sweetie, I won't keep you I just wanted to finalize some of the arrangements as far as the music and caterers we've lined up. Do you have just a few minutes?"
"Of course," I answered, relieved that Trey had not complained to her about my latest request.
I should have known he wouldn't run to mommy. What the hell was I thinking?
Susan and I discussed the arrangements with respect to the music and food. I had absolutely put my foot down with having a huge extravagant wedding since in fact the bride's parents were supposed to foot the bill and that was a moot point for me. Trey and I insisted on covering the expense of it even though Clive and Susan wanted to do it.
The other reason was that I simply had no family to invite. The larger the wedding, the more obvious that would become. We had decided on close family and friends. Gina and Denise would be my attendants; Tristan was Trey's best man; Ray was his groomsman.
The wedding would be held over at 'the Belle on the grounds of the mansion. The reception would be held close by in the area that was under roof just for occasions such as that. We were going to have a formal sit down dinner, with a live band that Ian had selected for us.
Our ceremony was to be a sunset wedding so that the heat of July would have cooled down somewhat. Since I had no father to 'give me away,' Trey and I would arrive in a horse drawn carriage, hand in hand.
Our vows would be exchanged on the enormous front porch of the mansion, while guest seating would be on the front lawn of the estate. Susan had arranged for the flowers and landscaping. She allowed no arguments there.
Clive and Tess would be attending, now that his divorce was final from Caroline. Thank God there would be no Caroline or Landon to deal with. I was secretly glad that Tess would be in attendance witnessing Trey's declaration of love and commitment to me.
Susan and I had pretty much wrapped up the details when she sprung a question that caught me a bit off guard.
"Is everything alright between you and Trey, sweetie?"
(Where the hell did that come from?)
I stammered a bit, not sure what she already knew or what she simply suspected from talking to Trey and then me.
"Honey, I'm not trying to nose into your business, but I am a mother and I can tell that Trey seemed a bit distracted. In talking to you now I'm picking up the same vibe. Is there anything you want to talk about sweetie?"
"It's just," I stammered, flushing.
This was the kind of thing I would have talked to my own mom about (had she been a normal 'mom' type.) But this was Trey's mom and I wasn't sure if confiding in her crossed some sort of boyfriend/girlfriend line or not.
"Honey, tell me unless you are not comfortable sharing it with me."
Damn - I didn't want to hurt her feelings. The truth was; another opinion would be objective and right now, objectivity was what I needed.
"It's just that my doctor has cleared me physically to have, you know, to have 'relations' again."
(God this wasn't easy!)
"Uh huh," she said, seemingly unaffected by the content of our discussion so far.
"So anyway, I sort of suggested to Trey that maybe it would be kind of romantic and traditional if we abstained until after the wedding. . ."
"I see," she replied, the amusement evident in her voice. "And my son was not pleased with this request I take it?"
"Not at all," I replied.
"Honey, I think that this is a very reasonable request and I totally understand the spirit in which it was suggested. What you have to understand is that men don't necessarily think along the same lines that we women do. I can't tell you what the right thing is; I can tell you that what you've requested in my opinion is not unreasonable. It's up to you as to whether you can put up with his pouting for the next few weeks. I know Trey. I'm betting that in the next few days you and he will work something out together."
She was right; we needed to work it out together. Perhaps I needed to bring Trey into the fold regarding the 'family bed' and use that as leverage so that we could work out some sort of a compromise. I got off of the phone with Susan promising to email her some recent pictures of Preston.