Authors: Sawyer Belle
“Does it look bad?” he asked hesitantly and she coughed a laugh.
“Not at all,” she said. “It looks…you look great.”
“Thanks,” he said, stepping toward her. “So do you.”
“There he is!” yelled Ty from behind her and she remembered
where she was and moved aside to let him in.
He walked past her and sent a smile back over his shoulder.
She stood dumbly for several minutes before
she realized that she still held his pin in her hand. She scolded herself to
gather her wits and stop acting like a silly
schoolgirl
. The word brought with it the image of Leann along with
the truth that it would be her on the arm of this gorgeous man, not Mackenna.
It would be Leann sampling all he had to offer, not Mackenna.
She approached Brent with her eyes sadly lowered. She tried
not to breathe in his wonderful scent as she leaned in to pin on the flower.
Brent didn’t deny himself that pleasure. He breathed her in fully, swallowing
the perfume she wore, letting it drug his senses for the brief moment she stood
before him. She quickly hugged Ty and excused herself from the cabin.
Brent felt a pang when she left. He knew she was leaving
tomorrow and they’d had so little time together. He had wanted to visit with
her at the rehearsal dinner but Leann had been hanging on him to the point
where he had to scold her quietly under his breath. He didn’t like the way she
was monopolizing him and pawing him so publicly. He hadn’t wanted to embarrass
her so he put up with it. Once they were back in town, however, they had fought
over it.
Leann had cried and accused him of unkindness, wanting to
leave her alone when she knew no one but his mother and Ty. He told her she was
being anti-social, citing that she mingled with strangers all day long in her
job and that she shouldn’t have had so much trouble doing just that at the
dinner. Their fighting escalated until he had almost told her that he wouldn’t
be taking her to the wedding. She sensed the direction he was heading, however,
and so backed down, apologizing in the end.
He was relieved as the notion occurred to him that he had
only noticed Mackenna’s beauty because he was mad at Leann. If everything were
smooth between them, he was sure that he wouldn’t have had such a strong
physical reaction to Mackenna. Satisfied with that explanation, he forgot the
heated moment between him and his best friend and turned his attention to his
duties as best man.
Chapter 26
The ceremony passed pleasantly and perfectly. Leslie and Ty
were
the model of a couple in love. Handkerchiefs were wet
by the end. Mackenna looked on in envy of their love and happiness, of their
confidence and trust in that love, and when she was sure he wasn’t aware, her
eyes strayed to Brent standing tall beside the groom. She imagined him standing
there, looking much the same, but standing as groom and she as bride. She was
so filled with love and longing that her chest hurt.
The reception lasted well into the night with feasting,
dancing and drinking. Brent offered Mackenna a glass of wine, but she declined.
It took all of her willpower and presence of mind to hold her emotions in check
as he passed the night with Leann. She found herself seated once again beside
Alora and her mother as the floor filled with dancers. The women chatted
effortlessly until Brent approached and asked Mackenna to dance. As she took
his hand, Leann took her place beside Alora, albeit reluctantly.
Mackenna felt her heartbeat pulsing all the way to her
fingertips as they held onto his. The dance was slow and she relished his hands
on her waist, hers laced behind his neck. As they rocked to the steady beat,
they neither spoke nor took their eyes off of one another. The outside world
seemed to blur until the only thing in clear focus was his gaze fixed
affectionately on hers.
Their faces were inches apart and Mackenna lowered her eyes to
his mouth, wanting to touch it with her own. This was how it was supposed to
be. This was the only way it felt right, him holding her, her loving him. She
couldn’t just be his friend anymore. In that moment she felt the words creeping
up from her heart and as she finally met his eyes, her mouth opened to say
them.
“Okay, that’s enough,”
came
Leann’s
jealous but hushed voice as she stood beside them.
She used her hand to pull Mackenna away from Brent and stand
in her place. Mackenna watched as Brent allowed the intrusion and Leann turned
her back on her. Brent kept his eyes on Mackenna, on her features saddening
when she was replaced. When Leann saw that he was still watching her, she
turned and spat at Mackenna again.
“Play time is over,” she said, and when Brent said nothing
but allowed Leann to sweep him away, her heart hit the floor. This time, she
swore, would be the last time. She backed away from the dance floor and allowed
the shattered pieces of her heart to collect into daggers and when the couple
swept near her in the dance she reached out and grabbed Brent’s upper arm,
stalling their promenade.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, her eyes bright and wild,
her grip firm. He let go of Leann at once and began to follow as Mackenna
started away. Leann lashed out and grabbed Mackenna’s arm, pulling her back.
“Oh, no you don’t, little girl,” she hissed and Mackenna
rounded on her, the fire of her eyes burning into Leann’s as she spoke.
“Get your hands off of me or I swear to God I will knock you
on your ass.”
Leann let go and looked to Brent for support. When he
followed Mackenna instead, she stamped a foot and huffed off in the other
direction.
Mackenna trampled the ground underfoot as she hurried to the
stables. Brent followed and shut the door behind him. Once he turned around
Mackenna shoved him hard with both hands, spilling him against the wall. He looked
at her in wide-eyed shock, rubbing his chest where she’d made contact.
“You selfish bastard!” she screamed at him. He stood upright
looking confusedly at her. She shoved him again and this time he stayed relaxed
against the wall. “I’m not doing this anymore! I can’t take it!” Tears were
streaming down her cheeks, dyed black from her makeup.
“You can’t do what anymore?” he asked desperately. “What’s
the matter?” Her behavior was worrying him.
“What do you mean ‘what’s the matter’?!” she shouted.
“How can you not know, Brent?!”
He said nothing and she backed a few steps away and pointed
toward the reception when she spoke.
“Is that what you really want? Is that what makes you happy?
You want someone who can’t even get along with your friends and family, who
dresses like a Barbie, acts like a princess and bends you to her will with what
she has between her thighs?! Is that really all that matters to you?!”
“So, your problem is with Leann,” he said in understanding.
“No, you idiot!” she shouted back. “My problem is with you!”
“What have I done?” he said with his hands out wide.
“Oh my God, Brent,” she laughed through her tears. “You have
been so selfish. You have been using me to support you, to prop you up and make
you feel better about everything, taking everything good from me and giving
nothing back, using me to make your life better while you make mine
unbearable.”
“How have I done that?!” he asked, incredulous.
“By throwing that damn woman in my face every chance you get,”
she returned, wiping at her wet cheeks though more tears came. “How many hours
have I spent listening to you talk her up to me? How many times have I had to
hear about how good she is in bed? About how hot her body is? How many times
have I called you after I’ve had a bad day only to never speak a word of it
because I’ve spent the entire time listening to you?”
“I didn’t realize that it upset you so much to hear about
her,” he defended. “I won’t talk about her anymore if that’s what you want.”
He had taken a few steps toward her and was peering into her
eyes with genuine care. She turned around, knowing that she would never be able
to say all that needed saying if he continued to look at her like that.
“That’s not what I want,” she said wearily before sucking in
a thin breath. “I want to know why her.” She paused and then quietly said what
she really meant.
“Why not me?”
Brent stopped cold where he stood. His eyes slowly went wide
as he stared at her back.
“What did you say?” he asked lowly.
She whirled, pain and humiliation clearly etched across her
face. “I am not a kid, and I am not your sister!” Her ire deflated as more emotions
took hold and her shoulders began to droop. Fresh tears of agony glistened in
her eyes. “I am a woman, Brent, and I have been in love with you for two years.”
She waited to see the impact of her words. When he said
nothing, did nothing, she continued.
“I knew you didn’t love me back, but I hoped that someday
you would. I hoped that someday you would look at me and not see Natalie, but Mackenna,
a flesh and blood woman who loves you with everything she has.” She shook her
head woefully. “When you told me about Leann, I told myself that I could still
be a friend to you even though you didn’t love me. Well, I was your friend. I
listened to all you had to say even as it ripped my heart out. Yes, Brent,
these past months I have been your friend. But you haven’t been mine.”
She pinched her quivering lips together and shut her eyes.
“And I can’t do it anymore,” she whispered painfully then
looked up at his torn expression. “I won’t waste my life loving someone who
doesn’t love me.”
Brent had too many thoughts and not enough voice.
“Mackenna…” he said in a choked whisper.
She took a step back, her eyes once again in full flood.
“Don’t call me,” she commanded softly. “Don’t email. Don’t
chat to me if you go online and find me there.”
Her frown shook with grief. “Goodbye, Brent.”
She hurried past him and left the stables, running for the
loft and its sanctuary. Brent whirled and watched her run away as he stared,
dumbfounded and unable to process all that had passed. She was in love with
him? For two years? The shock gave way to a tiny flicker of joy that anger
quickly snuffed out.
She pulled him in here to tell him that she loved him and
that she wanted him out of her life?! What sense did that make? If she were in
love with him, she sure had a damned backwards way of showing it. The one time
he had kissed her, she ended up crying and refusing to talk about it. She even declared
that it meant nothing to her.
If she were in love with him, why would she not say
anything? Why not give him any sign or indication of her feelings? He was the
one who flew out to see her. She’d never flown out to see him, but she sure
found a way to make it out here for Ty and Leslie. She never talked about her
future like she had any plans involving him. How could she do everything in her
power to convince him that she didn’t have feelings for him and then get angry
at him for not knowing that she did?
Was he supposed to read her mind? Was he supposed to never
date anyone on the off-chance that she formed an attachment to him? If she
chose to keep silent on the matter how dare she expect anything of him? She
called him selfish, and said that he wasn’t a good friend. Brent’s anger rose.
What kind of friend was she who would hold him accountable
for what he didn’t know? She didn’t even ask him what his feelings were for
her! All that mattered to her was her own feelings. If that was the kind of
friend she was to him then good riddance! If she didn’t even care enough to ask
his thoughts and feelings on the matter, then she didn’t deserve his affection.
It’s not his fault that she fell in love with him and suffered over it on her
own.
He stormed out of the stables, his anger mounting with every
step, fed by the defenses he put forth. He was so lost in his own anger that he
nearly didn’t see his mother wheeling herself toward him. Her eyes were bright
with worry but when she saw the state of his anger, her face darkened in kind.
“I just saw Mackenna,” she said accusingly. “What happened?”
“Mom, I’m not going to talk about it right now,” he bit.
“Too bad.
I want to know what you
did to upset her.”
“What
I
did?” his
eyes were so wide that the moon was reflected in them.
“Yes, what
you
did.
You’re not the one in tears.”
“Thanks for your
confidence,
Mother, but I didn’t do anything except date Leann. Mackenna has somehow
imagined that she’s in love with me and she can’t handle my selfish friendship
anymore. She’s cut herself out of my life for good.”
Alora studied her son before a stunned look crossed her
face. “And you’re going to let her?”
“What do you mean
let
her
? It’s not like I can stop her.”
“Of course you can. Go after her!”
“Mom, leave it alone.”
“Brent, don’t you…”
“Mom!” he shouted, effectively cutting her off. “Butt out!”
He stomped past her, leaving her no opportunity to finish her
sentence.
Chapter 27
She had given up on mascara a week ago when she realized
that it would be quite some time before she could get through a day without
tears. Two weeks into her summer economics course, she took her usual seat in
the back of the auditorium so she could weep and half-heartedly listen to the
droning lecture in peace. She was doing just that when a pocket-sized pack of
blue tissues was thrust beneath her bowed head.
“Here,” a male voice said and she looked up with a start.
His short hair was blacker than an empty night, his eyes light brown. He looked
her age, given the smoothness of his jaw and facial features, maybe a year or
two older. His lips were full until they widened in a smile that made them
appear thin.
“Do I know you?” Mackenna asked softly, taking the tissues
and using one to wipe her eyes.
“Not yet,” he said. “I’m Rick, and you are killing me.” She
stared at him, not amused. “I mean, I know that six hours of economics a day,
five days a week is painful, but it’s seriously not worth crying over every
single day. I can’t bear to watch it anymore.”
Mackenna was instantly annoyed.
“Well,” she returned. “Feel free not to watch it anymore
then.”
He chuckled.
“It’s too late for that,” he said. “It’s kind of like when
you notice someone has a lazy eye. You can’t stop looking once you know it’s
there, and you keep wondering if it’s ever going to finally focus on you.”
“Look,” Mackenna said with an exasperated shake of her head.
“I’m sorry if I’ve irritated you with my crying. I’ll move to a different seat
tomorrow.”
“Now, see, that’s not what I had in mind.” She looked
confused. “I’d just as soon we get you cheered up. That way, you don’t have to
move and I don’t have to dread coming to class every day knowing I won’t be
able to take my eyes off of the crying woman.”
She coughed a sardonic laugh. “There won’t be any cheering
me up. So, I suggest you find some other way to ignore me.”
He drew his hands together beneath his chin, fingertips to
fingertips, and squinted at her. “That sounds like a challenge to me,” he said.
“Believe me, it’s not,” she said, pinching the bridge of her
nose in frustration. “Thank you for the Kleenex, but can you please just leave
me alone?”
“Oh, no,” he said with a quiet laugh. “You’re stuck now. I’m
making it my personal goal to have you smiling by the end of the day.”
“I don’t want to smile,” she said, her voice a loud whisper.
“I want to be left alone.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“YES, I DO!” she yelled and then shrunk back down in her
chair as the entire class turned to look at them.
She held her notebook up in front of her face
as she blushed all the way to her ears. Rick laughed under his breath beside
her. The professor, whose arm was still outstretched before the dry erase board
poised in mid-scribble stared up at them. The thick silence suspended so long
that Mackenna was sure she would shrivel on the spot.
“Well, now that you’ve got all of our attention,” the
professor said, “care to fill us in?”
Mackenna cringed but said nothing.
“I’m talking to the notebook in the back,” the professor
said.
Rick leaned in toward her.
“You know you’ve got to say something,” he said. She pinched
her lips shut and shook her head.
“Fine.
I’ll just
tell them that you agreed to marry me.” Mackenna’s eyes flew wide.
“No, you wouldn’t,” she whispered. His eyes smiled merrily
as he turned to address the class.
“Sorry, Professor Hill,” Rick said as he stood. “She just
agreed to…”
“To tutor him in economics!” she shouted over him, coming to
her feet and dropping her notebook. Everyone stared, wondering why such an
agreement would cause her to shout. She scanned the room until she could think
of more to say. “I…I…I’m just so excited about the subject that when he
offered, I jumped at the chance. Sorry for disrupting your class.”
Professor Hill looked oddly at the pair. “Well, we are
thrilled that you are so enthusiastic about economics. From now on, I expect
high marks from both of you…and silence during lectures.”
“Yes, sir,” they both said and then sat as Professor Hill
carried on about supply and demand. They stared straight ahead for a few
minutes before Rick finally broke the silence with a whisper.
“I have a confession to make,” he said. Mackenna looked at
him. “I really do need help with economics. I’m horrible at it.”
Mackenna rolled her eyes. This was just what she needed, a
pest to tutor. Rick smiled on one side of his mouth.
“I have another confession to make,” he whispered. She
waited. When he didn’t continue she looked at him again. “I think you are the
most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Ha,” she said with a mocking smile. “Now I know you’re full
of shit.”
“I’m being honest,” he said, his smile still in place.
“Well, then, you need to get out more.”
“That’s true,” he said. “Care to help me out with that?”
“Not really.” She shook her head. “You really are a pain in
the ass, you know?”
“That may be true,” he answered.
“It is true,” she said with a huff.
“But you know what else is true?”
She turned to him with raised eyebrows.
“You’re smiling.”
She blinked as she realized that she was.
Brent grabbed another nail from the cluster he had clenched
between his teeth and used his hammer to pound it into the wooden fence post.
He continued pounding long after the head was flush with the wood. He hadn’t
realized he was also biting down hard on the nails in his mouth until Ty’s cool
voice invaded his hammering.
“I think it’s in, Brent.”
Brent held the hammer aloft for a second before striking it
against the wood one last time. Then, he spit the nails onto the ground and
sighed as he sat down to lean against the new fence post. Ty sat beside him and
took a swig from a water jug, offering it to Brent next. He drank and then
wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his forearm.
Ty remained quiet and Brent knew why. He was never nosy and
never asked about what wasn’t his business. He was perfect that way, allowing
Brent to vent only what he wanted. He just wasn’t sure what exactly was tying
him in knots these days.
His relationship with Leann had been going well in the past four
months since the wedding, and by well he meant that he had stopped caring
enough to fight with her, had stopped trying to mold her into the woman who was
no longer in his life.
All Leann wanted
was to have sex and he was perfectly fine with that, even if the act had lost
some of its luster. They never went out, as their interests outside of the
bedroom were not the same. They never spent the night at each other’s places.
They each carried on their own lives, coming together every other evening to
eat, drink and basically screw.
So many times, Brent had been on the verge of breaking up
with her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. A part of him was determined
to prove Mackenna wrong about her, determined to prove that she was a woman
worth holding onto, that their relationship was deeper than the latest Kama Sutra
pose. But he had started asking himself lately where their relationship was
going. They had been dating for almost a year and neither spoke of love or
marriage or anything lasting. Was that normal?
“When did you know that you were in love with Leslie, Ty?”
Brent asked.
“Oh, man,” Ty sighed. “I’m not sure exactly when I would
have called it love, but after that summer on the S that you helped out, when
she went back to school in Missoula and I stayed with the cattle, that’s when I
knew. I couldn’t stand being away from her, couldn’t stomach the idea of some
other guy stealing her away when I wasn’t there. Course, I didn’t tell her that
I loved her for a while after that. I think I wanted to hear her say it first,”
he said with a chuckle.
“How long were you guys together before you finally said
it?”
“Let’s see, that would have been eight months, near enough.”
Brent nodded. He and Leann were at ten months.
“We got an email the other day from Mackenna,” Ty said,
cutting through Brent’s thoughts.
“Looks like she’ll be done
with her undergrad in June.”
Brent’s features softened instantly into surprise and pride.
She had crammed four years of study into three, just as she was determined to
do. The news made him smile.
“Good for her,” Brent said honestly.
He was happy to hear of her success. Truth was, he was happy
to hear anything about her. He heaved a hot breath. He missed her. Without her
to talk to and laugh with he was beginning to realize how hollow his
relationship with Leann really was. Mackenna’s friendship had filled in the
gaps of what was missing between him and Leann, but he was still mad at her. He
was mad at her for leaving him. That’s how he saw it. She had him tried and
convicted before he ever knew the charge.
He could stoke his anger into a solid rage over it, and he
did often. Then, he would replay their last moments together and the ire would
cool into a deep, aching regret. He could see her standing before him as
clearly as he had that day, her wavy hair streaming over her bare shoulders,
her beautiful body hugging that dress, her sapphire eyes full of sadness and
hurt as she confessed her love. And he just stood there, numb and silent.
“Well, we’d best get back to it,” Ty said, rising from their
resting place. “So, are you going to tell her you love her?”
Brent looked up at Ty with his eyes wide. “What?”
“Leann,” Ty answered with a confused look. “That’s whose on
your mind, right?”
Brent looked at the ground and swallowed.
“Yeah,” he answered. “That’s who I was thinking about.”