Black Swan Affair (14 page)

I lightly finger the dandelion crown lying on top, all withered and brittle. Dried, blackened stems, roots, and leaves break off, scattering everywhere. Killian’s voice echoes from across the years, as if the moment were happening all over again in real time.

“For you, Small Fry.” His deep voice slicks over me, making my tummy feel weird.

“What’s this?” I turn over the woven crown in my hands. It leaves that pungent weed smell behind on my fingers that most people hate. Not me. I love it.

“Your birthday present, of course.”

That was my thirteenth birthday. I remember initially being upset he made me a dandelion crown. It was a child’s gift, not one for a now teenager, but somehow the fact he made it with his own hands, with me in mind because he knew how much I loved dandelions, took that sting away.

A yellowing, curled slip of paper catches my eye. I gingerly move aside the contents to snag the tip of a fortune Killian gave me right before he left for college: “
The one you love is closer than you think.
”

At the time, I thought that was a sign we were meant to be, he and I. That he loved me as much as I loved him but he just couldn’t tell me yet. Now, I wonder if it was prophetic in an entirely weird way. That the one I was truly meant to love was always hiding in plain sight.
Closer than you think.

Kael.

I look down at the square box holding ancient history of another man. Memories fall around me like black rain. Part of me mourns the many plans lost now in this minuscule six-by-twelve-by-three-inch cardboard resting place. The rest of me is almost apathetic, finally accepting that future was never really ours for the taking.

The chime of my cell drags me kicking and screaming from past to present. It’s my husband. The man I
should
be thinking about instead of the one who continues to torment me.

Drip.

Drip.

Fucking drip.

On the second ring, I shove the top back on, wondering why I can’t just let these painful memories go. I know I need to. Doing so will dissolve another thread that binds Killian and me together. But the thought of permanently letting go of remnants of our history—times that were good—hurts my heart to the point of actual pain. So I stash my ghosts back in the wall, wedge the board back into place, and rush to grab my phone in the nick of time.

“You sound out of breath,” Kael’s gravelly voice rings from the other end.

“Yeah, ah, I was in the bathroom. Sorry.” My conscience chews me out for the white lie. One of the reasons I wasn’t keen on Kael going out of town is because too much alone time is not a good place for me to be right now. It leaves me to think too much…to remember things I should be forgetting instead.

“No problem. How was your day?”

I settle back onto the bed, laying my head on my Tempur-Pedic pillow. “You sure you want to know?”

“Wouldn’t ask if I didn’t, babe.”

Little by little, I let my muscles relax, willing my mind to return to the here and now. I take a deep breath before I start. “Well, Wesley Harvey’s cows got loose somehow. Shut down Highway 28 for three hours until they managed to round them all up again.”

He chuckles. It’s soothing and missed. Just hearing his voice seems to right the wrongs inside me. “Too bad I missed that. What else.”

“I heard they moved Abigail LeMonte to hospice.” Abigail is a single mother of three who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a mere three months ago. She’s going to die, leaving three teenagers without a parent. It’s tragic.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Swan. I know how much you like her.”

“I hate it when bad things happen to good people.”

“Which is why we need to live in the moment, right?”

“Yeah,” I agree quietly.
I’m trying
, I want to tell him.
It’s hard and sometimes I slide backward, but I
am
trying. Please don’t give up on me.

“So, how can I cheer you up? Anything good happen today?”

God, I love this man so very much. He works tirelessly to make sure I’m nothing but happy. I wish I deserved him. Twisting a stray thread around the tip of my finger, I answer, “Hmmm…I won five dollars on a scratch-off ticket.”

I hear the smile on his face when he teases, “You gambler, you. Don’t spend it all in one place.”

And just like that he makes me feel better. “Too bad Tastie’s isn’t open. We could blow it all on donut holes. Eat ourselves sick.” Being as it’s mid-October, our favorite childhood haunt is now closed for the year.

“You’re making my mouth water,” he says, groaning.

“Really?” I lower my voice, hoping it sounds sultry. “What else can I do to make your mouth water?”

“Fuck, Swan. You have no idea how hard you just made me.”

I laugh, sinking my head farther into the pillow. “Tell me.”

“Why? You want me to get myself off while you listen?”

Whew. Is it suddenly hot in here?
I pluck at my tee to get some air moving.

“No. I’d like to watch instead,” I shoot back. It sounds a little breathy. Okay, a
lot
breathy.

“You want me to switch this to a Facetime call, then?”

“Would you?”

He lets loose a long, deep growl that would have me stripping if he were home. “You are a very naughty girl, you know that?”

Yeah, it’s definitely hot.
My skin feels flushed and I’m very damp between my thighs.

“I thought you liked me that way,” I tease.

“I don’t.” I’m getting ready to challenge him when he adds, “I fucking
love
it.” There’s a slight pause before he says, “Christ, I miss you, Mavs.”

The softness around those last words sobers me. “I miss you, too, Kael,” I whisper, genuinely meaning it.

It took weeks to get used to having him here, day in and day out. Now he’s gone just one night and this old house feels drafty and cold and lonely. He only left this morning, yet I miss him already. More than I expected to. “What time do you think you’ll be home tomorrow?”

“I’ll come right home after my meeting. I’ll be there by the time you get done at the bakery. How does that sound?”

“You don’t have to go into the office first?”

“Fuck the office.”

“I’d rather you fuck me instead,” I counter.

His chuckle is dark. A little wicked, even. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Will you be naked and ready and waiting for me to ride you when I walk through the front door?”

“Damn, Mavs,” he breathes hard. “If that’s what my lady wants, it wouldn’t be very chivalrous of me to deny her, now would it?”

I smile. Teeth and all. “My knight in shining armor?”

“Spit shined and everything.”

We laugh and talk for a few more minutes before he tells me, “As much as I don’t want to, I gotta run, babe. I have a business dinner in thirty minutes and I still need to take a quick shower.”

The doorbell rings just as I reluctantly say, “Okay.”

“I’ll text you later, ’kay?”

“Will you make it dirty?” I quip.

He barks a laugh. “Oh yeah. It will be so filthy you’ll need a shower afterward.”

That sexy promise sets a small fire between my thighs. Later can’t get here soon enough. “I can’t wait. I love you, Kael.”

Instead of saying it back, he says, “And I’ll never take that gift for granted, Maverick. Not ever. You know you’ve given me everything I’ve always wanted, don’t you?”

Guilt pricks me. I’ve accepted that it always may. “I know,” I reply quietly.

I feel a light-year away from where I was just a while ago. I’m happy and warm all over and I don’t want that feeling to end. I want to beg him to wave off dinner and spend the rest of the night on the phone like we used to so I stay grounded in today, not lost in the past. But he has obligations and I need to respect that.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Counting down the seconds, Swan.”

“Me, too.”

I hit the end button as the impatient peal of the doorbell echoes through the house a second time. Sitting up, I take in my ratty gold Hawkeye tee and black cotton shorts that have seen better days. I contemplate not answering. I’m not feeling very social. All I want to do is curl up with a glass of wine and a good book and let this feeling of contentment stay put. I lie there for a few more seconds, thinking my uninvited visitor must have gotten the hint when the bell rings a third time.

“Dammit,” I mutter, popping off the bed and heading toward the stairs. Twenty seconds later, feeling a little surly, I throw open the door not even bothering to check who’s on the other side. A grave mistake, I find out when my eyes land on all too familiar ones. Ones Kael expertly made me forget over the last thirty minutes.

“Hi,” Killian says. His smile is light and genuine. My belly flutters. I fall back in time to when I was thirteen again and he gave me those stupid weeds.

Fuck.

Shit.

One tiny step forward, five giant ones back.

Goddammit…why is he here?

“Hi,” I say back evenly. I don’t move. I don’t offer to let him in. I just stand there, waiting. He looks past me, then back.

“Can I come in? I have something for Kael.” A manila envelope enters my sight when he holds it up and shakes it as if to prove he’s not lying.

“He’s out of town.”

His brows furrow momentarily before smoothing back out. I study him. Is it actually possible he doesn’t know Kael is away on business? They work at the same place, just doors down from each other.

No. Surely he knows. This is yet another one of his mindfucks. Sabotage Maverick while Kael is gone. My temper flares. Selfish, selfish bastard.

“Where is he?” he asks, scooting by me without waiting for an invitation.

“Help yourself,” I mutter under my breath.

Looking over his shoulder, he kicks a side of his lip up. He heard me. Whatever.

I follow him around the corner into the kitchen. Reluctantly. Truly wishing he wasn’t here. And just slightly worried that he is. And that we’re alone. And could be…all…night…long if that’s what we wanted.

Holy Mary Mother…he needs to go.

“Here,” I say tartly with my hand out. “I’ll put it in his office. Anything else?”

His eyes flit between mine and my open palm. He clutches the envelope, maybe thinking if he gives it up he loses his bargaining chip. So he doesn’t. Then he makes no bones about the fact he’s checking over every inch of me. It’s a slow, deliberate perusal. Messy hair to pale pink painted toenails. When his gaze—now hot and longing—lands on mine again, his voice is pure gravel. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I cross my arms, trying to hide my beading nipples and tamp down the flush spreading over me. I start chewing on my lip, tapping my foot anxiously. “He’s in Minneapolis. Why?”

“Minneapolis,” he repeats, more of a question to himself than anything. His eyes lose focus for a few seconds before he shakes his head.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, instantly worried.

“Nothing.” He answers quickly, but his inflection gives him away.

He really didn’t know.

“You didn’t know about this trip?”

Shaking his head, he answers, “No. Must be something your father sent him to do, I guess.” He’s confused and he’s doing a shit job of hiding it.

Now, all I want to do is call Kael back and drill him about what he’s really doing. He told me he was going to work through details on a contract for the Minnesota National Guard Armory. Said something about government funding to tear down a few old buildings in disrepair and rebuild infrastructure. I found the trip odd, as he rarely travels for work, but he said there were intricacies they needed to deal with in person versus a conference call. But if that were the case, Killian would know. Killian is involved in
every
single deal at DSC as is Kael.

And he clearly does not know.

I decide to deal with Kael separately, not letting Killian know Kael’s obviously kept a secret from both of us. The last thing I need is for Killian to latch on to that and use that as a wedge between us, making a big deal out of something that surely has a valid explanation.

“I guess. So do you still want to drop that off then?” I gesture to the papers he’s holding hostage.

That damn smirk returns. “You trying to rush me out of here, Small Fry?”

My shoulders, eyebrows, and the corners of my mouth all lift at the same time. “Busted.”

When he laughs, I can’t help but join in. The tension that was mounting fizzles. Mostly. I’ve decided there will always be that little bit of uncomfortable between us. Because of what once was and no longer is or ever can be again.

“Got a beer?”

I tense. He notices.

“It’s just a beer, Maverick. Just a beer.”

I stand in indecision. Having him here when Kael isn’t, is not a good idea. Not now. Probably not ever. But on the other hand, it’s asinine to think we’ll never have times in our life when we aren’t alone. We need to start dealing with it. Maturely. Without temptation to sin.

So this is a test—one I plan to pass.

“Okay.” I retrieve two Michelob Ultras from the fridge and hand him one, careful to let go of the bottle before his fingers have a chance to graze mine. In my haste, it almost falls to the floor, but Killian catches it in time. He grins, knowing exactly what I did. Again, I shrug and grin back.

“Can I sit down, or do I need to chug and go?” he asks teasingly.

“Depends on how thirsty you are,” I banter smoothly.

He doesn’t sit. Instead, he pops the top and tips the bottle to his lips, taking a nice long pull. He watches me as he does it and I try to force myself not to notice how his throat works when he swallows. Or how hot I’m getting all of a sudden. I take my own drink, just a sip, breaking eye contact before I can’t.

“Those what I think they are?” His gaze has strayed to the counter where a plate of macadamia nut cookies sits. It’s Kael’s favorite. Killian’s, too.

“Yes, sir.”

His eyes flare.
Shit
. Bad word choice. Clearly I suck at tests.

Steeling myself, I make a mental note as I turn to grab the plate to refrain from saying that again to him. Keeping my eyes glued to his beer bottle, I hand over the cookies, which he silently takes. He sets the plate on the kitchen table before snagging one.