“Because he didn't join with a kindred vampire.”
How much did this guy know?
“Do you know what a joining means?”
“You live forever. You gain powers and your kindred vampire gains powers too. And without a joining you die.”
There was no hint of what he really believed in his voice, it was empty, even. Too even. Like he was scared to show his true feelings. Let's see how he'd handle this?
“Do you think the vampires should have our powers?
He didn't hesitate, but it made me feel like he had been prepared for that particular question, had rehearsed his answer well. Maybe I was just too cynical, maybe I'd just had a bad day and couldn't see the best of people, but I didn't trust Tim right now, for whatever reason.
“Yes, of course they should. It's why we exist.”
If there had been a text book on How to be a Good Nosferatin, I think that would have been lesson #1.
It's why we exist
.
“Have you ever met a vampire, Tim?”
He shook his head and went back to looking in his coffee mug.
“They can be evil, you know? Cruel. They take what they want without pause. Some even think they should take over the night completely.” I was watching him closely, trying to see if he would react. He was either a good actor, or he really was scared of what I was saying. Or, oh hell, I'm just making something out of nothing and this young man found a box of old journals in his attic and wants to know if it's real.
I sat back on the couch, my coffee finished and mug on the coffee table. I didn't know what to make of Tim. He seemed OK, but Pete's warning kept blaring in my head. And to be honest, I didn't think my judgement of people had been too hot lately. Should I give the guy a chance?
“How long are you in town for?”
“I've been here a week, I'm on leave. I gotta go back to work next Monday. I'll head back over the weekend.”
“What do you do?”
“I'm a carpenter's apprentice, down in Wellington. I just started earlier in the year. It's cool, I'm learning heaps.”
“But it's not vampire hunting?”
He smiled. “It's not exciting, no.”
“Vampire hunting's not always exciting, Tim, sometimes it can be heartbreaking too.”
He looked at me then. “Is that why you were so upset at work?”
I laughed, could I tell him there were shape shifters too? Nah, the guy was bug eyed enough as it was.
“No actually, a friend is about to die. A close friend.” Close enough to the truth, Tim hadn't yet earned my no lies, no secrets policy.
“I'm sorry. That's sad, no wonder you were upset.”
Yeah. No wonder.
“What have you got planned for the rest of your stay?” I asked, to turn the conversation to more unemotional territory.
“Well, I'm really stoked to have found you, that was my goal and it took me all week. You're not listed in the white pages.”
No, too many vampires know how to read.
I shook my head. “It's good to be anonymous.”
“It's Friday, so I think I'll just head out on the town, see what the night life in the Big Smoke has to offer. What about you? You feel like coming out with your cousin and showing him the ropes?”
I'd have actually quite liked to do that. I may not fully understand Tim yet, but he was pretty easy to talk to and I haven't had a human friend to talk to for ages. Rick was as close to that as I ever had and now he was gone. But, at that moment I felt Michel call. Nothing frantic, just ringing the doorbell kind of thing in my head. It was the middle of the afternoon, so it was unusual. There must have been a reason for it, so I couldn't ignore the call.
“That would have been nice, but I've got something on this afternoon, it'll probably go well into the night. But hey, thanks for looking me up, it was nice to meet a relative.”
“You gonna be OK? You know, after what happened at work?”
I sighed. Was I ever going to be OK again? No, I didn't think so, but instead I gave Tim an only slightly awkward hug at the door and said, “She'll be right, mate.”
Just like any good Kiwi girl would say.
I sent Michel a thought, that I was on my way soon and jumped in the shower. I needed to freshen up and it was
not
because I was going to go see Michel, but because I wear a little make-up to work and I looked a fright. Mascara does run when you cry like a baby, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I decided to jog up to
Sensations.
I know it sounded silly after just having taken a shower, but I'd been slack lately and I could no longer go to the gym where Rick worked to keep fit. I'd even been walking to work and not running, so a jog was well overdue. I packed my backpack with my evening hunter gear, so I could change up there. Even though Michel and I weren't technically seeing each other intimately right now, I was sure he'd let me use his shower. I could always steal Bruno's.
It took me fifteen minutes to make it to the bar, so only about half an hour since Michel
called
. The door was locked, but the day crew let me in and said the master was in his office. I don't know why that upset me. It shouldn't have. There was no real reason for him to meet me in his chamber. I just had never seen him bother to be in the office during daylight hours. Was he conducting our meeting there on purpose? Neutral territory? Ah damn. I'd asked for this, I was just going to have to get used to it, I supposed.
I entered the code in the door to his private quarters and walked the plush carpet to his office. The door was open, so I just walked in. Why is it when you decide not to see someone romantically that they continue to take your breath away by just by existing? I didn't want him to have this effect on me. I couldn't trust that it was real, so I didn't want it to keep happening. But it was. Dream or no dream, Michel took my breath away simply by being there. It was just not fair.
“What is the matter,
ma douce
? I feel your sadness.”
I was just standing inside the door to his office. I'd taken the step inside, but when I'd seen him behind his desk, I had simply stopped breathing, I'd also stopped walking too. I must have looked like an idiot. I wrapped my arms around my body to stop myself from fidgeting and I took a deep breath in through my mouth. I was damned if I was going to smell how fresh and clean his scent was and crumble further into the pit of embarrassment and despair.
“I've had a bad day.” It came out small, even for me. God, I could do better than this.
Michel came around the desk and stood in front of me, he hesitated before he took me in his arms, his eyebrows raised in a question. I didn't shake my head, so he continued to fold me into his chest. I allowed myself a small inhale of his scent and almost whimpered. Damn this was hard.
“
Ma douce
,
ma douce
. Why are you doing this to yourself? It does not have to be this hard. Not everything needs to be black and white, Lucinda. There can be grey. Grey is good.”
I didn't think he realised what grey meant to me, otherwise he wouldn't have used it in his attempt to make me give an inch. Grey is the colour of Gregor's eyes. Granite sometimes, silver mainly, platinum if you're lucky. It's all grey, just varying shades is all.
I pulled away from his arms and went and sat in one of his comfy chairs in front of his desk.
He sighed and walked back around to his side.
“Why did you call?” Great, my voice was back to normal. Normal is good. Not grey, normal.
“
I've heard from Gregor. Our presence has been requested by the
Iunctio.
We must leave for Paris tonight.”
“Wow. You don't beat around the bush, do you?” He just smiled his knowing smile back at me. “Gregor must have only just landed, he can't have been there long.”
“Yes, but his report was given on the way. The
Iunctio
has already deliberated and passed their verdict.”
“Their verdict?”
“Well, not the sentence, but the fact that they don't entirely believe him. They want to assess us themselves.”
Oh shit. It hadn't worked. Gregor hadn't been able to convince them I wasn't a threat. That Michel could contain his powers and not give the Nosferatu away.
“Anything else he could tell us?”
“He was very cautious on the phone, I believe he feared he was being watched.”
Oh fuck. This just kept getting better and better.
“What do we do?” I asked.
“We go to them, to refuse would be unwise.” I'm guessing
unwise
was a euphemism for deadly.
“This isn't good, is it, Michel?” I'd started to wring my hands in my lap, it's a nervous thing, I can't help it. I'm working on it though, dead give-away to anyone watching.
Michel sighed again, he was doing a lot of that lately. “Please,
ma douce.
Let me come to you, let me soothe you. I can't stand seeing you suffer and not be able to help.”
I stopped wringing my hands and sat up straighter in the chair. “I'm fine. I'm OK.”
“Damn it Lucinda! Why are you fighting this? Why are you pushing me away?” I didn't think I had ever heard Michel swear before. Me, I do it all the time, but Michel? He always seemed too refined for that.
“I...I...” I didn't get to say anything else because Michel was around the desk and pulling me to my feet.
“Tell me you do not feel anything for me?” His voice was low, not a growl, but close to it.
I shook my head. It wasn't that I didn't feel anything, it was that I felt too much and I had no idea if it was me or the Bond. Why didn't he understand this?
He cried out in frustration and I thought that he might try to kiss me, pull me in and lavish me with his mouth, his tongue, his lips. But he spun around and walked away across the room and just stood there. I felt abandoned and disappointed and frustrated to hell.
“Until you ask me to again, I will not kiss you,
ma douce
. I will not force myself on a woman who does not accept my advances. I am, after all, a gentleman.”
OK. So, I knew where I stood, wasn't this what I had been asking for? Then why did I feel sad?
I let a huff of breath out. Michel turned and looked at me, small flashes of violet mingling with the indigo in his eyes.
He shook his head slightly, a small smile playing on his lips. I think he wanted to say something, I think he wanted to ask me to ask him, but he didn't. It's one of the things I admire about Michel the most. His self control, his resolve, his ability to maintain his façade. I just never thought he'd have to use those skills on me.
I loved him. I kept telling myself this, so why was I refusing to accept him? I took a step towards him. I don't think I really meant to, it was just natural and that scared me. Everything I do around Michel feels natural, but I still can't help thinking it's because of the Bond. His eyebrows rose slightly at my advance, but he didn't move just waited for me.
I'd had a shit of a day. A really awful, absolutely foul, shit of a day. I needed to feel his arms around me, I needed to feel his support. He's my kindred Nosferatu. Despite the Bond, despite my confused emotional state of mind, being with him is meant to centre me, ground me, revitalise me. Being with him is how I am meant to be.
“I can't promise I won't freak out on you at some stage, but I need you Michel. I don't know if that means more than just physically being with you. I don't even know if we can do that, just be together without it leading to more. I'm scared that's the case. I'm scared that I can't just be near you to feel better without it leading to your bedroom or mine. And I'm
so
scared that's what I actually want.”
He was standing very still, as though any movement would frighten me. His eyes dancing all shades of blue and purple imaginable. They were beautiful, just like the rest of him; mesmerizing, enchanting, and oh God, I so wanted him right then.
“Say something,” I whispered.
He swallowed. “I...I am unsure if I can be near you and not want more too,
ma douce.
In fact, I am fairly certain I can not. I want you, all of you, but only if you are willing to give it.”
I closed my eyes. This was it then, a true stalemate. I couldn't have his comfort, unless I took all of him. I couldn't take all of him, because I was scared my wanting him was a falsehood, a by-product of the Bond. Stalemate.
I opened my eyes and he was standing right in front of me. He'd moved while they had been closed and the effect that had was as though he'd popped up out of thin air. Of course, he'd done that to me before, with my eyes open. He was quite capable of disappearing and reappearing at will, but the slowness of the blink and his now close proximity, made me gasp, just a little.
He let out a breath of air at my reaction and the warmth of it brushed my face.
“Kiss me.” It was out before I'd even formed the thought.
“Are you sure?” His eyes never left mine.
“It's just a kiss.”
“
It is never
just
a kiss with us.”
“Dammit Michel, kiss me now.”
He laughed and it lightened my soul. “As my lady wishes.”
His lips met mine tentatively. A warm brush, lip to lip, breath to breath, but I wanted more. I reached up on the tip of my toes and went to place my arms around his neck to pull him close, but he caught my hands and brought them back down to my sides, holding them firmly.
“Let us see if you can handle the kiss first, shall we?” His voice was low, a rumble against my mouth.
I stared into his eyes, his gaze holding mine. His face a wicked smile, then he bent towards my mouth and lightly licked across my bottom lip. Still keeping eye contact, still moving slowly.
I opened my mouth slightly and let a breath, I had been holding, out. His gaze lowered to my mouth, then flicked back up again. The next time he came in, he took my bottom lip into his own, lightly sucking, gently licking, then releasing. Moving back to look into my eyes. I was spellbound.
He smiled. “So far, so good.”
Then he lowered his head again and I expected this time to be firmer. He'd been building the pressure up, each effort more intimate, more mouth involved. But he simply lay a delicate kiss on my top lip, followed by another on my bottom lip, then back to looking in my eyes.
I think I may have stopped breathing by this point. Again he came in, still holding my hands by my sides. I'm not sure it was needed any longer, I was dumbfounded, unable to move, but this time his lips met mine and his tongue flicked inside. I whimpered when he pulled away and surprisingly did try to move my hands; I wanted to touch his face, to pull him closer.
“Ah, ah,” he whispered as he lightly licked across my mouth, then nibbled on my bottom lip.
“Michel, please.” It was also a whisper, as he pulled away.
“I am not finished,
ma douce
.” Then he kissed me more deeply, allowing my tongue to roll around his, to flick in his own mouth and then he pulled back.
“Would you like more?” He was breathless, he might have been putting on this display for my benefit, but it wasn't escaping my notice that he was enjoying himself too.
“Yes.” I couldn't deny it, he'd got my attention and my body's full attention at that. I was wet with need from a few simple kisses. How did this man do this to me?
“How much more?”
“Michel.”
“No,
ma douce
, let there not be any misunderstandings between us. How much more?”
I licked my lips and he immediately kissed them, long and hungry and full of need. He abruptly pulled back and looked a little surprised. I don't think he had intended to show me just how much he wanted me too. He'd slipped.
His desire did it for me though. I'd always known he wanted me, wanted me like only a man could want a woman. But at this moment my need, my desire for him was so great, that it possibly eclipsed even his. And what was wrong with that? Even if the Bond did bring us together, I couldn't blame my sexual need entirely on that, it would be like copping out or something. Not admitting that I wanted this man with my entire body seemed a sacrilegious act. How could I not let him know how much I wanted him too?
“I want all of you,” I breathed against his hovering mouth.
He responded immediately and swept me up in his arms. In a blur we were in his chamber down the hall, the door clicking shut behind us. He lowered me onto the bed and crawled slowly on top. A slow sexual movement, covering my body with kisses as he worked his way up my legs. Lifting my T-Shirt and laying a lick of his tongue along my stomach, right up to just under my breasts.
“You are salty,” he said raising his head and licking his lips.
Oh shit, I'd forgotten that I'd run here. Even though I'd had a shower before I came, that small fifteen minute jog had worked up a sweat. Yuck.
“I need a shower, I ran here.”
He chuckled. “That can be arranged.”
Again he swept me up and carried me into the bathroom. I don't normally go for all the carrying, I'm small and being cradled in someone's arms can make you feel even more tiny, like something that needs protection. I don't need protection. But, I needed Michel today and truthfully, I'm not entirely sure I could have walked right then.