Blue (Darkness Falls #3) (10 page)

“I’m sorry, I think I heard that wrong.” Noelle stared at him and Blue winced.

“No, you heard it right. Alexandra had two daughters, both of them mine.”

“And they’re here?” She seemed just as floored as he was.

“Yeah, they’re sleeping in one of the guest rooms.”

“Oh my god.” Her legs failed her and she collapsed onto the edge of the bed. “I don’t…I can’t…I can’t…”

“I know.” Blue sat down next to her and took her hand. “Crazy, right?”

“What are you going to do?” She was pale and there were tears standing in her eyes.

“I’ll have to keep them.” He shrugged, helpless to do anything else. “I can’t send them back to that crazy bitch and I couldn’t bring myself to put any child of mine into the social care system, so there’s no other option.”

“They can’t stay here.” She whispered. “It’s not right.”

“I know.” Blue pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stem the headache that was blooming. “I was wondering if we could stay at yours until we decide what the hell to do. If I need to buy a house, it’s going to take me a couple of months to get everything in order.”

“Of course.” She didn’t even hesitate. “It’s all ready
, apart from the carpet in my bedroom, so we’ll take them there tomorrow.” It seemed like her brain had finally come back on track and kicked into gear. “We’ll need to get them clothes and we’ll need to buy food. The kitchen has all my utensils in it but there’s nothing to eat. I don’t think the fridge is even switched on. Have you got any clients scheduled tomorrow?”

“Only one in the morning, but I can try and-…”

“No, you take your appointment. I’ll take them clothes shopping in the morning and then I can get the food after lunch. You don’t want to know all the vagaries of little girl’s clothes shopping and I’m sure they’ll be tired and won’t want to follow me around the supermarket.”

“You can’t take a camera crew to the supermarket.” Why the hell were they talking about the supermarket?

“Why not? They want a glance into my life – I have to eat and shop the same as everyone else.” He refrained from pointing out that she could eat all her meals at the Manor if she wanted to and never lift a finger again in her life.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” His shoulders slumped. “I keep thinking it’s going to sink in any minute now, but my whole body has just been churning internally for the last four hours.
It’s so surreal I feel almost…numb somehow.”

“What are they like?” She squeezed his hand and a lump rose in his throat.

“Tired. Scared. Hungry. Lisette almost cleaned out the kitchen when we got here. God knows when they last ate. She called Alexandra a crazy lying bitch.”

“Ar
e they beautiful?” She prompted and he knew she was trying to make him smile and make some joke about how they were his so of course they were, but it had the opposite effect. To his horror, Blue just burst into tears. His whole life had derailed like a freight train the moment he’d stepped into that apartment. He’d dared to dream just briefly of a life with Noelle, one in which they maybe had a family somewhere way down the line, and now he was going to lose all of it. He knew she had a big heart, but this was too much for anyone to take under the circumstances. He’d known from the start she’d be a hard sell. Now he had baggage, it wasn’t fair to even try.

He didn’t know anything about being a father. He didn’t know anything about buying a house or organising schools or even having to fend for himself. Cal had cared for him since the day he’d rescued Blue from Alexandra. He’d never had to go it alone and it was terrifying. He’d never been so scared in his life. If he failed at any of it, he’d ruin the two girls who now depended on him.

He felt like that fifteen year old boy again – cast out and adrift with no clue what the future held.

“You’re going to be a great dad.” Noelle moved up behind him, wrapping her arms arou
nd his shoulders. She always seemed to know what he was thinking, except for how he felt about her. Maybe there was something to Storm’s theory of subconscious selective intuition after all. “We’ll figure this out. There’s no rush. They’re safe now and we’ve got somewhere to go in the morning. We’ll just take it one step at a time until it finally sinks in and then we’ll carry right on.”

“You keep saying we.” He covered his face. “I can’t ask this of you, Noelle.”

“Don’t be an idiot.” She snorted. “You’re family. Of course I’m going to be there with you every step of the way. You didn’t seriously think I would let you figure this out on your own, did you?”

“Well no, but-…”

“Besides, at least I know the school system and I’ve worked with kids before. We don’t know what they’ve been through so it makes sense for me to stay close, at least until we know how they’re dealing with things. Blue…” She paused and he knew whatever she was about to say was painful. “They’re going to need help. They’re going to be messed up over this. Kids bounce back but there are going to be abandonment issues. This isn’t going to be an easy journey.”

“You know, since the day you walked into my life I always assumed that if I ever had children, they’d be with you.” His hands dropped to her forearms, still wrapped around him. “The fact that Alexandra has jumped all over that seems like a cruel joke.”

“You’re twenty times my size.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “I think carrying your giant children would probably break me.” He couldn’t believe she was joking about it.

“You’d have been beautiful.” The sadness cracked his voice
as the image of her pregnant and glowing rose in his mind.

“You say it like it’s never going to happen.”
She shook him gently. “I can’t see myself ever meeting someone again, not with what we are and what we do. It might be a strange sort of communal family, but if I ever had the drive to procreate, you’d be the first person I came to, giant and all.”

“You wouldn’t go to Raze?” He knew she adored her Papa Bear more than life itself.

“No. I couldn’t do that to him. He’s too pure and innocent to be tied so inextricably with me. You understand this life…what I am, what I’d need to do. I’m not afraid of tainting you.” She relaxed her arms. “We should get to bed, Sasquatch. Breakfast is in a few hours and we have a busy day.”

“You’re right.” He undressed in mechanical motion, his brain still too fogged and numb to move on anything other than autopilot. Once under the covers, he tucked Noelle under his arm and held her close. It felt like she was the only thing grounding him.

Just before he drifted off to sleep, he murmured her name.

“Hmm?” She mumbled.

“You asked me if they were beautiful.” His eyes stung with tears anew. “They are. Gods, they’re so beautiful.”

Noelle was still sleeping when Blue awoke and
he rubbed his eyes. They felt gritty from lack of sleep. He’d woken up in the early hours and had been unable to drop back off, so he’d lain there thinking about all the things they’d have to do to sort this mess out. At one stage he’d become aware that Noelle was also awake and troubled, so he’d wrapped his arms around her and gone back to sleep as though all was well, hoping it would reassure her.

H
e didn’t know where Thomas had slept, but not long after six, he stuck his head around the door to see if they were awake. Seeing that Blue’s eyes were open, he crept across the carpet.

“Amelie’s woken up.” He seemed just as dazed as everyone else by the sudden appearance of children. “She’s really upset.”

“I’m coming.” He extricated himself carefully from Noelle, determined not to wake her. She was right – they’d had a late night and it would be a busy day. She’d need the rest.

He almost rethought that decision when his jeans were on and he was heading for the door. He’d never tried to deal with a distressed child before. He didn’t have the faintest idea what to say or how to make any of this seem like a good thing. He was woefully ill-equipped to be a father and he knew it. Maybe he should wake her. She’d know exactly what to do under the circumstances.

“It’ll be fine, Master.” Thomas handed him a T-shirt. “You just need to tell them the truth. Be honest and don’t promise them anything you can’t deliver.”

Yeah, because that would be so easy to do.

He went up to the guest room where they’d situated the girls, far away from any of the play rooms in case they wandered in the night. Amelie was face down on the bed, sobbing and Lisette was hovering over her looking helpless.

“Hey.” Awkwardness was not something he was used to. “I…uh…did you sleep okay?”

“I did.” Lisette tried to smile. “The beds here are out of this world.”

“Cal runs a good home.” He conceded, glad at least one of his daughters was talking to him. Fuck…his daughters. He resisted the urge to shake his head in disbelief, understanding on some base level that they wouldn’t appreciate it.

At his voice, Amelie had curled into the foetal position on her side so she could see him.

“Do you know who this is?” Lisette started it off and Amelie shook her head, her tear-stained face almost breaking his heart.

“I’m your daddy.” Oh gods…daddy. That was the moment at which the world condensed into crystal dizzying clarity. He was a father and he had to step up to the plate. A burst of overwhelming love seemed to crash over him from out of nowhere and his knees actually wobbled. “I’m so sorry, girls. I can’t believe I didn’t know about you. You’re fu…uh…beautiful. So beautiful. And I’m so sorry that I’ve missed out on so much. I’m going to do everything I can to give you the kind of life you deserve, if you’ll give me a chance.”

“Where’s mummy?” Amelie finally spoke and Blue’s eyes watered as he gingerly approached and sat on the edge of the bed, careful to give her space.

“Mummy is…”
Think honesty
! He sternly reminded himself. It was harder than it sounded. “Well, she’s sick and she’s done some very bad things, so you have to stay with me for a while until she can be found and helped.” He deserved some sort of award for diplomacy or, at the very least, an honorary appointment to the Royal Diplomatic Corps.

“Will you make us go back there?” She looked terrified and he didn’t know what the right answer was. He glanced at Lisette, who shook her head just a fraction and he took a deep breath.

“No, sweetie, you don’t ever have to go back to her if you don’t want to.”

“I hate her.” Amelie started crying again. “She’s mean and she hits us and she shouts all the time.”

Blue hadn’t thought his heart could break any more than it already had, but right then it felt like it had hardened into granite and fractured into a million shards. “No-one will ever raise a hand to you again.” He promised. “I’m not going to lie to you, either of you. Being a father has come as a huge surprise to me and I’m going to make mistakes. There’s going to be a period of adjustment while we get to know each other. This isn’t going to be easy and I’m sorry for that, but I’m going to try my hardest. Please don’t hold it against me if I fu- uh… screw up.”

“Is this our new home?” Amelie was finally starting to uncurl and hope bloomed in his chest.

“No. This was my home but it’s not good enough for my beautiful girls because there are people coming and going all the time, so we’re going to stay with a very dear friend of mine in a beautiful house with a huge garden until we can choose our own place.”

“We get to help you pick?” Lisette seemed delighted by the prospect and he could already feel himself getting in over his head with the promises.

“Within reason.” He qualified. “I’m wealthy but I’m not rich. It won’t be a mansion like this.”

“But it’ll be a real home.” Now Lisette was the one who looked tearful. “I hate her!” She blurted out in a tremulous voice with unexpected ferocity. “Why didn’t she tell you about us?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged helplessly. “I wasn’t lying when I said she was sick. I think it’s just important to focus on the fact that I’ve found you now and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Do you think she was ashamed?” She burst into tears and Blue couldn’t stop himself from gathering them both up in his arms.

“No, sweetie. No-one could ever be ashamed of you. Gods help me, you’re the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Whatever her reasons were, don’t ever doubt how wonderful you are.” His eyes brimmed over and they all clung to each other as the world shifted imperceptibly around them, rearranging their world view and changing everything.

“So…” Lisette managed after a while and Blue cleared his throat, surreptitiously wiping his face.

“Someone didn’t eat dinner last night.” He ruffled Amelie’s hair. “Are you hungry? I think we should go and order pancakes and scrambled eggs and maybe a mountain of bacon. What do you think?”

“Five mountains.” Amelie beamed up at him, her tears forgotten, and he nodded.

“Five mountains of bacon it is then.” When she held her arms up to him, he thought he would break down all over again, but he managed to hold it together. Just. Swinging her up onto his hip, he braved a smile at Lisette. “Come and meet the rest of the family.”