Blue Sacrifice (Blue Davison) (19 page)

“Is this what you thought? No, Bluebell, I would
hold onto you for as long as we have left in this world, but you’re sixteen.
When I kissed you, I wanted everything from you and I wanted it that moment. I
didn’t want to wait another minute and I did think we had time because I never
guessed you would be expected to die so young. No other Davison has. So it
wasn’t about you dying, but me needing too much from you.”

“I thought maybe you didn’t think I was good
enough or my family was trashy or something. I know your mom doesn’t want you
and me together.”

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, Tyson glanced
around as if searching for the right words. When his gaze returned to mine, he
smiled softly.

“My mother has known my feelings for you for a
long time and she hoped they would pass. Not because you aren’t wonderful. My
mother loves you and would love you as a daughter, but she wasn’t merely afraid
of your death one day. She also feared how our daughters would be expected to
die one day too. Having her grandchildren sacrificed was too painful a thought
so she pushed me towards other women. I hope you don’t think poorly of her for
not understanding how I couldn’t stop loving you just because it would be convenient.”

Thinking of Flynn, I placed my hands over Tyson’s
which still held my face.

“What do you think I should do with Flynn?” I
asked as a not so subtle way to see if Tyson wanted me enough to take me now
and stop waiting.

“This boy came along and saved you,” Tyson said,
his eyes losing their warmth and filling with pain. “He is a sign. You can’t
walk away from such a thing.”

Frowning, I removed my hands. Tyson lowered his
hands too then took mine.

“I would love you this moment and keep you with me
forever, but I believe you are meant to live. This boy moving here when he did
and finding you when you were planning to die can’t be ignored. I won’t pretend
to be happy to lose you. Yet if you stay in this world and live a long life because
of him, I will find a way to be happy without you.”

“I don’t know what to do?”

“Yes, you do.”

“What if he isn’t a sign? What if it’s a trick?
Penny said…”

“Penny can’t be trusted. All of these years, so
much guilt and responsibility dumped upon her, how can she remain sane and know
what is right? Penny is just guessing like we are. Her guesses though are
clouded by too much pain. You can think clearly if you truly want to live.”

“I do, but I don’t know if I can live with the
guilt of knowing people died because of me.”

“Not because of you. Because of the town or because
of the evil inside people, but not you,” he said then opened the car door for
me. “You were ready to die the day the boy stopped you, weren’t you?”

Once I nodded, he kissed the top of my head.
“Don’t close him out. He could be the answer to your fears and confusion. I
don’t know him and I honestly don’t want to. It breaks my heart to tell you to
want another, but if you feel anything for him, try to let yourself feel more.
Try to open your heart. Please deny what the town’s lies insist is all you can
have. Your mother was alone all those years. She never really let anyone
besides her sisters and you into her heart. Right or wrong, her path led to
death. You should see where this other path leads.”

Easing into the car, I considered just ignoring
the demons. Ignore the growing violence in Lily Falls while I enjoyed my time
with Flynn. Just hang out with Lacey and go to school and be a teenager without
the town’s problems on my shoulders. Walk away from generations of sacrifices
and choose to save myself instead of the town.

Driving home in silence, I knew Tyson wanted to
say more. He wanted more too, but he was walking away so I could survive.
Glancing at him, I couldn’t help smiling at the man who had given me so much
over the years and taken so little. In a better world, he would get everything
he wanted and I hoped one day he would.

When we arrived, the mood at the Zandi house was
electric. They were waiting for gossip, but I couldn’t give them any because
Hans was still texting me. Once I told him I would be home in twenty minutes,
he finally stopped bothering me. I suspected he had gone into my room and seen
the mess I left behind. Somehow I doubted his concern would last long. Despite
his frequent kindness, I knew he only cared for me because I was a byproduct of
his real interest.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Lacey asked, grumpy at
how I wouldn’t stay the night.

“Yes. If Hans gives me too much crap, I’ll make
you my chauffeur again tonight.”

“If he gives you crap, I’m going to do more than
drive over there and pick you up. I’m going to tell him where he can stick his
faux parental bullshit.”

“Language, Lacey,” her mother said, walking over
to hug me goodbye. “If you have any issues, Blue, please view our home as your
sanctuary.”

Hugging her back, I noticed Tyson at the window. I
watched him until he felt my gaze and glanced back at me. We shared a smile
then I hurried upstairs to change. Once I was packed up and downstairs, I
learned Tyson would drive me home since Lacey was tense and too ready to start
trouble with Hans.

Back on the road, I wanted to say something really
profound to Tyson to thank him for being wonderful when most men would have
been selfish. Since I had trouble thinking wise thoughts when I wasn’t so wired,
I really couldn’t come up with anything on the spot.

As he parked in front of my house, I still hadn’t
come up with anything sage. Blurting out the first thought in my head wouldn’t
work either because my brain was overloaded with everything we talked about
that night.

So I kissed him. Leaning over to face Tyson, I
kissed him softly then with more heat. My tongue tasted him and the world fell
away. Shifting closer as my hand slid inside his jacket to feel his furiously
beating heart, I never wanted to let Tyson go. While I had no idea how long the
kiss lasted, it felt like forever while too brief at the same time.

Before pulling away, I looked at his beautiful
eyes, closed as he enjoyed the end of our kiss. I saw those thick lashes and
imagined waking with him and watching him sleep like Flynn had with me last
weekend. Slowly pulling my lips away, I wished I knew the right choice between
him and Flynn. Tyson though clearly believed he saw the path ahead for me.

“A perfect goodbye kiss,” he whispered, staring
into my eyes with a gaze full of desire. “Maybe in another life you and I will find
a way to be happy together.”

“Flynn isn’t the commitment type.”

“Yet he wants you in a way he’s never wanted another
girl.”

“How can you know that?” I balked, thinking Lacey
shared too much dish.

“Because he is a sign, so it makes sense for you to
be more than a conquest.”

Easing back into my seat, I felt unsure, but Tyson
squeezed my hand then opened the door to come around and help me out. Taking my
bag from the car, he then pulled me into his arms.

“We will be very good friends,” he said in a
pained voice. “The very best of friends and we will be friends for a very long
time. Do you understand?”

Taking my face into his hands, he smiled and the
smile was genuine. “You aren’t meant to die young. I feel this and you do too.
Don’t hide from the signs anymore. Promise me you’ll embrace them.”

“I’m afraid to make a promise I might not be able
to keep.”

Tyson kissed both of my cheeks then stepped back.
“Promise me you’ll try then.”

“I promise. Thank you, Tyson, for tonight and my
birthday and everything. You can’t know how important you are to me.”

Tyson might have said more, but the front door
opened and Hans exited the house.

“I’ll let you go,” Tyson said, handing me my bag.
“Have a good evening.”

“You too.”

Even with Hans playing the ominous daddy figure on
the dark porch, I didn’t hurry inside. Instead I watched Tyson’s car disappear
around the corner before I ventured to the house and past Hans.

Saying nothing until I was standing in the kitchen
and he had locked the door, Hans was tense in a way I had rarely seen from the
laidback man. Based on a glance down the hall to my room, I noticed the door
standing wide open and the chair and rope gone. Well at least I knew where the
conversation was headed.

“You know what I found,” Hans said in the calming
voice he used on Gretchen when she was having one of her bad days.

“Everyone’s on edge. You saw those women at the
food truck yesterday. I had a moment where I was on edge and I almost made a
bad choice. I changed my mind and went to Lacey’s. I feel better now.”

Nodding, Hans entered the kitchen and poured
himself a cup of coffee. Based on his facial expression, I got the distinct
impression a speech was coming.

“Did you know that I knew your mother?”

Shaking my head, I stood very still as he
retrieved a can of soda from the refrigerator then gestured for me to follow
him. Once I did, we sat on the couch.

“Where’s Gretchen?”

“She said she’s working on a project which I
believe is code for she’s playing Word Search on Facebook.”

Giving him a faint smile, I waited for Hans to get
to the point since now he was bringing my mother into the conversation.

“Rhia was a real firecracker,” he said with a
wistful look in his blue eyes. “She just loved to laugh and make others laugh.
She, Penny, and Rory were thick as thieves when they were kids. I do know it
was difficult on Rhia and Penny when Rory moved away. I think they felt abandoned,
but I’m sure Rory had her reasons. If I had to guess, it was related to a guy.
Nonetheless after she left, Rhia and Penny didn’t laugh so much. Maybe they
wouldn’t have laughed at all, but they had you.”

“How come I don’t remember you?”

Easing back into the corner of the couch, Hans
sighed. “I was with Gretchen back then and she can be territorial. No matter
how beautiful Gretchen is, she thinks another woman or man will steal her
lovers away. While she didn’t know Rhia and your aunts, I was certain she’d
feel threatened. Sometimes you have to make decisions to protect the ones you
love so I chose to stop spending time with your mom and Penny because I didn’t
want to hurt Gretchen who can be so fragile.”

Downing half of my soda, I felt a little edgy with
the conversation. “No offense, but why are you telling me this now?”

“I saw Rhia not long before she passed away and I’ve
always wondered if I could have done something to help her. When I saw the rope
in your room, I felt like maybe I had a second chance to help you like I didn’t
help Rhia.”

“I’m not going to kill myself.”

“Would you tell me if you were?”

Shrugging, I gave him a begrudging smile. “No,
probably not.”

“Gretchen sees a therapist. You could talk to her
if you want? Not Gretchen, but the therapist. Gretchen would never have to
know. Or if not her therapist, I can find someone else who would understand.”

“I have this new boyfriend,” I said, grabbing for
a believable lie, “and he’s really amazing, but he’s an outsider and sometimes
I feel like he’s losing interest in me. I was feeling all negative last night,
but then I realized even if I did lose him, I still had Lacey. I have my
friends and you and Gretchen. It seems stupid to have considered dying over a
guy, but I was just in a weird mood. I’m not in the mood anymore. I had a lot
of fun tonight with Tyson. We went to the opera and I got to eat at Riser Cliffs
and I tried food I’d never eaten before. It was a great night and I really
can’t believe I might have thrown it all away.”

Hans studied me and I doubted he could sense I was
lying. He didn’t know me nearly as well as he thought. Just like I doubted he
knew my mother as well as he imagined.

“So you don’t want to talk to anyone?”

“Like a professional? No, I talked with Lacey and
she gave me a little tough love. It made me feel like everything would be okay,
but I can understand how you’d worry. Finding the rope probably made you think
I was like Aunt Penny or my mom. They had real issues, but my thing was merely
a moment of weakness.”

Exhaling loudly, Hans nodded. “I’m glad you have
Lacey in your life.”

“I’m glad I have you too. Sometimes I feel alone
and think nothing matters, but I’m not alone. I have you and the Zandis and
Gretchen.”

“How is it going with this boy you’re dating?” he
asked, standing up and giving me the green light to escape to my room.

“Good. I was stressing for nothing really. He’s
nice and we have fun, but it won’t last. Young love rarely does,” I said,
giving him a big grin.

“See that’s the Blue I know. Levelheaded to a
fault. I was worried, but you’ve got this handled, right?”

“Right.”

“If you don’t or just need anything, you’ll let me
know, right?”

“Right. I’m not my mom. I think she felt alone,
but I know I’m not.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, giving me a quick hug
before allowing me to close my door.