Python huffs and then plops onto the couch, where he buries his head into his hands. “Fuck, Shelle. This shit has been wearing on me for such a long muthafuckin' time. You just don't understand.”
I remain standing in the center of the room with my arms folded across my chest, waiting for him to continue.
“I was a fucking kid. I didn't really know what I was doing,” he confesses to the floor. “I hurt him. It was an accident. I didn't know what else to do.” He pauses for a long time.
When a fuckin' tear splats onto the hardwood floor, I move to the La-Z-Boy across from him. “Start from the beginning.”
I was young and I guess I adjusted to being raised by my aunt Peaches. It was all I knew, really. I came up believing that I was the man of the house and then suddenly my aunt moved this nigga Isaac into the crib and shit changed. Some for the better and some for the worse.
I didn't like it at first. I didn't like him. He was a big, bald dude that strutted through the house like he owned the place. Aunt Peaches was in love. She was happy so I tried to be happy, too.
But I didn't like him.
I didn't trust him. Not in the beginning.
I don't remember the exact day when I knew that Isaac was seeing other chicks. I only remember them always floating in and out of the house when Aunt Peaches wasn't around. A lot of times, he'd pay me a dollar, tell me to go out and play, and then take those girls into bedroom and lock the door. I'd listened to all the “oohs” and “ahs” and “oh my gods” filling the house while the bed's headboard banged against the wall. I don't think I knew what it meant. Aunt Peaches usually made the same noise whenever she was in there with him.
When my old childhood buddy KyJuan stole a few of his daddy's porno tapes, I got schooled real quick on what the hell was going on in that bedroom. That shit changed my lifeâ'cause KyJuan's father had some real freaky shit on those tapes. It made my lil dick hard.
From then on, I emulated everything Isaac did. I wanted all the girls in the neighborhood. Me and KyJuan would drag them behind houses and show them our dicks if they showed us their pussies. A few more boys in the neighborhood found out what we were doing and joined us. One lil nigga, Jimmy Gaines, went so far as to get Yolanda Terry to let him put his dick in her mouth for a box of Lemonheads.
It was funny as hell. Them fools never let her ass forget that shit.
Then one day, out of the blue, my mom called. She wanted to see us. Aunt Peaches snatched me up and we raced down to the hospital. I didn't know what to expect. The way Peaches acted, I expected bad news.
We got there and then was led to a room where a baby screamed its head off.
“Heeey,” my momma greeted us, struggling to sit up.
I scrambled behind Aunt Peaches's prosthetic leg and then peeked around. Momma looked horribleâlike a dried-up zombie. Her hair was all over her head and there were these horrible purple and black tracks all over her arms.
“Wow. He's so big now.” She flashed me a butter-colored smile.
“Yeah. Children have the tendency to grow,” Aunt Peaches said, and then approached the bed.
The baby kept screaming.
“Hey, Terrell. You want to come over here and say hello to Mommy?” She opened her thin arms and pleaded with her sad, watery eyes.
I didn't want to touch her. She scared me.
Aunt Peaches pushed me forward, but I pushed back until she leaned down and whispered, “Remember what Isaac told you about fear?”
I nodded. Isaac said that a real man learned to embrace and conquer his fearsâwhatever they may be. I blinked up at my mom. My heart slammed inside my chest until it hurt.
The baby's screams had worked its way under my skin. I glanced at him, wondered why he wouldn't stop. Was he scared too?
“Go ahead. Go on. ” Aunt Peaches gave me another push and I walked over to the bed.
My mom's face lit up. I suspected that if she washed and brushed her hair she might actually be pretty. All at once, she leaned over and wrapped her arms around me and then smothered me with kisses that smelled like stale tobacco. It was weirdâlike I'd been missing her my whole life and didn't even know it.
“Mommy has missed you sooo much.” She squeezed me tighter. “Have you been good for your aunt Maybelline? Huh? Have you been a good boy?”
“Y-yes, ma'am.”
“What's wrong with this little fella?” Aunt Peaches asked, hovering over the screaming baby. “He hasn't stopped crying since we walked into the room.” She picked him up. “Awww. What's the matter?”
The baby kicked and screamed as if he were being tortured. I wanted to cover my ears.
“Who knows what the hell is wrong with him?” Alice said grumpily. “I don't think that he's shut up since the doctor smacked him on the ass,” she sniped, but then beamed a smile at me.
I smiled back.
“Awww, lil man,” Peaches said. “It's gonna be all right.” She kissed and rocked him in her arms. “Screaming and hollering is no way to spend a birthday. Is your diaper wet?”
“No. And he's ain't hungry either,” Momma groaned. “He's been here six hours and he's already pissed at the world. Not that I blame himâI've been pissed about being here a long time myself.” She pressed another kiss against my head. It was like she couldn't stop touching me now. “You never cried like that when you were a baby,” she confided. “You were a good boy.”
I turned to look at Aunt Peaches. “Can I hold him?”
Peaches smiled. “Of course you can, honey.” She walked the baby over to me. “Now you have to be careful with him,” she warned. “Hold out your arms.”
I did like she said.
“Okay. Here we go.” She transferred the baby to me. “Careful.”
“I got him.” I looked down at my baby brother.
He looked up at me, and then stopped crying.
Aunt Peaches and Momma gasped.
Smiling, I asked, “What's his name?”
“Mason,” Momma said.
“Mason,” I repeated, and then felt the urge to kiss his forehead. “Hello, Mason. I'm your big brother.”
Mason cooed.
That was a good dayâprobably the last good one we had together. When we drove home, Aunt Peaches fussed about how Momma was gonna take care of Mason. She was stressed, thinking and suspecting that Momma was gonna show up one day on Shotgun Row and leave Mason with us. I didn't think that would be so bad. I could teach him a lot of things. But months went by and nothing happened. Thing was, I think Aunt Peaches was disappointed.
Things went back to normal. Aunt Peaches ran her boosting ring of girls while Isaac worked at his auto shop and moved “packages” on the side. His side job was the most dangerous; he never left the house without a gun to do it. And, of course, Isaac continued juggling a lot of girls. Then one evening, I overheard him talking on his cell phone in the backyard. I hadn't meant to put my nose in grown folks' business, but it was my momma's name that caught my ear.
“Alice, what the fuck are you doing calling me on this line?” Isaac swore, looking around, but not catching me by the back window listening.
“You know Peaches checks my fuckin' phone.” He listened and then clucked under his tongue. “Nah. Nah. I can't come out there and see you right now. What? Nah. She's not here right now, but . . .” He listened some more and then glanced down at his watch. “Nah. Nah. You can't be doing that shit with my seed over there.You're supposed to begetting your shit together, remember?” There was a long pause where he starts pacing faster. “Alice, quit crying. Alânah, I can'tâfuck ifâshit!” He looked at his watch. “All right. Fine. I'll swing by for a few minutesâjust for a few minutes. You got that?” He huffed out a long breath. “A'ight, bye.”
Isaac disconnected the call, looked around, and then swore under his breath. When he headed to the back door, I raced into the living room in my Spider-Man footie pajamas and plopped down on the floor and pretended like I'd been watching TV the whole time.
“Hey, yo, lil man,” Isaac said, coming into the living room. “I gotta run an errand. You think you'd be cool chilling out here by yourself for a few minutes until I get back?”
I frowned and then reminded him, “I'm six.”
“Yeah, but you're almost seven.” He shrugged.
I couldn't believe that he'd said that.
“Yeah. You're right. Your aunt will probably kill me.” He huffed, glanced down at his gold Rolex, cursed, looked at the watch again. “All right. Let's go.”
I popped up off the floor and raced to my bedroom. “I'll go change!”
“Nah. No time for that shit. Just grab your jacket and let's roll,” he ordered.
He got no argument from me. I was excited to be going to see my momâand Masonâagain. Who would've thought?
Isaac drove out to my mom's apartment with his gun on his lap. Every time we passed by boys grouped up together, he'd rest one hand on it like he was ready to shoot. Turning into LeMoyne Gardens, a tribe of teenagers threw up signs. I start to toss up the Gangster Disciples' like Isaac had taught me, but he stopped me.
“Don't do that shit,” he warned. “We're in hostile territory over here. Don't start nothing, won't be nothing. You got that?”
I nodded.
Isaac parked the car and then killed the engine.
“We need to go over a few rules, lil man,” Isaac said, pocketing his keys and turning in his seat. “Your auntie doesn't need to know we came out here. This is going to be our little secret, all right?”
He stared at me so hard I didn't think I had any other choice but to nod.
“Good. Rule number one: Real niggas don't snitch on each other. Got it?”
I nodded.
He tucked his gun beneath his jacket. “Now. We're going in here to check on your momma. I need you to go in, sit down, and behave while we talk for a minute. Can you handle that?”
I nodded again, but he kept eyeballing me like he didn't know whether he could trust me. “I'll keep my mouth shut. I promise.”
“A'ight,” he finally said. “Let's go.”
We climbed out of the car and made our way up the steep staircase to Momma's place. Isaac constantly checked over his shoulder with his hand on his gun. From outside the door, we heard Mason screaming his head off.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
We waited.
The baby's cries grew louder.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
We waited some more.
Mason wailed at the top of his lungs.
“Goddamn it,” Isaac swore.
POUND! POUND! POUND! He used his fist.
I was getting cold.
POUND! POUND! POUND!
“Who is it?” a voice inquired.
“Alice, you know who the fuck this is! Open the goddamn door!”
It took her forever to undo the locks and crack open the door to peek out.
Isaac's patience snapped as he shoved his way through the door. “Stop fuckin' around.”
“Shit. I didn't know it was you.” Momma stumbled backwards. “Oh, heeey, Terrell.” She closed her robe with one hand and scratched her bruised arm with the other. “I didn't know you were comin' over, too. Did you miss your momma?”
I stared at her. She looked worse than the last time I'd seen her.
Mason went on wailing.
Isaac kicked the door shut behind us. “You got company?” he asked.
“Nah. Nah. I've been waiting on you, baby.” She wobbled toward him. “You remember to bring my medicine? I need it real bad.”
She was sick. Suddenly it all made sense. I glanced at Mason, who cried relentlessly on the sofa. I walked over and wondered whether he'd stop crying if I picked him upâagain.
Momma hugged Isaac and grabbed his dick. “C'mon, baby. I'll suck it reeeal good, if you just hook me up.”
My eyes bugged out of my skull, but then I jerked my head away and pretended like I couldn't hear them over Mason.
“Please, Isaac. C'mon, now. You know that's why you drove over here. Stop playing.” She opened her robe and then rubbed her titties against him.
Isaac stared at her body like he was in a trance. “A'ight,” he said. “But this is the last fuckin' time. You hear me?”
“That's what you always say.” She laughed and unzipped his pants.
“Whoa. Whoa.” He jerked her hand away. “Not in front of the kids. Damn.” He looked at me. “Lil man. Me and your momma need to settle some business. You stay out here and watch your brother.”
Again, I didn't say shit. I watched Momma lead him to the back of the apartment. A few seconds later, a door slammed. A minute later, a bed was bumping against the wall.
I stood there left alone with a crying baby, not sure how I felt about this whole situation. One thing for sure, Mason's crying was working my damn nerves. I picked him up. He was heavier than the last time. I had him okay, but he didn't stop crying.
I sat on the sofa and rocked him. That wasn't enough. I don't know how long I was left there tryna calm him down. Forever, it seemed. Toward the end, I was ready to pull my hair out. Eventually, I spotted a bottle out of the corner of my eye. A light bulb went off in my head.