Broken Course (30 page)

"So the only thing you question is why I should be with
you
?"

"Um, pretty much." She gives me a tentative smile.

"Well, how about this? I’ll make all the decisions for Leo, and you make all the decisions for… Hmm, just let me make the decisions," I tease.

She slaps my chest. "I love you," she breathes on a content sigh.

"I love you too. But I want Thursdays."

"Huh?"

"I want to talk on Thursdays, so in case things get rough, we can spend the weekend together making it smooth again."

"Of course he would pick Thursdays," she mumbles to herself.

"What’d you say?" I ask.

"Nothing. Yeah. Thursdays will work."

"Good. Now go to sleep. I have a few days off, so we’re going somewhere tomorrow. I don’t know where yet. But we need a vacation."

"We just got back from Puerto Rico," she laughs.

"Sleep," I repeat.

She doesn’t say another word. Moments later, her arm grows heavy across my chest and her breathing evens out.

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, knowing this won’t be the last time I have to fight for Sarah.

I didn’t tell her nearly enough.

THE MORNING after Leo and I got back together, we slept until noon then got up and headed for the airport. Leo had no bag or clothes with him, and he convinced me to do the same thing. So, armed with only my purse and the toothbrush I snuck inside, we left for an impromptu vacation.

When we arrived at the airport, Leo walked to the desk and asked for the cheapest flight they had going anywhere. We were given two choices: Detroit or Boston. Two hours later, we were in the air and on the way to Massachusetts.

We didn’t do a lot while we were there. We stopped at a local mall and picked up a few necessities then found a hotel downtown. We were only there for two nights, but Leo was right—it was a much-needed vacation. We didn’t get deep or talk about the issues that were looming over our heads. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t ask him some questions. The fact that he already knew most of my drama made me brave enough to ask. He didn’t bat an eye as he told me about the ten months he’d been working undercover before meeting Erica, but I always stopped him before he got to that night when everything went wrong.

Leo had a few questions as well. He didn’t understand why I hadn’t dated anyone in seven years—or, more importantly, why I was willing to break the pattern and go out with him. I didn’t have an answer. I don’t know why either. I told him that it had to be some cosmic pull that forced me to immediately recognize that he was
the one
. I only made it about halfway through the sentence before I doubled over in laughter. He replied with a shrug and told me that he just assumed I was horny after all that time. I can’t say that he was wrong, but I secretly think I might have been partially right too.

The minute we got back to Chicago, I started mission ‘Apologize To Aiden.’ I decided to cook him dinner. Men love food—at least that’s always been my experience. So I made him my famous chicken and dumplings. I was worried that he wouldn’t like it, but he raved when he brought the Tupperware back the next day. For two weeks, I cooked him food to take home for dinner. Finally, he asked me to stop. He used some excuse about all the butter forcing him to stay at the gym longer. Then he gave me a hug and told me not to worry about it anymore. But I still felt bad, so I started making him protein smoothies for breakfast every morning. It made me feel a little better at least.

It’s been four weeks since we got back from our little getaway, and I have to say that, even despite how dramatic things got before we left, it’s been smooth sailing since we returned. True to his word, Leo sits down with me every Thursday night to talk. We started out just talking about generic parts of our relationship and how to navigate them.

On the first night, I asked him to start taking anti-depressants. He told me no. I didn’t push. I’m also not letting it go. I’ll let him say no for now, but not for forever.

For such a dramatic couple, Leo and I sure handle these chats like professionals. It’s obvious that we have both spent many of hours in therapy. We can fight like cats and dogs over what movie we are going to watch on Friday or who is doing the dishes after dinner, but we dive into deep stuff with level heads.

Tonight is our fourth conversation, and while Leo usually sits back and lets me take the lead, tonight, he jumped right into a tough topic.

"How are you still friends with Casey and Eli after what they did to you? They let you bear their cross for all those years. You should hate them!" he shouts.

Hmm… Okay, maybe we
were
doing a great job at keeping level heads. Clearly, we’re not anymore.

"Why are you yelling?" I ask, propping my feet up on the couch between us.

"Because, when I think back on all the things you’ve told me about your past, ninety percent of it all stems from guilt—guilt they could have relieved you of by not sitting on the truth for five fucking years." His chest heaves, but something just doesn’t sit right.

"No. I don’t believe you," I say calmly.

"Don’t believe what?" he snaps.

"I don’t believe that the way you’re acting is because of your feelings toward Casey and Eli. What else is going on with you?"

"Nothing. I get pissed every time I think about it. Sarah, I’ll be really fucking honest—I don’t like you hanging out with them. It’s not good for you," he declares sternly.

"Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s not going to change anything." I cross my legs at my ankles and point my toes so they brush his leg.

"Well, don’t expect me to hang out with them." He scoots away an inch so my feet can no longer reach him.

"Okay," I respond simply, not wanting to match his intensity. It’s a rare day when I’m the levelheaded side of our relationship, but it makes me smile to myself.

"You know what. I don’t feel like doing this right now."

"It’s Thursday, Leo," I gently remind him.

"We aren’t bound to Thursdays,
Sarah.
I don’t think the world will end if we move it to Friday for one week. I’m in a shitty mood, and if we try to do this, I’m just going to find shit to be an asshole about."

"I can see this, but what I’m trying to figure out is why you are in a shitty mood."

"Please just let me take you to dinner or something. I can’t do the talking thing tonight. I just can’t."

"All right. Let’s go." I stand up, sliding on my heels then heading for the door.

"Thank God," Leo breathes as he follows me.

DINNER DID little to improve Leo’s mood. He sulked for most of the evening, barely even talking to me. He even moved away once when I tried to take his arm. It’s completely unlike the man I’ve come to know, and quite honestly, it worries me.

"You spending the night?" Leo asks as we get to his car in the restaurant parking lot.

"I guess that depends if you want me to or not. I’m feeling a bit like a burden on you tonight."

"You’re not a burden,
ángel
. I’m in a terrible mood. That’s all. I think I’m just going to work out then head to bed."

"Since when do you work out at night?" I ask curiously.

"Since I have some shit to work through tonight, and taking it out on the weight bench seems like a better plan than being a dick to you," he answers, and I have to agree with his assessment.

"And just to be clear, there is nothing you want to talk about?" I ask, hoping to draw something out of him.

"No." He tosses me an insincere smile and reaches down to squeeze my thigh.

"Okay. Well, my car’s at your place, but when we get back, I’ll go home and give you some space." I intertwine our fingers and kiss his knuckle.

He squeezes my hand in response before pulling it to his own lips. "Thank you," he tells the windshield.

WHEN WE arrive at his apartment, I walk upstairs to get my keys but decide not to linger.

"I’ll see you in the morning. Okay?" I say, heading right back out the door.

"Yeah. Sounds good." He gives me a gentle kiss and pulls the front door open.

"I love you," I call over my shoulder, but the door closes without another word spoken.

As I walk into the parking garage, my mind whips around, trying to figure out what’s really going on with Leo. I might have agreed to let him have some space, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what the hell is going on inside his head. I play back as much as I can remember about the last forty-eight hours, but nothing stands out. Nothing except for our odd conversation about Casey and Eli—the very same conversation we never finished.

He’s never even met Eli, and he’s only seen Casey a few times in passing. I can’t imagine that he has just suddenly developed these strong feelings. Yet, out of the blue tonight, he got pissed off about them still being my friends. It’s not like I have issues with his relationship with Erica—

Shit.

Finally, it hits me.

I rush back into his apartment, using my key to let myself in. I find him sitting on the couch with his elbows to his knees and his hands fisting his hair.

"I never answered your question about Casey and Eli," I announce.

He lets out a groan when he realizes I’ve returned. "We can talk tomorrow," he replies, not even turning to look at me.

"No. It’s Thursday and I want to tell you now."

"Sarah, for fuck’s sake. Please!" he shouts as his frustration gets the better of him.

Ignoring his outburst, I begin to talk. "For five years, I carried the weight of that night on my shoulders. The guilt ate away at me until, eventually, the hate and anger seeped out onto everyone I came in contact with. Brett caught most of it because he was always there. He just wouldn’t leave me alone."

"Boy, do I know that feeling," he comments while leaning back against the couch.

"No, you can’t compare me to the way he handled things. Brett tried to force me to talk with hopes of me returning to our happy little life together. You don’t need to say a single word. I just want you to hear
me.
Then I’ll leave."

He rolls his eyes but motions for me to continue.

"I was absolutely vile to Brett. In some ways, I enjoyed the fact that he suffered right alongside me. I hated seeing people happy back then. I guess you could say I was jealous. I had no idea how the hell to get there, and it enraged me to see people moving forward with their lives when I was frozen in the past. I was horrible, Leo. I physically assaulted Brett on numerous occasions. I would just fucking lose it. I threw things at him and slapped him more often than not. Hell, I even punched him once."