Authors: Savannah Rylan
TEN
RYDER
For a maximum security prison, San Quentin was pretty fucking nice. They had a gorgeous view of the San Francisco Bay. It was prime real estate. Waking up every day and getting to look out at the water seemed more like a vacation than a punishment. Fuck, they even had their own goddamned baseball team. Pretty swanky if you asked me.
But danger lurked on the inside, and if you weren’t careful, you’d wind up dead. Buck, luckily, picked up on the prisoners system pretty quickly, using our alliances on the outside to protect him on the inside. As far as we all knew, he had nothing to worry about. I still liked to stop in every now and again during visitation hours to make sure he was okay. Once upon a time, he was going to be my father in law, and, before that, the man always treated me like his own.
I sat at the table, and waited for Buck to come through the door. I wondered how Axel was holding up. According to Cruz, Axel found someone to occupy his time, so I’m sure he was doing fine. I shook my head at the thought. Only Axel would be able to get pussy in jail.
Buck walked in, donning his typical orange jumpsuit. His blonde hair was slowly graying on the sides, but his brown eyes were still young.
“Why do I feel like this isn’t a normal visit?” he asked, as he took a seat across from me.
For as long as I knew Buck, he had an uncanny ability to see through the bullshit, and right to the center. “Probably because it’s not.”
I didn’t think it was my place to tell Buck his daughter was back in town, but with fingers pointing at her, I didn’t know where else to turn.
“Sawyer’s back,” I blurted out, going with Band-aid scenario. Better to rip it off fast than drag out the misery.
Buck’s eyes widened, and then he rubbed his chin with his fist. “There was a million things I was expecting right there, but that was not one of them.”
“I didn’t know if Maria told you.”
“Since she’s been sick, I haven’t seen her as much as I’d like to.”
I nodded.
“I’ve been trapped here, and all I can do is think about how my wife needs me, and I can’t be there for her, so I’m happy to hear Sawyer’s back. At least I know she’s in good hands. But I know that’s not the only reason why you’re here. What’s the rest of the story?”
“There’s a rat, the Feds are tailing us, and people are starting to speculate.”
He blew out a breath. “That it’s Sawyer. She always did have impeccable timing.”
I laughed. “Tell me about it.”
“So, what do you think? Is she the rat?”
“No!” I exclaimed, fucking pissed he would even ask me that. I thought, of all people, he would be on the same page with me, ready to defend his daughter.
“Don’t go getting on your high horse with me. We have to explore all of the possibilities here. She left. She was bitter. Nobody, and I mean no one, has known of her whereabouts in the past five years. It’s little convenient, don’t you think?”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “She’s your daughter, for Chrissakes. Are we really having this discussion?”
Buck shrugged. “She’ll always be my little girl, but let’s be honest. My little girl died the day I was brought here.”
I remembered that day like it was yesterday. Sawyer came barging into my house, tears staining her cheeks, her eyes red and swollen. I had just woken up, and was standing in my living room in my boxers. One look at her, and I knew it was bad.
She couldn’t even talk to me when I asked her what happened. Instead, she collapsed into my arms. Buck was right. The girl we knew died that day. After the tears settled, anger took over. She was never the same, and then she was gone.
“That may be true, but I won’t believe it.”
Buck smirked. “You’ve always been tough. Carrying a gun since you were sixteen. Going with me on runs, not afraid to take on the biggest guy in the place, but you’ve always had one weakness. My daughter. Sawyer is your Achilles heal.”
I rolled my eyes and went to argue, but Buck held up his finger.
“What did you do when Sawyer left town?”
I narrowed my eyes, but he met my glare with his own. “I went on a binge,” I finally admitted.
“A two year binge. If you weren’t drunk, you were getting into fights, or sleeping with anything that had a hole and tits.”
I loved how, even locked up, he knew everything. “So what?”
“Just making a point.”
“So, I fell off the deep end. I found my way back, didn’t I? Besides, that’s not the point. The point is, Sawyer is being accused of something that I know in my gut isn’t true.” I tapped my finger into the table to emphasis my point.
“I want to be like you… sure that Sawyer would never turn on the MC, but I can’t. So, I’m trusting you to find out the truth, and, if I’m wrong, then great, but if you’re wrong… You have to promise me you will get her as far away from here as possible. Rat or not, she’s still my daughter, and I don’t want her dead.”
I looked at Buck, the man who I always admired for the love he had for his family. Who, even behind bars, still managed to financially support his wife. Over the years, he had done so much for not only his family and the club, but for me too. The answer was simple. “I promise.”
ELEVEN
SAWYER
That night dragged as Mom’s surgery approached. Finally, it was time. I sat with her, holding her hand while she waited to be wheeled in.
“You’ll be okay, Mama.”
She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek.
I sat up and wiped it away. “No tears. You’re going to be just fine. I promise.”
“Where’s Cruz?” she asked.
“He’ll be here soon,” I lied. I honestly had no idea where the hell my brother was. What I did know was that I would kick his ass if he didn’t show up. I didn’t care about the cut that he wore and the attitude he carried. This was his goddamned mother, and he should’ve been here.
A group of nurses came in. “Mrs. Monroe, are you ready?” A young nurse, no more than twenty-two, asked.
Mom took a deep breath before nodding. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
I tightened my grip on her hand, and brought it to my mouth, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “You’ll be just fine, Mom.”
“I know, mija. Tell Cruz I’ll see him soon.”
“I will.”
I’ll be telling him a lot more than that
, I thought as they pushed Mom out the door, and toward surgery.
The young nurse came back to the room. Her smile was bright, friendly, and put me at ease. “Hi, I’m Avery.”
“Sawyer.”
“Your mom should be in surgery anywhere from one to three hours. It’ll depend on how invasive the cancer is. You can stay in the waiting room if you’d like.”
I didn’t want to leave, but sitting on my ass in a waiting room wasn’t going to do any good. What would make a difference was finding my damn brother, and dragging his ass to see Mom before she woke up.
“I hate to do this, but I need to run out. Can I give you my cell in case there’s…” I couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t bring myself to spit them out because, once I said them, I’d be jinxing her.
Avery rested her hand on my arm. “Trust me, she’ll be fine. But I’ll take your cell number.”
“Thank you.” I scribbled my number down, and handed it over. “Take care of her.”
“I promise,” Avery assured me. There was something in the softness of her hazel eyes that made me believe she would.
It was barely noon, and I doubted Cruz was at school, so there was only one other place I could think of. I hopped into the car, and headed right to the Raven’s Nest, knowing Cruz was either there, or somebody there would know where I’d be able to find him.
I walked in, and my eyes immediately landed on Ryder behind the bar. He had day old stubble on his face, and instead of the white t-shirt I was getting used to seeing him in, he was wearing black. He looked hotter than ever, and so amazingly perfect that it hurt.
Everyone and everything else faded away as I approached to him. After our last encounter, I wasn’t expecting the slight tug of his lip when he spotted me.
“Hey,” he called, as I approached. “What’s going on?”
“I’m looking for my brother. Mom’s in surgery, and he’s M.I.A.”
“He’s not here.”
I balled my hands. “I’m going to kill him.”
“Maybe he thought the surgery was tomorrow. Or later,” Ryder suggested, as he cleaned a glass.
“Bullshit. I talked to him last night. He swore he’d be there.”
“Excuse me, Ryder,” a girl who was showing more skin than clothes said, in a sickeningly sweet voice, as she wandered behind the bar.
“Yeah, Candy?” he answered, and I scoffed at the coincidence.
Ryder turned his eyes back to me, and gave me an amused look. I rolled my eyes in response.
Candy crawled her fingers up Ryder’s chest, and a raging jealousy I didn’t know I possessed, reared its ugly head. I took a deep breath to quash the rage as Ryder wrapped his hand around her overly tanned fingers, and pulled them away.
“What are you doing, Candy?” Ryder asked.
“I just thought maybe you’d want to go in the back room.”
Was this girl for real? I understood to a degree the desire to be an old lady. Falling at the feet of the club members, and tending to their every need, in hopes they would choose you to be theirs. That’s all some girls had. But this bitch rubbed me the wrong way, and I was tempted to put my fist through her face.
“Listen, slut. We were talking,” I ground out. She turned her beady little eyes on me.
“And now you’re not, so you should leave,” she spat.
I laughed. “Why don’t you go and do what you do best? Shove a dick in your mouth, and shut the fuck up.”
Candy startled at my words, her overly bleached hair falling in her face. Her beady eyes shriveled to two tiny specks as she lunged at me. Ryder caught her before she could even get a hand on me.
“Rocco, get her out of here,” Ryder called over his shoulder.
A guy with a tattoo on his face, and an amused grin walked over, and swooped Candy into his arms. She laughed loudly, and then wrapped her arms around Rocco, and kissed him.
“Whore,” I mumbled under my breath.
“I think you need a drink,” Ryder offered, running a hand through his hair.
“No, I need to find my brother.”
“I’m just cleaning up from the night before. My shift doesn’t start for a few hours. I’ll go look for him. Go back to the hospital, and be with your mom. I’ll call you when I find him.”
“Thanks,” I said, leaning over the bar, and kissing his cheek, lingering a little too long before I pulled away. I headed for the exit and stopped, turning back to him.“Ryder?”
His eyes caught mine in one charged moment. “Yeah, Sawyer?”
I bit my lip before forcing the words out. “About the other day.”
“Forget it,” he said.
I smiled my appreciation, and left to head back to the hospital.
***
Two hours later, Mom was out of surgery, and resting comfortable in the recovery room. Her surgery went well, and I was there when she woke up. Cruz, on the other hand, was still M.I.A.
“Mija,” Mom sighed, as her eyes blinked open.
“I’m here. You did great. The doctor said everything went perfect.”
She could barely keep her eyes open. “That’s good to hear. Where’s my baby?”
My desire to hurt Cruz only grew, but I tapered it down, so as to not upset her right now. “He had to work. He tried to get away, but someone was sick. He’ll be here soon, I promise.”
“He’s such a good boy.” Mom smiled; blissfully unaware of the shit pile my brother was currently sinking in.
“Do you need anything?” I asked.
Her eyes drifted closed. “No, I’m tired. I’m just going to go back to sleep. You should go home.”
“Okay, Mom. Get some rest.”
I didn’t leave, however. I stayed for another five hours, watching her sleep; thankful I came back to Brooks Landing when I did. Finally, when I knew she was out for the night, I kissed her forehead, and went home.
I pulled into the driveway, and saw Ryder’s bike parked, with him sitting on the front steps.
“Any luck?” I asked as I got out of the car.
“Nope. Can’t find him anywhere. And he’s not answering my calls.”
I cursed under my breath. “Mine either. That little shit.”
“He’s just going through some stuff. He’ll be okay.” Ryder stood, joining me on the porch.
“I hope so.” I pulled out my keys. “Hey, thanks for looking for him. You want to come in? I’m about to heat up some leftovers.”
“You know how much I love leftovers,” he smiled, following me inside to the kitchen.
I set my bag down, and bent into the fridge, taking out a tray of ziti I made the night before. Ryder automatically went to the cabinets, and got down a couple plates, as if he belonged here. Once upon a time, he did. He spent so many days and nights here. My parents loved him. Cruz admired him. Sometimes, I thought my family even liked him more than me.
There was so much to like. He was polite, and honest to a fault. He’d take a bullet for me, or any of the people he loved. Once he gave his heart to you, you had it all. Despite the cut that he wore, he was a good person. He always did right by my family and me.
A pang of guilt washed through me. He did all that, and I wronged him in the worst possible way.
I scooped the food onto the plates, and tossed it in the microwave. Before I could turn around, Ryder’s chest pressed against my back. His presence was so strong; I knew he was behind me before I felt him.
He trailed a finger down the length of my jaw. The slightest of touches had me aching for more.
“Can we talk?” he asked, and I knew exactly what he wanted to hear. I just didn’t know if I was ready yet to have this discussion. “Please?” He turned me around, resting his hand on my face. “Talk to me.”
I took a deep breath, and looked into his eyes, knowing what I needed to do.
TWELVE
SAWYER
I pushed away from him, and rested both my hands on the counter. I was going to need space for this. “What do you want to know?”
“Why?” he asked. “I just want to know why? You weren’t just my girlfriend or my fiancé. You were my best friend, and you just fucking left. I would never have done that to you.”
Tears pricked my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall right now. I’d been through too much, and I wasn’t that lovesick little girl anymore. I was strong. Stronger than I ever thought I could be. I needed to prove that to him and to myself.
I darted my eyes away from his because, despite my strength, the hurt and longing in his gaze was enough to break me.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I can’t change the past.”
“No, but you can tell me why you left. Because for the past five years, I’ve been wondering what the hell I did wrong.”
“I…It wasn’t you,” I stuttered out.
“Then, what was it?”
“My dad was just thrown in jail for life. The club didn’t protect him.”
“You know, if there was even a shred of a chance of getting him out of it, they would have.”
“It doesn’t matter. They didn’t, and I just couldn’t stay here…” My words trailed off, a bigger confession on the tip of my tongue, but it was clinging on for dear life, begging me to hold it in.
Ryder punched the wall, and rested his hands against it. “You could’ve at least said goodbye.”
“Don’t you get it? I couldn’t say goodbye.”
He pushed off the wall, and came toward me. “Why not? Don’t you think I was owed that much?”
I ran my hands through my hair, and when they fell back to my sides, I gave up on pretending that me leaving him didn’t rip my heart to shreds. “Because I knew if I saw you, I would have never left. I loved you too much. I thought time would change that.”
He stepped closer, and took my chin in his hand, urging me to look into his beautiful grey eyes. “Did it?”
I had hoped it would. Prayed. Tried everything in my power to forget him, and move on with my life, but right now, staring into his familiar eyes, seeing through the man to the boy I fell in love with, it was obvious time didn’t change anything. “No.”
His hand wrapped around my neck, and he yanked me to his mouth. I reached up, grabbing his face, missing the feel and taste of him so much it hurt. He backed me up against the wall, and took hold of my hands, lacing his fingers through mine, and pinning them above my head.
His tongue swiped at the crease of my lips, begging to let him in. I parted my mouth, sliding my tongue to meet his. The slick, demanding dance shot heat to my core. Sparks ignited in my body, and sent waves of sweet, hot electricity coursing under my skin.
Ryder pulled his mouth from mine, and trailed it along my neck, sucking at the sensitive skin in the crook. A soft moan slipped from my lips as his kisses became more desperate.
“God, you still taste so fucking good,” he moaned against my ear, before tracing his tongue behind it.
I arched into him, and he pinned me down with his hips, his rock hard erection pressing against my center.
His fingers curled around the hem of my shirt, before pulling it up and over my head, and tossing it aside. He moved his mouth to the swell of my breast, licking, sucking, and torturing me with pleasure. I threw my head back, relishing in his relentless, mind-numbing assault on my body.
He pulled away, panting, as he rested his forehead on mine. “I want you so fucking bad.”
I slid his cut off his shoulders, and down his thick lean biceps, letting it fall to the floor. He ripped his shirt off in half a second, and my mouth parted at the sight of his ripped abs.
I wanted to run my tongue across those perfectly defined ridges, remembering the boy he once was, and discovering the man he is now.
He didn’t give me the chance, grabbing my ass, and hoisting me up. My legs wrapped around his torso, and he rested me on the kitchen table, crushing his lips to mine.
He broke our kiss, only to drag his lips down my body, stopping at the waistband of my jeans. With rushed precision, he unbuttoned and unzipped, peeling the restrictive material from my legs. He held my pants up, and then tossed them aside.