Authors: Sarah McCarty
“Sit on the couch.”
He sat in the chair.
“That’s not the couch,” she pointed out.
“So?” His big body dwarfed the little wingback she’d purchased.
She worried the legs would snap. It was made for a woman’s delicate body, not a
rawboned wrangler like him.
“That chair won’t hold you.”
“It’ll hold.” He pushed his hat back. It fell to the floor. He
didn’t even look, but Maddie did. Caden never tossed his hat on the floor.
“Why did you leave the hotel, Maddie mine?”
“Because you left me.”
“I left you money for a month.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“And at the end of the month I was going to be back.”
“I didn’t believe that.”
“I don’t believe you didn’t believe that.”
She knelt at his feet and tugged off his boots, first one and
then the other. He moaned in relief.
“Those things are hot.”
His feet looked hot. They were red and sweaty, and quite
frankly they smelled.
She went into the kitchen and got the footbath out from under
the cabinet. She poured a bucket of well water into it and brought it along with
soap and a cloth back to the room. One by one she lifted his feet and put them
in.
He moaned again. “I like you on your knees.”
“Most men do.”
He shook his head. “Not for that reason. I don’t want you to
beg. Well—” he reconsidered “—not that way.”
“Then why?”
She washed his feet gently.
“Maddie. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know.”
“And I did come back.”
“I know.”
She could tell the alcohol was taking a stronger hold on
him.
“We need to get you to bed.” She took his feet out of the bin
and dried them gently. She might be mad at him and she might not want to be
married to him, but she did love him.
He held out his hand; she took it and stood. Before she could
get all the way on her feet, he tugged again and she went off balance, tumbling
into his lap. The chair rocked. If the wall hadn’t been behind it, they would
have both gone down.
He stroked his fingers over her cheek, tucking her face into
his shoulder.
“Maddie mine. Did I tell you how proud I am of you, of the way
you’re building this business up from nothing, finding a way to support yourself
without spreading your legs?”
She winced. Did he have to be so graphic? “No, you didn’t.”
“I am. Proud as shit.”
“Then why are you so mad?”
He didn’t answer right away. She thought he’d nodded off. She
needed to get him to the couch.
“Stand up, Caden.”
He did no such thing. “I’m comfortable.”
“Caden.” He cracked one eye.
“Stand
up.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to.”
“I’ll stand up if you show me your breast.”
“Oh, my God.” She paused and, not seeing any other way out,
asked, “Which one?”
“The right one.”
Now she had to know. “Why the right one?”
“It’s got a cute little dimple.”
“My breast does not have a dimple.”
“I say it does.”
“Well, it doesn’t.”
“Well, that’s the one I want to see.”
She opened her shirt, showing him the nipple. He moaned in his
throat.
“I’ve dreamed about those for the last month, how they melted
on my tongue before they grew hard, how you sighed when I nibbled, moaned when I
sucked and arched that sweet pussy onto my cock when I bit down.”
Her knees almost gave out, but one of them had to be
strong.
“I did my part, now you stand up.”
He did, albeit while weaving. It was just four steps to the
couch, but she didn’t think she was going to be able to get him there. Finally
he went, sitting down with a thump and sort of just falling over. The couch that
fit her pretty well was way too short for him. Drunk as he was, he didn’t seem
to mind; he just draped his knees over the back. It didn’t look comfortable.
She took a pillow and slid it between his leg and the wooden
frame. At least he wouldn’t be bruised.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Why did you leave me, Maddie?”
She didn’t know what to say. He caught her hand when she would
have moved away.
“I have to clean the kitchen.”
“Stay.”
“Why?”
He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand.
“Because I missed you.”
What was she supposed to say to that? There was no place to sit
on the couch, so she sat on the floor beside it, resting her head against his
chest, letting him stroke her hair.
“That’s never happened before,” he said.
“What?”
“Me missing anyone.”
“I’m your wife. You’re supposed to miss me.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t think I
could
miss anybody.”
“You don’t like it?”
“I do now.”
“Why did you get so drunk?”
“It seemed like the thing to do,” he said sleepily.
“Well, it seemed like the thing to do for me to open my own
business.”
“You’re lying.”
“So are you.”
He cracked his eye at her. “I’m too damn drunk for this
discussion.”
On that she agreed. “You are.”
She stroked the back of his fingers as his other hand smoothed
over her hair. They were always touching each other.
That’s why he smiles whenever you’re near
and you smile whenever he’s near.
Bella was right. There’d always
been an attraction between them. It was just when they started talking that
things got messed up.
“Why did you leave me, Caden?”
“Because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do.” He
sighed. “It’s what my father did.”
“I didn’t understand.”
“Neither did I before today.”
“But you understand now?”
“I’ve got an inkling.” He cracked his eyelid again. “Ace can be
damn blunt when he’s pissed.”
Yeah, he could.
“What do you want, Maddie?”
“The same thing I’ve always wanted.”
“Love and respect.”
She nodded. She took his hand and draped it over her shoulder,
scooting up so she could lean against his chest.
“You really are too drunk for this conversation.”
“So stay with me until I fall asleep.”
“And then what?”
“When I wake up we’ll try again.” He smoothed his fingers over
her temple and down over her cheekbone.
“I don’t like fighting with you.”
“You couldn’t have proved it by me.”
“I know. I tend to lash out first before I can get hurt.”
So did he.
“Would you divorce me if I asked?”
“Hell, no!”
“Why?”
“You’re mine, Maddie. You’ve been mine since the day I saw
you.”
She remembered that day. Hell’s Eight had been under attack.
Caden had ridden up with Caine and Ace. Mostly she was in a fog, but she
remembered him, the look of him, the feel of him. His smile. She remembered that
very well.
“Go to sleep, Caden.”
He opened his eye. “Will you be here when I wake up?”
“Where else would I be? I have rolls to bake.”
“Yeah.” He sounded sad. “That’s what I figured.”
And again, she had that sense that she’d hurt him.
She sighed. She didn’t seem to be able to do or say anything
right today. The only thing she felt sure about was baking cinnamon buns.
She got to her feet and brushed off her skirt, stroking her
fingers down his cheek. He looked so relaxed lying there. His fingers caught
hers. He brought her palm to his lips and, eyes still closed, a smile on his
lips, pressed a kiss in the center.
* * *
W
HEN
C
ADEN
WOKE
UP
it was dark and his head hurt. He had the vague
impression it was morning. The one thing that stood out was he remembered asking
Maddie if she’d been selling more than sweets.
Fuck.
He shoved himself up, groaning. His neck ached and his back
ached and his head ached. He deserved a lot worse. What the hell was the matter
with him? What was it about Maddie that made him so crazy that he said shit he
didn’t even mean?
He could see her in the kitchen, just twenty feet away, icing
rolls. Dark circles rimmed her eyes. She was thinner than he remembered. Her
hair was tied back in a loose knot. She was killing herself making a go of this
business.
He got to his feet.
“Maddie mine.”
“What?”
He could see the fear under the belligerence. She was ready for
him to lash out again.
“I’m an ass when I’m pissed.”
“No argument.”
“I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“You can’t help what you believe.”
“I don’t believe that. I’ve never believed that.”
“Then why did you say it?”
“Because I was mad.”
“Well, now I’m mad, too. Are you happy?”
“Not a bit.”
He walked over and took the knife with which she was slathering
glaze over cinnamon rolls out of her hand.
“I have to finish these.”
“Fuck it. And not because I don’t want you to succeed, but
because no wife should believe her husband thinks that about her.”
“Once a whore, always a whore.”
“You’re my wife. Once my wife, always my wife.”
“You don’t respect me. You’re going to divorce me.”
“Like hell. Where’d you hear that?”
“It’s actually a simple process for a man,” she said. “You just
have to make a few accusations on a piece of paper. Nobody will even check to
make sure they’re true.”
“Maddie...”
She looked up.
“I should have told you this a long time ago.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Of all the answers she might give, that hadn’t been the one
he’d been expecting.
“Why the hell not?”
“You left me.”
“I could point out that
you’re
the
one who left
me.
I left you safe in a hotel. You’re
the one who traded that in for drudgery.”
“It’s
not
drudgery.”
She grabbed some flour and threw it at him. It hit him square
in the face. He jerked back.
“This is
mine.
You’ve got your
claim. You’ve got your reputation. You’ve got your confidence. You’ve got your
respect. Well, this is
mine.
I made this. I didn’t
have to spread my legs to get it.
I. Made. This.
Through my hard work. Through my ambition.” She threw another handful of flour
at him. “I can buy a house with this. I can travel to San Francisco with
this.”
“I would have taken you there.”
“Yes, you would’ve and you’d have saved me and for my whole
entire life I would have been indebted to you.”
“What the hell’s so bad about that?”
“Nothing. If you don’t mind crawling.”
“When the hell have I ever asked you to crawl?”
“Never. You don’t have to.”
“Maddie?”
“What?”
“Come here.”
“Why?” She stood there, belligerent, head down, arms
folded.
“Because I want to hold you. Because I’m sorry. Because I love
you.”
“Stop saying that! I don’t need you to lie.”
“That’s good, because I don’t.”
Usually.
She looked up at him. He waited, but she didn’t close those two
steps between them, so he took them for her, getting close enough that he could
reach out and touch her cheek. She had a dusting of flour on her nose, covering
her freckles. He wiped it with his thumb.
“I like your freckles.”
“Thank you.”
“Maddie?” he asked her again. “Come here.”
She went and he accepted, scooping her up in his arms and
sitting in the kitchen chair. It groaned under their combined weight.
“We’re going to end up on the floor.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll cushion your fall.”
She poked his chest. “There’s not much softness in you.”
“When it comes to you, there’s a whole wagonload.”
“Not that I’ve noticed lately. Why is that?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you ought to come back when you do know.”
“And maybe you ought to sit here and let me hold you while I
figure it out. You’re always arguing with me, Maddie mine. Do you ever wonder
why?”
She shook her head.
“To everybody else you give endless patience. To me you give
lectures.”
“That’s because you do the most foolish things.”
“Nobody else thinks they’re foolish.”
“Yes, they do.”
“Well, if they do they don’t have the guts to tell me.”
She nodded.
“But you do. Because you care.”
“I already told you I love you,” she said plainly.
“And instead of responding, I brought you to town and dropped
you off at the hotel.”
She nodded.
“I had some foolish idea, Maddie, that if I didn’t tell you I
love you, then it wouldn’t hurt if I didn’t come back.”
“I was hurting before you left.”
“I see that now.”
Her breasts pressed into his chest and her breath slipped
between the lapels of his shirt. He’d missed her so.
“You’re a sneaky woman, Maddie mine, getting under my guard,
staking your claim on my heart, slowly and surely hog-tying me until I can’t see
anything but being with you.”
“You make it sound like an assault.”
“It felt like one.”
“And now?”
“Now I don’t like the fact that you’re planning to leave
me.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“I
HAVEN
’
T
MADE
my
mind up about anything, Caden.”
“You realize that’s not much comfort to me?”
“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”
That pretty much summed it up. Caden ran his fingers up and
down Maddie’s spine, struck once again by the differences between them. He was
all hard muscle and she was all sweet softness. Everything he’d always craved.
And she thought he’d let her go? Was it because she wanted someone else?
“Tell me what happened at Culbart’s, Maddie.”
She stiffened.
“Don’t worry, I won’t kill the son of a bitch.” Unless he had
to.
She sighed deeply. “They found me on the trail.” He could hear
the quiver in her voice as she remembered the fear she felt.
“Where you shouldn’t have been.”
She brushed his comment aside. He found it convenient the way
she ignored what she didn’t want to hear.
“I didn’t know what else to do. I went back to my pretend
world, but this time I was pretending what I already was.” She shook her head as
if she couldn’t figure how that was.
“Maddie, you were never a whore. Not really.”
“Pretending it’s not true doesn’t change it, Caden.” She gave
him a wry smile. “I’m an expert on that.”
He touched her cheek. “A whore is someone who makes a choice.
You never had one.”
She shook her head again, denying it. He didn’t like it. He
never had, probably never would, but he held on to his temper.
“I had a choice many times, Caden. There were many times I
could have walked away and tried to make a life for myself like I did here.”
“Make a life with what?”
“With
me.
Why don’t you understand?
Me.
The same me that did this.” With a wave of
her hand, she indicated the messy kitchen full of pots and pans and dough that
was almost ready to go into the oven.
“All right. I get your point. You had a choice. There was
always a choice. You just waited for the right time to make it.”
“You always try to make me look so good.”
“You always try to make you look so bad. Gotta have balance in
there.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t like being a prostitute.”
“I don’t imagine many do.”
“I never really adjusted to it, either. But there’s just no way
out of it once you’re in. You are what you are forever and that taint is so
strong.”
“Maddie.” Caden grabbed her chin, jerked her face up, seeing
the tears in her eyes, the belief.
“What you are forever is
you.
Maddie Miller. What you had to do to survive along the way? That’s just what you
had to do.”
Her fingers curled around his wrists and her nails bit into his
skin. “The rest of the world doesn’t see things that way, Caden. You know
that.”
“Fuck the rest of the world.”
“There are going to be times in the future—”
“Yeah,” he prompted, “finish the sentence.”
She shook her head. The anguish in her face ripped out his
heart. Her breath caught, and she cast her eyes down in shame, the same way he’d
hated when she first arrived at Hell’s Eight.
“You look at me, Maddie mine.” He didn’t give her a choice,
tipping her face up. “You’re worried that somewhere down the road some yahoo is
going to recognize you?”
She nodded.
“And you think I’m not going to be able to handle it.”
“What if we’re with our kids or somebody else from Hell’s
Eight?”
“Then we’ll tear the asshole from limb to limb if he dares say
a word.”
“Caden, you can’t beat up every man who remembers me as a
whore.”
“I can beat up everyone who tries to cause you pain.”
God help her, she actually believed him.
“Do you know what it does to me when you say things like that
with such conviction?”
“It makes you happy, I hope.”
She shook her head. “It makes me hope so much I want to run
away.”
“Why?”
“Good gosh, Caden. You’re every woman’s dream, and for a woman
like me who wasn’t expecting to have anything, ever, who thought it was all just
make-believe? You’re like touching the sun. I don’t want to love you.”
“But you said you did. You can’t take it back. I’m not letting
you take it back.”
He wasn’t hearing her. “I don’t want to love you.”
“Because I’m too good for you?”
“No. Because of how I want to be with you.”
“You realize you’re talking nonsense, right?”
“I understand it sounds that way to you.”
“Maddie, it would sound that way to anybody.”
She wished he could understand. “When you grow up with nothing,
like me, and then you’re handed everything, you just know it’s going to
disappear. So I need to protect myself from loving you. Protect myself from
believing in you. Guard against putting my faith in you.”
“Why the hell would you do that?”
“Because of who I am.”
Caden’s frown deepened to a scowl, but his fingers against the
side of her face remained gentle. He rested his chin on top of her head, pulling
her close, holding her tightly. She could feel his confidence wrap around her as
strongly as his arms. He truly believed that her past couldn’t hurt them, and he
truly didn’t understand how it would wear down on him when it did. Time after
time.
“So you’re telling me we’re married. I love you. You love me.
But none of that matters?”
“I want to be me. A woman in her own right who stands on her
own two feet, who pays her own bills, who depends on no one.”
“And you can’t do that with me?”
She stroked her fingers down his face. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re so much you and there’s so little me. I’d just
get squashed.”
“So that’s why you fight me.”
She nodded. “Yes. I want to know who I am before I decide who
I’m going to belong to.”
“Too late for that, Maddie. We’re already married.”
“As you said, that can be changed. I know it can be messy and
it’s ugly and it ruins a woman’s reputation forever, but it’s not like I have
much to hold on to anyway.”
“I won’t give you a goddamn divorce.”
“See? No me. All you.”
“Dammit, Maddie, this is unfair.”
“I know,” she admitted sadly.
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to go home, to Hell’s Eight, to your gold mine, to
wherever.”
“And? Just leave you here?”
She nodded. “Just leave me here. I’ve made a place for myself
here. It’s not big, it’s not rich, it involves a lot of work, but it’s
mine.”
“Is it Culbart?”
“No! I need to know
me
before I go
with you or go back to Hell’s Eight. When I go there I’m the old Maddie again.
Crazy Maddie. Sweet Maddie. Needy Maddie. Helpful Maddie. Did you ever wonder,
Caden, why I was so busy helping everybody all the time?”
“No.”
“It was me trying to prove to you that I was worth something.
All of you, not just you.” She made a cutting motion with her hand. “You know, I
just figured if I made myself indispensible, you wouldn’t throw me away.”
“I didn’t throw you away, Maddie.”
She made another cutting motion with her hand. “I’m not talking
about you leaving me here.”
“Just tell me what happened with Frank.”
“This morning?”
“No, at the Fallen C.”
“Nothing really. When they met me on the trail, I told them I
was a working girl. It seemed the safest thing. Frank offered me a job.”
“Doing what?”
“Doing what working girls do.”
“Why did he shoot Worthless?”
“Because I didn’t want to go with them, and Worthless tried to
save me.”
“Thought it was something like that. So Culbart took you by
force.”
“It’s hard to explain, but yes and no.”
“And when you got there, Maddie?”
His fingers were incredibly tender on her cheek. His expression
serious but not mean. He was braced, she realized, for the worst.
“He tried to take me to his bed.”
“And?”
“I’m not a working girl anymore, Caden.”
“You fought him?”
“Yes.”
“Did he force you?”
“No. He was appalled.”
“Excuse me?”
“I told you. He felt it was unfair of me to put him in a
position of raping me.”
“Son of a bitch. He felt he got a raw deal, huh?”
“I think for a day or two, yes.”
“And then what?”
“We walked around on eggshells. He wouldn’t throw me out
because I had nowhere to go. He’d brought me there so he was responsible for my
safety. He didn’t have the men to spare to send with me on my way.”
“So what happened?”
“For a while, it was just really uncomfortable and tense in the
house. I kept drifting in and out of this world, out of here.”
“And what did he do?”
“Stayed away a lot. He was embarrassed, I think.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know the man that well, Caden, and he has a very gruff
exterior without a lot of revelation afterward.”
She slipped her fingers between his shirt collar and his
skin.
“Then one day I was so bored, I thought maybe if I baked him
something to eat, he’d soften up. So I made cinnamon rolls.”
“Your cure for everything.”
She nodded. “Yeah. It works.”
There was something Caden really needed to know. “Did it work
on Culbart?”
“Turns out men are willing to do without sex if they can have
good baking.” She laughed.
He laughed, too, and turned her so she straddled his lap, his
fingers going to her shirt. She was so naive. “I have news for you, Maddie. I
want you first, then your baked goods.”
It was sweet.
“So what put marriage into Culbart’s head?”
“The guilt, I think, worrying that I thought he’d force himself
on me.”
“What do you mean?”
“You could have knocked me over with a feather when Frank said
we had to get married or he’d kill you.”
“He threatened me?”
She nodded.
“Hell, I thought he threatened
you.
Why the hell did you go along with it if he threatened me?”
“Because I believed him. He said he wasn’t sending any woman
into a situation where she’d be raped.”
“He didn’t think I could rape you if I was married to you?”
“Apparently not. It would be legal then.”
“Strange way of looking at it.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s the way everybody looks at it,
Caden. Except you.”
“Maybe because I never planned on getting married.”
“Maybe.”
He got the fourth, fifth, sixth buttons of her shirt undone. He
tugged the string of her camisole and then he pushed both aside, revealing her
full breasts, with those pink nipples that made his mouth water.
“So you pretended to be in your pretend place to go through
with it?”
“No. I was in and out. But deep inside I just wanted to be
married to you, Caden. And that’s why I went through with the ceremony and
that’s why I didn’t warn you and that’s why you were right. I did betray
you.”
He shoved her dress down her arms, trapping her hands at her
sides. She looked pretty like that.
“Thank God.”
“What?”
“I was pissed as hell at the time because of the way our
marriage came about, but you notice I never did anything about it. I didn’t keep
my distance. I yelled. I raged and I pointed a finger at you a little bit, but I
stayed close. Touching you. Sparking you.”
“A
little?
”
“Okay, a lot.”
He cupped her breasts in his hands, lifting them, stroking his
thumb over the nipples, smiling when they rose. She had such pretty breasts. So
sensitive. He knew he could make her moan just by pinching the nipple. He did,
letting the soft sound stroke along his desire, settle into his cock.
“But the truth is, Maddie...”
“What?”
“I wanted to be married to you, too. So for whatever reason
Culbart did what he did, it ended up being a favor.”
“What are you doing?” She sighed with pleasure.
“If you don’t remember, I didn’t do a good enough job last
time.”
She shook her head. “Of course I know what you’re doing.”
“Good, then unbutton my pants.”
“This isn’t going to solve anything,” she said, her hands soft
on his, making short work of the buttons on his pants before reaching inside and
closing like hot velvet around his cock.
He lifted her up and she freed him. He held her feet off the
ground.
“Now, pull those skirts up.”
She did. He knew she knew what he wanted when he lowered her,
his cock naturally slipping between the slit in her pantaloons. She was wet and
hot and it was easy to lower her onto his cock, to feel the silkiness of her
pussy close around him as he let her weight settle onto his thighs. To feel that
hot shudder slip through her.
He moaned. “Fuck, that’s good, Maddie.”
“Yes.”
He liked that she didn’t argue with him here.
“Now you can continue.”
For about five minutes he might be able to keep it still. He
started pinching her nipples. She started rocking on his cock. Her voice was
breathless. His wasn’t much better.
“So we married each other because we wanted to.”
“Looks that way to me.”
“But we don’t know each other. I know you, you know you, but
neither of us knows who I am.”
“I know who you are, Maddie mine. I’ve known you since the
first time our eyes met. Your strength, your spirit, that deep heart you have
for loving.”
“Well, I don’t know me and I need to.”
He rocked her up and down slowly. Her head fell back and her
nails dug into his chest. He rolled her nipples through his fingers.
“Harder.”
“What do you want harder, my cock or my hands?”
“Both.”
“I think I’ll just work with my hands.” He liked that she was
on edge and needy. He pinched her nipples harder, holding the tension until she
gasped, drawing them out, letting the weight dangle from the hard tip.