Authors: Christy Reece
“Yes…” Kacie shrugged. She didn’t mind spilling her own guts, but revealing Brennan’s real role felt instinctively wrong. For many reasons, LCR preferred complete anonymity. Not telling the doctor he was an LCR operative would make no difference in the issues she intended to discuss.
“We started seeing each other recently, but with all these crazy things happening, I just feel safer if he’s here.”
“Totally understandable. And your relationship with him? When you called last night, you said you’d had a flashback. Did it have to do with being intimate with Brennan?”
“Yes…and no.”
“How so?”
This was probably one of the hardest moments she’d ever had in therapy, and it was her own damned fault. If she’d just come out and told the doctor years ago, they might’ve gotten her past this issue, and last night could have been wonderful instead of just the opposite.
“Take your time, Kacie. I know this is hard, but remember, there’s absolutely no judgment when we’re together.”
She nodded, closed her eyes, and began. “When I told you I remembered almost nothing of my…time with Harrington, it was true. What I didn’t tell you was I do remember one specific thing, something I barely let myself acknowledge.”
A shudder of a breath, and then she said the unthinkable: “Pleasure.”
“You mean you had an orgasm while you were being raped?”
Kacie opened her eyes, expecting to see censure or, at the very least, surprise at her confession. All she saw was compassion and understanding.
She stumbled through the explanation. “He gave me something each time he…” She tried to swallow, but her mouth was too dry to do so. “He wanted me compliant…unable to fight. But whatever he gave me loosened my inhibitions. It didn’t matter that he was a perverted freak of a man…didn’t matter that I didn’t want it to happen. I felt pleasure…I climaxed repeatedly.”
“That’s not all that unusual. Surely you know that. In addition, you were drugged and had no control over your body.”
“I feel like I betrayed myself…my body, my emotions…my intellect. I should’ve fought him…done something to make him stop.”
“The mind is a powerful thing, Kacie, but even so, when under the influence of certain drugs, you have no control over your mind or your body. Harrington gave you drugs to inhibit your free will, take away your choice. Rape is not just an assault on the body…it’s an assault on the mind.”
“But I shouldn’t have enjoyed it.”
“When your mind is blurred, your thoughts of right and wrong, good and bad, are compromised. Your body, not in tune with your mind, felt pleasure and responded accordingly. On top of that, he may have given you an aphrodisiac as well.”
“Those things really exist?”
“Yes…legal and illegal ones. What I’m trying to say, Kacie, and which I believe you know in your heart, you were not responsible for anything that happened with that man. Not for the abduction, for the rapes and also not for any perceived pleasure your rapist instigated against your will.”
“I do know that, but—”
“But…Brennan?”
“Yes. We tried to—I mean I tried—” She shook her head. “It was a disaster.”
Showing just how perceptive she really was, Dr. Crenshaw cocked her head. “All of it was a disaster, or just one part?”
“The kissing part was wonderful. Having him hold me…being close to him, even without clothes on was—”
She blushed a deep red as she realized she was becoming heated just thinking about Brennan’s body and how good he’d felt.
“Anyway…all of that felt really good. But then—”
“He moved on top of you…slid his penis inside you…said something?”
“No…that wasn’t it.”
Comprehension came and was followed instantly by gentle compassion and understanding. “He gave you pleasure.”
“Yes. I was on the verge of a powerful orgasm, and then it hit me that I’d felt that way with Harrington. I thought I was going to be sick. I felt so much shame.”
“So everything worked fine up until that pivotal moment?”
“Yes, it was…sublime.” She laughed softly. “I was even a little assertive, which I didn’t expect from myself, especially in bed. But Brennan…I don’t know. He made me feel comfortable…safe, as if there wasn’t anything I could do that was wrong or out of place.”
“Kacie, I don’t think you’re looking at this in the proper perspective. You have come so far in your recovery, and I’m extraordinarily proud of you.”
Kacie blinked her surprise. She had assumed Dr. Crenshaw would see this as, at the very least, a setback, if not a total relapse.
“But why? I failed…miserably.”
“No, my dear, you did not fail. You admitted that being intimate with a man felt good and right. That’s a huge achievement. You need to celebrate that.”
“But I didn’t get to that pinnacle. And I most certainly didn’t get Brennan to it.” She winced inwardly and then blushed as she remembered how hard and erect he’d been. The least she could’ve done was give him pleasure even if she couldn’t take her own.
“Do you know how long an orgasm lasts?”
“Um…no.” That was one area of research she’d never considered conducting.
“On average, about eighteen to twenty seconds.”
“That’s really…”
“Short. But the journey to get there is…” She cocked her head again. “To use your word…sublime.”
“So you think…?”
“I think you need to enjoy that journey, and you’ll get to the destination. But let me ask you something we’ve not talked about. How did Brennan react to your response?”
“He blamed himself, which made me feel terrible. None of it was his fault. I told him that, but—”
“So you explained why you stopped him?”
“Well…no. I just told him it wasn’t his fault.”
“Do you hope to continue seeing him? You certainly seem to care for him.”
After this was over, would he be interested in continuing to see her? As an LCR operative, he might be out of the country for months at a time, but when he was available, would he want to be with her?
Kacie didn’t know the answer to that but could say with one hundred percent certainty, “Yes, I definitely want to continue seeing him.”
“Then don’t you think you need to share this with him? He deserves to know, don’t you agree?”
Of course he did, and if she hadn’t been such a sniveling coward last night, she would have—
“No…none of that, Kacie. I see the guilt on your face, and you need to get over that right now. You had just cause to react the way you did, and your embarrassment in explaining it to Brennan is understandable. However, don’t you think he deserves to know?”
“Yes…of course, you’re right.”
Dr. Crenshaw glanced at the clock and stood. “I know you’re getting ready to leave for your trip, so I’ll take my leave. But first I wanted to tell you how very happy I am at your progress and that you have a young man who seems to care for you. You deserve only the best.”
“I so appreciate your help. And thanks for coming to my apartment, and on such short notice.”
“That’s not a problem. One other thing, I encourage you to open up a strong line of communication with Brennan. If he’s as wonderful as you believe, then this will only make your relationship stronger.”
Kacie nodded, and after thanking the doctor once again, she said good-bye.
Now, she just needed to figure out how to get up the courage to take the good doctor’s advice.
Chapter Twenty-five
Brennan had never experienced a giggling headache before, vicarious or otherwise. Hadn’t known such a thing even existed until he met David Stallings and his incredibly well-endowed girlfriend, Britney. And he certainly had never known that a grown man could even giggle.
Now he knew why Kacie had given him that little secret smile earlier. She knew exactly what they were in for.
She looked better than she had when she’d come out of her bedroom this morning. There was still that tiny line of worry at the bridge of her nose, but she seemed to be more at peace. He hoped like hell he wasn’t just seeing what he wanted to see to make himself feel better.
The flight had taken off on time. They’d been greeted by the pilot, co-pilot, and a flight attendant, and within minutes were off the ground. The instant the captain alerted them that they were free to move around the cabin, the two giggle boxes had unbuckled their seat belts, accepted cocktails from the flight attendant and, in between giggles and occasional guffaws, proceeded to make out on the sofa across the aisle.
“Having a good time?”
Brennan twisted in his chair to look at Kacie, appreciating the view much more than any sight out the window. She looked fresh and lovely in a light blue sleeveless dress and matching sandals that showed off her slender, elegant feet with light pink polish on her toenails.
“You’ve traveled with this couple before?”
“Not as a couple, but I’ve traveled with David several times. He always has a different woman with him.”
“And they all…giggle?”
She laughed softly, and he had the silly, poetic thought that her laughter was like a warm, soft breeze floating across wind chimes.
“Every single one of them. David is known for his giggling girlfriends.”
“Didn’t he do a cologne commercial where he was a bull-riding cowboy?”
“That was him. Why?”
Brennan shook his head. “I just have preconceived notions about a bull rider, and none of them involves giggling like a ten-year-old girl.”
“Then you’ll be doubly disappointed to learn that Britney plays a neurosurgeon on the soap opera
To Live for Tomorrow
.”
“That doesn’t surprise me in the least. Every neurosurgeon fantasy I’ve ever had looked exactly like Britney.”
She grinned. “I’m glad at least one of your notions held up.”
“You look like you’re feeling better about things.”
“Yeah, I am.” She lowered her gaze for a moment and then raised her head again and said with more confidence, “I really am.”
“I’m glad.”
Since neither of them wanted to try to have a serious discussion while in the presence of the overamorous giggle twins, he said, “So tell me about the shoot. It’s for a new resort. Right?”
For the next half hour, she described the new Rosalina resort and what the shoot would entail.
“We won’t have a lot of free time during the day, but other than a few photographs of us decked out in dinner duds dining on…”
She halted, and with a grin Brennan helped her out, “Dungeness crabs and Diet Dr Pepper.”
Showing her appreciation of his humor in a surprising way, she leaned over and hugged him. “Thanks. Most people don’t get my corny sense of humor.”
Instead of moving away from him, she let her head stay on his shoulder as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Brennan was humbled by her trust and ease with him, especially after the disaster of last night. And when he realized she’d fallen asleep, the ice around his heart cracked just a little more.
Kacie stood in the unbelievably beautiful bungalow of the Rosalina resort, Brennan beside her. The limo driver quickly deposited their suitcases, thanked Brennan for the tip and left.
She was still groggy from the plane. Waking up on Brennan’s shoulder had been a shock, but in the best way possible. It had been a long time since she’d felt comfortable enough in another person’s presence to fall asleep like that. And he hadn’t seemed to mind. She’d apologized, and he’d given her a slow, sexy smile and said he’d gladly act as her pillow anytime.
The giggle twins, as Brennan referred to them, were thankfully on the other side of the resort. She didn’t know how that happened and wasn’t going to ask. She was just grateful for the privacy. Especially since this new dilemma had presented itself. The bungalow was beautiful, elegant, and had all the amenities. It also had only one bed.
Casting a nervous look up at Brennan, she said, “I guess when I told them I was bringing my boyfriend with me, they assumed we’d be sleeping together.”
“Not a problem. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
Together, they looked at the sofa, and Kacie shook her head. “There’s no way your six-and-a-half-foot frame is going to fit on that five-foot sofa.”
She turned so she could look up at him. She’d yet to explain about last night, so he was understandably wary. Now wasn’t the time to go into it.
“Listen, we’re adults. We can sleep in the same bed without anything happening.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes…very sure.”
Relieved that the problem had been settled so easily without an argument, she took her bag and headed into the bedroom. “I don’t know about you, but I could eat half the fish in the ocean about right now.”
“I’ll split them with you.”
“Then let’s change clothes and go find something scrumptious.”
There were a helluva lot harder jobs than sitting beneath a giant umbrella, downing some sort of froufrou fruit juice drink, and watching one of the most beautiful women in the world frolic in the waves. The only thing ruining Brennan’s view was the damn photographer.