With one last plummet, the Frisbee shot up and began spinning wildly, faster and faster, twirling and rotating. “Oh shit, oh my God, no, oh fuck!” The disc gyrated around the center axle every three seconds, tossing her out of control. Her heart began to race, ready to explode, her rock-hard stomach churched and bounced. With her jaw clenched, unable to scream anymore, she squeezed her eyes shut, unable to face the reality.
She had felt this way once before.
She wanted to get off, but impossible, she had to ride it out. She chose to get on, tried to prove a point, wanted to make everyone happy. Just silly fear, they said. Face it, control it and you’ll be happy. Most of the things you worry about never happen they said. But it did. She knew it was a mistake. From day one. She felt it but went along for the ride anyway.
Peer pressure telling you what they think is right, not what’s right for you, what’s in your heart. She screamed but no one heard her. She cried but that only showed weakness. Be strong they said, stop being selfish, you’re the luckiest girl in the world.
The panic attack did not subside. She walked down the aisle in her white gown, her straight jacket, and screamed from within. Her cries for help overlooked. She walked down the path to Hell. Wanted to run but fear prevented her. She was a coward for walking down the aisle that day. A coward for sticking around for so long and still there today. Coward for what she did to Nicolo.
What role model was she to her daughters by hiding and pretending everything was all right? A fake. Just like Catherine, just like Victoria.
She knew it was wrong way before he proposed. Where were her real friends? Princesses looking for their princes surrounded her. Heather, their guinea pig. She sobbed after she left the ceremony, unable to believe she went through with it, drank until inebriated, perfected the fake smile as usual.
The screaming resumed now, loud and deafening. Screaming for help. Once again, no one to help her.
The ride slowed, then came to a halt. Gia stood and took a step in front of her mom. She tapped her hand on Heather’s shoulder, then bowed her head to look for a reaction. “Are you okay?”
Heather sighed. It was over. But was it really? She gave Gia her hand and smiled. “Yes, honey, I’m okay.” Better than okay. She faced her fears again, but there was still a bigger obstacle to contend with.
****
Heather lounged on her bed reading
Oxygen
magazine. Laurel strolled past her door and then her footsteps came to a halt. An eyeball popped into the doorway.
“Yes?” Heather grinned.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Of course, what a silly question.” Heather put her magazine down and propped the pillow on Lance’s side of the bed.
Laurel jumped onto the bed and ignored the prepared pillow. “Mom, how do you know when you’re in love.” Heather’s eyes bulged. Laurel was turning thirteen this month but she hoped her dating would hold off at least until she attended high school. “I mean, how did you know you were in love with daddy?”
Now the former question didn’t seem that difficult. Nicolo, the only man she ever loved entered her mind. “Well, when you’re in love you can’t stop thinking about that person. Not simply because they’re funny or popular, but for real reasons. They listen to you when you speak, really listen, while gazing into your eyes. They support you when you’re upset but also push you to accomplish important things in your life. They think about you just as much, and you know this because they tell you how much they missed you, or surprise you with little gifts or plan a weekend away together. Phone calls at work just because, compliments because they notice something new about you and they make you laugh when they see you unhappy.”
Her deranged marriage with Lance pushed through. “They walk around the house to see what needs to get done because it’s our home, one we bought together and needs to be taken care of as a team. They play with their children because they realize what a special gift they are and want to spend every minute with them. Teaching them, experiencing new things, making memories. They tell you they love you every day because every day together is a blessing.” Heather trailed off and looked outside the window. Her stomach still woozy from the Frisbee.
Yes. It was true. She knew now. Couldn’t fake it any longer. She had fallen in love with Silvatri.
Laurel looked at her puzzled. “Mom, I was just asking ‘cause Mallory Schipper told everyone at recess that she was in love and she’s only been going out with Max Texeira for one day.” Laurel hopped off her bed, shook her head and fled back down the hallway.
Chapter 35
Catherine
“I hoped you would’ve showed up this weekend my little Catherine,” Dr. Mangle said.
“I told you it was my son’s birthday.”
“Guess you didn’t want to see me. Couldn’t even squeeze in an hour for me, eh?”
“It was just very busy. My cousins came in from out of town and between the set up and clean up…”
“Yes, yes, yes, but how are you going to make this up to me? It was so lonely at that big house of mine.”
“I thought I made it up to you last time.”
“That was nice but this is a new week. How ‘bout another lunchtime blow job? They keep me going the rest of the day.”
“I can’t today. Jean scheduled a meeting to discuss the lecture I have to present to the Silver Sneakers group at a gym.”
“I think you’re avoiding me Catherine. Have you found someone else?”
“No of course not, I’m just so busy. School started up again, PTA meetings, homework, Colton’s birthday, ballet will be starting soon, and– ”
“You’re doing that rambling thing again. I’m just interested in what you’re going to do for me, Catherine. Haven’t I done a lot for you? Haven’t I brought happiness into your life? Fulfilled your wildest fantasies, taken you away from your hell? Isn’t that worth anything to you?”
Catherine peered into his longing eyes. He
had
done so much for her. She owed him. Finding time now that the summer ended made it more difficult. “I’ll see if I can leave work an hour early and come over, but only for an hour. I have to get home and cook dinner.”
Catherine trudged down the hallway leading to Jean’s office unable to shake her anxiety. Why couldn’t she have Heather’s fearless nature, always letting things roll off her shoulder? Jean’s condescending manner erased everything Mangle helped instill in her. She faced her fears with him, why not Jean?
Catherine entered the decaying cavity.
Jean arched over her desk, hands clutched in front and around her huge torpedo breasts that sprawled across the desk like two rump roasts.
“I hope you can explain your lateness.”
Catherine glanced at the clock. Two minutes after one. “I guess the clock in our office is a little slow.”
“Is this some kind of joke? Do you think I have nothing better to do than wait around for you?”
Panic rose inside as the sound of her own heartbeat thundered in her ears.
A sharp grimace knocked Catherine back in her seat. “Why exactly did I hire you, to just sit there like a fuckin’ mouse and squeak? You volunteered to give this lecture, but I have my doubts on your competence. If you failed to provide the necessary information or had stage fright, how do you think that would make me look?”
“I’m sorry, I can do this and I spent last night gathering information on nutrition for the elderly.”
“The fuckin’ elderly! Do you even realize what Silver Sneakers is? It’s available to anyone eligible for Medicare. I’m eligible for Medicare, do I need a walker? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I called the gym and they said the majority of the members are in their late seventies, a few even in their eighties– ”
“You called the gym? You went over my head and called the gym?”
“I just wanted to gather the proper information so my material targeted the correct audience.”
Jean lurched out of the chair and towered over Catherine. Her glasses slid to the tip of her nose and her blood shot eyes looked over the rims. “How dare you! They called me, not you. I gave you this job and I can take it away.”
“You asked me to do this so I gathered information and I– ”
“Did you graduate from an accredited college? Did you pay someone to make it through to the end? Did your husband marry you out of pity?” Are your children even safe being raised by a moron such as yourself, Catherine Bordeau?”
She shook under her gaze. The torment, merciless. “I did what I needed to do to get the job done,” she managed to sputter.
“The job done? The job done? You’re lucky if you can dress yourself every morning. Luckily for you, you wear a lab coat otherwise everyone would see that as well.”
The choking fear reminded her of the day Mangle made her to step out onto his diving board naked, while he observed her from his lounge chair clear across the other side of the pool. The pool, on a raised bed on his property, the diving board, two feet higher than the concrete deck, elevated her enough to see over the fence. So could the neighbor.
She panicked, went to step down. Mangle noticed her reaction and ordered her to stay put. The neighbor watched as Mangle instructed her to touch her breasts on the diving board. Each time she closed her eyes he commanded her to look at him. Her fear turned to excitement as it always did with him. She was a star on the diving board. Idolized by two men.
Her anguish over Jean needed to transform as well. A passage into a life filled with courage and resolution. Her pounding heart boiled her blood. She breathed in deep, visualized herself on the diving board. This was simpler.
You can do this.
She bolted up, removed her lab coat and hung it over her arm. “By the way, the suit I’m wearing costs more than your entire wardrobe. I’m doing the lecture, I already spoke to the manager, we’re on the same page, and she liked my ideas. Good day.”
Catherine turned, strutted out of her office and down the hall. Her heart raced, as did her feet. She scuttled, progressed to a jog and then a full sprint, straight to Heather’s floor.
Chapter 36
Victoria
“This chicken’s dry,” Ed shouted. “Did you get distracted while cooking?”
“Actually, yes, I did. I have somewhat of an important event in the morning, not that you noticed.”
“What now? There’s always something happening in your life. More important than…me.” His pitiful expression inspected the defective piece of chicken, which he nudged with his knife. How utterly heartbreaking. A real tear-jerker.
“Here’s an idea. How about cooking for me occasionally? Perhaps say, hey you have that huge race tomorrow that you’ve been talking about for six months, let’s go out for dinner to celebrate all your hard work. You must be exhausted.”
“Exhausted? You had the day off.”
“To prepare for this event. And your meal.”
“I don’t need this shit. I’m going out.”
“No! I’m going out, and this time don’t wait up for
me
.”
She snatched her jacket and dashed out the door. It would be the first time she visited Aiden unshowered and looking God-awful but all she wanted was to be in his arms.
Victoria’s tires flew over the curb and into Aiden’s driveway. There he stood on his porch in a white ribbed T-shirt with his silky navy-blue sweat pants.
She raced to him. His hands slipped under the threads of hair draped around her face. He kissed her forehead and then hugged her, his hold perpetual.
Aiden’s fingers intertwined with Victoria’s and he guided her to the kitchen, dispensing a glass of water. She gulped the cold liquid and then caught site of herself in the microwave’s mirrored glass-door. “I look horrible.”
He clasped both her hands into his and kissed each finger. “You…can never look bad…my sweet…Victoria.”
“I’m embarrassed by my appearance and I must smell vile.”
Aiden giggled. “I love your scent. I can detect it on my pillow days after you’ve left.”
“I’d feel better if I took a quick shower.”
“Wait here.” Aiden left the kitchen and entered the bathroom. The gush of the faucet echoed until he closed the door behind him.
Victoria wandered into the living room. A crystal vase filled with perhaps the last of the summer flowers from his garden, stood in the center of his end table. Marigolds and impatiens rotated around the black-eyed Susan’s that burst from the middle. A silver frame treasured the memory of his sons on a sunset beach. The photograph of his wife lounging on a Cancun beach, no longer present.
She removed her shoes, collapsed into the velvety cushions and eased her head onto the pillow. What would it be like to sleep here tonight and never return home? Freshly chopped cherry-wood stacked to the left of the fireplace, caught her attention.
Aiden entered the living room and slipped his hand into hers. She shadowed his steps into the bathroom. Floating clouds of bubbles filled the vast square bathtub. The mosaic tile surrounding the tub reflected the twinkling candles set around the room.
“Take all the time you need, I’ll wait in the living room until you’re finished.” He kissed her on the lips and retreated, closing the door behind him. Victoria melted into the warm foamy cocktail and closed her eyes. Daydreaming. Fantasizing.
When she left paradise, wrapped in Aiden’s silver plush robe, Victoria entered the rapture of a roaring fire.
Her fire
. Its blaze flickered off two wine goblets.
She burrowed within his embrace, cuddled and nuzzled his chest. He stroked her damp hair as beads of water dripped onto her shoulder and rolled down the robe. They remained that way, their drinks untouched, and watched the fire smolder and burn out.
****
The gathering of 1,089 participants surrounded Victoria, almost double the size of last year. She greeted Ken from Gym Addiction and thanked Barbara from the Amorous Baroness Inn for their contributions. Cases of Robust Protein Bars stacked as tall as her, surrounded a booth on the far left. Runners chugged their CloverRidge water and children sprinted by with balloons and banners showing their support. White squares of numbers graced the colorful shirts on the racers.