Nicholas felt his head droop.
“Look Syd, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trivialize it, I just...I do feel better that I didn’t fully go through with it, that’s all; you can’t blame me for that. I thought I had to be some kind of monster to do something like that, but I’m not. I’m not like them...” He thought about Winston and Brandon, how much easier it always was for Winston to jump at a task, to lead the pack. How Brandon and he just followed like sheep.
He didn’t really feel like he had a choice—they were all he had.
“Why did you let me believe I had to turn myself in for rape?”
She didn’t answer.
“Why did you let me believe the absolute worst all this time?”
“Because you deserve it Nicholas. I don’t even know if you could still be prosecuted; it’s been four years and I still haven’t reported it. And how could I report you now? Anyway, once I realized you didn’t remember, I figured letting you think more had happened would make you suffer a little...I couldn’t let you get away from your part in it scot-free. Your guilt was the only weapon I had left.”
He sighed heavily and leaned against the wall.
“I’m sorry Sydney,” he said. “I’m sorry I was so weak. I’m sorry that had to happen to you, that you had to go through that and still have the memory, unlike me. I know we’ve been going through some things lately, and now I understand—perfectly—if you don’t want to see me anymore. No, I can’t imagine what that must be like for you—knowing you’ve been with me all this time, knowing I played a part in traumatizing you those years ago. I made you suffer—I understand that. But I love you Sydney, I want to be with you. I want to make up for it somehow. But like I said, I understand if you want to break it off with me. I just hope you don’t completely dump me—I’d like to be in your life, even if it’s just as a friend.”
“Don’t you realize it’s almost the same thing? Looking into your face every now and then, knowing our history? I think I would need a clean break. I would miss you, but it might be necessary. And Nicholas, can you promise me something? Can you promise me you’ll get some help?”
Nicholas felt himself getting offended and defensive and tried to suppress it.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t get offended—I’ve done it. Talking to counselors have helped me, and I feel like you could benefit from some sessions too, that’s all. The things you’ve told me, the things you’ve been through...if there was one sentence I could give you, that would be it—no jail time, no fine to be paid—although obviously the latter would be ridiculous anyway with your kind of money...”
Nicholas almost told her about his disinheritance but decided to keep quiet for fear she would scorn him further. “How dare you think your money being taken away is enough punishment?” he could hear her saying.
When she spoke again, her voice was soft. “I still care about you Nicholas. People haven’t looked out for you enough, and I’m sorry about that. I really am.” She sighed. “I know you’re not a bad person, please know that. I still think you’re great. I believe you’ve always been better than you thought you were. You’re a good man Nicholas.”
He liked her saying the words but it was not enough. What he wanted her to say was that she still loved him and wanted to be with him, that they would work through everything together. He also knew he was expecting too much—at least at the moment.
He was patient; he could wait for her to come back around to him again. He didn’t know if it was his own hope or his instinct that was telling him things were not over between them, but that’s how he felt.
It even made him smile to himself a little, even after she whispered: “I have to go—we’ll talk later,” and hung up.
***
When his phone rang back, Nicholas thought it was Sydney and answered immediately.
He was surprised to hear Adam’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Adam?”
He still wasn’t sure he was hearing correctly—Adam had never called him before.
“My sister told me a few weeks ago you were looking for a job.”
“Yeah, I was thinking about working at a camp...”
“So she said.”
“...But I wasn’t too sure about the residency thing. I think I might get somewhat claustrophobic being stuck at camp for a couple of weeks. So I was looking for a no to low residency one. No luck yet.”
“Surprise, surprise. Hey listen—I have some ideas that might interest you. These guys I worked with before have a job opening—just opened recently. I thought of you since my sister mentioned your options are pretty open. Anyway, I talked to them, told them a little bit about you—not your real last name of course—I told them Nicholas Davis to avoid questions. I said you were looking into going into business, studying some of that stuff in college and they’re interested. They say you sound like a good candidate. They want to meet you in person of course, interview you.”
“Great! What kind of job is this?”
“Well, they have several types available—they want to see what you’re right for. They told me not to tell you anything too specific because that’s how they work, how they have the advantage in the interview. You know how once you know a job description and pretty much have sufficient information about the job you can prepare for it and tailor your resume and bullshit your experience to fit what they’re looking for and all that? Yeah, for these guys, jobs get filled by referrals only. They like to talk to the candidates and get a feel for their personality and get some real information. When you don’t have a focus, you can’t bullshit as well. Know what I’m saying?”
“Perfectly. But you can’t you give me just a little idea...”
“Nicholas, you’ve got this, don’t worry about it. I think one of the jobs is on the admin end of a camp. Anyway, just talk to the guys, see what they say. Feel it out.”
“Okay, sounds good. Thanks bro.”
The phone clicked as Adam hung up.
Nicholas shook his head.
Adam wasn’t exactly the most polite person he had ever met, but he was grateful he was showing some kind of support by helping him out on behalf of Sydney. In any case, he was looking forward to his interview, to trying something new.
He had to call Adam back to get the date, location and time.
“Don’t be late,” Adam reminded him.
***
This doesn’t look right,
Nicholas thought, as he pulled up to what looked like an abandoned warehouse. He checked the directions he had been given, then looked up again. He knew he was on the right street even though it wasn’t in a business area—no multiple-floored buildings around, no busy two-, or three-lane streets, no activity.
When he saw the look of the area, Nicholas figured that the interview might have been conducted in a home which he thought was strange, but the area was not residential either. No neat little houses with neat little lawns. No children running around.
The road he was coming up on wasn’t even paved.
He didn’t get the directions wrong—did Adam?
Well, Adam did say a white building
, he thought to himself, still looking around in confusion. Just then a black car came down the road. Nicholas watched it until it pulled up to him. Another black car was not far behind, and Nicholas went from uneasy to panicked.
He knew the alarm bells ringing had rung too late, and that thought was confirmed when he saw a few men exit the cars, their features hidden by masks. Although he thought about jumping in his car and taking off—sure he could outrun them that way—his instinct told him to stay still and listen to what they had to say, and whatever it was, to obey. The guns pointed at him did not make it difficult for him to obey his instinct.
As he stood there, hands up, waiting for them to say or do something, he found that his brain was able to still think, to wonder how this came about.
Nicholas did not want to believe that he had been set up, and definitely not by the brother of the girl he loved.
Would Adam really do such a thing? Wasn’t this just a huge misunderstanding? A case of mistaken identity? Perhaps some joke? A final prank somehow ultimately orchestrated by Winston?
He got the answer to all of his questions when Adam exited the second car, looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read, his eyes like
black
onyx. Nicholas knew it was pointless to try to explain anything to him; he would think he was just denying it all.
The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness was that he was glad no one had shot him, that his body wasn’t riddled with bullets...yet, for a second—just a second—he felt like it might have been preferable to feeling like every bone in his body was breaking.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“Sydney, prepare yourself. Nicholas is in the hospital,” Maria said when Sydney answered the phone.
“What? Why?”
“Eddie’s over there now, says he got beat up pretty bad.”
“Oh my god,” Sydney put her hand to her forehead as if that would somehow stop the bad images from forming. “How bad is it?”
Maria was silent a few seconds.
“We should get over there Syd.”
Sydney heart took a dive.
“Oh no...who would do this Maria?”
Maria paused again before answering.
“Pick you up soon,” was all she said.
***
As soon as Sydney hung up from Maria she called out to her brother.
“Adam, Nicholas is in the hospital!”
“Yeah I know.”
“You know? How? I just found out!”
“That’s because I arranged it Syd.”
Sydney was struck again.
Surely he didn’t mean what it sounded like he meant.
“My boyfriend got beat up so bad he’s in the hospital, and you’re telling me you had something to do with it?”
“Yeah, told you I would. He shouldn’t get away with that shit Sydney. Anyway, he’s gonna live, right? How bad is he?”
“They’re saying it’s pretty bad Adam...”
“
Well, I did tell them to make sure not to kill him. I knew that would crush you.”
To Sydney, time felt like it had stopped.
***
“Oh my god, I hope he didn’t hear anything! I have to go—we’ll talk later.”
Who, Sydney?
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to not know anything?”
Yes, I do actually.
“You can’t get away with being the only one.”
What do you mean, Brandon?
Various voices went through Nicholas’s head, pieces of conversations he had and had overheard, and he found his own voice mentally answering them.
When his eyes finally opened, it took him a while to figure out where he was and how he had gotten there. Then the events that put him in the hospital came back to him.
He was glad he was alive—there was a moment he thought for sure Sydney’s brother was going to have him killed.
He didn’t blame Adam for taking such a course of action. If he had found out that something like that had happened to Allison, he would have hired some people to punish that person too, without thinking twice about it. He probably would have decided to just hire someone to break his legs, incapacitate him. Ruin his property, make him suffer. Yeah, he would have ultimately let the bastard live so he could suffer. And he easily had the means to make it happen.
Wait, a minute, no he didn’t...
“I’m afraid you’ve been disinherited my dear,” he heard his mother’s voice replay in his head.
“Oh my god—you’re awake Nicholas!” he heard Allison say, and it took him a second to realize it wasn’t a replay from a previous conversation.
He turned his head toward the voice.
His vision was a bit blurry and he stared until he could focus. Allison’s teary face was looking at him. Then she bent over and hugged him.
“Oh Nicky,” Allison’s face looked like it was about to dissolve into tears as she looked at him.
“I guess I really look like crap,” he joked, trying to smile. He tried to ignore the way his voice sounded, like he would imagine a hoarse gargoyle would sound.
Allison’s lower lip started to tremble, infantilizing her round face further. Then she started to cry.
She bent over and hugged him again, one of her tears falling onto his face.
Nicholas looked around her. No-one else was there.
He looked back at Allison, who had pulled out her cell phone and was making a call.
“He’s awake!” he heard her say.
Then it seemed she was making another call.
Nicholas felt himself drifting away again.
“Where’s Sydney?” he asked, but he wasn’t sure if it made it from his head to his mouth before he fell into darkness once more.
When he awoke again, the hospital room was full.
Allison’s face was blotchy and droopy, but she still looked adorable. He tried to smile and found that it hurt.
Eddie was watching him with a strange expression.
“I’m sorry man,” he said, but Nicholas wasn’t sure what he was talking about. Was he sorry Nicholas had been beaten to within an inch of his life? Sorry he had set him up to lose his inheritance? Sorry he wasn’t there earlier? Sorry he had lost Sydney?
Nicholas looked further around the room.
Sydney was standing near the entrance, away from his siblings, biting her nails. He had never seen her bite her nails.
Maria stood next to her.
“Darling, you’ll be all right,” he heard Evelyn say.
Suddenly she was there with Eddie and Allison, and Nicholas was no longer sure he wasn’t dreaming. Had she been hiding somewhere behind them?
Eddie and Allison parted, and Evelyn got up from a chair and came toward him. She leaned close to him.
“Don’t worry about money darling. I still have access to funds and I’ve put some aside for you. No son of mine’s going to be a pauper.” She lowered her voice further, whispering: “Your name’s on my will; you needn’t worry about anything.”
It was a small comfort to Nicholas. He felt a pang of regret that his mother didn’t have much time left. He wished she had remained a bitch to the end so he wouldn’t have to care at all that she was going to die, that he didn’t have to feel sad when she actually passed away. Now, he knew he would, even if just a little.
He looked toward Sydney again, and he could see other heads turn toward her out of the corner of his eye.
Suddenly, their bodies crossed his vision and headed for the door.
Maria followed them.
Sydney didn’t move from her position, and looked everywhere but at him for a few seconds. Then she looked directly at him, and her face was suddenly covered by her hands as she burst into tears. She stayed where she was, sobbing and heaving. Nicholas wished he could have gotten up to comfort her.
“He...he...” She had difficulty getting words out, unable to get them past the sobs. “He almost killed you!” she finally said. She slid down the wall, her knees bending, her head bending toward them as she continued to cry.
He wished she was closer.
He waited.
When she had calmed herself a bit, she wiped her face and sat there cradling her knees.
“Come over here,” he said to her.
She shook her head, sniffing.
“Come over here Sydney. Please.”
She looked like she was going to shake her head again but she slowly propped herself up against the wall. She looked at him without moving for a second, then she started walking. She stopped when she reached the foot of the bed. Her hand reached out and touched it, her fingers trailing along the side of it as she walked slowly up to him, stopping when she was level with his chest. He tried to reach for her, and felt his fingers move, but his arm didn’t make it. Her hand went to his, as if she saw the movement.
“You’ll be okay,” she said. “The doctor said it will take a while, but you’ll be all right.”
Nicholas said nothing, just watched her face.
“It’ll be fine. You’ll be fine,” she said again. Nicholas squeezed her hand—at least, he thought he did. He felt her squeeze his hand back, gently.
“They sure kicked my ass,” he said at last. “I don’t blame him, I don’t blame your brother at all.
To be honest, it was like kicking a dead horse,” he said, trying to smile.
“Sh, don’t talk.”
She pulled his hand up to her cheek, caressing it with the back of his hand.
“How can I not? I’m so happy to see you—although I hate for you to see me like this.”
Her face seemed to quiver and she looked like she was about to cry again.
Nicholas didn’t expect her to take everything back right then, didn’t expect her to say the words he was waiting to hear just because he was lying broken in a hospital bed, just because he could have died.
He could wait patiently to hear that she still loved him, and they would work through everything together.
The words might not come right now, but they would; he knew it.
***
The butterfly
Even when pursued
Never appears in a hurry
—Garaku