Authors: Ann Warner
Denise’s head jerked in what he took to be an affirmative. He led her toward the other dancers,
silently thanking his mother for insisting he take lessons.
When the first slow tune segued into a second, Rob steered Denise over next to Clare and Stephan, and tapped Stephan on the shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?”
With an annoyed look, Stephan switched partners. Rob pulled Clare close so he could whisper in her ear. “Is that what I think it is?” He nodded toward Stephan and Denise.
“Depends on what you think it is.”
“My guess is she’s in love with him, but he’s got his eye on you.”
“You’re right about the first part. I hope you’re wrong about the second.”
“Kiss me.”
“What?”
“Do it.”
Clare rolled her eyes but then lifted her face to his. He brushed her lips with his.
“What was that about?” Clare asked, leaning back.
“Making sure he isn’t confused about who’s here with whom.”
“You are so bad.”
“Well, if you want him to see someone other than you, the simplest way is to send a definite message. You can kiss me again, if you like.”
Clare laughed and laid her cheek against his. “You know, you’re actually pretty good at this.”
“What? Dancing or kissing.”
“Both, as a matter of fact.”
“You could sound a little less surprised.”
“I like that you’re full of surprises.”
He shuddered, pulling her closer. “You’re making me nervous, love.”
“Just keeping you on your toes.”
“Oh well. Better my toes than yours.”
Plié
An exercise involving bending of the knees in order to develop balance and make joints and muscles pliable and tendons flexible
As winter began to give way to a tentative spring, rehearsals for
Swan Lake
finally started. It was what Clare had been waiting for all year with barely contained impatience.
Despite that impatience, she hadn’t questioned Justin’s judgment at leaving this ballet until the end of the season. The best for last, wasn’t that what he’d told Lynne? But now, she could see the company was tired and more dancers were nursing minor injuries than would be true at the season’s beginning. Even Lisa seemed to have succumbed to the general fatigue, sniping only rarely at Clare and then with little heat.
Clare was tired as well. So tired she’d recently begged off a couple of dates with Rob to give herself more quiet time to recharge between rehearsals. Luckily, he was busy with a grant renewal and hadn’t pushed very hard for her to change her mind.
She didn’t expect to feel this way. Not with her lifelong dream within reach. The dream that had crept up on her with the subtlety of a stalking cat, but had then shaped her devotion to the ballet. So why, when she was finally preparing for the role she’d waited for her whole career, did she feel so...blah? Well, at least part of the blame for her malaise could be shifted to Stephan, who was dancing these days with a rote-like precision.
She winced as he squeezed too hard on a lift. It was something she’d rarely known him to do. Usually, his hands felt firm, the pressure controlled, comfortable.
Justin clapped, the sharp sound snapping Clare out of her reverie.
“What is it with you two? You’re dancing like two old people having an anniversary waltz together. Take a break and when you return, I expect your full attention. Both of you.”
As Justin spoke, Stephan’s hand came to rest on Clare’s shoulder. She walked out from under that touch and kept going until she reached one of the benches set at intervals along the length of the hallway. Stephan stalked off in the opposite direction.
She had no idea how to fix what was going on between them, although perhaps Stephan’s moods had nothing to do with her. Hard to tell since he’d became abruptly uncommunicative with everyone after the holidays.
Denise, coming out of the adjacent studio, spotted Clare and came over. “Hey, how’re you doing?”
“Not so good. Justin told us we’re dancing like a couple of old people.”
“Are you?”
“Pretty much.”
“What’s going on?”
“Darned if I know. If he were a woman I’d say it was PMS.”
“You do realize he’s in love with you?”
“No. He can’t be. Besides, he knows I’m dating Rob.”
“Well, sure. But the heart still wants what it wants.” Lisa dipped her head but not before Clare saw the expression on her friend’s face.
“Oh, sweetie. You’re probably wrong, you know. There are all sorts of things it could be.”
“I can always hope, I guess. Like I keep hoping Justin will promote me.”
“Have you tried...I don’t know, talking to Stephan?”
“And what do I say? Look at
me
? Notice
me
?”
“Maybe.” Clare put her arms around Denise, gave her a brief hug, then released her. “I’ll see if I can get him to talk.”
Two hours later, the rehearsal finally staggered to a halt. Clare skipped a shower and dressed quickly, then took up her post near the exit to the men’s locker room. When Stephan came out, she heaved her dance bag on her shoulder.
“Buy me coffee?” she said.
He glanced at her. “That’s it? Coffee?”
“Not exactly.”
“Oh hell. Okay. Where do you want to go?”
“There’s that place in Harvard Square?”
“Fine.”
They walked to the trolley and then rode in silence, a silence that continued until they were sitting at a table in the back of the café with coffees in front of them.
Clare took a sip, glancing at Stephan. “We stunk up the place today.”
“Not a completely original observation.”
“Lisa and Ramon may end up first cast.”
“Is that all you care about?”
“If it was, I’d be asking to switch partners.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Because you have élan. Or at least you used to.”
He looked down at his cup as though seeking answers floating on its surface. “This guy you’re dating. Is he the one, do you think?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Can’t or won’t?” He looked up to give her a searching look. “How long have you been seeing him?”
“Almost a year.”
“Don’t you think you should know by now?”
“I don’t know if that’s how it happens, that one day you wake up knowing.”
“If he broke up with you, how would you feel?”
“Sad. I’d miss him.”
“But you’d turn the page? Keep on dancing?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have much choice, after all.”
“If that happened, would you go out with me?”
“Do you have a best friend, Stephan?”
He frowned. “Sure.”
“Say your best friend loved a girl. Would you go out with that girl, if you knew it would hurt your friend?”
“Probably not. What’s that got to do with us?”
“I just wondered, that’s all.” She reached out a tentative hand and laid it on his arm. “It’s a dream come true for me, you know. Dancing this role. But I can’t do it alone. I need you to...just dance with me. The way we danced together last year.”
He scrubbed his hands through his hair until it stood up in spikes. It made him look young and vulnerable. A reminder also of the five-year gap in their ages, their careers.
“Just friends, that’s how you see me.” He sounded glum.
She wished for a spell whose casting would ease his obvious longing. “Friend isn’t such a shabby label.” She took another sip of coffee to stop herself from saying anything more. He’d get over his crush. A relationship required tending, and although they spent a large portion of each day with each other, they weren’t working to build anything together. A fact Stephan would grasp eventually.
“You’re the best partner I’ve ever had,” she said, the words her atonement for snagging his heart without allowing hers to be engaged.
“Except lately.”
“After you’ve forgotten all about me, you’ll still remember the dancing.”
“Yeah, right. Don’t lose my phone number, though. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“You talked to him, right?” Denise asked the next day as she and Clare walked to the trolley.
“I did.”
“And?”
“He said he’s been in a funk. Probably it’s the end-of-the-season letdown, I’ll grant you a bit premature. I gave him the old rah-rah about not wanting to let Lisa and Ramon edge us out for first cast. He promised he’d try harder. And today was good, actually.”
“That’s it? A funk. An unspecified funk.”
“Pretty much.” Clare hated lying, although she’d done it out of kindness. But what if the kindest thing was to tell Denise she needed to give up on Stephan?
No. Wouldn’t work. Denise was a terrier, after all. Besides, Stephan might eventually notice Denise. Who was Clare to dictate their fates.
With the détente with Stephan holding, and the extra rest made possible by Rob’s distraction, what followed were the most satisfying days of dancing Clare could remember. Everything felt effortless. Stephan’s hands were once again steady and strong, and they were both quickly mastering even the most complex bits.
As the opening drew ever nearer, excitement fizzed through Clare and the fatigue that had weighed her down lifted.