Cursed Fate: Cursed Series #4 (7 page)

I need to rid myself of this shit once and for all, there’s no way I want to allow myself to continue with a life that is only hurting myself and those around me.

Feeling pride as the last drops spill down the drain, I turn on the hot water and wash away my poison once and for all. Turning toward the right, I open the bottom cabinet and reach in for a large trash bag. My mind is now clear, I have a future to focus on and from this point forward I will strive to be sober.

Once the last bottle is placed in the bag, I search around the house to ensure that there isn’t another swallow of alcohol to be found.

I finally feel free and ready to start fresh.

Next step is to find Ashley and tell her how I really feel about her. I just hope I can catch her before she leaves.

Fighting the Demons from Within

When I’d close my eyes, Ashley was all that I could see. Her gorgeous hazel eyes, her contagious smile, and the touch of her skin against mine…she was my drug and I was addicted. Without her in my life, I couldn’t find anything to make me feel the way she did…she consumed my soul and body.

Ashley was my soul mate, the one woman I was meant to be with forever. The moment I laid eyes on her, I knew…she was my lifelong partner in crime. Her beauty, her talents, and the love she showed me made me the man I always wanted to be.

I never had to pretend with Ashley, I could be me and know that she’d accept my faults.

My heart had been shattered by the one woman I had always loved. I fought the void she left in me by filling my life with a distraction. One that never meant to me what she did…the pain grew into agony and no longer could I bear to live without her.

Rather than try and find her, I lived life as it came my way. Jenn was there and she tried to be the person I needed in my life, but I remained numb to the outside world. The only thing that helped me get through the tiresome days and long nights were the drugs and alcohol.

My life, my choices…how quickly they all could have been turned into my death.

If not for a complete stranger, my world could have ended because of the ways in which I chose to mask my pain.

After leaving the hospital that horrid day, I knew I had a big decision to make. No longer could I allow the pain of my past to dictate the course of my future.

I needed help and knew there was no one I could count on other than myself. Treatment is what I sought, a fight is what I was prepared to endure, and freedom from my demons was my goal.

After meeting with a counselor at the local clinic, I started to talk through the things that made me yearn for the drugs and alcohol. At first it was stupid, or so I thought, having to talk to another grown man about my life. With a few visits under my belt, the sessions became easier and I found that it was the one part of my week I looked forward to…it felt good to let out the things that I had bottled up for so long.

Once I was finished with my treatment, I started going to bi-weekly meetings. I was shocked by the stories of my peers; my life didn’t seem half as bad as some of theirs.

It was at these meetings that I was reconnected to the man that saved my life. Cliff and I grew to be confidants, friends with very different stories, but similar weaknesses that lead us to grieve our pain.

Knowing that I wasn’t alone to fight my battle made recovery that much easier. Cliff and I started to spend time together outside of our meetings. We had a lot more in common than our fucked up lives. The more I got to know him, the more I realized our paths in life were meant to cross. A friendship is where we started, but a strong brotherhood is where we were destined to end up.

Cliff started to work as a delivery driver soon after he got clean from his ill habits. It wasn’t his dream career, but it helped him to focus and pay the bills. After a meeting one night, we started to compare our tattoos. The patterns along our skin were quite different, yet all had similar meanings.

Needing a distraction, we started to create pieces that would eventually be inked onto our skin. It was relaxing, soothing to find myself back to my roots. Art was my savior; it kept my mind off of the here and now and allowed me to focus on something meaningful.

Cliff had a passion for art just as I did and, after talking more and more, I decided to bring him into Cursed Magic to meet the guys. We both found that working through our art was the one thing that brought peace into our crazed minds. Before long, he too was sitting in a chair as an apprentice in my mentor’s tattoo shop.

Beginning new lives, we were willing to strive for greatness and deter the demons from within. Between the two of us, we found a drug that eased the pain….our art.

Chapter 7

Pacing the short distance between my kitchen and living room I wait for Etty to arrive. I don’t know what she plans to do, but I need to stick to my guns. I’ve made a decision that is best for me…that’s all I need to worry about.

So much has transpired here in the past few months that I don’t know if I can take much more. Everyone has their breaking point and I think I’ve surpassed mine. It’s been one thing to keep my past relationship with Steve a secret from everyone; it would be too much for them to all understand where he and I came from. Hell, it’s almost too much for me to comprehend now that we are back to square one…this time, he’s the one pushing me away rather than me being the one to walk.

The day I saw Steve at Duke’s, I thought for sure it was a dream. I never believed the two of us would cross paths again. He was everything to me at one point, someone I had loved so much that it tore me apart to turn away from what we could have had…then there he was, standing right in front of me. The moment his big brown eyes landed on mine I knew I was a goner. I wanted so badly to crawl up into his lap and hold onto him for dear life. My emotions were all over the place, I needed to rein them in and think with a clear head.

As I watched, he took a seat at the bar and smiled back at me, his eyes never leaving mine. I took a few steps in his direction, placing bar napkins down in front of him and his friends before asking them what they wanted to drink. I was taken aback when Steve ordered a soda while the rest of the guys ordered bottles of Miller Lite. Listening to their requests, I moved behind the bar and placed their drinks in front of them. As I set Steve’s soda down, his hand grazed mine and a sudden shock rushed through my fingers and up my arm. It was the same spark I always felt when he’d touch me, I just didn’t think it would still be alive after all this time. Pulling my hand back and resting it along my side, I plastered a fake smile across my face and continued to tend to the other customers.

It was difficult to not pay him attention and look in his direction, especially when I could feel the heat of his gaze watching me. Each time I’d look up to him, a smile would spread across his face and a wink would flash in my direction. All the feelings for him, I tried so hard to bury, came rushing back that night…I couldn’t fight the pull that we felt for one another.

Now looking back, I know that shock of electricity will always be alive within us…even if we’re not meant to be together.

The sound of a knock pulls my attention to the other side of the room. Moving through the small space, I open the door to see Etty standing in the entry way with a bag in her hands.

Smiling, she pushes past me and moves herself toward the kitchen.

“Ok, crazy lady, what are you up to and what the hell is in the bag?”

Stopping in her tracks, she turns and shakes her head while laughing back at me.

“We’re friends, right?” She asks setting the bag down on the counter top.

“Yeah, of course we’re friends. Why the hell would you ask a question like that?” I ask with a hint of guilt coursing through me.

“Well, as I see it, friends don’t leave friends in a time of need. I think we’ve all moved apart from one another trying to work through our own grief. Hell, I’ve never had many girls as friends, but you and Jo came along and….well shit, Ash, I can’t lose you, too. You’ve become a constant in my life and maybe I’m just being selfish here, but I need you.”

I stand and watch as tears begin to fall down her face.

“Oh, Etty, I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you. Life has fucked us all up and you’re right, we’ve all gone in our own directions.”

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, it’s not your fault Dault’s not here. Every day I pray that the next will get easier. I want so badly for him to come back to me…why won’t he come back to me, Ash?”

Looking into her sad eyes, I feel nothing but regret for a decision I made based on my own needs. She was one of the few people in my world that took me in with open arms. She didn’t know me, my past, or who I was…no, she accepted me because I was brought in as a member of the crew. Not for a moment did she ever judge, even when I took over her role at the shop. Instead she embraced me with open arms and made me feel like I was one of them.

Moving to her side, I pull her into my arms. Together we stand in the center of my kitchen, tears falling from both of our faces.

“We’ll get through this together, Etty. I promise you that. With or without those guys, we’ll always have each other. I’m not going anywhere.”

Feeling her nod against my shoulder, she slightly pulls away.

“So does that mean you’ll stay?” She asks with hesitation.

Rolling my eyes, I let out a sigh and nod in agreement.

Bouncing away from me, she wipes the tears from her face and smiles while clapping her hands.

Confused at how quickly she changed her emotional state, I, too, wipe the tears falling from my eyes.

“Etty, you’re beginning to worry me. I mean, I knew you were off the wall before, but what’s with the sudden burst of excitement?”

“You’re staying; it’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“Don’t get too excited yet, it doesn’t mean I’ll stay once everything settles down.”

Grabbing my hands in hers, she looks me dead in the eyes.

“You will not leave, Ashley,” she firmly states with a stern look on her face.

“Oh no?” I ask with a laugh.

“No, you and I are going to fix this crazy shit of a crew and make us whole again.”

Staring at her, my eyes go wide. This chick has fallen off her rocker. How the hell does she think we can make this happen? It’s not by our choice that we’ve all fallen apart; we all have our own reasons.

“Don’t look at me like that; I have a plan…oh shit!” She shouts rushing over to the bag.

“What?” I ask moving to see what the hell she brought with her.

“Well, my first step of the
Cursed Crew Intervention
was going to be to get you wasted on ice cream in hopes that you’d love me so much you couldn’t leave.”

Another laugh escapes me at the craziness of her statement.

“Wait…what? You wanted to get me drunk on ice cream? Nice plan, lady.”

“Hey, I was desperate and what girl doesn’t like ice cream?”

“Good point,” I reply with a giggle.

Shaking her head, she removes the frozen treat from the bag, setting it down on the counter.

“Get the bowls and spoons. We can still enjoy all this goodness while we concoct a plan.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” I reply turning from her and pulling all the stuff from the cabinets.

For the next few hours, Etty and I discuss our master plan to bring back the Cursed Crew. We may have over indulged a bit with the sweets, but hey, a girl can live every now and again.

Not sure if what we’ve discussed will actually work, we figure it’s as good a strategy as any. No one else seems to be getting off their asses to make a change, so why can’t we?

As we begin to clean up our make shift sundae stand in the kitchen, there’s a knock at the door. Looking between one another, we both shrug our shoulders.

“Are you expecting someone?” She asks with a puzzled expression.

“No, I haven’t a clue who it could be,” I reply tossing the bowls into the dishwasher.

“Well, we better look. Want me to get it?”

“Yeah sure, I’ll just finish up here.”

With my back to the door, I busy myself in the kitchen while Etty answers the door. As I’m putting the last of the ice cream back into the freezer, I hear her voice echo from the door way.

“Umm, Ash, it’s for you?”

Closing the freezer door, I peer around the corner to see a forlorn Steve standing next to Etty. I clutch onto the towel in my hand, squeezing it for dear life. His stare is directed to me, as if I’m the only one in the room. I can’t help but gaze back into his eyes, seeing something behind them, but I’m not sure what it is.

Etty clears her throat and the trance is broken.

“Umm yeah, umm well…” I can’t seem to form a coherent sentence. What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Yes, well, this is thrilling and all, but I can see that the two of you need some time to….ya know, like talk or something.”