Read Darkness Awakened (Primal Heat Trilogy #1) (Order of the Blade) Online
Authors: Stephanie Rowe
Something erupted inside Grace the instant Quinn’s lips touched hers, something brilliant and scary and so uncontrollable she felt like she was spinning off a cliff, losing her direction, losing herself, losing everything she knew.
Being out of control was deadly for her, for anyone around her. Grace had spent a lifetime fighting for the security of locking down who she was. Suddenly, with Quinn invading her senses and sweeping her into a world of sensual passion, spiraling desire and unrivaled sensation, everything that had kept her safe was slipping out of her grasp. She was freefalling into an unfamiliar and terrifying zone of recklessness, carnal instinct and uncontained fire.
Quinn’s mouth was hot, his lips demanding, and she couldn’t fight her need for
more
. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. She kissed him back desperately, not even understanding the raging need that drove her. Grace met his tongue the moment he invaded her mouth, drawing him in, basking in the taste of him, sweet and rough, like cinnamon and the pure freshness of the earth after a cleansing rain. Quinn was life, he was strength, and he was passion, melding together into a boiling cauldron of sensuality that was consuming her and eviscerating her tightly contained shields.
It felt amazing, as if she were alive for the first time in her life. It should have terrified Grace to feel this kind of intensity racing through her, but it didn’t. With Quinn’s strong arms wrapped around her, his deep kisses, and the way he’d handled her illusion before, she wasn’t afraid of tapping into who she really was. He gave her the chance to live, truly live, for this moment, for this kiss, she was all his and she belonged to the fire raging between them.
His fingers wrapped around her hair, gripping her so tightly that it almost hurt, but it felt good, exciting, like he was strong enough to handle all the horrors about who she was. Grace pressed herself against him, tugging him down toward her, frantically kissing him back, afraid it would end. Terrified she would lose the moment before she was ready. Before she’d gotten what she needed. Before she’d tasted what it felt like to truly breathe.
Quinn yanked her shirt up and slid his hands up her back, cupping her shoulder blades as he devoured her mouth. His hands were hot and rough against her skin, his touch tender but demanding. Possessing. Making her his. He dropped his head and his mouth was on her breasts, biting at her nipple through her bra. Uncontainable sensations tore through her, making her gasp at the shock of it. She trembled under the assault, her entire soul reaching out for him. For all that he was. For all that he could give her.
Quinn shuddered in her arms, then abruptly lifted his head from her breasts.
He stared at her, his eyes almost pulsing with desire. She didn’t move, couldn’t pull away, riveted by the intensity of his expression. His hands were still gripping her, holding her against him, his body hard and lean. The electricity between them almost audible, a metaphysical crackling in the air. “Holy crap,” he finally said.
Grace burst out laughing, his comment breaking the tension between them. “Yes, you could say that,” she agreed. “I’m glad it’s not just me.”
“Hell, no, woman. It’s not just you.” He brushed his lips over her forehead. “You make me forget everything else,” he whispered. “At a time when I can’t afford to do that.” His hands found her shirt and gently tugged it back down to cover her stomach.
His eyes were dark, his face shadowed as his heavy breathing echoed in the night, and she knew he wanted her every bit as much as she burned for him. She’d never wanted a man like this. Never
needed
a man like this. It wasn’t simply physical need. She wanted to bring him into her life, to snuggle up against him on a cold night, to tell him all her secrets and have him chase away her nightmares.
Grace wanted it so intensely that she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out for him, from laying her hands on his chest, where she could feel the beat of his heart. She didn’t get close to men. She didn’t get close to anyone except Ana. She’d learned her lesson, God, had she learned it, and yet Quinn was reawakening the dreams she’d so carefully killed long ago. Here she was, tumbling recklessly into his arms while he worked his way so ruthlessly into her soul. “What’s wrong with us?”
Quinn wrenched his hands off her and stepped back. “You’re still denying you’re my
sheva
?”
“I…” For a moment, the thought of being his
sheva
tempted her. If they really were bonded, he would always be connected to her. She wouldn’t have to worry about it all unraveling like it had before, she wouldn’t have to protect her heart from being eviscerated…
Until it all fell apart. Until he went rogue. Until they lost everything. As horrible as everything had turned out before, it would be even worse with Quinn. She couldn’t go through that again. She’d learned her lesson, and she’d be a fool to forget it. She had to keep her heart and her mind protected from him, no matter how badly he called to her.
Quinn traced his finger over her jaw. “Grace,” he said. “You are my
sheva.
Admit it, so we can deal with it.”
“No.” Denial dug deep. “I can’t accept it.” She turned away, trying to get space. “The only way I can get through each day is by believing that I’m in control, by holding onto who I want to be and by fighting off a fate I don’t want to endure. I can’t allow another terrible future into my life.” She walked to the log he’d leapt over so effortlessly a few minutes ago and sank down onto the damp bark.
Quinn frowned. “Admitting you’re my
sheva
isn’t the same thing as giving up and accepting that crappy destiny. It’s the first step toward beating it. You can’t defeat what you don’t acknowledge.”
“Give me a break, Quinn. I am perfectly realistic about how crappy things are, but I need to believe my life is under my control, that I can do something to make it turn out okay. If I can’t, if this horrible side of me is going to someday consume me… If I accepted this whole
sheva
thing, it would mean I’m accepting that I don’t even get to choose the man I give myself to, that a choice so personal doesn’t even belong to me.” She shook her head. “I can’t live like that, Quinn. I can’t be a victim to a force larger than I am.”
Belief in her ability to fight for what she wanted was what had kept Grace going for the last fifteen years. It was why she believed she could still find Ana and everything would be all right again. She couldn’t accept the fate he’d drawn out for them, couldn’t live with the implication that the control she’d battled for in her life had been nothing but an illusion.
Empathy softened his face, and she wanted to cry. He understood how she felt. How could this stranger be so dialed into who she was?
Sweetheart.
His deep voice was suddenly in her mind, filling her head with his presence.
She jerked her gaze at him. “No,” she whispered. “Don’t do this.”
He walked toward her.
If you aren’t my
sheva
, how do you explain the fact you can hear me?
“There are so many different reasons people can connect through their minds. A
sheva
is not the only possible explanation.” She jumped to her feet as he approached, standing defiantly to meet him, but her voice was shaky. Cold fingers of dread laced around her spine.
It’s different with my kind.
He reached her, his eyes searching hers.
Only Calydons can hear the thoughts of other Calydons. There is only one exception: a
sheva
also has that ability.
She felt the truth of his words reverberate through her, and she knew he wasn’t lying. He was telling the truth. “Oh, God.” Her legs suddenly gave out, and she sat down hard on the ground, her heart racing, her breath seizing in her chest. “I can’t deal with this.”
“Sure you can.” He crouched in front of her and gently pushed her hair out of her face. “You’ve known it the whole time, Grace. We both have.”
“This can’t be happening. I can’t afford for this to be true.” She pulled her knees to her chest, wanting to crawl into his arms and let him comfort her.
Needing
him to comfort her. “I need a hug from you to make me feel better about the fact I need a hug from you. This is such a mess.” She shoved at his knee, trying to get him away from her. “I won’t die for you and your stupid traditions. I won’t give up my power!”
“Screw that.” His voice was fierce, his fist bunched. “I have no intention of becoming powerless. I’m not rolling over on this one yet, and neither are you. We may be stuck with this need for each other, but I refuse to let my world be destroyed because of it.”
“My need for you terrifies me.” Cold settled in her bones, and she hugged herself. She looked at him, realizing he was watching her intently, his dark eyes focused on her face as he continued to stroke her hair. “Until three years ago, I’d never dated a guy for longer than a month. I couldn’t get that close. My emotions would get too involved, I’d become unstable, and I’d have to run before I snapped.”
He smiled. “I’m not afraid of you—
“No! Listen!” She put her hand over his mouth. “Then I met a man. Victor Barrons. He was a good man, he had an amazing family, and I fell in love with him and his family. It was so easy, so safe that I never got scared, I never had to worry about my emotions.” She looked past him, remembering what it had felt like to belong. “He and his family welcomed me. His little sister was eight, and she and I became best friends. The way she looked at me, like I was some angel, was this most amazing gift. No one knew who I was, or what I’d done. They just loved me for me. It was the family I’d lost, a chance to have what I’d been wanting for so long. I stopped fighting my feelings for him. I thought it was safe.” She looked at Quinn. “I just wanted to feel safe again. Loved. I wanted a home.”
Quinn gave a grim smile. “You wanted the fairy tale.”
She nodded. “A week before the wedding, I got stressed. I started to worry about what he might do if he found out who I really was. I felt like I was lying to this amazing family. It started getting me so upset that I started to lose control. Ana was there, and she did a beautiful illusion to stop me from snapping, but it was a battle to bring me back. Things got...ugly. When we turned around, his little sister was standing there. She’d seen the whole thing.” Grace felt that same sense of anguish fill her. “The way she looked at me, like I was a monster. I’ll never forget it.”
He swore with disgust. “You’re not a monster—”
“But I am! Two hours later, Victor and his father came to my room with guns.” She shook her head. “They said we had five minutes to pack and leave or they’d kill us. They’d already shipped the rest of the family off the premises, afraid we’d kill everyone.” She’d never forget that sense of utter betrayal. It had broken her when she’d seen the man she’d trusted with her heart and her dreams and everything she was, standing there with a gun trained on her, a look of such hatred and disgust on his face. “I lost them all that night, not just Victor, but everyone. I lost their trust, I lost it all.”
“He’s a stupid bastard,” Quinn said.
“No.” She had to make him understand. “Don’t you get it? He’s right. What if I’d started that fire when his little sister or his mother was there instead of you? They’d all have died. This wonderful, amazing family would all have died.” She took a shuddering breath. “Victor was right, Quinn.”
“No!” Quinn grabbed her upper arms, his face furious. “He’s a spineless bastard who understood nothing about loyalty. You don’t walk away when someone you care about murders someone or snaps and goes on a killing rampage. You stand by them, because you know their soul isn’t black, and help them find their way back. You get that? Because that’s my world, Grace, and as my
sheva
that’s what you’re getting from me.”
She shook her head, biting her lip with the effort of not grabbing onto him and believing in everything he was saying, words that were so beautiful and so amazing, if only they would always be true. “Don’t make promises, Quinn. If I am your
sheva
and all this destiny shit is true, then you’re going to betray me anyway. Everyone betrays their
sheva
, right? Isn’t that what you said?”
Quinn swore. “Yeah, it’s what I said, but I think it’s crap.”
She almost laughed, laughed through her tears. “I agree, but—” She stopped when he lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her palm, an intimate gesture of trust and tenderness that brought tears to her eyes. “Kissing you is so out of my control,” she whispered. “The way I feel about you? I don’t even know you, but I feel like my life will be shredded if you’re not in it. I can’t let myself feel like that and then lose it all again. I’ve lost too much, Quinn. Ana’s all I have left, and now she’s gone, too. “
“You’re not alone.” His voice was matter-of-fact. Intense. “You have me.”
She tugged her hand free, and he released her. “I don’t want to need you for anything more than finding my sister. Getting close to you threatens my choices, my future, and my life, regardless of the
sheva
destiny.” She rubbed her forehead, suddenly exhausted. “I need to get my life back together, not screw it up more.”
His thumb rubbed against her jaw. “I know, Grace. I’m right there with you. This isn’t my gig either, and I’ve got shit to take care of too.” He leaned down then, and his eyes became intense. “But know one thing, sweetheart. As for trusting me, don’t worry about it. I don’t walk away.” His hand slid to the back of her neck and he dropped his head, giving her the softest kiss she could ever have imagined. “I might have to have sex with you until you can’t move, but I’m not going to hurt you.”