Read Darkness Awakened (Primal Heat Trilogy #1) (Order of the Blade) Online
Authors: Stephanie Rowe
“Shit, Grace.” Quinn had a vision of her at fourteen, this young girl generating such violence and such horror, so beyond what she was capable of coping with.
“The other kids all came running, and there was so much blood and so much screaming...” Grace held her hands to her ears, as if she were trying to block the shrieks of death and terror and revulsion. “He died in my lap. I still hear his screams. I see the flash of metal as those blades flew across the room and sank into him.” She held up her hands, her arms shaking. “I still feel his blood, trickling down my arms. I can still feel his fingers digging into my arms as he begged me to save him—”
“Okay.” Enough. Quinn couldn’t stand to see her torment herself anymore. It had been too long, too many years, and it was time for it to end. She didn’t deserve this hell she’d been putting herself through, and he knew her well enough to know that her spirit was innocent, regardless of what had happened. He gently clasped her arms and tucked them against his chest. “Listen to me, Grace. It was an accident. Do you understand?”
She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “That’s not an excuse—”
“You were fourteen, burdened with a power that you had no idea how to control. You were alone and terrified, and your survival instinct kicked in to save you.” Quinn kissed away her protest. “You have to stop blaming yourself. It ends now.”
“It never ends, Quinn. I relive it all the time.” Grace’s eyes were glistening and desperate. “I still see his face, right before he died. The terror, the unbearable pain, the confusion about why this was happening to him.” She closed her eyes. “Ana and I ran away that night, and we’ve been on the run ever since. I still look over my shoulder, waiting for someone to grab me and take me back there to make me pay for what I did—”
“Hey.” He tugged on a lock of her hair. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe your illusions were right?”
Grace blinked in confusion. “What?”
“My instincts always tell me when there’s a threat, and my sword responds. How can you be so sure that kid was there to use the bathroom? How do you know he wasn’t there to hurt you or someone else?” Quinn put his finger over her lips before she could respond. “Maybe that kid was pure evil and you knew it and you saved a hell of a lot of lives by what you did that night. Did you ever think of that?”
She started to protest. “Quinn—”
“No.” He cut her off. “Look into your heart, Grace. You’re all good in there, and there’s no chance in hell you would ever have killed an innocent in cold blood. You don’t have it in you.”
Hope flashed in her eyes, hope that he was right, that she wasn’t the monster she’d always believed, but she quickly crushed it. “I don’t? What makes you so sure?”
“Because I’ve done it, and I know what it takes.”
She rolled her eyes. “You kill for honor—
“I killed my uncle Felix when I was nineteen,” he interrupted. “Felix was my best friend, my dad, for all practical purposes. He was Order, and he was my hero. He was married with three daughters. Best damn guy I’ve ever known. Then he met his
sheva
and went rogue. Dante told me I owed it to my uncle to be the one to kill him.” Quinn stared up at the pine trees as he remembered that day. “I looked into his eyes as I took his life. As Felix died, the rogue-red glow faded from his eyes and he told me to make his death worthwhile.” Quinn rubbed his hand over Grace’s arm. “I realized he’d come back from being rogue, but it was too late to save him. There was no going back for me. He was my first kill, and he’ll be with me forever.”
Grace propped herself on her elbow, watching him. “How did you forgive yourself? How do you move on from doing something like that?”
“At the time, I thought it was a choice between his life, or that of my aunt and my cousins. He had to die. The innocents could not. There was nothing else to consider. It was easy.” Quinn sifted through her dark curls, watching the silky strands tumble off his hands. “Although I used to blame Dante for making me kill him, the truth is that I made the choice to wield the blade against the man who’d raised me as his own son. That’s what I live with every day, the truth that if I had fought harder for him, if I had waited longer to kill him, we would have realized he didn’t need to die.”
Quinn entwined his fingers with Grace’s, her fingers cold. “You’re different than I am, Grace. You didn’t choose to kill that boy. It was an accident.” He traced his thumb over her lips. “No matter what, you can always hold that in your heart as the truth.” He set his hand on her chest and tapped his fingers over her heart. “In here, you’re pure, and that’s what matters.”
She stared at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Thank you. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening and not judging me. What you said...it makes sense in a way nothing has before. You gave me something to think about.”
He’d done good by his
sheva
? Damn. That felt good. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” Grace lifted her arm so she could see his mark on her skin. “It’s hot right now. It almost hurts.”
Quinn flattened his palm over her arm, trapping her fingers underneath his, feeling the heat from her mark rising into his skin. “We have to be careful now. We’re halfway there.”
“Halfway?” She caught her breath as she remembered. “I called your sword. How did that happen?”
He kissed the mark on her arm, damned pleased that his weapon had saved her life. “You were about to die, and it wouldn’t allow that to happen. You needed it, and it was there. It will always be there for you now.”
She wrinkled her nose. “What if I don’t want it?”
He chuckled. “You’ll have to take that up with my sword. It’s between the two of you.” His laughter faded as her arm became even hotter under his touch. He frowned and moved their hands to the side so he could look at the mark.
Grace leaned her head against his. As they watched, another line appeared, traveling down her arm toward her wrist as if someone was drawing it with a marker. It stopped at the tip of the blade, pulsed once, then was set.
Half the outline of the blade finished.
“Oh, no.” Grace let her breath out. “
Trust
.”
Quinn realized what had happened. “The boy. That was your secret?”
She nodded. “Only Ana knows.”
“And me.”
“And you.”
Something twisted in Quinn’s gut, something deep and powerful. Grace had trusted him with everything in her heart. He was nothing but a bitter, cynical warrior with nothing to offer but a dead uncle and a lifetime of violence, and yet this amazing, vibrant woman had opened her very soul to him and entrusted everything to his safekeeping. “I won’t let you down, Grace. I swear it.”
She gripped his wrists, her beautiful silver eyes aching with an emotion that turned the very depths of his soul in a way he didn’t even understand. “Thank you, Quinn.”
“Thank you?” He laughed softly as he bent to kiss her. “Sweetheart, there are no thanks necessary, trust me—”
“Quinn!” Gideon’s voice echoed through the woods. “Get over here.”
The men need to hear from you soon.
Quinn ignored his teammate and kissed his
sheva
, needing to connect with her, to bring them together, and he wasn’t satisfied until she finally started to kiss him back. The desire surged instantly between them, and he broke the kiss. “I swear to God, Grace, I would take you right here even with the guys waiting. You get to me, woman.”
Grace managed a small smile, the first real one he’d seen in far too long. “Yeah, well, it’s mutual.” She pulled her sleeve over her mark as Quinn stood up.
“Glad to hear that. One-sided uncontrollable sexual desire is not a good thing from a guy’s perspective.”
“Quinn!” Gideon’s voice echoed through the night. “You coming?”
“Yeah, we’re on our way,” Quinn shouted back as he took Grace’s hand and pulled her to her feet.
“It’s me that’s making them restless, isn’t it?” she asked.
“It’s
us
.” He brushed some of the dirt and pine needles off Grace’s back and legs. “It’s unheard of for an Order member to allow a
sheva
to live, and it’s against everything that our organization is about to bring one into a mission.”
Her expression was serious, showcasing full understanding of what they were about to face. “But you’re about to ask them to do both of those, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” Quinn turned her to face him and set his hands on her shoulders. “You up for it?”
She lifted her chin, and he was glad to see the determined glint back in her face. Her eyes were dry, her cheeks clear of tears. “I’m in.”
He smiled. “Sometimes, it’s entirely clear to me why I didn’t walk away from you when I still had the chance.”
“Because of my great rack?”
He took her hand to lead her through the woods. “Because you’re tough enough to survive in my world. And because of your great rack.”
She smiled, her fingers tightening on his.
Then they fell silent as they approached a flickering campfire and the circle of warriors who were bound by oath to kill her at first sight.
All amusement faded, replaced by a sudden urge to bolt, when Grace emerged from the woods and saw seven huge Calydons glaring at her, their expressions ranging from hatred to distrust, contempt, and lust. One warrior lurking in the shadows had a hint of envy on his face. Even Gideon looked wary.
The campfire was roaring, a huge blaze that lit up the clearing, practically up to the sky. The fog had burned off near the fire, but it still hung thick in the woods, like an ominous threat circling the cozy gathering and waiting for a chance to consume them.
Every warrior had a weapon in his hand. The orange flames from the fire danced in the steel blades, drawing her attention to the seven sharp implements being grasped oh-so-casually by the Order.
Gideon was the only one who didn’t have his weapon out. He was standing in the middle of the circle, arms over his chest. He was rigid and intense, and she sensed he was doing everything in his power to keep the men seated.
They were waiting for a signal, ready to move on her.
Um…yeah… Grace decided that maybe it would be smartest to give Quinn a chance to talk to them before forcing her way into their circle. She slowed down. “Quinn—”
Quinn clamped his hand tighter around hers and pulled her into the middle of the circle so there were weapons on all sides. There was no way to watch them all, or guard against them. It was a statement of faith by Quinn to the men.
Great for Quinn that he was feeling such love and trust for his team, but she had no basis for deciding it made sense to put her life into their overly-aggressive hands. Her palms began to sweat as she looked around, hoping Quinn was right to put his faith in a team that had been trained to kill her no matter what.
“This is Grace Matthews,” he said, his voice booming with authority. “As you know, she is my
sheva
.”
Oh, man. He had to come right out and start off with that? Really?
Seven weapons shifted into ready positions, a move that really wasn’t all that subtle.
Quinn gripped her hand more solidly. “We haven’t completed the bonding, and we don’t plan to,” he announced with an astounding degree of confidence, given the intricacy of the brand that was already decorating her arm.
Grace swallowed as cold skepticism filled the air and the warrior’s faces hardened. Of course they would be cynical. They’d just witnessed a completely out-of-control bonding ritual right in front of them.
Quinn. I think you need to come up with a different angle.
Have a little faith, sweetheart.
“Grace is an Illusionist. Her talents are critical for the mission we are facing, and she must be allowed to live.” Quinn raised their clasped palms for everyone to see. “I speak as an Order member, and as Dante’s man, not as her mate.”
No cheers of joy answered his statement. In fact, a few of the men clenched their weapons more firmly, and a warrior to the right rose to his feet from the log he’d been sitting on.
Grace’s mouth became dry. This was not going well. If she got killed before she could rescue Ana, she was going to be seriously upset.
Quinn, let me talk to them—
They need to hear from me, so they know I’m not rogue.
He didn’t even look at her, instead making intentional, precise eye contact with each warrior. “The Order of the Blade was created to protect the world from Ezekiel, and everything we do must further that goal. That means Grace stays alive. There is no other way.”
Huh. Well, okay then. Grace had to admit that was a pretty compelling argument. But when she looked around, not a single warrior had softened his stance, and her heart started a slow thud of fear. What else did they need to hear?
“I concur.” Gideon moved to stand beside Grace. He didn’t look at her as he took her other hand and raised it up, his grip tight on hers. She was a little startled by the show of support, by having these two powerful warriors by her side, standing up for her. She was so used to being on her own, to hiding who and what she was. Her life was about finding acceptance by hiding who she was, not by announcing it to the world.